The mind of a man is one of life’s greatest mysteries. And the weird obsessions of those men… well, I’ll just never understand:

Fantasy Sports: I’ve never seen more passion in a man’s eyes as when he is watching his fantasy football team take the lead. Perhaps it makes watching football more fun, but does it really get any better than drinking beers, eating junk food and reclining in a La-Z-Boy for an entire day? One time I joined a celebrity fantasy league in hopes to understand the obsession. But even I, the celeb stalker and supporter of all things muscle-y that I am, found it to be just mundane.

Strippers: I’ll admit I’ve been to a strip club once or twice in my life, and I just don’t get the appeal. Other than the totally awesome acrobatics, which only ever occur at the truly classy establishments, it’s just nudity. Rubbing up against you. In public. That you can’t touch. What’s the point?

And while we’re on the subject, what’s the fascination with fake boobs? Have you ever touched a pair? Did you like the cement feel underneath your fingertips? Gross.

The Ability to Grow Facial Hair: I never know the appropriate response to give when a guy tells me that it only took him one week to grow the mess of a beard he is shamelessly walking around town with. High-five? Just because you can grow one doesn’t mean you should go out looking like Chewbacca. I wish men would obsess over being well-groomed instead of growing a large patch of hair above their lip.

Anal Sex: Let’s cut the crap, here. Seriously. Because the minute you get pooped on, you’re not going to obsess over spelunking in that region ever again.  Why put yourself through that? The fantasy is better than the reality, so can we just leave it at that?

Lesbians: They aren’t interested in you. You will never be invited to join in a threesome. And unless you secretly have a vagina, you don’t stand a chance.

Love ‘em or hate em, no one can deny that we are surrounded by the hipster generation these days. We are living and breathing in the second-hand smoke of Parliament Lights everywhere we go.  I have spent some time observing them in their natural habitat (dark basements and dive bars in Brooklyn and the entire campus of Virginia Commonwealth University) and have seen the light.

Hipsters really aren’t that bad. In fact, I kind of like them and the wonderful changes they’ve made to our world:

Jeans: Dear Hipsters, Thank you for putting the kibash on baggy jeans. If I had to see one more pair of Tweety Bird boxers muffin-topping out of a sagging mess of denim, I would have gouged my eyes out. And while I may be slightly envious of your lean legs, that’s my own burden to bear. Rock on, skinny-legged hipster. If you got it, flaunt it.

The Polaroid Camera: Yes the Polaroid camera is coming back! And I’d like to thank, in part, the hipster generation. There’s nothing hipsters love more than the instant gratification of seeing themselves in all their avant-garde glory on film. But hey, don’t we all? Otherwise, websites like this would never survive.

The Art of Facial Hair: You may not have thought facial hair to be an art form, but I can guarantee you it is. And it is one that hipsters have explored in depth. The time and precision it takes to perfect a pencil-thin stache is almost obscene.  Never have I seen so many chin-whisker-mustache combinations in my life. I applaud you, uniquely-groomed hipster. You are a special brand of street art as you walk past me.

American Apparel: I’ve often contemplated which came first, the Hipster or the gold-lame filled American Apparel store. But either way, Hipsters brought my favorite deep-v t-shirt to every corner of the U.S.of A. And I do love them for my weekly entertainment that is trying on unitards and trying to figure out where I could wear them.

Eyewear: As a contact-wearer for the past 9 years, I have serious issues when I have to wear my glasses out in public. I feel vulnerable to attack and ridicule. But we all have those days when our eyes simply reject any foreign objects in and around the vicinity of the eyeball. Hipsters have brought sexy back when it comes to eyewear. My retinas thank you.

PBR: I’m not going to lie to you. I enjoy a frosty PBR from time to time. They’re usually a special at bars, probably because they assume no one will order one. But if you’re offering me a $2.50 Pabst Blue Ribbon, I’m gonna take the bait. Hipsters have turned cheap into hip when it comes to binge drinking at a good price. There’s no shame in accepting a PBR, especially when a young hipster bought one (or 5) for you.

Scarves for Men: American Apparel has created the man of my dreams. And in all of my fantasies, Mr. Right is wearing a checkered scarf in a well-fitted tshirt. It takes a special kind of man to pull off a man-scarf. I’m thinking Ashton Kutcher, ladies.

Fanny Packs: I no longer have to be burdened with the task of carrying around a purse or clutch all night. I can strap on my handy fanny pack and hit the local hipster scene with my hands free for more important things, like my Polaroid camera.

[Photo courtesy of LATFH.com. One of the best sites I've ever seen.]

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff), and no, that’s not a typo! This week, we have a very special treat in store–instead of featuring one luscious lad, we have decided to salute ten of Hollywood’s hottest vets in honor of Memorial Day. Some battled enemies on the war front, others on screen, but all of these studs are on our short list for a pleasure-filled patriotic eff. After all, what’s hotter than a man in uniform?

1. Jimmy Stewart (US Air Force)
The star of my all-time favorite movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, served part of his wonderful life in the US Air Force.  Looks like Clarence the angel wasn’t the only one who got his wings!

2. Elvis Presley (US Army)
The King was a member of the Army before he was a member of the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame.  For his service and those sick swingin’ hips, I’ve got just one thing to say: thankyuhverymuuhch!

3.  Jake Gyllenhaal (Screen Vet)
The ferocious indie-hunk immortalized the first Gulf War in 2005′s Jarhead. Tell me, Jake, have those guns in that photo been authorized by the Marines?

4.  Josh Hartnett (Screen Vet)
Josh has pulled two, erm, tours of duty–one in the WWII film Pearl Harbor, and another in Black Hawk Down, the film portraying American involvement in the Somalian civil war.

5. Martin Sheen (Screen Vet)
Another two-time screen vet, the West Wing President was first a US Army captain in Francis Ford Coppola’s Vietnam War epic, Apocalypse Now and as Civil War General Robert E. Lee in Gettysburg.

6. Alan Alda (Screen Vet)
The recent 30 Rock guest star first shot to stardom on one of television’s most popular shows, the Korean War comedy M*A*S*H.  Anyone who can make wartime funny is worth an eff in my book.

7. Humphrey Bogart (US Navy)
One of the true classic film stars, Casablanca cassanova Bogart served in the US Navy (and enjoyed all the girls he met at sea!).

8. Matthew Broderick (Screen Vet)
SJP’s hubby made unfettered determinism (and facial hair) sexy in the timeless Civil War film, Glory. No trace of Ferris Bueller-esque slackerism here.

9. Joe DiMaggio (Army)
He thanked the good Lord for making him a Yankee, but we thank the pinstriped papa for his service to his country. Joltin’ Joe took a hiatus from the House that Ruth Built and joined the Army during WWII.

10. Ben Affleck (Screen Vet)
Oscar-winning celeb and Jennifer Garner’s baby daddy had all of our hearts a-thumpin’ in Pearl Harbor, alongside fellow hottie Josh Hartnett (see above).

Ladies, who else do you think deserves a spot on our list of V.W.W.E. (Vets We Wanna Eff)?

Creepy Adult Excitement Over High School Musical 3.

All the reviews are positive. Everyone’s raving over it. And grown ass women are holding in depth discussions about Zac Efron’s facial hair (or lack thereof). I understand that the kids who fell in love with HSM 3 years ago have gotten older and that the movie is “growing up” to cater to them, but that’s the point: Disney made it for seniors in high school—not the hosts of the Daily 10, not for my mom (who has already purchased tickets in advance) and not for me (although I do love me some Corbin Bleu).

The bottom line is that this movie is about high school, so high schooler’s should be the ones counting the days until its release. When Disney can find a way to wholesomely portray coed life while incorporating schnazzy dance numbers with synchronized keg stands, I’ll be the first one at the box office.

Yet Another Reason to Hate Flying.

As if there weren’t enough things to worry about when hurtling through the air in a giant chunk of metal with no easy access to (or knowledge of how to operate) a parachute, I now need to prepare for incidents that could occur pre-takeoff. In Chicago, a plane collided with a pickup truck on the runway. I think it’s safe to say that the truck driver is slightly more responsible in this situation. I mean, A) how did you miss the enormous freaking AIRPLANE blocking your path, and b) WHY were you in a pickup truck on the tarmac? This just makes no sense to me, but as bad as a backseat driver (and passenger) as I was before, you better believe I’ll be second guessing a smooth takeoff the next time I board a plane.

The economy f*cking every. single. industry.

So far I’ve come through this recession/crisis/Armageddon unscathed. Luckily, I really haven’t been hurting in any obvious ways (not that I had much money to lose, or many expenses that would take a toll on my poor college lifestyle). But I finally am starting to worry: TV has been affected. I mean, the industry is pretty resilient; they even survived running shows without anyone to write them, but the news has been announced that NBC is trimming the fat--$5 million worth of fat. Jeff Zucker, CEO, is looking for ways to cut staff and other expenses. All I know is that I need me some quality NBC sitcom to lift me out of my monetary funk…and if anything happens to The Office all hell will break loose.

John Mccain’s Apparent State of Delusion.

So, despite the fact that Obama is OWNING Mccain in the race for the white house thus far, Johnnie still thinks that “things are headed [his] way.” Really? What things might you be speaking of? A landslide loss in an historical election? A sad realization that you were simply a filler candidate for the Republican party? A HUGE increase in your taxes once your opponent is elected? Because, yeah, I can see those things headed in your direction. Maybe that SNL skit revolving around your imaginary BFF, Joe the Plumber, is spot on regarding your mental stability…

Haters.

No one likes a hata. Especially when said hata is hatin’ on someone for a ridic reason….which is most of the time. Specifically this week, though, those hatin’ on women for their body type or size is particularly whack. When the tabs aren’t blowing up bikini pics of pregnant women to circle their cellulite, they’re hurling accusations of eating disorders at stars they deem too thin. Seriously? It’s kind of common decency not to criticize real women who are “too fat,” but at what point did it become okay to label anyone under 115 lbs as anorexic? Celebs are living, breathing human beings. Yes, it is part of their job to stay in good shape (and they get paid enough to afford those pricey trainers and nutritionists), but it’s social responsibility to discontinue the degrading and emotionally scarring descriptions that are printed about famous women. Set a positive example for the way that real women are portrayed and talked about.

Whew! Venting makes me feel much better. Now it’s your turn… 

Research Psychologists at Northumbria University used computer technology to alter the photos of men’s faces to reflect different stages of facial hair- clean-shaven, light stubble, heavy stubble, light beard and full beard.

The study goes on to state: “In desirability for a short-term relationship, a female preference for male faces with stubble or light beard was found, with clean-shaven and fully bearded faces being the least preferred.” (Editor’s Note: I do love me a 5 o’clock shadow, except when it leaves me with red, irritated skin after a long, steamy makeout sesh.)

Are we biologically programmed to respond favorably to men’s moderate facial hair? Are we socially conditioned to view stubbly guys as ideal mates? Or is this study totally off the rails, using marginal and anecdotal evidence to falsely generalize the preferences of the larger female population?

This study provides some evidence against the so-called rise of the metrosexual, claiming that the moderate manly-man is truly more desirable. But it’s not a black and white issue, and there are so many factors that come into play when accounting for female preferences.

For instance, an individual’s age is a key factor in their evaluation of attractive partners. While a thirty-year-old woman might find a beard a signal of maturity and masculinity, an eighteen-year-old college freshman might find it simply repulsive. And what about how women change? What we find attractive in the opposite sex is much different now than, say, five years ago.

The reason this study bugs me is the marked nature of stereotyping that women want an aggressive and dominant protector. It’s reducing us back to the comical cavewoman, cowering and waiting for a big, strong manly-man to come rescue us. Of course, I might be reading too much into this study- but I really don’t believe the collective attraction of all women can be summed up so cleanly and succinctly. Individual choice and preference is crucial- while your roommate might dig the scrawny, string bean type, maybe you desire meatier men with shaved heads.

In addition, their study reflects on visual attraction alone, but when was the last time you dated someone based purely on their looks? We have all sweated over the gorgeous guy who turns out to be as dumb as a rock, or the average-looking nerdy boy who turns out to be wildly sweet and romantic. Looks don’t tell the whole story- and neither does this study.

What do you think?