I’m a stripper.

Well, not really, but I have done a good number of amateur nights. I’ve danced on stage naked for strangers, swung around the pole, and even given private dances. I was incredibly nervous my first time, but realized quickly that it was EASY and exhilarating.

I thought this week I would share some tips with you guys on how to give the perfect striptease – I promise it’s easier than you think! Even more, it’s fun and definitely something new and exciting for you and your partner to share. He’ll love seeing you in a sexy new light and you’ll love the power you have to turn him to putty in your hands.

Pick Music Your Comfortable With
Pick a song you know and make sure it’s something you’re comfortable moving to. You don’t have to be a good dancer to give a good strip tease, you just have to be comfortably with whatever you’re doing. If you’re unsure of  your dance moves, pick something slow. If you love to bump and grind, pick something with a faster pace. The song choice doesn’t matter; it’s how you move with it that does.

Take Your Time
The most important component of a strip-tease is the stripping; once all your clothes are off you’re just dancing around naked (your boyfriend will probably love it, but you’ll feel awkward). Take your time removing each item, and wear clothes with buttons or zippers that you can undo slowly…and without awkwardly pulling them over your head.

Be Sensual
Like I said before, you don’t have to be a good dancer to give a good strip tease. Move slowly and sensually. It’s corny but I have to say it anyway: make love to the music. Look like YOU’RE the one getting sexual pleasure from the dance, not whoever is watching you.

Be Interactive
Make eye contact. Give a sexy smile. Play with your partner’s hair or clothing. Sit in their lap. Basically, make your audience part of the experience.

Have Fun
One night I was on stage swinging my legs around and my shoe flung off. Mortifying, right? I kept my cool and laughed it off, joked about it to the few guys who saw, and ended up making even more tips. I assume most of you will probably be dancing for a special someone rather than a group a strangers, so it should be even easier to laugh off any act of clumsiness.

Keep Clean
Believe it or not, the shoe incident wasn’t the most embarrassing stripping experience I’ve ever had. Once I was on stage and realized I had bits of toilet paper stuck in my naughty-bits. I was MORTIFIED and still had to finish my set. Since then I’ve never gone on stage before examining the area thoroughly and I suggest you do the same.

Have a Drink
It’s common knowledge that you feel a little less inhibited when there’s some liquid courage in your system. If you’re extremely nervous or uncomfortable, have a drink before your man arrives. But only a drink; getting woozy and face-planting between his legs isn’t the sexiest part of a striptease.

There you have it, a few simple steps to the perfect striptease. And who knows, if you enjoy it maybe I’ll see you at amateur night some time!

Nina Hartley is an extremely successful adult film star with 650 different video appearances under her belt. Starting off as an exotic dancer in the ‘80s, she is now a published author and an award winning actress for both sexual and non-sexual roles. I met Nina when we both served on a panel about modern sexuality for the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco. I asked her to give me some of her wise wisdom about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

Me: Do you think sexual freedom (through porn, sex outside of relationships, etc.) is good for the advancement women, or detrimental to the advancement of their self esteem?

Nina: Sexual freedom and autonomy are vital components of women’s greater equality in society. We are adults, not children in need of protection. Whether or not a woman’s exercise of this freedom is good or bad for her depends upon her making choices that are consistent with her values and beliefs. When we do things that go against our understanding of ourselves and the world, bad things usually happen as a result. My choices wouldn’t be good ones for very many women, nor would their choices be good for me.

M: We all know the key to being sexy is confidence. Do you have any special advice for being, or even just appearing, confident? Perhaps something you picked up through the industry?

N: Confidence arises out of our being centered in ourselves, which comes from knowing and accepting ourselves as we are, not as we think we should be, or how or parents have told us to be, or what we think society says we must be. The most important thing I learned from dancing (my earliest adult career) was that no one can read your mind. So, head up, shoulders back and smile. Your inner confusion or insecurity will pass unnoticed by those who, having just met you, only see what you present to the public. Speak directly and clearly, without apology, about what you want and don’t want.

M: Many women have trouble having sex with someone without becoming emotionally attached. From your experience, is there any way to separate sex and emotion? Or does that just come with practice and time?

N: It’s hard, though necessary, to separate how we, as individuals, actually feel about the sex/emotion connection … Some women (and men) cannot make such a separation, and they need to be that much more stringent about how, when, why and with whom, they choose to become intimate. Each person’s obligated to his or her own safety, security and comfort. Part of growing up is learning how to resist pressure from those who would have us cross our own boundaries, which we usually do by having x number of unpleasant experiences. It’s only possible to separate sex from emotion if one is “built” that way, as I am, or by suppressing his or her true feelings with drugs, alcohol or denial, which is never good. With experience, most people find the way that is best for them.

M: Do you have any last words of encouragement or advice for college-age women?

N: Know that it’s normal to be insecure about sex at your age. You’re young adults and have the obligation to differentiate yourselves from your families: what values about sex do I share with my family/parents and want to maintain? What values of theirs don’t work for me? How can I both experiment with sex AND keep myself safe, both physically and emotionally? Educate yourselves about safer sex and birth control. Get a dose of the morning after pill when you don’t need it, just in case you find that you do. DON’T USE ALCOHOL OR DRUGS TO SUPPRESS LONELINESS AND INSECURITY. It’s okay to say “yes” to sexual activity that fits within your boundaries for same. It’s okay to say “no” to sexual activity that doesn’t fit within your boundaries for same. When in doubt, slow down.

What do you think, ladies?

But there’s a problem with most self-tanners I’ve tried. And that problem is that they suck, in various degrees and respects.

I had high hopes for Jergen’s Natural Glow, the daily moisturizer that gives you gradual, but the color was so “gradual” that I gave up my daily application routine after a week of no results. I decided to try Mark bronzing self-tanner and spent the next day furiously scrubbing it off after looking like my tan was applied by a child painting with watercolors.

And Victoria’s Secret must be that she moonlights as an exotic dancer, because the only glow VS Bare Bronze gave me was that orange “my work uniform consists of 4-inch clear heels and glitter” glow.

I’d been mourning the loss of my summer tan on a daily basis since the beginning of the semester, until I came upon Elizabeth Grant Soleil Smart tinted leg lotion. And after a week of slathering it on, I’m just about ready to bathe in it.

I was a little dubious at first of their website’s claim that Soleil Smart “improves the appearance of irregular skin tone and gives the legs a more shapely and smooth look”—hey, it’s taken me months of running to achieve what’s still a far cry from “shapely” legs—but I decided to give it a shot.

It goes on with a lot of color, so you’re not left with splotchy spots, but the result is natural and sexy. And it’s perfect for lazy gals like me; the golden glow is instant, so you can lay it on right before that big date. In fact, that’s exactly what I did last night.

The result? I swear he’s straight, but my new boy-toy actually said “Wow, you’re not wearing stockings? You have really nice skin tone!” Seriously now—I don’t even get that reaction when I am wearing stockings.

Best of all? Soleil Smart doesn’t rub off on white sheets and leave a nasty brown body-outline when you wake up in the morning, so slap some of it on those ghostly gams of yours and let him take a closer look.