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Rihanna’s Only Girls Video Debut

She was doing so well with the sexy shoes (that don’t match), the sexy pose, and the whole topless thing. Too bad little Jimmy got in the picture.

And what a poor, poor child. He never thought he’d have to see mom from that awkward angle again.

We’ve all done it. Whether it was “I’m too hungover to go to class” semester, or the easy freshman mistake of loving the lack of attendance policy way too much, at one time our GPA has clicked down point-by-point faster than the funds in our checking account after drunkenly opening a tab at the bar.

I may be only a freshman, but I’ve pretty much already declared my major in GPA Sabotage, with a concentration on Accidental Stupidity. Having been such an idiot my first semester of college, I speak from partial experience on the five unfailing ways to destroy your GPA like a Category 5 earthquake.

1. Racking up a big streak of absences for your class. It’s pretty obvi, almost to the point where it seems ridiculous to bring up, but it’s the most effective method for watching your GPA drop like an axe. Keeping up the good fight in your classes is all about resisting the incredibly tempting ability to skip class. Even if there is no attendance policy, chances are extremely good that you don’t want to miss what’s going on. Plus, catching up after a missed class is a massive headache for anyone with a decent course load.

2. Not participating in class. This is kind of a gray area, but for the most part it can be really destructive to your grade in a class if you just waste your time there. Classes are only worth the money they cost if you’re retaining the information presented, and the professor is there to make sure you do just that. Communicating with your professor and participating in class is definitely the way to get the most out of it, and it can make even a 9 AM lecture more enjoyable. Plus, if you make a big mistake in your class, your professor will likely be extremely helpful in getting you back on track knowing that you are invested in the course.

3. Sleeping through class sessions. This is a biggie. It can be actually painful to try and stay awake in class, especially when it’s one of the soulless 8 AM courses. It risks being mind-numbingly dull to stay awake, but if you sleep through class, you’re wasting your time even being there at all. I have definitely used classtime to catch up on some Zs and learned pretty quickly that it’s one mistake you absolutely don’t want to to make.

4. Blowing off studying for exams, or just the exams in general. The best saying I’ve heard about exams is the Murphy’s Law of College Exams: they are always based on the one class session you didn’t attend, and the chapter in the textbook you didn’t read. There is nothing like a screwed college exam to sink you about two letter grades, if not more. Studying is all-important, as is keeping track of your exam schedule so you don’t accidentally miss one. These two things can mean the difference between doing well in a class and scraping to pass.

5. Cheating/ Plagiarizing. It may be incredibly tempting, but as is largely well-known, either of those offenses are automatic one-way streets to being blacklisted from every college, and having your future resume incredibly tainted. Not only will your test or paper be an automatic zero if you’re caught, but your entire college career will be seriously affected by a brief lack of judgment. No test grade is worth the colossal slap on the hand resulting from cheating, and a paper that’s written with someone else’s words isn’t worth the ink you print it with. If you’re tempted to make either of these serious mistakes, resist them. Academic Dishonesty is one phrase you never, ever want associated with your transcripts.

What do you mean it’s too late to drop a class? I forgot I was even enrolled!

If that’s part of the conversation you’re having with the registrar this far into the semester, you might be in trouble. But never fear. It’s not over until the fat lady sings…or the TA enters the grades. If you’ve over-slacked it this semester, there still might be a way to save your grade.

1. Talk to Your Teacher.

This is by far the most important rule of grade-saving. Talk to your professor. Apologize profusely. Throw yourself at his or her feet and explain why you suck at whatever subject they teach. As a former TA, I can attest that I was far more willing to help kids who actually came to office hours to ask for help than the ones who fell off the face of the earth, only to reappear during finals (or, in one case, after I’d left for the semester) and expect another chance.

2. Ask About Revisions, Re-Takes, and Extra Credit.

Many writing classes offer revision options, and, depending on the class and the prof, you might be able to finagle a test re-take. More and more frequently, classes are offering chances to drop your lowest grade. Pour through your syllabus, and see if you are elligible for any of these options. While you’re at it, it my be a good idea to revisit the attendance policy and see if any points are being shaved off due to the fact that you haven’t been to class since September. Then, follow step 1 and throw yourself at your professor’s feet, offering to do any amount of work just to scrape by with even a D-.

3. Cry N’ Lie.

This is the enhanced version of Talking to Your Teacher. Let the waterworks begin. Tell them any sob story about how this semester was so difficult. You had family problems, you haven’t adjusted, blah, blah, blah. Even if they are a total hardass, your teacher might relent enough to give you a low-but-not-failing grade, provided you come through for exams. If that doesn’t seem to work, turn on the tears at the registrars, or, better yet, Mental Health services. If you can give enough reason to have suffered a trauma during the semester, you might be able to drop at the last minute, or get a bye for exams and re-take them the next semester. This is very hard to accomplish, however, and, if you have any morals, should really only be used if you really DID have some crazy sh*t happen this semester.

4. Study Your Freaking Face Off.

If your prof isn’t susceptible to excuses and extra credit opportunities, you’ve got no other option but to master a semester’s worth of lessons in a couple of days. You better hope your grade on that final is enough to pull you out of the sea of failure. It might not work, but if all else has failed, this is your one last chance to escape and leave that class behind you forever.

For more tips and tricks for college classes, join CollegeCandy’s Facebook group!

[Photo courtesy of unstained.files.wordpress.com]

Look at how well you’re doing!

Then you open up Microsoft Word, and start tapping away at the keyboard. Jeez, you’ve already got a sentence! This is so much easier than you thought! You’ll be done in no time, and before you know it, you’ll be at the rugby house on Friday for the kegger. Wait, what time is the party again? A quick check on Facebook couldn’t hurt…

And then it’s over. You’ve been sucked into the very alluring tubes of the internet, procrastinating once again. It’s finals week, which means it’s work block season: that feeling where you just can’t concentrate. But according to CollegeNews.com, it turns out that those moments of procrastination are actually helpful. If you’re doing work for a long period of time, you’re bound to get stressed, and too much stress is never good for productivity. So it’s okay to take a break every now and then to ease your mind, and do something unrelated to your project. It will ease your stress and rejuvenate your brain activity so you can get back to work. Knowing that, why not try these sites to ease your studying woes?

1. Scrabble Beta on Facebook

If you can restrain yourself from endless photo-browsing, log onto Facebook to play a spot of Scrabble. Excellent idea if you want to boost your vocabulary for an English paper.

2. Fill In A Blank Map

I just played this Middle Eastern map-labeling game myself (twice!) while writing this article. Do YOU know where Azerbaijan is?

3. Failblog.org

So many mistakes, so little time.

4. Dolphin Olympics

Equally as cute as it is badass, Dolphin Olympics is totally the new Mario Kart.

5. CollegeCandy

Uhh…duh?

While we at College Candy understand that this economic climate is not exactly ripe for thriving magazines (or much else, really) and we extend our condolences to the folks over at Radar, we can’t quite say we didn’t see it coming. Were there red flags? You betcha! The following are a few reasons Radar didn’t quite cut it:

1. The cover featured Shannen Doherty.

Like I said, these are difficult times. With a national election just over a week away and a crashing economy, there are plenty of hot-button issues to tap these days. But what was the feature of Radar‘s most recent issue? One miss Shannen Doherty, star of the “new” 90210. What’s she up to, you ask? Oh, well, she she has a germ phobia, and she really likes Manolos and, uh…yawn!

2. The advice column is written by Spencer from The Hills.

Seriously. Who would take advice from a douche who makes his girlfriend choose between himself and her family? I’ll be consulting Dear Abby for my queries, thank you very much.

3. No one really knows what the magazine is about.

For sex advice, you go to Cosmo. For fashion, you go to Vogue. For music, you go to Rolling Stone. For gossip, you go to Us Weekly. Get the picture? Sorry, Radar, but if you bill yourself as a magazine about “pop, politics, scandal, and style,” we get a little overwhelmed.

4. They’re actually lowering political standards.

Radar Online seriously has a feature in which you can test out your ability to correctly guess “what kind of asshole” (Democrat or Republican) political pundits are just by looking at them. All I learned from the interactive is that Democrats look frumpy and Republicans look stiff. Isn’t this all a bit political party-ist?

5. The magazine has already folded before…twice.

Today’s folding of Radar is actually the third time the magazine has gone out of print. Let’s look at this like an ex-boyfriend: how many times is he going to leave you before you realize you’re better than that? For shame.

[All images courtesy Radaronline.com]

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But when will my consistent failures pay off??

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Sauntering into the huge lecture room with confidence, I grabbed myself a blue book and 15-page questionnaire and found a seat. I had only spent a few hours studying the night before, but it was fine, because I was taking the class Pass/Fail, and had already secured enough good grades to keep me in the Pass range, no matter how I did on the final. Plus, it was Ancient Greek. Who does well on the final exam (which reviewed the entire year) in Ancient Greek? The coolness factor of learning a dead language wore off after the first couple of weeks, and by this exam, I was happy if I never say another Gamma or Delta in my life.

I proceeded to fail the final for three hours, and when finally satisfied with my poor memory and congregation skills, I passed the test in and walked out of the door. Who cares? I thought, practically skipping back to my dorm. No more Greek for the rest of my life!

The numbers came back, and I did indeed fail. Miserably. But as soon as I looked at my final grade, my nonchalance immediately disappeared. The Registrar didn’t have me down as P/F in Ancient Greek, they had me with a letter grade! A very horrible letter grade.

I was pissed, I was embarrassed, and most importantly, my workaholic status had been blemished. But what could I do? I had been an idiot. Twice. Once for never checking if the Registrar had my records in order, and twice for sitting in the back of the library and laughing with a friend instead of reviewing “Kronos and His Family”.

Little did I know, I could have sued.

This week, a 27-year-old guy filed a compliant against Columbia University for an F he received on a final exam. The nursing student claims he told professors he needed to miss the test to care for a sick relative, but when he came back, found that he had failed (in absentia, I’m guessing), and was cut from his program.

Nicholas Perrino claims the school ignored his appeals in the matter, and is now suing to get the F erased from his record, reinstated into his program, and have part of his tuition reimbursed.

If things really happened the way they did, I can understand the guy’s case. Real life should always come before school. But if he’s just BSing because he doesn’t want an F, he should cry me a river.

Nobody likes bad grades, dude. Even when they’re in Ancient Greek.