It’s back-to-school time, and I’ve been spending some time lately thinking about what college means for our sex lives. College is our time to explore anything that interests us to find out what we really like and what type of people we want to become. We explore different majors, career paths, friendships, relationships, and sexualities. College is the first time in our lives most of us can really embrace our sexuality, explore it, and figure out how to truly enjoy it.

I go to a women’s college, so my first year was filled with questions from friends back home asking if I’d become a lesbian. My answer: so what if I had? And why did they care?

Despite the freedom we gain in college from adults, we are still constrained by our peers’ expectations of us, which can make it difficult to remain true to ourselves and create a healthy personal (and sexual) identity.

Here are some tips I hope you girls (and guys) can keep in mind while exploring sex in college.

It’s OK to be a virgin.
This had to come first because I think a lot of students are under the impression that there aren’t any virgins left in college, or that it’s weird to be a virgin in college. It’s completely normal to be a virgin in college and you should never feel pressured to “lose it” just to fit in.

There are more than three sexualities.
Most people think of sexuality in three categories: gay, straight, or bi. Most people, however, don’t fit neatly into these three categories. I prefer to see sexuality as a spectrum, ranging from completely heterosexual to completely homosexual, with the majority of people falling somewhere in between. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, or even if you don’t know where you fall on the spectrum, you are NORMAL. Don’t ever change yourself to fit someone else’s expectations of you.

Casual sex can be HARD.
Casual sex may seem like the norm in college, but don’t let that trick you into thinking it’s an easy solution to your sexual frustrations. Casual sex can be great if you’re horny and not looking for any type of attachment, but it can also result in a lot of painful feelings if one person cares more than the other. Make sure you know what you’re getting into before you have sex with anyone, be aware that you might get hurt, and USE PROTECTION no matter what.

Monogamy isn’t a golden standard.
Our society tends to regard monogamy as the natural result of romantic relationships, and this isn’t necessarily true. Some people are happy in monogamous relationships, some aren’t. Many college students explore open relationships or multiple relationships. Find out what type of relationship makes you happiest and pursue it.

Sure, college isn’t a catty popularity contest like high school can be, but that doesn’t meant that peer pressure doesn’t exist. In fact, in college, there are thousands of kids on campus who are looking for an opportunity to twist your arm. It can be hard not to say “yes” to a party on a Tuesday night (when you’ve got a midterm at 8 a.m. the next day), or to something “experimental” that you’ll look back on and shudder with disdain in the years to come.

If you don’t think peer pressure exists in college, I have one word for you: RUSH. There are collegiates out there who would sell their souls to join a sorority or a fraternity, and they are willing to do some crazy shizz to get through rush. Get into the Greek scene, and you’ve automatically got a clique of a few dozen new friends. That’s reason enough for some students to go a week without changing their clothes or serve lemonade in a giant purple elephant costume (that is, if Will Ferrell’s running the frat). “Hazing” is now illegal at universities across the country, but that doesn’t mean that the peer pressure of rush week isn’t still in full effect. Some say it’s a college coming-of-age ritual. Hey, to each their own, but still: a rose is a rose is a rose.

Not into the Greek life scene? No worries, there’s still going to be plenty of pressure from the kids on your floor, in your building, in your lecture hall, and all over campus. Sure, you can tell yourself you’re going to lock yourself in your room and cram all night for Anthropology, but what happens when your roommate comes in with a fresh box of Franzia and asks if you want to have an impromptu dorm party? Sunset Blush certainly has more appeal than the rituals of the Hmong culture. What about when you’re four paragraphs into a set of boring chapter review questions, and all you can hear is a beer pong tournament down the hall? On any given day on a college campus, there are groups of students partying their faces off. There’s always an opportunity for you, should you choose to accept it.

Then, of course, there’s the experimental stuff. I mean, it’s college. Now’s the time to try new things, right? Especially when the local drug wizard (you know, the kid majoring in Pharmacy so he can craft a breed of marijuana that doesn’t show up in a urine test) stops by with his collection of whippets, prescription meds, or hard stuff. I’ve seen plenty of innocent kids go through a rebellious streak in college (to put it lightly). Even if you swear you’ll never try that stuff, if you’ve already given into a weeknight drunkfest, your decision-making skills have been long tossed out the window.

Within the category of experimental peer pressure is a chapter on sex. For many, college is a haven for sexual liberation. RA’s host sex toy parties, girls make out with girls to snag some free beers at a keg party, and the term “f*ck buddy” is a household phrase.

Sure, you don’t have to worry about having dirty words spray-painted on your locker if you decide not to go with the crowd, but in college, it’s easy to give into peer pressure without realizing that you’re doing it. I’m sure everyone reading this article can think of at least one person whom they’ve seen spiral out of control upon entering college. Yes, the college years should be the best years of our lives; yes, this is the time to let out your inner wild child; yes, you’re free to do what you want to do.

Just don’t lose sight of the consequences, which can include academic probation, expulsion, STD’s or arrests by the campus police, depending on the nature of your deviant doings. Like I said, there’s always something going on on any given day at a college campus… so if you say “no” tonight, you can always let loose another day.

You might be able to laugh off some of these poor decisions, but in other cases, you might reap the consequences, especially if your fling affects the people around you. Here are some awkward hook up scenarios that you may just wish to avoid in the future.

1. Your Best Friend’s Brother.

Usually, you give your best friend all of the deets regarding your trysts, and she listens, and laughs, and offers advice when necessary. No can do when you’ve crossed the line into sibling snogging. Your best friend doesn’t want to picture her brother in any type of sexual situation. If the hook up turns into something more, congratulations, but you’re still not going to be able to share certain details, because the guy won’t want you gossiping to his sister, and your friend won’t want to hear it. Dating the brother might also strain your friendship, depending on whether your friend resents your decision.

If things go sour with the brother and you remain friends with your BFF, you’re bound to run into him in the future. Another thing to keep in mind is that if things go sour, your friend will probably side with her bro, because blood is thicker than the those vodka tonics you guys share at the bar.

2. One of Your Brother’s Friends

Just like your BFF’s brother is off-limits, your brother’s friends are also risky business. Your brother certainly doesn’t want to imagine you hooking up any more than you do, and he certainly doesn’t want to hear any “locker room” talk among the boys once the rest of his crew finds out about your promiscuous ways.

3. A Co-Worker

Getting it on with someone from the office is up for debate. I have plenty of friends who have hooked up with, or are currently dating someone at work and have figured out a way to balance work and pleasure. Still, tread lightly. A one night stand with a co-worker can easily go awry, and you don’t want to zone out in a meeting because you’re recalling the multiple orgasms from last weekend. Also, if the rumor mill churns out a he-said/she-said account of the fling, you’re going to have to face your colleagues around the water cooler and wonder if they still think of you as a professional. If feeling uncomfortable isn’t enough to turn you off from hooking up, remember that many businesses frown upon inter-office relations, and you could be jeopardizing your job.

4. The Guy You Only Hooked Up With Because the Guy You Wanted Turned You Down

You get decked out for a party with one goal: Hook up with Joe. You get a decent buzz on and walk in on Joe making out with some girl on the sofa in the middle of the party. Feeling rejected, you engage in conversation with Tom, who is more than willing to swap spit with you. The next day, you regret Tom, and Joe changes his Facebook status to “In a Relationship.” Double burn.

If you don’t know the guy, aren’t attracted to him, or don’t have feelings for him at all, you are a thousand times more likely to regret adding his notch to your belt. It will also definitely add to the morning-after “What was I thinking?” factor.

5. Your Strictly Platonic Guy Friend (Until Last Night, That Is)

Can guys and girls be close on a strictly platonic level, or are feelings bound to be stirred up by one or both parties? Not only can hooking up with your best guy friend change your relationship forever, but it can also be disappointing.

Case in point: I was super close with a guy in college, and everyone thought we liked each other (we didn’t). The rumors alone weirded out my friend, because he wasn’t sure if he should believe them. We worked through it, and when he transferred, we kept in touch. One summer, I went to visit him, and it was like nothing had changed…until we had sloppy, drunken, mismatched sex later.  I think it happened out of sheer curiosity, and we learned that our naked bodies simply don’t mesh well together.

We said our goodbyes the next day and pretended that it never happened. The end.

6. A Girl. But You’re Straight.

If you want to experiment, college is the perfect time and place. When I was in college, it was the norm to see girls making out at parties or bars, for no reason other than shock value and attention. Then Katy Perry’s runaway smash “I Kissed a Girl” came out and glamorized same sex experimentation.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with same sex relationships, and nothing wrong with experimenting. But making out with your girlfriends can lead to just as excruciating an aftermath as a one-nighter with your guy friend.

Anybody out there have any experiences that fall into any of the above categories? We’d love to hear them, along with any other types of awkward sexual situations that we should all learn to avoid.

[Photo courtesy of thenoyes.com]