I am going to have a sit down with my Facebook friends list and carefully consider who belongs there, who does not, and which family members need to be moved to the “Limited Profile” list. Yes, de-friending is a vicious process, but it has to be done in order to make way for new and more important friendships. Read: the people with the most exciting photos to stalk.

Anyway, as I sit here cutting out some of my 423 friends, these are a few of the people whom I’ve made dust in my virtual wind.

The Friend Who Desperately Wants You To Join YoVille
Facebook applications can be great. Who doesn’t enjoy a game of Scrabulous? But being bombarded with requests to join your farm or garden or pirate ship isn’t helping out your chances of remaining friends with me come clean-up time. Bye-bye application-addict. We’re ignoring you once and for all.

The Constant Status-Updater
I do not care what your plans for the day are.  Or what emo song lyics are accurately emoting your feelings at the moment. Or what color your poop is… no matter how odd it may be. If you are cluttering up my newsfeed with mindless chatter, you will surely be de-friended. But before we part ways, I want you to seriously consider getting a Twitter. There, and only there, will you be appreciated.

The Strange Man from a Foreign Land
I’m not sure why I ever accepted you to begin with.  We have no mutual friends and your profile isn’t even written in English. And is that a fanny pack in your photo? If you ever make a trip to NYC, let me know.  Until then, adios amigo.

The Couple That Can’t Decide if They Want to be Together or Not
They’re together. They’re broken up. It’s complicated. She’s single. He’s not. They’re engaged. Where does it end?! Maybe if you get off Facebook for a second you’ll be able to figure out your relationship. But my newsfeed does not need to be the first person on the scene at your breakup. Send me an invite to the wedding, snail-mail style, because you’ve been de-friended.

A good Facebook de-friending spree can be a cathartic experience. But don’t go too remove-happy.  There are risks involved. I once de-friended a guy that was in my freshman year history class because I thought he was lame and didn’t need him cluttering up my friends list. Now he is dating my best friend and refusing to accept my apologetic re-friend request.

Oh how the tables have turned.

Do you do a yearly clean-up? Who do you un-friend?

Every week, I write College Candy’s “Weekly Ten” about whatever the hard-hitting, relevant issues of the week are.

Obviously.

This week, I’ve decided to focus my Weekly Ten on my Top 10 Facebook Pet Peeves. Because it doesn’t get more relevant or hard-hitting than that.

10. Status updates all the time.
Seriously? Facebook (even though they’re trying really hard to be) is NOT Twitter. Get that shiz outta my news feed. You’re clogging it up.

9. Constant profile picture changes.
Okay, so I might be a little guilty of this one. However, when you’re changing your profile picture more than your underwear (people like that exist, I know it…), it’s time to reevaluate your life.

Special Mention: Annoying peace-sign-and-pouty-lips profile picture. Doubly worse if the picture is taken with MacBook’s photo booth. Triply worse if you’re wearing giant sunglasses. If there’s a small dog or a Coach bag in the picture? Do everyone a favor and just delete your whole profile.

8. Changing relationship status.
Going from Single to In a Relationship to In an Open Relationship to It’s Complicated all in the same week? That information does not need to be broadcast to all of Facebook. I don’t care if you have more relationship ish going on than Jennifer Aniston; Facebook isn’t Star Magazine and I didn’t subscribe to your drama with Mr. Frat Star.

7. Application Updates
UM WHAT IS WITH THIS MAFIA GAME ON FACEBOOK?! It’s all up in my feeds and I want nothing to do with it. Tony Soprano is NOT impressed either. I’m sure of it.

6. FIVE THINGS ABOUT ME
Really? The Five Types of Animals you would be? Five kinds of deodorant you’ve used in your lifetime? Five Candle Scents that you love?! Here are five reasons I find this beyond irritating:

1. If you’re a good friend of mine, chances are I already KNOW your 5 favorite movies. Even if you’re NOT a good friend of mine, I’m pretty sure Facebook has a “favorite movies” section on your profile.
2. Five girls you find the hottest would never even look twice at you.
3. If I wanted to know five things you don’t leave the house without, I’d open your purse and go through it.
4. Five Favorite Old School Nickelodeon Shows? Okay, I’ll give you that one. Especially if you put “Figure It Out.”
5. Five people you’d want on your side at a bar fight. Sorry, honey, Buffy is too cool to hit up $2 Draft night with you. Plus, she’s not real. Sadly.

5. Quizzes
65% Bitch? Awesome. I 100% DO NOT CARE.

4. Texts From Last night
Are you really so unoriginal that you have to constantly post things that other people have text messaged and in turn are published on a website that EVERYONE HAS ALREADY READ?! Bonus if all your wallposts to others are simply TFLN quotes. Yes, the website is funny, but if I wanted to read the texts, I could very easily go. to. the. website.

(610): Last night I was so drunk that I realized I can’t come up with any of my own entertaining material so I decided to yoink someone else’s drunk text from a website! Alcohol and unoriginality for the win, yo.

3. Invitations to groups that you want no part of
Dude, I haven’t talked to you since Middle School. I am not going to join “10,000 Strong For Rush Limbaugh.”

2. Becoming fans of…
Maybe a couple things are okay. But when you become a fan of Zac Efron, Facebook, Gummi Worms, TFLN, iPhone Apps, Dexter’s Laboratory (okay, awesome show and admittedly I am a fan of it. Besides the point.), strawberry milkshakes, Tequila, Yankees, and Megan Fox all in the same day? Check yourself.

1. Pretending you “never go on Facebook” when you’re on ALL THE TIME.
We know you love your News Feed. And you got an iPhone just so you’d never have to go 5 minutes without it. Come out of the closet.

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

It’s not that I don’t want to see what my wonderful leader is up to, it’s more like I don’t think I need to see it through Facebook. I would love to visit her at her nursing home and hear all about her there.

And even though everyone is allowed to have a Facebook nowadays doesn’t mean they should have them. I’m allowed to buy Depends, but it doesn’t mean that I am going to start wearing them. I work very hard at participating in age appropriate things and I wish everyone else would follow my lead.

No matter who the over-aged friender is, I’ve learned they all share three traits in common.

1. Over-usage of applications

Immediately after accepting their friend request (and putting them on the most limited profile possible) they start throwing vampires, sending goblins, and flinging hug requests. I’m forced to spend more time blocking applications than stalking people’s wall-to-walls. And it seems that for every application I block, five more spring up in its place. Yesterday I blocked the hug-me application request and today I woke up with 14 new requests from the hugger application, huggiest application, huggable application, and hug thrower application. I don’t even know what hug-throwing could possibly mean but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal in at least 34 states.

2. Unnecessary Friend Details

Literally seconds after I’m friended by the undesirables they send the most specific friend details. “I babysat you in 1989 and I changed your diaper 3 times!” Or, “I was the 2nd grade chorus teacher that made you lipsync during the annual Holiday concert.” I used to think they were sending these uber-detailed friend requests to be funny; now I just assume that they send them to remind themselves on a daily basis who I am. I guess the details are the Ginko Biloba pills of Facebook. Either way I never accept them. I like to hope it makes their day a little more eventful since they have to remember who I am every single time they log on.

3. Baby Albums

If you are old enough to be putting albums of your children on Facebook, you don’t belong on Facebook. End of story. Shouldn’t these parents be doing something with their kids instead of posting their daily baths on Facebook (yep, I’ve seen a baby-bath time album…and now I feel like I should be on To Catch a Predator). Not only do they have baby albums, but they sometimes make their actual profile picture a photo of their kid. Every time that happens I freak out because there is always that split second when I’m like, when did I friend a baby?

I miss the days when Facebook was only for the young, fun and college educated. What happened to that? Get off Facebook, oldies!b