Dear Dude,

Ok so I met this guy at a party (as all great stories seem to start), we really hit it off and we ended up leaving and going to his place. We hooked up and then got some food. While we were eating he said “You’re like my ideal woman.” I assumed that it was a line and didn’t take it too seriously (after all, we were still fairly drunk) but I smiled, laughed and said thanks.  He gave me a ride home (Since he had to be at work at 3am. He’s an EMT.) and held my hand the entire way and gave me his sweatshirt. (OK, before I continue you should know I’m new to the world of casual sex, and automatically assumed that none of these acts were sincere, but rather just things he does to every girl – I know, my bad.). So you can imagine my surprise when he actually texted me the next day. We ended up talking ’round the clock for a week and hooked up again. We continued constantly texting for another week and he invited me over to a party at his place and I met all his friends and it was really fun – and we hooked up a third time. Two days later I texted him to see if his dog was ok (she had thrown up the morning of hookup #3). That was our last conversation. After two weeks of silence I texted him a simple “Hey, how’ve you been?” and didn’t get a reply. Two more weeks and now I find that he unfriended me on facebook. Read More »

When did Facebook turn into my verbally-abusive ex-boyfriend?

He’s full of empty promises and is always “I really care about your privacy and I’m not going to show the whole world that photo of you doing naked Olympics.” Then he turns around the next day and broadcasts everything to the world with a “seriously, you’ll end up liking the fact that everyone, including your mother, knows exactly what you did this weekend. And if you don’t, then go back to that dirty heathen of a boyfriend, Myspace, and see if I care.”

And now he’s done it again. He’s introduced a Foursquare for Facebook, called Facebook Places, that takes everyone’s favorite stalker application to the next level. Not only will your friends, frenemy’s, second cousins, and co-workers be able to check into locations, but they’ll also be able to check you into locations. Apparently they’re claiming that it’s just like tagging someone in a photo because it has a detag option. Except tagging an ugly photo of me on Facebook in not equivalent to telling the Facebook community that I’m in the third stall at the Olive Garden on Grove street.

Change your privacy settings today or prepare to see your entire life ruined. Think I’m exaggerating? Just look at my Wikipedia-approved reasoning:

1. No More Lying – So you wanted to get out of your friend’s birthday dinner (because she always insists on wearing a tiara and “kiss me, it’s my birthday sash”) and made up a story about having to cram for a hugeeee test the next day. Instead you go out with some other friends to happy hour where they tag you as being at the bar. Add some photo proof to that tag and you’re about to be defriended…in real life. And that’s the least of your issues. How about the fact that you got out of your boyfriend’s great aunt’s funeral by telling a small white lie that you were really, really sick — only to be location-tagged as being at the school’s biggest tailgate party ever.

2. No More Privacy – Facebook stalking is a totally healthy part of life, real life stalking is a total calling card to spend some time in prison. The two are about to overlap pretty quickly when your stalker starts literally following you from class (because your lab partner tagged you) to the library (because your freshman your roommate spotted you across the stacks and tagged you) to Starbucks (because somehow the barista and you are Facebook friends and she’s trying real hard to be web-savvy). Read More »

Back in the day (when I still had a MySpace account) Facebook was a brand new platform for social opportunity and getting to know people in college.  I remember the days when my status was restricted by the word “is” and I only had 50 pictures tagged of myself at graduation parties and I thought I was super rad. Suddenly, My Space turned into the Britney Spears white trash of all social networks and I was spending the majority of my time on the blue and white pages of Facebook.

And like any social practice, social etiquette has hereby ensued.  There are things on Facebook you just can’t do, either because they are annoying as sh*t or they can put you in danger.

I’m serious. If you want to save your plasma TV and your online reputation, read on.

1. List Details of Where You’re Going  & When

Take this couple. The girl left a Facebook status saying was going out to a concert with her boyfriend, and her friend (since she was seven) busted into their house and stole their flat-screen TV right off their wall.  Nice guy. La Lohan and Paris Hilton (amongst other D-list celebs) had similar experiences when they compulsively updated their Twitter status letting the world (or that annoying girl from that stupid show on E!) know when their homes were free for thievery. It’s time to stop giving everyone an itinerary of your life and live a little more mysteriously. Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (What do guys think of implants?) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dear Dude,
My boyfriend and I recently broke up. I told him we could still be friends and everything wouldn’t be awkward. Then I find out a couple days later he deleted me as a friend on Facebook. What confuses me is that he is not the first ex to delete me. In fact my other last 2 exes have deleted me as a friend on Facebook as well.

Dude, I know there can be a millions different reasons why they would, but I think it’s strange when I said I want to be friends. Why would they do that?

Sincerely,
Girls Just Wanna be Friends Read More »

Jelly shoes are one thing, but jelly BOOTS?!

Brody Jenner and Kristin just don’t do it.

Are Brad and Angie gonna tie the knot?

What can hipsters wear in the summer?

Why you should stay Facebook friends with your ex.

Wonder Woman gets a MAJOR makeover.

Would you wear non-prescription glasses?

Kristen Stewart lightens up…her hair.

Well this is just awkward for Joe and Demi.

Why do we stay FB friends with people we hate?

Ironically, Britney designs better than she dresses.

Woops. Jason Batemen REALLY pissed people off.

God, I wish I didn't defriend the ex....

We’ve all been there.  You break up with your boyfriend, fight with your Bio lab partner, resent your freshman year roommate for getting a better internship than you.  In a booze-fueled rage you sit at your computer at 2am going through Facebook, wanting so badly to cut these people off altogether.  Why do you need to know that the old roomie is hanging out with Kanye?  Or that your ex already found a rebound girl and her boobs are really, really big?

Before you know it, you get caught up in the whirlwind that is FB’s newsfeed and suddenly you’re hating on people you haven’t seen in three years.  Sarah’s mom sends her care packages from Sephora?  Bitch!  Jamie is dating that hot TA?  You had your eye on him first and she knows it!  Your best friend is dating your little brother?  Gross and unacceptable!

In a flash, the floodgates have opened.  You’re going to defriend them all, that’s what you’re going to do!  With your mouse hovering above the delete button, you pause for a moment.  Sure, consciously getting rid of a Facebook friend is the modern day equivalent of sending someone to the guillotine.  Off with their heads and their damn status updates!  But while it might feel good in the moment to erase these people from your life account, it’s more than a little likely that you’ll come to regret your cutthroat ways.

In a few months you’ll probably be dating someone new and the hurt caused by your ex-BF’s fling with Pam Anderson will have subsided.  It was, after all, just a fling and apparently he ditched her via wall post.  Too bad you gave him the axe; you would have loved to read that one.  Not to mention your roommate got fired from her internship for enjoying an event’s open bar a little too much.  Talk about the funniest tagged photos you’ll never see.  Actually, it seems that whole unfriending spree really cut you out of the loop with everyone. Read More »

I love you, Photo Tagger.

The writers over at The Ultimate Hatelist composed a list of the Top 10 Most Hated People on Facebook: The Constant Status Updater, Facebook Couples, People Who Post Little Pictures… Clearly, we agree with them. Those girls with the freakin’ peace-sign-and-pouty-lip pics (of course we never do that in pictures!) and the people who actually pay for Facebook gifts (you’re throwing away money on a birthday cupcake floating in cyberspace during economic times like this?!) should go back where they belong: MySpace.

But we got to thinking, and while there are those people who we want to punch right through the computer screen every time we load up our NewsFeed (read: every 4 minutes), there are also some that we truly love. Those who make our Facebook experience what it is. Those we can’t get enough of and know Facebook just wouldn’t be the same without.

The Comedian
I appreciate a witty saying every now and then, and when I sign on to Facebook to procrastinate I’d like to be greeted with a laugh, not some vague song lyric begging for attention/Facebook gifts. Which is why I love the comedian. He’s funny, he’s quick on his feet and he always has a funny status update or video posted for me to enjoy. This guy is a real pal, bringing a little happiness to hours of homework and studying.

The Girl Who Never Left Home
When you’re having one of those God awful weeks where you bombed a test, fought with your boyfriend and realized you have no idea what you want to do with your life, stalking this girl always makes you feel better. While everyone else left home only to return on holiday breaks, she’s still living in her parent’s basement, getting fat at the same deli you ate at for four years of off-campus lunch, and parties with the coolest of the cool…high school seniors. Seeing her life makes you feel a whole lot better about yours. It might be mean, but it’s true. Read More »

Ha! I got you, bitch!

Poor Mike! He should have known better than to leave his Facebook profile open on someone else’s computer. Usually, I’m pretty unimpressed with jokes that hinge on dudes acting like there’s something inherently hilarious about homosexuality—unless they’re Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd—but this prank is pretty genius. (Side note: How on earth are there that many groups about loving cock??)

Changing around someone’s Facebook profile is the ultimate prank. We all spend way too much time worrying about presenting ourselves in the best light possible on Facebook: listing the right favorite movies and music, displaying a flattering profile pic, writing something funny and pithy in our “About Me” sections. When someone messes with your profile, then, they’re poking fun at your image-consciousness in an extremely public way—and they’re also making sure that an audience of hundreds can immediately see that you just got played.

So, since witnessing a Facebook prank at its finest, I’ve been thinking about other ways to subtly mess with my friends’ Facebook profiles, given the chance. And considering they stored their passwords and leave their bedroom doors unlocked, that chance is most definitely given.

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far: Read More »

It’s been a big week—since classes started on Tuesday, I’ve freaked out about my upcoming thesis proposal approximately 3,849 times, eaten tons of free food at our Activities Fair, and seen Rihanna in the flesh (there are perks to going to college in New York City).

My fellow CCers have been busy too, doing everything from getting pumped for Fashion Week to preparing for football season to pruning their Facebook friends list—hey, it’s not as easy as it sounds. We’ve been occupying ourselves by debating whether guys and girls can live together in harmony, and whether it’s a good idea to be in a serious relationship in college, despite the fact that men are stupid. And if they’re not dumb, there’s probably something else wrong with them.

At least we’ll always have these guys to dream about. And hey, since college is a time for experimentation, maybe we should just throw caution to the wind and ditch monogamy altogether: the more the merrier, right? Unless that sexually freewheeling attitude means that you consider buying this for your little niece or cousin. That will never be okay.