[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I’m not a crazy person. On the contrary, I like to think that I’m quite level-headed in all aspects of my life. I tend to think things through and really try to understand all perspectives in a situation before I say or do anything. And that’s probably why all of my friends come to me for advice; they trust what I have to say and know I’ll be objective.

Of course, there is always an exception to that rule.
And of course that exception has to do with guys.

There’s something about liking a guy that can make even the sanest girl go crazy. And I’m not talking “show up at his house in the middle of the night and profess my love outside his window” sorta crazy. I’m referring to the more internal diagnosis: thinking about him all the time, analyzing every single interaction you’ve ever had with him, going to every person you know and asking them to analyze every single interaction you’ve ever had with him, carrying your phone with you everywhere you go just in case he calls or texts, or checking your email in the middle of the night to see if he sent you a Facebook message.

And what drives a girl to such a low level on the pathetic scale?

The not knowing.

Sure, there are batsh*t insane girls out there who do this sorta stuff (and worse) when they’re in a full blown relationship. But for the rest of us, this sorta crazy only presents itself when we’re being jerked around by a guy we like. A guy who seems to like us too…sometimes…we think? We hang out with him all the time, he sends us cute texts, invites us out with his friends, he’s seen us naked, he’s even bought us breakfast….

But he still hasn’t “made it official.”

And it’s not like we can bring that up. No, that makes us look like naggy girls who have already picked out the band for our wedding. We don’t want to scare the guy off or be labeled the “crazy girl” to all his bros. And that’s unfair. No, it’s actually total bullsh*t. Because unlike what so many guys think, we don’t want a title for the sake of having a title. Yeah, everyone loves getting to start off stories with “My boyfriend….” but the real reason any of us want a title is to give our overactive minds a rest. We want to have the comfort and security of knowing that we’re not just a booty call, that he thinks we’re special, and that he feels the same way about us that we feel about him.

A title isn’t just a title. It’s a declaration of your feelings, and at the end of the day that’s all I (and I imagine many girls) really want.  I don’t need some guy to take out an ad in the campus paper and tell the world that I’m his girlfriend or to change his relationship status on Facebook. Making it official, calling me his girlfriend or even just telling me that he only wants to see me naked is not some blood pact that we’re going to be together forever and that he’s now required to buy me ugly stuffed toys on Valentine’s Day. I just want to know that he’s mine, I’m his and that’s that.

Is that so hard?

Maybe. Let’s see what HE has to say.

And I’m not the only one asking questions. Take a look at some of the burning queries that have been occupying CC writers for the past week:

- Can intercultural dating ever work out for the best?

- Is paying $89 to get a bump-free bikini line worth it?

- Will frat houses be able to survive the Great Swine Flu Freakout of ’09?

- Is it weird to have a huge crush on Aladdin?

- Can anyone afford post-college apartments?

- What’s worse: sexist iPhone apps or slutty costumes for 7^th graders?

- Where can I get an adult-sized Barbie jeep of my very own?

- Would anybody seriously buy a vagina mint?

- Should you resist the urge to go Facebook official?

- What’s keeping us from actually liking the nice guys?

- And finally: Does anyone want to get some Italian food and go sailing with me?  Columbus Day be damned—that just seems like a sweet way to start off the weekend, despite the frigid temperature.

This is real. We're Facebook-Official.

Okay, so as if the world of flirting/dating/hooking up in dark corners wasn’t already confusing enough, we now have Facebook thrown in the mix. You can poke the cutie from Calculus, send some racy “private messages,” and maybe even send a condom or two his way.

But when you actually really like the guy, and have even gone on a couple dates (aka met for lunch in the caf or taken a stroll through the plaza) the whole Facebook situation gets ten times more complicated.

And that brings us to the “relationship status.”  It sits in the corner of our profiles taunting us. “You’re still single??” it screams (accompanied by Facebook ads luring you to Match.com). But when you are seeing someone it’s even worse, nagging you day after day. “Are you official yet?! It’s been a month! Come on already!”

I don’t know how I feel about this little option. I won’t deny that it’s exciting to finally make the official switch to “in a relationship,” but the extra pressure it adds to my love life is a major negative.

Obviously, I’m torn.

Love It:

The fact that making a relationship Facebook official clears up a significant amount of issues surrounding a new relationship. First of all, there is none of that sitting up late at night with your roommate, dissecting his text messages and the way he hugged you goodbye. Does he want a commitment? Is he not sure? Of course he’s sure! He just changed his relationship status!  It sort of brings us back to those Pleasantville days when a guy simply pinned his girl and that was that; when you have been “Facebook officialed” you’re a couple. Done.

Ah, dating has become so black and white.

And when it finally does happen you can inform all of your 1,345 friends instantly. No need to pick up the phone and tell everyone you’ve finally met a great guy when his entire life history, complete with photos, is only a friend request away.

And I have to admit, it is freakin’ exciting. Being able to finally tell that little relationship box, and the rest of the online community, that you are officially “in a relationship”! You will be bombarded with little red number notifications, since everyone “likes” this new change. And it will feel great.

Loathe It:

How official is official anyway?! Is it enough that we text during class and make out every Friday night? And what if you think it’s official, but you have yet to receive the relationship confirmation request. What can you really say to clear up the confusion? “Uh…hey, I was wondering, can we be Facebook official yet?” If this isn’t pitiful, I don’t know what is.

Then there’s the rejection; what if you just want to have fun, and the guy totally jumps the gun and makes it official? (Or vice-versa – we can’t deny that we tend to fall a tad too quickly).  You don’t want to hurt his feelings (because you totally want to have him available for a booty call at all times of the night) but if you accept, everyone else will think you are a couple, which would severely hinder your chances of meeting other cute guys on campus.

Finally: the break up. As if they aren’t awkward already. Now you have to have 1,345 people feeling sorry for you and sending their condolences. Not to mention all your girlfriends “liking” it and leaving comments like “you deserve better anyway,” and “were going to get WASTED tonight!!” Some of these breakups are actually really painful for both parties, and making it unofficial on Facebook totally trivializes it. Not to mention that both of you have to deal with reading the others friends’ plans to take your ex-significant-other out to get wasted and hook up.

And when is it appropriate to make it un-official anyway? Is the next morning too insensitive? Does waiting a week make you seem desperate and clingy? It seems like there isn’t a right answer. Breakups take time, and Facebook doesn’t have “in the process of moving on” as a relationship option.

What does everyone else think? Do you love being able to solidify your relationship via Facebook or does it make the dating even more stressful (if that’s even possible)?

"He's got a new GF!?"

I have a pretty boring morning routine. I hear my alarm go off on my iPhone (“Pretty Young Thing” by MJ, if you must know) continue to hit snooze until I only give myself twenty minutes to get ready. Then the routine:

-          Stretch. Rub face seven times.
-          Tear out of bed when I realize that I’m already running thirty minutes late.
-          Get in shower. Shampoo. Condition. Etc.
-          Dry off, get dressed, brush teeth, make goofy faces at myself in the mirror.
-          Run upstairs, notice that I have an extra five minutes.
-          Check Facebook.

Yes, Facebook is usually a part of my morning routine. Sometimes even taking precedent over a nutritious breakfast. Sad, but true.

You log in and scroll through Newsfeed, which usually goes a little something like this: status updates from “kind-of” friends, photos posted from family vacations that you don’t care about, “top 5 favorite Miley Cyrus songs” (she even has 5 songs?), event notification for a band you’ve never heard of, “What’s my Ghetto Name,” more status updates, ex-boyfriend is no longer listed as single, status upd… WAIT WHAT?!

Scroll back up in a panic, hoping you misread. Nope. We have confirmation: That stupid little pink heart is practically jumping off the screen paired with your recent ex, boyfriend or crush’s name. Maybe you already knew they were in a relationship, maybe you had no idea, maybe they broke up with you via Facebook, maybe you went out on a few dates and you thought things were going places but now they are in a relationship with someone who is NOT you.

Whatever the case is, this relationship update is a slap in the face…book.

Why do we care?

In my experience, I knew that it was coming. I knew about my ex’s new girl before it was “Facebook official,” but seeing it broadcast to the entire Facebook world put a horrible feeling in my stomach and, for once, it wasn’t the cookie dough I chomped on for breakfast that caused the pain.

I spent a good twenty minutes staring blankly at my computer screen. Maybe if I stared at the teensy little evil heart on my screen, it would turn black and freeze, sort of like mine did. No dice. Maybe it would break into two, the way that it does when you list yourself as “single.” Nope. Still there. Still intact, the “no longer listed as single” pink heart. AKA: The “too-cool-for-school” way of declaring a relationship.

After getting to work and experiencing servere agita the entire morning, I decided to consult my good guy friend on why relationship status on Facebook matters. I spilled the situation and told him, “I’m so busy and having all this exciting life stuff happening… why does a stupid Facebook relationship, or lack thereof, make me so upset?”

He put it best and said, “Because now everyone knows that he ‘won’ the breakup. Even though it may not normally be such a big deal to you, knowing that it’s a big deal for everyone else who sees it is the worst.”

Ouch. Really? Won?

He’s right. Facebook’s news feed has become a drama-filled newsletter that we all subscribe to. Even if you know your ex is dating someone new, it still bites seeing pictures of them together plastered all over the place. And it doesn’t even have to be a break-up; even if it’s something as simple as a friend excluding you from plans, Facebook makes it visible to you and everyone you hang out with. It sucks. It really sucks.

I feel stupid at first when I get upset over something that happens on Facebook. I mean, it’s just Facebook right? It’s not like it matters. But you know what? It does matter and it’s okay to feel crappy. Of course Facebook isn’t reality, but when your dirty laundry is out there for your entire social network to see it’s going to be painful. Sometimes you need to just swallow your pride and admit to yourself that someone hurt your feelings, and even though it was through Facebook, it feels just as crappy as when you found out the first time over the phone.

Except it’s worse; finding out via your newsfeed means you can’t hang up on them. And that’s the most gratifying part.

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of the city and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

Now that Facebook is in the picture, there is a whole new slew of issues we must face when dealing with a heartbreaking, make-you-wanna-sit-in-your-room-alone-crying-to-sappy-music breakups.

Before Facebook (BF): You break it off with your lover and tell everyone that you ended it, so you need your besties and Ben & Jerry’s, like, stat.
After Facebook (AF): You break it off with your lover and they change their relationship status first, making it look like it was their decision.  Which it was not. Ok, maybe it was, but did they have to change that so quickly? Now you’re getting 45 FB messages and wall posts asking if you are OK.

BF: You rip up all your pictures, cutting out your ex’s face and even burning the particularly painful ones.  Ah, satisfaction.
AF: You untag the 1,938 pictures of you guys as a couple.  It takes four hours and is in no way satisfying because there is a sad lack of sharp objects and fire. And the pictures are still fully intact.

BF: You carefully orchestrate a plan to “accidentally” be at the same social function as your ex, looking fabulous and with what looks like the next Calvin Klein underwear model.
AF: You post pictures from a bender with your besties, carefully editing out the embarrassing bits (oh, thousands) and making sure to post an appropriate, make-him-jealous Facebook status (“Sooo tired but had the best time EVER last night!! <3 Mike” Note: Mike is not your ex).

BF: You still have his daily schedule memorized, so you “check up” on him every now and then.  (Wait, why is he lingering in Starbucks so long?  When did Starbucks start hiring models as baristas??)
AF: You and your Blackberry settle down for a productive day of Facebook stalking.  Looks like your ex hasn’t posted any photos since your break-up.  Is that because he hasn’t done anything worthy of photos, or is that because he’s been too busy with someone else to get any photos taken??

BF: You avoid any sort of knowledge that he has moved on before you.
AF: Your Newsfeed tells you that some new chick has posted pictures of him. You spend the next 3 hours checking this girl out, seeing who she knows, Googling her, and trying to figure out if they are just friends or if it’s something more.

BF: You totally cut your ex out of your life: ignoring his phone calls, staying away from his favorite places, etc.  Cold turkey on the communication.
AF: You un-friend your ex on Facebook so he can’t see your frequent status updates that include comments on your daily testing of waterproof mascara and the merits of  the different flavors of Ben & Jerry’s (seriously, they are the bearers of peace and serenity). And then you regret un-friending him because you can no longer see what he’s doing. But you can’t re-friend him; that would just be pathetic. What should you do? Oh why did you act so abruptly? Now you are going to have to stalk your friends who are still friends with him so you can use their FB to look at him.

Ugh. As if breaking up weren’t hard enough already…