There’s an app for that.

For what? Well, just about everything these days. From finding the perfect shirt to getting directions to that restaurant you’ve only ever been to once to planning your wedding. There’s an app for it.

And most of the time, I think that’s a good thing. I pride myself on welcoming new technology, embracing these changes and seeing them as good technological advancements, rather than unnecessary complications. But today I just might have to make an exception. Because after spending some time in the app store I’ve made some discoveries that have led me to question not only my love of technology, but my love of humanity.

Have you seen what’s out there? It’s okay if you haven’t. Because I’ve brought it here for you. Partly to inform you, but also so you can commiserate with me. These are the apps our guys are downloading? No wonder they screw up so often!

1. Breastimate. An app that can tell you the bra size of every women in the room. You can either upload a picture, if you’re really curious about an old flame, or take a photo right there on the spot. Just point and click and there you have it. A “breastimated” bra size.

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Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.

(Middle-aged lady on the phone, at a bus stop.)

Lady: They fed me. It was like … an orgy. And it was like a lighthouse, guiding all the ships through the night. I was one of those ships.

(High schoolers, playing cards at a coffee shop.)

Girl 1: Okay. What’s on that one?

Guy: Tampons.

Girl 2: What? Why the hell would pirates want tampons?

Guy: To go with the weasels. Read More »

Paris Hilton is giving up her partying ways. Again.

Oklahoma not really into a woman’s right to choose.

Jennifer Hudson shows off her new son.

Do you fart in front of your guy?

Michael Vick gets a reality show!?

10 rules of the pick-up.

“The Ultimate Hatelist” posted a list of things they assume we, the ladies of the world, like that they think are ridiculously stupid.

Okay, so maybe we do get a little excited if our horoscope says we have a romantic interest in our near future (the guy from Bio, maybe?) and a little frozen yogurt is totally refreshing on a hot day. Okay fine! Maybe we do love a lot of the things they list, which also include brunch (how fun is a mimosa date with the girls?), reality TV, and making t-shirts (we’re bonding okay?!).

But we don’t really think men should be judging, especially with the laundry list of stupid shit they like.

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"OMG. I can't believe I just called him the wrong name."

A few weeks ago, I asked one of my boys what guys were most afraid of in the bedroom. For him it was knockin’ a girl up. For me it was weird farty noises.

Needless to say, I felt a bit shallow. I mean, shouldn’t I be the one fearing a bun in the oven? And shouldn’t he just be scared of skid marks in his boxer shorts?

I wanted to know if I was alone, so this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share their biggest nightmares involving boys. Some of them have experienced them and others, thankfully, have avoided the awkwardness thus far. Luckily, I’m not alone in my fears. And even more luckily, none of this shiz has ever plagued me before.

I just pray and hope it never does. Read More »

Farting is always inappropriate and embarrassing.  I will never support any form of butt cheek musicals.  However, I may be forced to change my mind after seeing this little piece of earth-shattering news: Tiger Woods farted.  He farted on the 18th hole of the Buick Open.  Oh yes people, this is news.  This is, in fact, the #1 most searched term on Google right now.  Shocked?  So am I.

However, if this story has taught me one thing, it’s that farting can overshadow more important events (like winning a golf tournament).  Sometimes that’s exactly what you need – a distraction.  Now I doubt that Tiger Woods farted to distract the world from him winning yet another golf thingy (yeah, I don’t care for golf), but seeing all this attention makes me wonder when else we could use a well-timed fart… Read More »

As a group, women do a really good job of hiding our less attractive qualities. We cover up our imperfections with makeup, we squeeze our “winter weight” into some Spanx, and we make our friends take our phones away so the guy we’re crushing on doesn’t know how crazy we really are.

And that is only scratching the surface.

Because men look at us like pretty, little, delicate flowers, there are so many things about women that most guys just do not know. Things that most women would be horrified to share and most men would be even more disgusted to know. But you know what? I don’t care. Women are people, too, and if guys can walk around scratching their balls, then we should be able to lay it all out there, too.

So in an effort to bridge the gap between the boys and the girls, I thought I’d let some dudes in on a few secrets we ladies have been keeping for.e.verrrr.

1. We fart. And sometimes, it’s loud. And if we’re trying to eat really healthy, it’s smelly.

2. We poop. We may even bring magazines or a laptop in there to pass the time. And if we’re really comfortable with someone, we’ll catch up on the phone. But always with a warning. We may be good at multitasking, but we aren’t inconsiderate a-holes.

3. We talk about farts and poop. And we laugh, because farts and poop are funny.

4. We don’t shower every day. We may argue that it’s bad for our skin or our hair looks better greasy, but sometimes we just don’t feel like showering. So we put on some deodorant and a few extra sprays of perfume and call it a day.

5. We like porn, too. Some of us like it more than others, and we probably don’t spend as much time watching it as dudes, but even ladies like watching a little nookie sometimes. Especially nookie involving a hot guy with chiseled abs, a tight butt and a rock hard glistening chest….

Oh, sorry. Got a little sidetracked there for a moment.

6. We can probably eat more than guys. Some ladies may stick to salads or half-portions of pasta when the guys are around, but bring us a cheese pizza and we can down that thing like it’s nobody’s business. And then we’ll follow it up with something chocolatey. Or fried. And not even break a sweat.

There you have it. All our secrets, right there on the table.
I feel so….free.

We warned you, and now it’s here: the first episode of CollegeCandy TV. We wanted to come out with a bang (pun intended), so we got down and dirty. So, listen up; it’s time to talk about farts.

Farting.

Pooping.

Peeing.

It’s all gross, which is why we do it in the privacy of our own homes. But, when is it OK to stink up your boyfriend’s bathroom or let him in when you’re peeing? Is it ever okay to poop or fart in front of your man? Let’s discuss.

I have been in a relationship for roughly eight months now and, while my boyfriend sees no problem with shoving me in a dutch oven, I personally haven’t been able to pass wind in front of him…yet. He was always very open with his bodily fluids in front of me – and I love him for it (“it” being that he feels comfortable with me, not the smell of his farts suffocating me under the covers). However, men definitely hold a double standard with females regarding the pooping/farting business.

While we haven’t crossed into the “me farting in front of my man” part of our relationship yet, we have gotten into the, “he pops into the bathroom when he knows I’m pooping,” situation. I normally yell and shriek for him to get out and he laughs and gives me my privacy. I don’t care if he comes in while I’m peeing – I have always been comfortable doing around him – but #2 is a whole different story. Read More »

Ladies of the world: stop your farting. Also, stop burping, spitting, sweating, and digesting food. Details writer John Sellers has spoken, and it’s bad news: we are not getting him off.

I know! I know! Everything that I do is intended to give John Sellers – and, by extension, all men – raging boners. I think of him all day long, from selecting my outfit in the morning until the moment that I slip between the covers to dream of his sweet, manly embrace. I imagine that it’s much the same for you. He is Details writer John Sellers, for God’s sake. The female half of the world hangs on his every byline.

Yet, in his recent piece, “The Hollywood Gross-Out Girls,” it’s clear that we have failed him greatly. It’s ostensibly about women who make fart jokes (or burp jokes, or poop jokes, etc.) and how horrible they are. (I know, right? Having a functional set of organs is totally grody. It’s even worse when women aren’t ashamed of their own bodies! Yuck.) Yet its underlying theme is far simpler: J.S. wants women – all women – to know that their purpose in life is to turn him on.

“It would be one thing if these female Shreks were cut from the same cloth as Roseanne Barr or Rosie O’Donnell,” he writes. “But the trouble is they’re all smoking hot. It’s their job to primp and preen and push stuff up to look sexy.” Read More »