"My name is Lisa Frank and I live at 222 North Wells Street and I was born on...."

You’re totally over the stinky, sweaty frat party scene, and the lines for the bathroom, keg, and beer pong table at house parties is starting to piss you off. You need something new for your weekend festivities… something like, the bar.

Ok, so you’re not 21, but you know as well as anyone that the bar on the corner of campus would let in anyone not still attached to their umbilical cord. All you need is a little fakey fake ID. If you’re lucky, you have an older sister who looks just like you who ceremoniously passes it down to you the minute you hit campus. If you’re not so lucky, you’re the oldest sibling/the only girl/have an older sister who is a giant bitch and won’t give you her ID because “I never had anyone to give it to me.”

But that’s OK too, because everyone knows that Howie with the sideburns on the 4^th floor of the dorm does more than sell weed out of his room. He also has a pretty sweet printer and only charges $100 for an ID that he claims can even scan (!!). So you scrounge up some cash and get yourself a pretty good Fake. The picture is a little blurry and it says you are 22 and an organ donor, but it looks better than some of the other IDs you’ve seen around campus. Overall, money well spent. Read More »

"I'm 22, dammit!"

I look very young for my age. If scientists took a lunch break from developing anti-aging creams and instead studied my delayed aging process they could figure out how to make everyone look eleven years younger (I had to one-up the TLC show).

When I tell people I just graduated from school they automatically assume middle school and tell me that I’ll  grow out of my awkward teen years soon. And when they find out that I’m actually 22 they reassure me that once I’m older I’ll appreciate looking younger. Like, great, when I’m 78 I’ll look 75. I’ll really impress all the men then; they’ll be wetting their Depends just to get with a young broad like me.

Throughout this whole summer I’ve tried to casually walk into bars only to be stopped by massive bouncers looking for an ID. They stare at them for hours trying to figure out how I got such a good fake and if I had to sneak out of my house to be there. They always reluctantly hand it back to me as if it ruined their night that I’m actually of age. By the time the bouncers are done scanning my ID for all possible forgeries, my friends are six pitchers deep and I’m shamed into actually feeling like I used a fake.

It’s like some sick joke that I’m technically too old to go back to college yet I don’t look old enough to be out without parental supervision. Read More »

It’s amazing how universal the college experience is and how readily we all accept it as normal. Talk to any college student on any college campus in the country and you will easily find common ground: in the drinking games, in the fake ID horror stories, in the theme parties, in the hook ups.

It is only when an outsider (Read: An Old Person) looks in and comments on the college scene that we take a second look and realize that our choices really aren’t that…acceptable.

My friend recently sent me this article, in which some old dude jumps into the college scene and reports what he finds. And what was it? Just your typical weekend at any college campus: parties, makeouts, puking, etc. Only, when he talks about it it sounds a lot different than when we share our stories in a typical Saturday morning recap. Read More »

Welcome to college, freshmen!

You may have made it through Welcome Week without any run-ins with the campus police (congrats!), but you still have plenty of opportunities to meet them up close and personal.

There are going to be many times this year and well into your college career that you will find yourself surrounded by alcohol. And, naturally, you are going to want to partake. Just beware–while you are navigating the university party scene, your RA’s, Campus Police, and Public Safety units are gearing up to bust underage revelers.

Here are some tips on how you can avoid getting written up before your first semester is over.

1. Don’t act like ‘The Freshman.’

Just because you suddenly have access to alcohol, it doesn’t mean you need to consume ALL of the alcohol at once. Even if the cops are out and about, they don’t have the manpower to hunt down every single underage boozer. So, they’ll zero in on the kid stumbling around with a trash can on his head before thinking twice about the passive mingler. The same goes with your RA, who really doesn’t want to walk in on you peeing in the corner of elevator. Read More »

I’ve always been a firm supporter of the phrase, “It’s five o’clock somewhere,” it is almost like a mantra to me.

Whether it was the mimosa I’d sip on Monday morning before class, blind-eyed to my roommate’s disapproving glares, or spiking my Coke with a little nip of rum in the dining commons at lunch to my friends’ bemusement, I’d just smile real big and cluck, “It’s five o’clock somewhere guys! Loosen up!”

Alright so maybe my tendencies slightly resemble that of Sully, the homeless alcoholic on the corner block who’s always singing Ace of Base off-key — But hey! Cheers to being young and reckless! At least he ‘saw the sign’…for happy hour.

Either way, such tendencies made it no surprise at all that I found myself in a bar (Thank you trusty fake ID!) this past Friday getting some drinks with a friend. After a hard week of internship pandemonium, a stiff drink in the city was just the cure. Read More »

Every once in awhile I like going out to bars, clubs, you name it. Buuuuut, I am not yet 21 and I nowhere near look like I am. Because of my short stature, people frequently ask me if I am in high school (and one time even junior high). I know, I know: in 20 years, I’ll be begging for people to think I’m in high school. But for right now, I just wanna pass as 21 so I can go out with my friends. Which is nearly impossible. I still get funny looks from waiters when I order off the adult menu.

So, I got a fake ID. I was lucky enough to inherit an actual old ID of a friend’s after she turned 21. While my friend and I look alike, she is 25 and 5′9. And yet, her ID has worked flawlessly time and time again, even when I don’t wear my seven – inch heels. How does it work, you ask? I follow a few basic steps: Read More »