I’ve only gotten in two fights with my roommate since the day we were blindly assigned to one another the summer before our freshman year. The first was about Dr. Green on ER and how he died. I’m not proud to say, it ended with me throwing a remote before storming out of the room and slamming the door. Also, she was right.

The second, and more recent, was about faking an orgasm. The conversation started with a debate and subsequent Google search about whether or not a guy can fake it (he can, which we’ll get to), and turned in to her scolding me as I tried to list of the many reasons why I think faking it is totally acceptable in certain situations.

“You’re ruining it for the next girl!” she screamed as she paced the room. (Seriously, she was taking it so personally, you’d have thunk she got my tainted sloppy seconds or something.)

And I know that; it’s not like I hadn’t heard that argument before. I’ve also heard “he wants to please you, so tell him how,” and “every girl is different so you have to show him what you like.” Hell, my human sexuality teacher even chimed in once with, “you gotta speak up when you want something…especially when that something is an orgasm.” Yeah, that’s awkward in a 9 a.m. lecture.

The point is, I get it. You shouldn’t fake it. It’s bad to fake it. It’s rude to fake it.
But the truth is, there’s an exception to every rule. And in the case of fakin’ a big O, there are three. Read More »

Hi Dude,

I’m just going to get to the meat of it. My boyfriend and I were having sex, and I like to be a little vocal when I get there, you know, let him know I appreciate his handy work. Well, this time I got to that place like I have never been there before, and I guess I was more vocal than usual. He stops everything that he is doing, grabs his clothes and leaves. I didn’t even know what to say, I was in shock I guess, so I just laid there, wondering what just happened.

He calls within five minutes of leaving my apartment and tells me how “offended he was by me faking my climax, that he was ten times more offended than if I didn’t even climax at all.”

I tried to tell him that I wasn’t faking, that whatever he did that night was great and not to stop doing that for future reference, but he was convinced.

What can I do to get it through to him? I am like a fish out of water in this situation, so I have no clue how I should react.

Utterly baffled,
Ashlee

Read More »

I have been hearing lots of stories from my college ladies lately and I have to be honest, I am getting a little worried.  Let me share a few with you.

Recently, I heard one about a junior that had been sleeping with her boyfriend  for a year and only had fake orgasms since she didn’t want to hurt his  feelings or tell him that she had actually NEVER orgasmed.  Sound familiar?

Here is another…A sophomore who was taking 3am drunk calls from her ex and hooking up, but ended up feeling lonelier and more depressed the next  day.  Although she keeps regretting it, she doesn’t know how to stop.  Has  this happened to anyone you know?

You might be saying “Kira, these have nothing to do with me,” but hear me out.  They have EVERYTHING to do with you. Here is why.

Since I started coaching college women, I feel like I am living in a world of stories about drunken hook-ups, walks of shame and disappointment.   Understand, I am not judging AT ALL.  Hooking-up is part of the college culture and can be a lot of fun.  My point is that after the laughing dies down about their latest escapades, I hear the sadness in their voices about how they thought he would call or that it would turn into more.  Rarely do they truly express too much since it somehow seems weak to say that they really want a relationship or to feel love and  affection.  I, too, have been guilty of the idea that to be a strong woman I should not want or need anyone, let alone a man.  But that is a lie that we have bought in to.  The real strength is understanding how we can grow into better individuals by being in relationships, learning from mistakes and by choosing love.  Even if sometimes it doesn’t work. Read More »

For those of you that need it: how to orgasm.

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There are some things you shouldn’t fake but you do anyway. We’ve all done it. I did it last night. Heavy breathing, a little writhing, a moan or two, and you’re got yourself a straight up ‘big O.’ Hey I just wanted to get some sleep, I was too damn tired for a marathon sex sesh.

It doesn’t mean that some things aren’t better faked.

Sometimes you just don’t have the time to read the New York Times every morning, or take up sailing to impress the hot preppy guy in your economics class, or even make sure your life isn’t a complete disaster. In this case, sometimes a girl just has to fake it. Hey, you think I actually have time to read the whole Economist every week to fit in with my superstar Ivy peers? Hells no.

How to Fake Knowing About Current Events:

1. Pick up the Economist from the library, read the first 5 pages where they summarize all the major events that happened in the past week in bullet points.

2. Skim the world section of the Times every morning, usually you can pick up the main points in 10 minutes- things in Iraq continue to go to hell, terrorism lives on, etc.

3. Every Sunday the Times summarizes all the major news stories of the previous week. Plus all the stories rock.

Read More »

I learned about fake orgasms from The Simpsons. When I was a kid, I remember watching an episode in which Bart’s class was watching a sex-ed video. In the back of the class, smoking a cigarette, Mrs. Crabapple whispers under her breath “oh, she’s faking it.” Faking what, I didn’t really know at the time, and of course my sister replied to my questions with the standard “I’ll tell you when you’re older,” but it just took a little more whining and she told me everything.

And who could forget Meg Ryan’s character in When Harry Met Sally producing the most infamous fake orgasm in movie history (if you haven’t seen it, you need to watch it now). In that scene, Sally proves she’s not only a great actress, but she also points out a rather sad but realistic fact  — “most women at one time or another have faked it.”

To do a little research for this article, I made my way over to Google and searched the simple term “faking it.” I was shocked –  there were at least 4 results on how to fake an orgasm, how to hide faking an orgasm, what it meant to fake an orgasm, and only one link on how to have an actual orgasm. And that was just the first page. Wait… what? Read More »

Cuz they do. A lot.

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Last week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share their biggest piece of advice for dudes. Then I passive aggressively sent that link to every guy I know. What can I say? I’m a philanthropist.

This week I asked the writers to dole out the advice again. This time, though, we’re dishing it to the ladies. Not because we hate, but because we want to stop our fellow females from making huge life mistakes. YOu know, like wearing full makeup to the gym or starving themselves to fit some unrealistic standard of beauty.

Share your own nuggets of wisdom and advice with your sistas in the comments section.

Kiki – University of Missouri: Friends don’t let friends date Justin Bobbys. Also, you can probably get that top for $24.80 at Forever 21.

Gemma – NYU: Cliche but true: chicks before dicks. Men can be awesome, but you’ll have more fun if you spend less time thinking about ‘em, do what makes you happy, enjoy your kick-ass friends, and then let a lucky fella or two come along for the ride.

Alex – Lakehead University: Don’t compromise yourself for a boy. You won’t have to change anything about yourself when someone loves you.

Leah – Ryerson University: If you have to think about whether a piece of clothing is too short or too tight, it probably is. Read More »

Last weekend, I had the best orgasm of my life. (I apologize for the over-share, but it really needed to be said.) Days later, as I was thinking about that episode for the 258th time, I realized that I don’t really know much about my best friend, the orgasm. Thus, like a true writer, I just had to do some digging to find out what The Big O was all about. Here are some of the more interesting – and obscure – information out there.

Why do we orgasm?: Truth be told, nobody actually knows for sure. Some say that it encourages patience from your partner because we take so damn long to climax. Others say that the exhaustive effects of orgasm keep the woman horizontal, and thus, keep the sperm from “falling out” of the woman. I don’t need to tell you that both of those have been ruled out as possible reasons for the Big O. Newer theories suggest that orgasm increases the probability of conception and/or the frequency of sex. Honestly, I don’t really care why, where, when and who it happens with as long as it gets the job done. Read More »

Fridays kill me. On the one hand I want nothing more than to head to the bar to drink away another long week (and simultaneously avoid creepers), but then I’m so tired I can barely get off the couch. It’s like no amount of coffee/Red Bull can motivate me to put down the Cosmo (magazine) and trade it in for a Cosmo (drink).

Maybe that can explain why I’m about ready to hump a vacuum. But my lack of booty isn’t all bad; I’m saving tons of money on birth control, which is a way overpriced on campus. And I don’t have to worry about getting an STD from some un-cut rando, or having to fake it with a lousy one.  Oh, and it gives me plenty of time to do those things that I could never do when I had a man.

I have too much crap to do to get into a relationship, anyway (unless he’s interested). Plus, what’s the point? Technology is going to ruin it. Even if having a boyfriend could save me money, I’d rather save it in other ways.

So I guess I’m fine with staying in tonight. I’ll just pop in a DVD, play some video games, order in some Thai food and catch up on all that crap I was too lazy to do all week. Like spot treatments for my zits and making that much needed gyno appointment. Now doesn’t that sound like fun!?