Dear Dude,

I’m just going to jump straight into the situation. I’ve known this guy since 6th grade and we’ve always been good friends, until he told me he liked me about two years ago. After that, things changed. He started calling and texting more and we became close and started dating. After about a year of dating (non-exclusively), he told me he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend, and I was really hurt by this. I stopped talking to him and he got back together with her, and by then I loved him. After they broke up in June, I still hadn’t talked to him because I was mad/hurt/upset, but I still loved him (only God knows why!). About two weeks ago I texted him to invite him to my best friend’s birthday but I never heard back — of course. So last night I hung out with our mutual friend Jamie and she told me that he might’ve gotten some chick pregnant (not his ex, some random chick)…and I knew nothing about it — that’s why he’s been so distant. So I texted him asking him to come to the bar and we had this super long conversation about life, dating and he said he still liked me. I said I still liked him and I’d be willing to try dating him again. Later that night, after a few (ok about 7) drinks, I posted on his Facebook wall a few comments about coming to the bar and attending my best friend’s birthday party on Saturday. I woke up today and see that he deleted me on Facebook and now he won’t talk to me.

Why is he doing this? We talked about non-controversial things–I didn’t even bring up the pregnancy, and he still shut me out. I apologized for anything I might’ve said to him to make him delete me and he said “it’s alright” but apparently it’s not if he deleted me! Do you have any advice about this situation?

I still love him, and he likes me but I don’t know how to go about hanging out with him again — what did I do wrong to make him delete me off of his Facebook? I know this sounds childish and stupid but that was one of the two forms of communication we had. Thanks for reading and I would appreciate some advice.

-Confused and Perplexed.

Dear Confused and Perplexed,

It’s not you, it’s HIM. It’s all HIM. You know how they say it takes two to traumatize — well, yes and no — in this case it really took mostly HIM. His sh*t. His chaos. His dumbass. His issues. HIM. Got that? Don’t go digging for guilt because, trust me, you’ll always get a shovelful if you want it. Right now, you’re looking at it from the wrong perspective: yours.

Most likely, his meeting with you was something he was keeping secret from someone else (the ex, the mother of his child, or maybe someone else entirely) and you probably popped his lying bubble. So, don’t go blaming yourself. Most likely he was doing something that you threatened to undo, so he cut his losses. Jackass.

There are two issues to be deal with, IMO. First, he’s a jackass. You’re caught up in his emotional jackassdom. Why would he delete you off Facebook if you’ve done everything right? Because he’s got a lot going on and, in his mind, you’re a major complication. Doesn’t mean you are. Although, if he’s got a baby mama to deal with then maybe you are. I don’t know. You don’t know. You may never know. Most importantly, you don’t want to know. Don’t let yourself get sucked into his mess. Then, it’ll become your mess and is that what you want?

The second issue we’ve got here is your inability to let go of him. He has hurt you, betrayed you, used you, and not broke all contact. If there was ever a time to truly move on, this is it. You can always think nice thoughts about the way things were, but he’s not a realistic option and he sure isn’t going to be. You can want to have him in your life but that doesn’t mean he wants you in his life. It also doesn’t mean he’s healthy for your life. And his choice doesn’t necessarily have to have a damn thing to do with anything you did. So here we go: YOU’RE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS. Repeat that over and over again to yourself. You’re not responsible for his choices. You’re not to blame for his absence. He didn’t reject you because of something you did. Done.

Here’s the next step: moving on from him. Mourn it for a little while, go out with some friends and reconnect with yourself. This is a chance to be free of his chaos, lies, and your need for his acceptance. It’s a one way street from here on out. SpeedRacer through it with the top down.

Welcome to the rest of your life. Now live it.

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

It’s no secret that James Franco is Hollywood’s modern day Renaissance man. Aside from being incredibly sexy, he’s an actor, screenwriter, producer, director, artist, author, PhD student, and professor. Homeboy does everything. Is he neurotic? Yes. Does that make him any less awesome? No way. I firmly believe that with all of the activities James is doing, he is in need of a personal assistant. James, if you’re reading, I will take on that burden for you. Seriously.

Most celebrities have “people” to update their Twitter and Facebook accounts, but not James Franco. He updates his own stuff. Man likes to be in control, hence why he decided to go on General Hospital and get a million different degrees at various schools. He just can. So please enjoy the pictures that Mr. Franco has uploaded himself on Facebook. Read More »

It’s Monday, and I’m sitting through ANOTHER boring lecture, this one about how to properly treat our ‘residence halls’ (makes it sound so much nicer than the sweaty, dirty building it is, right?) and what could happen if we get caught inebriated (aka drunk, smashed, hammered, ‘slizzered’ wasted,  etc. etc.). Myself and the girl next to me let out an uninterested sigh at the same time, and we catch each other’s gazes and smile. Soon we’re talking about our dorm, and the freshman girl who got sent to the hospital on the first night of school for alcohol poisoning. Inside I’m cheering because I met another normal person. However I see the relationship hangs on the balance when she asks for my last name so she can add me on Facebook.

“Mmm, I don’t have a Facebook.” I try to say in the most positive light.

Read More »

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Unless you live in an internet-less cave, or are one of those “I don’t have a Facebook” weirdos, then you have to already know that Facebook is going to change A LOT in the next few weeks. The new Facebook Timeline profile is a stalkers dream. The Timeline highlights events in your life (because we all want to re-live that bad break-up), and Facebook is teaming up with other websites, like Hulu, so you can watch shows with your friends over Facebook. There wont be any need to get together for Girl’s Night and watch Glee, you can just sit at your own apartment and never have to be social again.

If this sounds good, there are ways for you to get the Timeline early. Are you a Facebook developer? Me neither, but you can still pretend to be one to get the new profile. If that sounds too tech-y for you. You can also go here and sign up for a beta notification. This option is way easier, but you won’t get the Timeline immediately. I hope after Timeline is released, Facebook will be done changing for a while. I need time to use the Timeline to see the really awkward high school pictures of all the people I’m jealous of.

I think we can all agree that the early social networking sites were total and complete fails. Myspace, Friendster, Meebo — all those ugly, tacky sites got us through the early 2000s. But when Facebook was born in 2004, it was truly a revolution for social networking. Real names, professional-looking profiles, this site really had it going on… until Zuckerberg decided to start implementing the crazy changes that the site is now for infamous for making…like the big ones that premiered this week.

So in honor of the fact that we’re back on campus and spending 90% of our time on Facebook tracking down that cute guy from Chem, we decided to take a look back at the way things used to be.

THEN: A “.edu” college email address was required for registration.
NOW: Anyone (and I mean ANYONE) with any email address can sign-up. Read More »

Remember when we invited you to take the most epic Facebook survey you’d ever take in your f*cking life? So…did you take it?

If you didn’t, you totally should. Why? Allow me to give you a little refresher:

Our parent company, COED Media Group (yes, we’re owned by a media group. It’s our dirty little secret. But not our dirtiest secret. I’ll stop while I’m ahead.), is doing the greatest Facebook survey ever done. Why is it so great? We’re asking AWESOME questions. And not only are the questions awesome, but if you answer them, you’re eligible to win  the grand prize: a Xbox 360 250GB with Kinect and Halo Reach. Runner-up wins a $200 Apple gift card. It’s hard to go wrong.

You’ve still got some time left to take the survey and enter the contest, so get goin’!!

Growing up in AOL chatrooms, on MySpace and now as Facebooking adults, we all understand the importance of having a good profile picture. Hell, in some circles, a sexy or interesting picture can create more envy than an adoring boyfriend or a good GRE score. This single snapshot imposes a strong impression on the rest of the world and whether you are going for the fun-party-girl look or the sensitive-animal-lover facade, the right profile picture can be the key to conveying any desired impression.

So how do you take the best profile picture to impress others and inspire conversation? OKTrends has done a significant amount of research through their online dating website about this very topic. If you want to give off a sexy or fun vibe, consider these tips:

1)  Even though women smile about 50% more than men do, this socially encouraged form of invitation isn’t the most recommended look for obtaining messages. In fact, you know that flirty lips-puffed-out look that we all hate? This is actually the number one look for women to use in order to get attention via profile picture.

Warning: This look only works with eye contact towards the camera. Flirting away from the camera was found to be the single worst profile look. Read More »

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