[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Hey Dude,

So I met this guy around Christmas time, and we really hit it off. We hung out a lot until we both had to go home for Christmas break. The momentum kind of died, and when we both got back into town, he started emailing me a lot. I asked him why he hadn’t tried to see me, and he gave the typical busy with school and work excuse. I wrote it off as him blowing me off, but the guy hasn’t stopped emailing and facebooking me! We talk all the time and I feel that we’ve gotten pretty close. Does he really just want to be my digital friend?

Sincerely,

The Cyber-girlfriend

Dear Cyber-girlfriend

No, he doesn’t just want to be your digital friend. Okay? Done? Enough? More? Fine! Look, they say that there aren’t any clear cut and dry situations, but yours smacks of chapped lips. Is he busy with school and work? Probably. Is he shy about getting together with you? Probably. Does he want to be more than just friends? Probably. Trust me, we don’t waste time with the cyber-foreplay unless we’d like to have a live f*cking session. Not to be too vulgar…

There are those of us who feel a little more confident with a bit of distance. It’s true. Online we can puff ourselves up without the possibility of really punking out. This guy’s stretching the limits, though. There’s no question that he’s using it as a crutch at this point and is indulging his fear of taking it to another level. Why would he be doing this?

Because when dealing with an 11th dimensional time matrix, it’s just timey-whimey spacey-wacey emotional psycho-babble crap. It’s got everything to do with him being a combination of busy and afraid his balls will burst if he gets in the same room with you. Good burst. Like taste the rainbow burst, not nuclear weapon explode. He doesn’t realize he’s the big bear with the huge claws and the teeth, but he’s not killing the bunny rabbit. He’s just batting it back and forth, because he doesn’t know how to kill the bunny! You’re dealing with PG-13 guy! The nice guy we all hope is really going to make it. He’s got to step up and be the Rated R guy. You know, the guy you’ve gotten close to, the guy that ABC’s it.

My advice is not to let him wimp out. He’s got the hots, and he’s got the means, and he’s got the power inside him, but he doesn’t know how to use it. Of course, that could be an indication that he’s scared he doesn’t know how to use something else…just saying…put up with it if you want, or tell the bear he’s acting like a little bunny and can hop away for all you give a damn.

Don’t. Do. Drugs. Become a pop star and they give you them for free!

The Dude

[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She's been helping people find love for years so we thought we'd tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up!]

OK ladies, we need to have a little tough love talk today. I hate to say it but sometimes I am a little confused by my own gender. As a coach I try to remain really neutral. I truly have met some amazing single men and women who make me want to be a better person. But the stories I have been hearing lately! Yikes.

A few times I have been out with my friend G and all of a sudden his Blackberry will light up. He will look at it and then shake his head. Once again, it is a woman who had a conversation with ONE evening and now she texts him 2 or 3 nights a week. Numerous times, while I have been in his presence, asking him to grab a drink. He has never said yes, he has never led her on or to believe that he is interested. Yet still, she texts and texts and texts.

One of my other clients has been waking up to texts daily with a woman he has been out with on TWO dates. Really?

Another client was told by a woman he had been on THREE dates with that he was not trying to maul her and obviously was not interested in her. Even though he is recently out of a major relationship, had his heart broken and wanted to take it slow.  True story.

Ladies, stop texting, Facebooking and emailing. Put down the phones and listen up. Read More »

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. This month we're following Ariel as she, GASP, quits Facebook. Last week, her body shut down (no, for real); how's she faring now??]

Two weeks without logging in to Facebook and I still have a pulse. This is a very, very, VERY good sign!

My second week Facebook-free has gone surprisingly well. I’ve even managed to convince a bunch of people to come along this journey with me. (Editor’s Note: Who ARE these people!?) It seems that I’m not the only one who has become emotionally and physically dependent on a website.

I feel your pain, fellow addicts. Let it all out. This is a judgment-free zone.

With classes starting back up in ten days (Is this real life?) and having to move back into my apartment in less than a week, I haven’t had a lot of time to sit down and sort through my email… let alone stalk friends-of-friends-of-friends. And I’ve barely missed it.

But maybe it’s because I’ve continued to fill this Faceboook-induced void with multiple pairs of shoes and tons of new outfits. (I’ve spent a lot of time at the gym too! I need to look good in these new clothes.) Isn’t that what always happens? People replace one addiction with another? Yeah, I’ve got a ridonk new wardrobe, but now there’s a void in both my wallet and my heart.

I’ll tackle budgeting my time and my money next month. Read More »

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like electronic attendance! ) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Facebook. Social network, amazing way to stay in touch, the single greatest contributor to my finals-procrastination mental breakdown. Love it or hate it, Facebook pretty much owns our asses – the question is, has it gone too far?

It’s not really hard to hate on Facebook. Like the mythical siren it draws you in and crushes your time management skills. It also forces you to endure the unending stream of Farmville posts (I don’t care about your pink cow, damnit!) and your mom’s worried little comments about that drunk status update you posted (seriously, why did I ever show my mother how to get on Facebook?). And as if having to know that the girl you hated in high school is having her fairytale wedding to Prince Charming even though she has to take off time from her amazingly fulfilling high-paid job for the honeymoon (bitch) isn’t bad enough (not to mention the privacy issues), FB is also basically ruining our ability to actually connect with people! Friends, guys, it’s so much easier to FB message that to actually call and have a conversation – and by making it easy to do it’s also made bothering to keep up your relationships seem less important.

Hell, even Betty White knows it’s a waste of time! Read More »

So according to a recent study, the Internet is making us depressed.

While the scientists behind the study link depression to the amount of time spent in a virtual world, I have a few of my own theories as to why the Internet is making us all very, very sad.

1: Checking on the Ex.  If you are about to say that you have never fallen prey to Facebooking our ex you’d better grab a fire extinguisher, because your pants are on fire.  After a break-up, as detailed by Ted Mosby on “How I Met Your Mother,” there is a clear winner and a clear loser.  And of course, you want your ex to be the loser.  So you’ll casually click on his Facebook, just to see how he’s doing (i.e. hopefully read a bunch of depressing status updates regarding his horrible life since you guys broke up, maybe some encouraging wall posts from his friends trying in vain to get him out of his depression of knowing that there was no one else for him than you…) and what do you find? NEW PICTURES OF HIM AND SOME GIRL?!  IT’S ONLY BEEN A WEEK!  WHO IS THIS “JESSICA”??!  You click through the entire album at least twice, only to find that this little witch is now apparently dating your vile ex, and (after a small amount of clicking) she’s just gorgeous and cool and perfect.  <Insert depressing Status Update here.>

2: Online Shopping. You avoid the expensive stores in the mall because you know you can’t afford them, but there’s no avoiding that amazing Botkier bag or Louboutin pump that you happen to come across while absentmindedly surfing the web in lecture. And seeing it there, taunting you with its beauty, sends you into a deep fit of depression when you know you can’t afford it. Read More »

"OMG his favorite movie is Forrest Gump!? ME TOO!"

So with the dawn of technology, we are given a whole new arsenal of tools to aid us in the battlefield that is modern dating.  We have texting, phones that make us available anywhere, Twitter, and most useful (yet at the same time lethal): Facebook.

Facebook is a fantastic thing.  It allows us to post our favorite things, chronicle our social lives, and waste a whole lot of time. We can connect with people who we wouldn’t otherwise still be in touch with (or at least, that’s our parents’ new excuse) and we can learn about people that we don’t know very well.

But this is also where Facebook turns against us.

While we enjoy getting “to know” others (read: potential boyfriends) via their Facebook profiles, they are doing the same with us, judging us based on our photos, our applications and what other people are writing on our Wall. They are able to glean more information from 5 minutes online than most people would get after 5 days of actually knowing us. Information that may or may not be a good representation of who we really are.

A funny storyline of a sitcom used to be when blind dates would bring background checks of their suitors to the date.  Those people would be labeled insane, and that would be the joke. Ha!  But now that joke is a very serious reality. In the days of Twitter, Facebook and Google, who doesn’t attempt to get as much information as possible up front? And who doesn’t make judgement calls on a person based on what they found in their Google thread? Read More »

Completely gratuitous

Questionista for Tuffy the Tuffster?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to get your question answerindoed!!!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
Last year I met a really cute boy at the bar on my birthday. He bought me drinks, we danced and kissed all night, and it was fantastic. I ended up getting dragged away by some friends and leaving with them instead of him, but two days later he added me to Facebook, got my number and started texting me saying how much fun he had with me and could we hang out again soon. We did, and a heavy make-out session ensued. Not wanting to seem easy, I left it at kissing for that date. He seemed super interested, so we kept going out and hooking up for a couple of weeks.

The problem was, I was really badly hung up on another guy who I now realize was a womanizer and didn’t deserve my time, but back then I was pretty obsessed with him. For some insane reason, I thought that my birthday guy would ruin my chances with the other guy, so I actually suddenly 100% stopped talking to him. Worst idea ever? Definitely. I didn’t respond to his calls, texts or FB messages. After a month he left a voicemail saying how he had no idea what he did wrong, he was sorry for whatever it was, but he was giving up. I’d just had a hot hook-up with the fantasy boy so I didn’t really think too much about it…

Until the beginning of last semester when I realized what an ass fantasy boy truly is and how much nicer the other guy is. I was so blinded by the idea of the fantasy guy that I quite literally didn’t see what I already had. He lives in the dorm directly below mine this year so I always see him in the stairs, and he’s always at the same parties and building events. I usually catch him staring at me and there’s like an awkward should-I-say-hi moment, but for some reason we haven’t talked yet this year. I badly want to apologize for being a bitch and suggest I make it up to him, but I have no idea how to go about it. I’m worried he hates me or something, which he probably should. To top things off, I keep having bizarre (sometimes sexual) dreams about him, so I can’t get him off my mind!

Help me Tuffy Luv, what do I do to make it right? I was pretty sure he liked me before, is there a chance he might still feel the same?

Love,
Regretful Read More »

Everyone has that one friend who is a habitual Facebook status updater. Their life is an open book for all of their cyber friends to read. As if people care that you are at the gym right now or cleaning out your earwax. There are some things better left un-updated. And there are some places and times when it’s not OK to update either. Such as at your wedding. During the ceremony. Before you’ve even kissed the bride.

Read More »

There comes a time in every college student’s academic career (usually at any point when said student lives off campus) when a decision of the utmost importance must be made: To go to the library, or not to go to the library?

You will agonizingly weigh pros against cons: “I’ll focus so much more out of my comfort zone”/”But what if that guy who sings along with his iPod sits next to me?”, “I’ll have access to all of the books I might need”/ “But WHERE am I going to park?”, “I’ll escape my roommate’s detailed story about last night’s hookup.”/ “But I might have to listen to the same story if I sit next to an obnoxious group of girls.”

You might make the decision, ultimately, to pack your belongings for the day or evening and reluctantly trudge to that haven of Starbucks, guilty Facebooking and stress ridden speed-reading. Or you might opt to keep your PJ clothed butt right where. it. is — sometimes the best decision. When you need to get studying done, but don’t have time or patience to commute to your campus library, just remember these helpful hints and you’ll be on your way to an A++ (oh yeah, they give those. To SPECIAL PEOPLE). Read More »