Welcome to day 2 of the College Dating Makeover Challenge, From Ice to Nice: 5 Days to Be More Approachable.

For those of you just joining us, this week the experts from The College Crush are going to share with you daily videos with simple challenges to help you go from shy to getting noticed.  In a good way. (Not, in this sorta way.) Yesterday, your challenge was to put on a happy face.

Today’s Challenge:  It is all in the eyes!  It is, and Nando (from Nandoism and our Gay BFF on The College Crush) is gonna tell you why.

Now that we’ve got our smiles down it’s time to move on to a big next step: eye contact.  Eye contact with a smile is the easiest way for someone to notice you and know that it is good to make the approach. Remember, if guys think they are going to be shut down, they just won’t go there.  It also exudes mucho confidence.  

Quick fact: when you don’t make eye contact with people, the brain gives off a warning to the other person that you might be lying or distrustful, so this one is BIG.  Definitely worth spending some time on if it isn’t comfortable right away.

If you are super shy, just start with quick glances and a smile until you get more comfortable.  As you move into fabulous mode, make the eye contact longer, look away, back up and then slowly smile.  It will be hard to resist!

Watch the brilliant Nando to get more tips and tricks!

And don’t forget to share your experiences in the comments section! At the end of the week, we’ll randomly choose one commenter to win a free one hour one-on-one session with the Dating Makeover Coach herself, Kira Sabin, to get to the nitty gritty of what isn’t working and what is.

When I was in high school one of my friends was the most sought-after girl in school.  I had other friends that were prettier, smarter and nicer but boys were crazy for her.

It took me a little while, but I finally figured out why she was constantly asked out, in a relationship or every guy’s dream girl.  She was approachable.

She was pretty but not beautiful.  She was smart, but not a know it all.  She was always friendly, smiling and nice.  Her secret:  Every guy thought they had a shot at her.   They always felt comfortable talking to her and she always made them feel great about themselves.  She is now married to a wonderful guy who is also the whole package.

What is the point of this story?  To let you know that just because you are beautiful, smart, funny or successful doesn’t mean that finding the right people to date is going to be easy.  In fact it may even be harder.  Does that suck?  Maybe, but it is true.

Many times the douchey guys who are approaching you are in for a challenge and once they conquered that challenge they will find a new one.  The better bet for good relationships are the healthy, great guys who just need a little encouragement to know that if they come up to you, they are not going to be making a complete ass of themselves.

In case you haven’t noticed, men are fragile souls.  Many times more fragile than we are.  If they think for any reason they are going to be rejected, they are not climbing aboard that train.  It’s going to take a little work from you.

Here are six ways to get you from ice to nice.

1.  Get off your cell phone.  It’d be a bummer if your dream man was beside you in line for coffee, but you were too busy talking to your friend about last night’s “Real Housewives of New York City” episode.  Next time you are somewhere in line, keep your body language open, look around, make eye contact and smile.  What do you have to lose?

2.  Get a partner in crime.  If you were a guy would you approach a group of four or more women?  Heck no.  It’s too scary and too many people staring as he tries to talk to you.  Going somewhere?  Go with one friend (hopefully one who can talk you up if the situation arises).

3.  If you are going somewhere alone (even if it is to meet somebody), make an entrance.  Walk in the door, pause for three to five seconds in a confident stance so everyone can notice you, and scan the room with a smile on your face.

4.  If you are sitting, make sure you are facing outward with your body toward people.  If you are only turned toward your friend then your body is saying “we are in a closed conversation.”  With both of you facing the room, it says, “we are nice and friendly, come talk to us.”

5.  When you notice someone interesting looking at you, look back.  Holding eye contact for three seconds lets him know you are interested; if he holds the eye contact with you, he’s interested too.  To seal the deal, look away for a minute or two, then look back and smile.  Look down and up again.  If he doesn’t come over after that, he is in a relationship or not in a place to date.

6.  If he strikes up a conversation with you, keep it light and friendly and have fun with it. Keep sarcasm to a minimum.  What seems okay to you, may not be for him.  It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a sense of humor, it just means he doesn’t know you well enough to know when you’re joking. This is crucial: If you are interested, let him know.  He should ask you out, but giving him a nudge by sharing that you have really enjoyed talking to him and would love to again is just smart.  Not desperate.  Smart.

Smart is good.

Ready to get smarter and learn more tips and tricks about body language and meeting the right kind of “dateable” guys?  Join me for the College Candy Dating Makeover coming this Fall!

This mantra grows increasingly ineffective the longer I am forced to live under the same roof as my mother. If you are lucky enough to have left behind your home home for your school home, then God bless you, throw a kegger in your living room (on a motha effing TUESDAY!) If you, like me, have yet to escape your personal circle of hell, I’ve compiled a small guide to maintaining your sanity as well as familial relations for the remainder of this short (but dear Allah, oh so long) stint back home. Because, let’s face it, being disowned would be counterproductive if your parents still pay the majority of your tuition/rent/medical bills and whatnot.

Scenario: You come home from a bar crawl, unhappy matriarch/patriarch up and awaiting your return, toe tapping a Morse code slew of disapproving comments.

Solution: Passive Aggression. Outwardly, bow your head and accept the berating and “Not under my roof” nonsense. Avoid eye contact, showcasing your humility and apologetic demeanor, all the while making easier your inner thought process: “Haha! You are merely projecting your jealousy onto me because you can’t go out till 3 am! At school, this is an early night! Mwahaha!”

Immature, yes. But engaging dear old Dad in a heated debate about your rights as an adult probably won’t go over so well right now. At a more convenient time, explain to your parents that you have successfully survived (insert number of) years away from home by employing your own methods of sustenance, safety and–ahem–entertainment. They will respond to your rational explanation and hopefully won’t impose some bizarre curfew on you. Throwing in a few compliments to them (“You’ve raised me to be responsible, mature, whatevs”) can’t hurt either.

Scenario: Waking up at 6 am, according to your parents, is the normal and productive lifestyle you should be leading.

Solution: Evasive Action. Sleeping in is usually encouraged by not having a job, which may be the real reason your parents have a problem with you getting your much needed rest. If you do have a job, though, or it doesn’t require that you wake up at the ass crack of dawn to be a good employee, throw on a sleep mask, get some ear buds and lock your door. When you do eventually begin your day, your parents will inevitably assume you’ve been sleeping and begin to criticize you. At this point you can a) craft an elaborate excuse as to why you invented your own Do Not Disturb signs (composing a symphony, welding, extremely detailed pedicure) or b) inform your parents that they are being unreasonable and inconsiderate of your needs as a growing girl. The next time you drift off, picture yourself back at college, where napping is seen as a necessary daily component and not a source of ill will.

Scenario: Constant pestering about your grades, career, health, love life, bank account, etc.,

Solution: Rationing and Regulating. Ah, college. Land of cheap beer, philosophical discussion, hot guys and occasional phone calls to and from home. A few times a week ( if that!), you call home to brag about a great paper grade, tell a funny anecdote, or occupy yourself on your way to class. This serves the purpose of assuring your parents that you are alive, well, and not on Girls Gone Wild (not that you couldn’t call home if you were on GGW, it would probably just be a much more interesting conversation). It also enables you to control the amount of information your loved ones can wield against you during arguments about whether you’re “on the right path” (yeah, my family is probably dysfunctional.) I see no reason not to employ this tactic at home as well.

While you cannot simply hang up in the middle of a face to face conversation–I’ve tried it, trust me– you can change the subject to highlight an area of your life that is slightly more appealing to the fam’s best interests. Don’t lie or ice your parents out, this will only backfire; just casually ease off the topic of boyfriends (or lack thereof) and explain (in great detail) a theory you learned about in class. They love knowing where their money’s going, and showing off your fancy schmancy improved I.Q. should go over well, you genius, you.

While I understand that these situations are the very least of the conflicts you will confront after moving back home (at least in my case they are), many of these solutions can be applied to other issues. The bottom line is, moving back into your parents house for the summer may cause you to revert to your 15 year old self in their eyes. The key is to show them that you are not the moody and irreverent teen they’re picturing. You are a mature young woman who deserves their respect and trust. Now go hang out by their sweet pool, help yourself to their fully stocked fridge and crank that AC up allll the way baby, because those perks are definitely something we’ll miss come September.

What problems have you run into Mom and Dad-wise, now that you’re back at home? How do you deal?

[Photo courtesy of motherdaughtercatfight.com]

“The first step to meeting men is eye contact. Just one little lingering look can start an entire adventure…”

Yes, well, sure. Eye contact is always the perfect way to let a guy know that you’re interested.

If you can do it.

Now, maybe this seemingly simple task is almost impossible for me because I don’t wear my glasses when I’m out, therefore making it sort of hard to tell if a guy over three feet away is actually looking back—but I think there’s more too it. I think eye contact is actually much scarier than those dating websites would have us believe.

Writing about doing it is easy. I can type about it till I’m blue in the face, advising everyone to totally lock eyes with a boy on the subway, in a bar, walking down the street…it let’s them know you’re interested! It’s a good way to flirt!

But for some reason, putting it into practice is hard. I’m not the shiest person you’ve ever met, but if I think a guy’s cute, it’s really difficult to look him square in the face and smile. I’d much rather look at whatever’s directly above and to the left of him; that way, I can take little peeks without him knowing.

I’m fully aware that this habit of looking-when-he’s-not is counterintuitive and lame, but staring at a hot boy makes me anxious. Why? Maybe because I’m afraid of the reaction he’ll give back. Maybe I’m afraid of seeming too forward? Maybe I’m just chicken shit.

But it totally freaks me out.

Are there other people out there who find flirty glances nerve wracking? Should I just grow a pair and get with the program? Is the fear of eye contact a secret, underground epidemic?

In the meanwhile, I’ll keep staring at the top of hot guys’ heads everywhere.