"My name is Lisa Frank and I live at 222 North Wells Street and I was born on...."

You’re totally over the stinky, sweaty frat party scene, and the lines for the bathroom, keg, and beer pong table at house parties is starting to piss you off. You need something new for your weekend festivities… something like, the bar.

Ok, so you’re not 21, but you know as well as anyone that the bar on the corner of campus would let in anyone not still attached to their umbilical cord. All you need is a little fakey fake ID. If you’re lucky, you have an older sister who looks just like you who ceremoniously passes it down to you the minute you hit campus. If you’re not so lucky, you’re the oldest sibling/the only girl/have an older sister who is a giant bitch and won’t give you her ID because “I never had anyone to give it to me.”

But that’s OK too, because everyone knows that Howie with the sideburns on the 4^th floor of the dorm does more than sell weed out of his room. He also has a pretty sweet printer and only charges $100 for an ID that he claims can even scan (!!). So you scrounge up some cash and get yourself a pretty good Fake. The picture is a little blurry and it says you are 22 and an organ donor, but it looks better than some of the other IDs you’ve seen around campus. Overall, money well spent. Read More »

Last weekend, I had the best orgasm of my life. (I apologize for the over-share, but it really needed to be said.) Days later, as I was thinking about that episode for the 258th time, I realized that I don’t really know much about my best friend, the orgasm. Thus, like a true writer, I just had to do some digging to find out what The Big O was all about. Here are some of the more interesting – and obscure – information out there.

Why do we orgasm?: Truth be told, nobody actually knows for sure. Some say that it encourages patience from your partner because we take so damn long to climax. Others say that the exhaustive effects of orgasm keep the woman horizontal, and thus, keep the sperm from “falling out” of the woman. I don’t need to tell you that both of those have been ruled out as possible reasons for the Big O. Newer theories suggest that orgasm increases the probability of conception and/or the frequency of sex. Honestly, I don’t really care why, where, when and who it happens with as long as it gets the job done. Read More »

Ever since I was given a fistful of dollars and a ride to the mall to buy my own school clothes, I was a thrifty shopper. I liked the new stuff too, but once I discovered that, by looking in the right places, I could find better quality things for WAY less money, I was hooked, and thrift stores became my new shopping mall. Now, when I say thrift store, I don’t necessarily mean Goodwill or Salvation Army, though I have been known to find some killer stuff there too. (I happen to live in New York, and I’ve gotta say, people get rid of some top quality clothing.)

A step above that are second-hand stores like Buffalo Exchange and Beacon’s Closet; really excellent spots for finding top notch clothing at a fraction of its boutique price. The great thing about these places is that they have very high standards of quality, so you’re not going to find anything with rips, stains, holes, or anything else like that. The key is being able to separate the wheat from the chaff. Just because something has a designer label stitched into it, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the genuine article. Here is what to look for in your quest for honest to god designer clothing. Read More »

Don’t leave this bra at your boy’s house.

Nipple Covers: Every girl needs em.

Johnny Depp is kinda weird…

Brad Pitt. OMG. So. effing. hot.

The perfect going-out-look for a crisp night.

Did Family Guy go too far?

So, The Hills is fake. I mean, we knew it, but we didn’t want to know it

Seriously – does Tara Reid work?

Ellen and Portia might be the cutest couple ever.

Oooo. A JoBro was spotted doin’ a little smoochy, smoochy.

Is Will Arnett getting another show!?

How many calories are you burning during sex? Find out! 

The only thing I like more than D-list celeb gossip is FAKE D-list celeb gossip.

Recently, at a club in Houston, a promoter hosted a party and reportedly told everyone Kim Kardashian was going to be there. Then “Kim” rolled up sporting sunglasses and was hidden behind a curtain – most likely to conceal the fact that “Kim” looks less like Ms. Kardashian and more like (in the words of the great Christian Siriano) a hot tranny mess.

Real Kim caught wind of the scam and blogged about it on her site, stating that she has absolutely not been in Houston lately and won’t be any time soon, and therefore hopes that no one confuses her with a potential tranny.

Now this is where things get good. Today, TMZ posted a video of one of Harvey Levin’s classy minions interviewing the fake Kim along with one of her friends, and while I recommend viewing it yourself to fully experience the ghettoness that is Fake Kim, a.k.a. Miss Natasha, I’ll offer a little list of the main points that are covered: Read More »

Today, while sitting in the salon in my hometown and having the prerequisite hairdresser chit chat with the guy who’s been doing my hair since high school, the old “so, you got a boyfriend?” question came up.

These days, I don’t even try to stop my chuckle when I answer, “nope”.

We talked a little about why my river has run so dry for so long, and as he ran his scissors through my bangs, my hometown hairdresser goes “well, it’s probably because you’re a real person.”

This is not the first time I’ve been called real. And it’s not the first time this “realness” has been connected to me being single.

What are we to surmise from this?

Does being real immediately put me in some kind of realness cage? A desolate place where people who can’t be anything other than themselves are gawked at by the rest of the fake society? Is being real like having some kind of horrible birthmark on my face — something that frightens potential suitors away with its blatant obviousness? Are we real people like the cyclops kitten; so weird no one wants to get too close but can’t exactly look away? Read More »

Now, I’m usually pretty skeptical about any news I see on the Daily Mail. It’s kind of like the internet’s version of the NY Post. The articles have some basis, usually, but they’re stretched like that last little bit of ice cream in a mostly empty pint container. Still, when I saw an article that told me that something that’s been a problem of mine for years is all in my head, I was not pleased.

I’ve had back pain since a little into puberty. Friends and relatives know that one of the biggest (pun intended) issues I have is the size of my breasts. They’re huge – and I do not mean DD huge, I mean F. Yes, there is actually an F, and that is what I am. Mind you, I’ll be getting a reduction at some point this year. But needless to say, I have back problems. My mother has back problems too, and so did my dad. It runs in the family, and it sucks, but it’s something we have to all deal with. And when I say we, I mean everyone; at least 80% of people have back problems.

But according to a recent study, only 15% of the people who complain of back pain are actually in pain. They seem to somehow come to the conclusion that the brain tricks the body into thinking it’s in pain, when it really isn’t. Read More »

The stinky, fly ridden pile o’ publishing house shame continues to grow as another “remarkable” memoir is exposed as being a big fat fake. Last week it came out that Misha Defonseca’s Misha: A Mémoire of the Holocaust Years was in fact written by a woman named Monique De Wael and was, in actuality, a total, ghostwritten, lie.

This week, it was revealed that Margaret B. Jones, a half-white, half-Indian orphan who grew up amongst gangbangers other unsavories in South Central LA was actually Sherman Oaks-bred white woman Margaret Seltzer (known to friends as Peggy) and her critically acclaimed “memoir” Love and Consequences was completely fabricated.

She claims, naturally, that many of the stories in her “memoir” came from her experience working with real, live gangsters (how scary!) in Los Angeles.

In an interview with the New York Times, Ms. Seltzer (which conjures to mind the whitest of white bottled waters) claims, tearfully, “I was in a position where at one point people said you should speak for us because nobody else is going to let us in to talk. Maybe it’s an ego thing — I don’t know. I just felt that there was good that I could do and there was no other way that someone would listen to it.” Read More »

According to CNN.com, a woman named Misha Defonseca recently admitted that she fabricated nearly all the content from a “memoir” she wrote of her childhood as a Jew during the Holocaust.

The book, Misha: A Memoire of the Holocaust Years, claims that the author spent four years as a child wandering the European wilderness and being raised by wolves.

Would you believe that? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

The author, who has further admitted that her name is not actually Misha Defonseca but Monique De Wael, said that the book was “not actually reality, but my reality.”

I’m going to refrain from making fun of her because it’s clear that the woman needs professional help, but the point is that there’s no excuse for even disturbed people to make up stories about their lives and then market them as “memoirs.” Read More »

When we last left The Hills – far too long ago than I’d like to think about – Heidi was heading back to Montag Ranch in the rugged hills of Colorado for a much needed break from Spencer. From his lack of a job to his oversized beard to the fact that he packed her bags to elope in Vegas, Heidi had enough. She may also have realized that the ring (weighing in at about 50% of her pre-implants body weight) was f-a-k-e.

And since the infamous season finale, people have been wondering what is going on with the Dumb-As-Rocks Duo. Rumors have been flying: Heidi and Spencer broke up, they are still together but the wedding is off, that (GASP) the show is completely scripted.

Now, I am a girl who has standards when it comes to the news. I am not just going to believe whatever some weird looking dude with a propensity for scribbling on pictures has to say. I want some evidence. Like these photos I found while perusing my favorite blog sites yesterday. (Note: high standards is a relative statement.) Read More »