Well, Miss Adele has had a little setback and decided to befriend the ex that served as her muse for 21. While we don’t know what went wrong in their relationship and why the breakup was so bad, we do know that it must have been pretty significant to write an entire album dedicated to it. Adele told UK’s The Independent, “We’re becoming friends again. It’s alright, I know what I’m doing. Enough time has gone by. Now with what’s going on with the album around the world, it’s important to be able to share it with him because it’s marvelous what has happened. He changed my life, I can’t deny that. The album helped me get over splitting up with my boyfriend. It helped me forgive and I hope that he has forgiven himself. I’m not boastful but selling 10 million albums for a little girl from Tottenham, I’m very proud of that.”

As someone who has become friends with several exes that I should have stayed away from, I feel that Adele is taking several steps backwards. It’s one thing to forgive your ex in your own heart and mind, but it’s another to make them aware of it. I’ve forgiven this guy after nearly four years, but we’re not friends. I’ve forgiven another ex for being verbally and emotionally abusive, but we’re not friends either. I’m friends with a few guys I “dated,” not with those I had significant relationships with. And especially not with those I had bad breakups with.

I’m not one to judge. Maybe Adele does know what she’s doing this time, and they could be “just friends” after enough time. She’s a mature woman and can make her own decisions. What about the rest of us? Here are the pros and cons of being friends with an ex you had a bad breakup with:

Pro: Comfort

After you’ve dated someone for a while, you become comfortable. That comfort will always be there, and it can be nice to hold onto that even after it’s over. When you share so much of your life with another person, you tend to lean on them for support in tough times. They know how you handle situations and can help you get through something.

Con: Bringing Up Old Arguments

This will happen. You can say that you won’t do it, but old issues will come up. You’ll find yourself in the same arguments you had when you were dating even though you’re just friends and aren’t in a relationship. And it comes from both sides, not just the ex. You’ll end up bringing up stuff too because you can’t help it.

Pro: Peace Of Mind

Being friends with an ex can be really calming because it usually means they won’t say bad things about you to others or try to sabotage your next relationship. If you can maintain a friendship, they’ll be more inclined to keep you in a positive light. You can support each other in things going on in your lives. Except other relationships.

Con: Jealousy

If you’re friends with an ex, you generally can’t talk about the new person you’re dating or all the people you’ve been hooking up with. It will cause a serious case of jealousy. You wouldn’t want to hear about their relationships or sex life with someone else. You think you’re over them and you “just want them to be happy” but the truth is, you’re a little jealous and wish they were fawning over you again.

Pro: Reminiscing On Good Times

You obviously had some good memories in your relationship if you’re willing to be friends with your ex. Those memories are pleasant and can fuel a friendship. It can be simple things like that time it was storming so you skipped class and watched movies all day. Enough good memories might allow you to move past the bad ones, but be careful.

Con: Someone Will Feel Something

Whether it’s you or your ex, one of you will start to have feelings again. The memories I mentioned above can lead to reminiscing too much and remembering how happy you were in that relationship, even though you obviously weren’t. It’s hard to turn off attraction from someone you’ve dated and being friends can hinder that. Once one of you begins to have feelings again, it’ll be bad news. And you might think your relationship will work again, but it will probably be just as disastrous as the first time around.

From conversations with my girl friends, I’ve deduced that “closure” is when you can finally move on from a failed relationship. My friends have described it as the feeling you get once you can finally put the relationship behind you and say goodbye to an ex for good.

But how do we get there? When does that come? And how do we know? Does closure really mean we have to say goodbye to move on? Does it imply that women must kick someone out of their lives to move on with their own?

Well if so, I’m screwed.

My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for years and he is still a sporadic fixture in my life. I met him in elementary school, fell in love with him when I was 16, and now I’m 21 and he is still around. He’s faded into the background a bit, but he’s most definitely still in the picture.

And despite having him around, I am honestly, 100% over him. After a few years of messy friendship and the occasionally stupid hook-up, I finally got over it (hallelujah!) and moved on. I slowly but surely pulled myself together and was happy being single and on my own. After that, I dated and even fell in love again.

However, according to the unwritten Laws of Closure, I am not over him because he is still in my life. My friends are constantly worrying that he’s just trying to get me back and that I need to be rid of him to be truly over him, but that doesn’t seem right or fair to me.

I mean, come on, ladies – can’t we be strong enough to move on from a past relationship without disregarding the ex?

After all, we all learn from every relationship, good or bad, and in some ways are changed by it. It is impossible to be so open with and connected to someone without it altering us. Should we dismiss someone who helps shape who we become? And just because a relationship doesn’t work out, does that mean that no relationship with that person can? Being a boyfriend is a lot different than being a friend; why can’t we get closure and still hold onto the friend?

I’m sure that it’s a whole lot easier to pick up the pieces and move on after a break up without the other person around, but I am proof that it’s possible to move on and have your closure without banishing your ex to the island of failed relationships.

What do you think? What does it take to get a little closure around here?

Which brings me to #1:

1) It lets me see who all my exboyfriends are dating.

I really, really don’t want to know.

Which probably means I should delete them as friends, or at least use that spiffy little thing that lets you control who you don’t want to see on your newsfeed. But I, quite frankly, do not posess the willpower.

Oh well. The more you know. And crap.

2) Lil Green Patch.

Lil freakin’ Green Patch!

Everytime I log on to Facebook, some douche I haven’t talked to since high school has sent me a request. What the hell is it? Just another annoying application, but one that finds itself to be very cute. I am tempted to unfriend these people, but sadly I am more lazy than vindictive.

3) Zombies, Vampires, whatever crappy and annoying thing of yours is attacking whatever crappy and annoying thing of mine.

What’s with the macabre attacks, huh?! LISTEN TO ME: I DO NOT WISH TO BE THE UNDEAD. Especially not on a social networking site.

The only bloodsucking creature I want to attack lives in Brooklyn and smokes Cloves. Have your Hipster attack my Emo Kid and then we’ll talk.

4) Being added by DJs and Club Promoters.

Okay. Fine. I admit it. I promoted for a club, BRIEFLY, and therefore opened myself up to this.

But I gotta tell you, I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want to go to your event. And I really, really don’t want to get your messages three times a week about how great it (and you) are. And I think about sending these guys a message that says so, but it’s just Facebook and it never quite seems worth it.

(5) Wall Posts From People You Don’t Like.

Especially girlfriends or boyfriends of your friends.

Because Facebook etiquette demands you respond to all wall posts.

Also because then it shows up on everyone else’s newsfeed and they think you actually like this person you can’t stand.

I mean, I like to maintain open communication. Unless I don’t like you. And then I want to maintain nothing.

But it’s such a jerk thing to do to defriend. So instead I respond politely and take a shower to wash off the lies.

Well. Having read over this post, I have come to realize that it’s my own irritating laziness that’s driving me crazy, not Facebook itself.

So, go fig. FB and I are back together. Love ya, F-Bo!