Everyone has done it or at least thought about doing it. It’s dirty, it’s sneaky, and it’s best left to professionals.  What I’m talking about, of course, is the period excuse.

Women, being the fragile, emotional creatures that we are, are often incapable of simple activity due to the massive blood loss through our vaginas that happens once a month. You know, so when you park at a meter and don’t put money in, it’s obvs that you’re broke because of your “monthly bill.”

Wrong or right, using your period as an excuse works every time. At least when men are involved. And because thinking is hard when Mother Nature is visiting, we came up with a cheat sheet of excuses to use when you just can’t carry on functioning as a normal human being:

Work:

“I won’t be able to make it in today because I have a really heavy flow, which makes it difficult for me to answer the phone and type things.  You know.”

“I think I’m gonna have to leave early today.  I don’t have any tampons here at work. Would you like me to explain further?”

“I don’t think people would want their food served by someone who has been bleeding for 4 days.” Read More »

According to every single headline I’ve seen this morning, it seems that there is an outbreak of something called the Swine Flu. I don’t really know what it is (or what pigs have against us…besides the fact that we only like them for their fatty and delicious goodness), but my finger started hurting last night and I can only assume I have caught it.

Schools and businesses are being closed because of this sitch, and people from NY to Chicago are walking around town with SARS masks on.

But while the rest of the world is freaking out, I couldn’t be happier.

Seriously, schools and businesses are closing? Holla back, y’all. This swine flu is the perfect excuse for just about anything this week and I plan to milk it for all it’s worth: Read More »

Sam Ronson wants a restraining order from crazy Lindsay.

Need an excuse? Try the economy.

What is the most stressful moment of a relationship?

Katy Perry shares her thoughts on marriage.

What’s your hangover cure?

Victoria Beckham is too busy for Ugly Betty.

Get that perfect sunkissed look for Spring.

Meet the finalists of the Intel Science Talent Search, AKA the kids ruining the curve in your classes next year.

Two of the sexiest men in the world in one room. Why wasn’t I there??

This would be perfect for a spring break road trip!

Wait, that can’t be… is that… is Lady Gaga naked?

Easy steps to Amanda Seyfried’s red-carpet hair.

Need an excuse to get off the phone? Try these.

Who’s Kanye’s bald new GF?

Does this mean Kathy Griffin’s off the D-List?

Britney’s dad is not happy.

Justin Timberlake and Ciara team up to make “Love Sex Magic”

Time for roommate confessions… and you thought you had it bad.

[For many of us, sex and college go together like Uggs and snow - you can’t have one without the other. So, we brought in one of Berkeley’s finest sex columnists, Elizabeth, to start a dialogue about the topic (and act) that is very near and dear to our hearts. Every Thursday she will get your day goin’ with a little somethin’ somethin’ that’s on her mind.]

I’m a complete sucker for guys that ask for my number. No matter how creepy or sleazy they are, I hand it over every time. It’s not that I’m actually interested in these guys – I almost always give out my number with the intention of never ever talking to him again. So why do I even bother handing my number out to total strangers?

First of all, I feel bad turning people down, especially if they have the balls to come up and ask for my number. Second of all, I am way too slow to think of a viable excuse on the spot. I get all flustered and red and end up handing it over to save myself the embarrassment.

That is why I have compiled a list of the best excuses to get out of a bad number situation. Don’t worry, you can thank me later….like when you no longer get woken up by “Hey sexy” text messages from that suit salesman you met on the subway.

1. The “no excuse” excuse. As in, complete honesty. I would go on but I feel like the girls gutsy enough to pull this off don’t really need to read an article about excuses. Read More »

Alcohol is one hell of a substance. It tastes sorta gross, costs sorta a lot and makes you do things that you obviously would have decided against sober. More often than not, a night of drinking leaves me with a hangover and a WTF moment that makes me want to crawl under the covers and never come out.

Like that time I let my best friend make his way downtown (if you get what I mean) and my other friends caught us mid sex act.

Yeah, just like that time.

My best friend is a guy who we’re going to call Dean. Once upon a time, actually right when I first started dating my now very ex-boyfriend, Dean accompanied me to a party held by another one of my friends. A casual house affair with lots of liquor because, well, that’s how we do. My new boyfriend at the time decided not to come me with me to the party because he didn’t know anyone that would be there. So Dean came with me because, he’s my best friend…and also because there would be booze.

After way too many shots the party started to die down and the guests stumbled out. I was having difficulty standing, so the party host asked me and Dean to stay over. Dean was slowly fading as well, so we took her up on the offer.

Did I mention that when I’m drunk I get pretty touchy feely? Or that I was pretty pissed off at my boyfriend for not coming? Yeah, still does not excuse what happens next. Read More »

Well, you’re in college, right? Then, yes! It’s only for you! Exciting right?

Have you heard of iTunes U yet? If not, you’ve been completely missing out, so allow me to explain so you can get with the times! (it just might make next semester a little more tolerable)

The folks over at Apple have done it again. Hell-bent on making everyone’s life a little better, they’ve developed iTunes U which is a brand new way for college kids to get whatever media they need. Quickly.

Apple sums up this new program perfectly:

“iTunes U is devoted entirely to education, where it’s easy to search thousands of audio and video files from schools across the country.

Colleges and universities build their own iTunes U sites. Faculty post content they create for their classes. Students download what they need, and go. Learning isn’t just for the classroom anymore. It’s for anytime and anyplace you’ve got a Mac, a PC, or an iPod.”

Perfect! But, wait! Now we’re not going to have an excuse when we “miss class” because we had a “stomach virus”. Worth it?

You decide.

It’s Wednesday, it’s lunchtime, and I bet you’re either getting back from a hellish morning of classes or trying to come up with a good excuse why not to go to your 2:20 lecture. Either way, College Candy firmly believes you should take a minute and de-stress before your afternoon push.

What better way to do that than cute animals?!

Here’s hoping that the next 5 minutes and 10 seconds will give you a much needed boost you need to get through your day!

Happy Hump Day!