[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She's been helping people find love for years so we thought we'd tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up!]

OK ladies, we need to have a little tough love talk today. I hate to say it but sometimes I am a little confused by my own gender. As a coach I try to remain really neutral. I truly have met some amazing single men and women who make me want to be a better person. But the stories I have been hearing lately! Yikes.

A few times I have been out with my friend G and all of a sudden his Blackberry will light up. He will look at it and then shake his head. Once again, it is a woman who had a conversation with ONE evening and now she texts him 2 or 3 nights a week. Numerous times, while I have been in his presence, asking him to grab a drink. He has never said yes, he has never led her on or to believe that he is interested. Yet still, she texts and texts and texts.

One of my other clients has been waking up to texts daily with a woman he has been out with on TWO dates. Really?

Another client was told by a woman he had been on THREE dates with that he was not trying to maul her and obviously was not interested in her. Even though he is recently out of a major relationship, had his heart broken and wanted to take it slow.  True story.

Ladies, stop texting, Facebooking and emailing. Put down the phones and listen up.

Here is the deal. These are great guys. Really great, but they have no idea how to deal with these situations and although these women could have been possibilities at some point, these guys are backed into a corner scratching their heads, wondering how to get the hell out. These are the types of guys you WANT to date. They are smart, funny, attractive, successful…the whole package. But coming on to them with the full court press has left them confused and even a little frightened. It is making it harder on the rest of single women everywhere and is certainly not going to get you quality dates.

Don’t misunderstand me. I regularly let women know how important it is to let men know you are interested because the slightly subtle signs you are sending are probably being missed and they are not sure whether to ask you out again or not.   If they are confused that you are interested, lots of the great guys won’t stay around to figure it out. But just like politics, extremes are not welcome in dating. Assuming that just because you had a great conversation or a couple of good dates that this is going somewhere is just plain nutters and can take you from zero to crazy in less than 60 seconds.

As a dating coach I am the first one to admit this: we have made this love/relationship really, really complicated.  Hell, we have made basic human interaction uncommon.  We are so busy taking the easy way out through texting and Facebooking (which has a whole lot of its own issues), trying to connect the safe way that we all get tangled up in the wires.  If you had a good meeting, date, etc. and make sure they know you are interested, take a deep breath and smile.   Everyone moves at their own pace and constantly trying to make everyone move at your pace is going to leave you scratching your head as you pour another “woe is me” drink with your friends.  Yes, it sucks to be stuck in that crappy ass nervous place waiting for a phone call, but do you really want to date someone that wasn’t willing to feel a little nervous for awhile for you?

Slow down. Think about it. Stop the regular texting…if they were interested they would call you. Please, for the good of all womankind.

[Looking to get more tips, tricks and just some damn good advice?  Join me with CollegeCandy this January for our first College Candy Dating Makeover.  Who’s excited?!]

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month

Two weeks without logging in to Facebook and I still have a pulse. This is a very, very, VERY good sign!

My second week Facebook-free has gone surprisingly well. I’ve even managed to convince a bunch of people to come along this journey with me. (Editor’s Note: Who ARE these people!?) It seems that I’m not the only one who has become emotionally and physically dependent on a website.

I feel your pain, fellow addicts. Let it all out. This is a judgment-free zone.

With classes starting back up in ten days (Is this real life?) and having to move back into my apartment in less than a week, I haven’t had a lot of time to sit down and sort through my email… let alone stalk friends-of-friends-of-friends. And I’ve barely missed it.

But maybe it’s because I’ve continued to fill this Faceboook-induced void with multiple pairs of shoes and tons of new outfits. (I’ve spent a lot of time at the gym too! I need to look good in these new clothes.) Isn’t that what always happens? People replace one addiction with another? Yeah, I’ve got a ridonk new wardrobe, but now there’s a void in both my wallet and my heart.

I’ll tackle budgeting my time and my money next month.

Despite that little binge, overall I just feel relieved. Independent. The obligation of answering a wall-post or responding to someone harassing me through Facebook chat is gone. As are the hours upon hours of wasted time stalking someone’s pictures or constantly refreshing the Newsfeed. If someone really needs to talk to me, they should have my phone number. If not, we aren’t really friends… and why are you creeping on my photo albums (Okay. Pot. Kettle.).

My goal from this whole experience was to learn to live my own life, not continue to watch people live theirs through their profile pages. And so far, it’s working. Even if it’s costing me a ton of money….

We’ll see what happens next week when I’m itching to post pictures of me living my own life. In my new wardrobe.

Facebook. Social network, amazing way to stay in touch, the single greatest contributor to my finals-procrastination mental breakdown. Love it or hate it, Facebook pretty much owns our asses – the question is, has it gone too far?

It’s not really hard to hate on Facebook. Like the mythical siren it draws you in and crushes your time management skills. It also forces you to endure the unending stream of Farmville posts (I don’t care about your pink cow, damnit!) and your mom’s worried little comments about that drunk status update you posted (seriously, why did I ever show my mother how to get on Facebook?). And as if having to know that the girl you hated in high school is having her fairytale wedding to Prince Charming even though she has to take off time from her amazingly fulfilling high-paid job for the honeymoon (bitch) isn’t bad enough (not to mention the privacy issues), FB is also basically ruining our ability to actually connect with people! Friends, guys, it’s so much easier to FB message that to actually call and have a conversation – and by making it easy to do it’s also made bothering to keep up your relationships seem less important.

Hell, even Betty White knows it’s a waste of time!

Ok, diatribe over. Because as many bad things as there are about Facebook, we all keep coming back to it for a reason – because it’s kind of awesome. Would we know that Betty White thinks Facebook is a waste of time without Facebook? No, because without FB support, she would have never done that (totally amazing) episode of SNL! And even if you ignore that fact that it’s probably the coolest thing ever that you can keep up with your BFF from 3rd grade even though she lives across the country, you can’t skip over the fact that people have used the power of FB for the greater good. People have started causes, helped others, helped the planet all because Facebook gives you the power to connect. And even if maybe you do spend more of your time playing Mafia Wars than saving the whales, isn’t that fact that it’s even an option something worth celebrating?

So, is Facebook really an evil time-suck? The culminating achievement of the internet age? Both? Could you ever give up the addiction or is it worth the sacrifices? Duke it out!

While the scientists behind the study link depression to the amount of time spent in a virtual world, I have a few of my own theories as to why the Internet is making us all very, very sad.

1: Checking on the Ex.  If you are about to say that you have never fallen prey to Facebooking our ex you’d better grab a fire extinguisher, because your pants are on fire.  After a break-up, as detailed by Ted Mosby on “How I Met Your Mother,” there is a clear winner and a clear loser.  And of course, you want your ex to be the loser.  So you’ll casually click on his Facebook, just to see how he’s doing (i.e. hopefully read a bunch of depressing status updates regarding his horrible life since you guys broke up, maybe some encouraging wall posts from his friends trying in vain to get him out of his depression of knowing that there was no one else for him than you…) and what do you find? NEW PICTURES OF HIM AND SOME GIRL?!  IT’S ONLY BEEN A WEEK!  WHO IS THIS “JESSICA”??!  You click through the entire album at least twice, only to find that this little witch is now apparently dating your vile ex, and (after a small amount of clicking) she’s just gorgeous and cool and perfect.  <Insert depressing Status Update here.>

2: Online Shopping. You avoid the expensive stores in the mall because you know you can’t afford them, but there’s no avoiding that amazing Botkier bag or Louboutin pump that you happen to come across while absentmindedly surfing the web in lecture. And seeing it there, taunting you with its beauty, sends you into a deep fit of depression when you know you can’t afford it.

3: Hey, I’m Doing So Much Better Than You! Even though you know that Facebook trawling is just as harmful as it is helpful (if not more so), you still can’t stay away.  So you see in your Newsfeed that one of your old classmates is putting up pictures from their trip abroad this summer.  Oh it’s no big deal – they just spent a month in Paris in cafes and then trekked down to the coast of the Mediterranean and spent a couple of weeks on the beach.  Oh and there another friend spent, like, two months surfing in Australia.  And this friend over here just changed their work info; oh they’re just casually working at NYLON now…while you are currently in a snow covered dorm boiling water on the sly for oatmeal.  Depression.

4: WHAT TIME IS IT?! You may think that the internet is just good for killing time between things that you’re doing, but what if those other activities become the things that you’re using to kill time between your Internet time?  It starts with Facebook (everything starts with Facebook now); you’re just casually clicking around, “catching up” with friends and, suddenly, you happen to catch the time. “How is it possible that I’ve been on Facebook for an hour?” But then you feel the need to start catching up on shows you missed last night on Hulu, which shouldn’t take long since these shows are only about 20 minutes long. But then you happen to glance at the clock again and, “ARE YOU KIDDING? HOW DID I LOSE TWO MORE HOURS ON THIS NONSENSE?!”  And now you’re depressed and anxious because all of this mindless clicking means you missed out on everything. Including writing that paper, which will now have you up all night.

5: What social interaction? Admit it: you’ve IMed someone in the same room as you. If that’s not depressing, I don’t know what is.

"OMG his favorite movie is Forrest Gump!? ME TOO!"

So with the dawn of technology, we are given a whole new arsenal of tools to aid us in the battlefield that is modern dating.  We have texting, phones that make us available anywhere, Twitter, and most useful (yet at the same time lethal): Facebook.

Facebook is a fantastic thing.  It allows us to post our favorite things, chronicle our social lives, and waste a whole lot of time. We can connect with people who we wouldn’t otherwise still be in touch with (or at least, that’s our parents’ new excuse) and we can learn about people that we don’t know very well.

But this is also where Facebook turns against us.

While we enjoy getting “to know” others (read: potential boyfriends) via their Facebook profiles, they are doing the same with us, judging us based on our photos, our applications and what other people are writing on our Wall. They are able to glean more information from 5 minutes online than most people would get after 5 days of actually knowing us. Information that may or may not be a good representation of who we really are.

A funny storyline of a sitcom used to be when blind dates would bring background checks of their suitors to the date.  Those people would be labeled insane, and that would be the joke. Ha!  But now that joke is a very serious reality. In the days of Twitter, Facebook and Google, who doesn’t attempt to get as much information as possible up front? And who doesn’t make judgement calls on a person based on what they found in their Google thread?

The problem is, if someone was to judge me based on what they found on my Facebook profile, they’d think I was a drunk with weird friends and a love for really cliche quotes. And that’s not really who I am. Or at least there’s a lot more to me than just all that.

But most people don’t think about any of that. A quick poll among my friends brought the results that they believe that Facebook is a good thing for budding relationships.  “You can find out what your guy likes and dislikes, who his friends are and what people think about him,” they said. While that’s all well and good – assuming their profile has been updated recently and you can tell whether or not listing BSB as a favorite band was a joke or a very sad reality – maybe knowing all of that so early isn’t such a great thing. One of the most exciting parts of a relationship is the “getting to know you” stage; what happens when you’ve already gotten to know that person before you even have your first date? What do you have to look forward to?

And even more, what if all that getting to know him prevents a first date?

There are just some things best left to real, face-to-face human interaction and the dating is most definitely one of them.

Completely gratuitous

Questionista for Tuffy the Tuffster?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to get your question answerindoed!!!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
Last year I met a really cute boy at the bar on my birthday. He bought me drinks, we danced and kissed all night, and it was fantastic. I ended up getting dragged away by some friends and leaving with them instead of him, but two days later he added me to Facebook, got my number and started texting me saying how much fun he had with me and could we hang out again soon. We did, and a heavy make-out session ensued. Not wanting to seem easy, I left it at kissing for that date. He seemed super interested, so we kept going out and hooking up for a couple of weeks.

The problem was, I was really badly hung up on another guy who I now realize was a womanizer and didn’t deserve my time, but back then I was pretty obsessed with him. For some insane reason, I thought that my birthday guy would ruin my chances with the other guy, so I actually suddenly 100% stopped talking to him. Worst idea ever? Definitely. I didn’t respond to his calls, texts or FB messages. After a month he left a voicemail saying how he had no idea what he did wrong, he was sorry for whatever it was, but he was giving up. I’d just had a hot hook-up with the fantasy boy so I didn’t really think too much about it…

Until the beginning of last semester when I realized what an ass fantasy boy truly is and how much nicer the other guy is. I was so blinded by the idea of the fantasy guy that I quite literally didn’t see what I already had. He lives in the dorm directly below mine this year so I always see him in the stairs, and he’s always at the same parties and building events. I usually catch him staring at me and there’s like an awkward should-I-say-hi moment, but for some reason we haven’t talked yet this year. I badly want to apologize for being a bitch and suggest I make it up to him, but I have no idea how to go about it. I’m worried he hates me or something, which he probably should. To top things off, I keep having bizarre (sometimes sexual) dreams about him, so I can’t get him off my mind!

Help me Tuffy Luv, what do I do to make it right? I was pretty sure he liked me before, is there a chance he might still feel the same?

Love,
Regretful

Dear Regretful,

Well, to be honest, girl – you blew it.

The thing is, you already blew him off, and with zero explanation. Which is fine. You were totally within your rights. But you had your chance and you picked the other guy. No backsies, honey.

Well, so, okay. Now you’re interested. But are you just interested because you’re lonely? It seems like the more disenchanted you become with Former Fantasy Guy, the better Guy You Ignored starts to look. Is that actually based on anything? Or is this guy just your New Fantasy Guy?

If you really wanted to know, you should have gotten to know Guy You Ignored before you started to ignore him. As Tuffy sees it now, you chose someone else and so if you try to go back to someone you never even had in the first place, it’s sort of like you’re fishing through the recyclables. Yeah, you might find a clean jar to store your erasers in, but you also might find one contaminated with salmonella or some shiz.

Okay. Anyway. You get the idea. The only reason you have to think this guy is better than Former Fantasy Guy is based on a new fantasy of this other guy. Haven’t you learned your lesson?!

If you really, for some reason Tuffs can’t understand, feel a burning need to try to get back with this guy (hopefully not when you pee–use condoms, kids!), my advice to you would be to say hi next time you see him. Pretty simple. Ask him if he wants to go for coffee. Make a plan and go. And then–gasp!–talk to him and see if there’s a chance.

However, he might still feel totally rejected. And, just as you were within your rights to not bother with him, he is within his rights to not bother with you.

But to be honest, why not just find another guy? There are plenty of fish in the sea that you haven’t already ditched. Why not check out one of them? You might not even need a fantasy at all.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

I can only imagine what the rest of their life together will be like. Everyone following the couple on Twitter will be alerted to when they have officially consummated the relationship. Probably something along the lines of “I think we just successfully created our first offspring!” In fact, she will probably follow in the footsteps of the woman who tweeted while giving birth. I guess it might take her mind of the labor pains? But chances are nobody wants to know that you can see the head popping out of your womanly parts. I can’t imagine that getting very many “likes” on Facebook.

Since when has social networking taken such precedence in our daily lives? Take for example, the couple that gets engaged and then changes their relationship status that very same night. I can think of a couple other things you could be doing that definitely do not involve a computer.

I understand that this particular couple was trying to be funny; a new spin on the wedding entrance dance that became a viral hit overnight. But this just made me want to smack the iPhone out of the groom’s hands. Maybe…. MAYBE… if that was Mark Zuckerberg himself getting married… maybe then I could appreciate the humor in this. Otherwise, please refrain from Facebooking during your sacred union. Trust me, the world will keep spinning.

This is one of the times in life when I wish Facebook had a “dislike” option. People should be enjoying living their lives, not sitting in front of a computer or smart phone, documenting it.

You will agonizingly weigh pros against cons: “I’ll focus so much more out of my comfort zone”/”But what if that guy who sings along with his iPod sits next to me?”, “I’ll have access to all of the books I might need”/ “But WHERE am I going to park?”, “I’ll escape my roommate’s detailed story about last night’s hookup.”/ “But I might have to listen to the same story if I sit next to an obnoxious group of girls.”

You might make the decision, ultimately, to pack your belongings for the day or evening and reluctantly trudge to that haven of Starbucks, guilty Facebooking and stress ridden speed-reading. Or you might opt to keep your PJ clothed butt right where. it. is — sometimes the best decision. When you need to get studying done, but don’t have time or patience to commute to your campus library, just remember these helpful hints and you’ll be on your way to an A++ (oh yeah, they give those. To SPECIAL PEOPLE).

Nix the Noise. Some of my friends swear by rocking out to their iTunes while they run flashcards or do algorithms, but unless you’re rocking out to Bach, music is only going to detract from your attentiveness. If you feel overwhelmed by silence and need that background noise, keep your playlist tuned to soft, slow songs that you know by heart (so you won’t be pondering the true meaning of Jason Mraz lyrics instead of your philosophy textbook.)

Absolutely turn off the TV. Again, I know the noise in the background makes some people feel like they’re more alert, but eventually something is going to catch your ear or eye and will momentarily take your focus away from whatever is you’re studying. Even those 3 seconds will throw off your train of thought and make it more difficult to get back into your study groove.

Get Chunky. The most effective way to study and retain info is to study in 20 to 50 minute segments, then take a 5-10 minute break before your next chunk. I personally like to up the chunky ante by adding a little bit of “monkey” and grabbing the biggest spoon I can find…no one wants to learn on an empty stomach, am I right?

Feng Shui. Okay, not necessarily literally (although if you must, you’ll need sharp leaved plants, a cactus, wind chimes and windows to your left), but by creating a space that allows you to comfortably focus you’ll be a lot more productive. Your best bet is sitting at a desk. Make sure your chair is comfortable with a high back and isn’t too high or low for your writing surface. Eliminate clutter. If your desk doubles as a vanity/DJ table/cocktail bar/ or art canvas, clear away anything that isn’t VITAL to your studying (pretty much everything but a lamp, your book, computer, paper and pencil). Now settle in and crack those books.

Get Comfy. Don’t snuggle up in your favorite blanket or tuck yourself into bed (remember Feng Shui!), but allow yourself to get ready to settle into studying. Get a headband or clip if your hair is going to be in your eyes. Turn your air up or down to a comfortable temperature. Have water nearby and change into something comfy (the best part of skipping the library is avoiding the people watching—take advantage of this and rock your flamingo boxers if you must).

Turn Off Your Phone. If you can’t bear to do this, put it on silent and someplace where you can’t see it. Even if you don’t plan on responding or answering, a missed call from a friend can leave you distracted, thinking about them or wondering what they were going to tell you. Opening texts will definitely throw off your concentration, and stressing about answering will take your focus off your assignment. Just lose the phone for a few hours and your studying will go smoother and quicker.

Plan Your Schedule Accordingly. Set aside time to study for specific classes. If you have 2 or 3 really difficult classes, schedule regular time to read and review (not just before a big test or paper). The best time to study is during daylight hours, and the earlier you start, the better off you’ll be. Plan on setting aside at least 2 hours of reading or reviewing for each hour that you spend in class. Stay up to date by having assigned reading done one class in advance—not after the date on the syllabus, which is probably when you’re going over it in class.

Shying away from the library defies the picturesque image of a college bookworm, but don’t let that influence your study habits. If it is simply more effective for you to study in the comfort of your own home or dorm room, just stick to simple study tips and you won’t have any issues with your test—or noisy neighbors, overly-caffeinated Shakespeare enthusiasts or closing time at your campus library.