As a mere 13-year-old with braces from ear to ear, I nervously paced down the hallways of my high school anxious for the next chapter of my life to begin.  Although the next four years would be filled with nonsensical drama and lame undercover house parties, thanks to constant reminder from my parents, I knew that virtually every decision I made would be on account of my future.

I enrolled in as many honors and AP classes as possible because “colleges love to see that.”  Between rounds of “binge” drinking (you know, two whole beers) on the weekends, I studied for hours to keep my grades up.  Even one unacceptable grade would lower my GPA and would affect what colleges I could apply to.  I made sure to partake in as many extracurricular activities as possible because as drilled into my brain, “colleges love to see that.”  And rest assured, when the time came, I had two SAT tutors every week to ensure my scores were up to par.  My essays were grilled to perfection and applications completed meticulously.  My heart skipped a beat every time the mail was delivered while awaiting acceptance letters.  Read More »

I hate Heidi. Everything about her from her fake face/boobs to her super shiny and bouncy blonde hair. Oh, and her giant teeth.

Yet even I, president of the I Hate Heidi and Fake Face/Boobs and Super Shiny and Bouncy Blonde Hair and Big Teeth club feel drawn to her this week. There is something about the sheer douchiness of Spencer that makes Heidi look, well, good.

Last night’s episode of The Hills made Heidi look like an actual responsible and semi-intelligent adult. For the first time in our long and tumultuous history, Heidi actually seemed to be taking her job seriously.

No more “I wanna get paid for doing nothing.” The Future Mrs. Pratt is actually putting her personal life on hold for the sake of her serious new position. And I can’t help but respect that. I also can’t help but notice that she is working longer hours than me. And that makes me feel like less of a person.

What happened to old Heidi? You know, skip out on work to get lunch Heidi. Or drop out of fashion school after one day Heidi. I know one person who misses her: Whiny, Bitchy Spencer. (Sidenote: I kinda miss her too. She is so much more fun when you can really hate her.) Read More »