Earlier this week, the McDonald’s cooperation released their quarterly reports that the time when these fast food establishments are the most hoppin’ is between the hours of midnight and 5 AM. Hilarious. We can gather that it’s probably a bunch of drunk people craving 20 piece chicken nugget meals (been there), but who else is trolling around Ronald McDonald’s house in the wee hours of the morning?

I’ve tried to come up with a list of people that you would be more than likely to run into if you yourself got a case of the McDonalds munchies and needed a Shamrock Shake! Almost time for those again!  Yipee!

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Katie is finishing up her undergrad at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois. She enjoys wasting hours on Facebook and tweeting things no one cares about. When asked the question, “Do you do marathons?” She promptly responds, “Of course! Which show?” Follow her @KatieGarrity!

I don’t like any mystery when it comes to my food (Is that a hair? No? It’s part of the salad? That’s interesting…), but secret menus from restaurants is something I do like! Ordering becomes a food-themed treasure hunt at these restaurant — from Starbucks’ secret size, to candy-based smoothies at Jamba Juice (sort of hypocritical but I’m not complaining). These 10 restaurants have more to offer than meets the menu-reading-eye!

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If you’ve never heard of Skinny Bitch, it’s  a really popular book by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. The authors are two strict vegans trying to educate readers about how to live a healthier lifestyle. One day I was eating bacon with breakfast, chicken for lunch and steak for dinner, and the next, I was reading a paragraph about what was found in meat in slaughterhouses. When I was finished reading, I immediately went home and announced to my family that my meat-eating days were officially over. In the span of two hours, I decided to cut red meat and chicken out of my life for good.

I still eat fish sometimes, so I am technically a pescetarian and not a vegetarian. However, life as a pescetarian is still pretty difficult. For one thing, I never knew how many people had opinions about what I ate until I stopped eating meat. For another thing, I never realized how many things have meat in them. Here’s my story of what life is like when you cut out red meat and chicken…

When I first told my friends and family I was no longer eating meat, almost everyone rolled their eyes. My friends snorted and said, “yeah, let’s see how long this lasts.” My brother sighed, and said, “You just have to make things more difficult for everyone, now don’t you?”. Most people just look shocked and asked why I would ever do that, because it’s the stupidest thing they had ever heard of. I didn’t realize that what I choose to eat is anyone else’s business, but apparently everyone thought their opinion should be heard.

No matter what everyone said, my decision to change my diet was an easy one for me. I have an almost unhealthy love for animals, and I didn’t like what I was hearing about how they were being killed just so we could eat them (and please don’t sarcastically tell me that fish have feelings too, because I’ve heard that one a million times already). I also have a lot of stomach issues, and cutting out meat cut out tons of stomach aches. Plus, I was never a huge fan of meat. Turkey freaked me out, I was extremely picky with what kind of chicken I would eat, and the only red meat I actually enjoyed was an over-cooked piece of steak. Not to mention the fact that I stopped eating fast food entirely in high school (yes, believe it or not, I have never eaten Taco Bell).

But even though I love this decision, it’s still been really hard. Whenever I go to parties, I usually have only one or two options about what I can eat. And contrary to what some people believe, I don’t enjoy asking the host to go out of their way to make me something different — it’s uncomfortable, but what choice do I have? Going out to eat means examining the menu and getting a beyond annoyed look from my waiter when I ask them about ingredients. And let me tell you — finding a good 3 A.M. drunk food is a lot harder when it doesn’t involve the fast food option.

I think the worst thing about this diet choice is hearing what other people have to say. I never fully realize just how rude someone is until I tell them that I don’t eat meat. People I don’t even know very well have no problem telling me I’m an “idiot” for doing this. It’s been five years, and I still have to deal with the BS from a lot of my family and friends most of the time. I have never approached someone eating a steak and lectured them about it, so why do people insist on making fun of me for eating a veggie burger?

Despite all of the annoyances, I love my choice — I feel so much better about what I’m putting in my body. I’ve learned how to cook healthier — at first, I relied mostly on pasta, but I’ve discovered so many new foods I never would have tried otherwise. I honestly rarely miss eating meat, and I can’t see myself going back to it.

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Although it may not feel like it (what up gloves in March), but summer is coming. And with summer comes tank tops, short shorts and bikinis. You know you want to start getting in shape for all those beach photos, but you also know you’re not ready to cut out all your favorite snacks. After all, what is life without ice cream or cheese? What is a night out without beer followed by the drunk munchies.

Here are some suggestions on how to make your favorite and most unhealthy foods a little bit healthier. Although it’s not exactly the same, these options are still tasty AND they don’t include that guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach when you wake up the next morning spooning an empty pizza box. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself in June, when you’re feeling totally fabulous in that new string bikini.

You don’t need to give up your favorite junky foods while you’re trying to slim down — just keep these tweaks in mind and you’ll be cutting down on a lot of unwanted calories!

Warning: Insanely Addictive.

The edges are crispy and savory while the insides are soft and piping hot. They’re so much better than the fries you buy at the concession stand or a fast food restaurant, because they’re actually made from potatoes. They’re easy to make and even easier to devour. Just writing this makes me want to whip up a batch and chow down. In my bed. While watching an ANTM marathon.

You can use regular or sweet potatoes for this recipe, or even mix them up in the same batch, which I do here. These fries are already healthy (and totally natural!), but you could make them have a lower glycemic index than starchy russets by choosing waxy potatoes, such as new potatoes or red potatoes. Really, this is the perfect college recipe – healthy, easy, tasty – so memorize it. It will get you through the rest of your college career, I guarantee it.

Ingredients:
1 pound waxy potatoes, such as red potatoes
1 pound sweet potatoes, cut in half crosswise
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Pinch of salt (coarse sea salt works best)
Paprika and cayenne pepper
Baking pan lined with aluminum foil

Potato Time:
1. Preheat the oven to 500 degrees. Yes, 500.

2. Cut the potatoes into wedges that are about 1/4 inch thick at the thickest point. The shape doesn’t matter, so don’t worry if everything comes out a little lopsided.

3. Place wedges in a large bowl, and toss with the olive oil, salt, paprika and cayenne pepper to taste. (Or throw in your own spices. Garlic salt works well, too!)

3. Spread the potato wedges on the pan in an even layer. Put them in the oven, and roast 20 minutes or until tender.

4. Remove the pan from the oven, and loosen the potatoes from the foil using a spatula. Return to the oven and cook for another five minutes.

5. Serve at once, seasoned with more salt, pepper, or ketchup if desired.

Note: These are best served right away (and good luck trying not to house them all immediately), but can hold in a warm oven for about 30 minutes.

Mmm. Only 480 calories of fast food goodness.

I can’t lie: I love fast food. So much so that I have mapped out all the fast-food restaurants near my campus and committed all of their locations to memory, as well as the fastest routes to get there. And I may have instructed a cab driver to swing by and grab me a large order of fries and honey for dipping them on the way home from the bar. Twice. Yeah, that’s a bit excessive, but don’t judge; we have all experienced that moment when the dining hall slop is simply too underwhelming and all we want is a Big Mac. And fries. And a milkshake to wash it all down.

It is my firmest belief that fast-food restaurants should be listed as one of America’s deadliest sins. But because I can’t say no to a good drive-thru (Editor’s Note: Don’t try the drunken walk-through-the-drive-thru…they don’t like that), I decided to figure out the healthiest options to order in hopes of keeping obesity at bay. And it’s surprisingly not that hard to find healthy options at grease pits these days.

If you’ve got a hankering for some good ol’ fast food but don’t want to undo that 90-minute Vinyasa class, these are the best options for you:

Wendy’s: I truly believe Wendy’s to be the 4-star restaurant of the fast-food nation. I wish they could all be a little more like Wendy. I would recommend the Mandarin Chicken Salad with Oriental Sesame Dressing and Roasted Almonds. It’s 480 calories and delectable to the last bite. If salad isn’t your bag, try the Ultimate Chicken Grill Sandwich. Only 320 calories and yet still a hearty sandwich. As the name states, it’s the ultimate.

Taco Bell: Taco Bell’s Fresco menu is basically the same items, minus the sour cream. You can get a crunchy taco for only 150 calories. That’s like a 100-calorie pack taco meal. I like the sound of that. But just a warning: You may be saving on calories, but it won’t save you any more time in the bathroom. It’s the curse of Taco Bell. Learn to live with it.

Burger King: We all remember the Whopper Freakout. We don’t need that happening again. It seems the Whopper is undeniable, so I won’t tell you not to eat it. But I will advise you against the Angry Triple Whopper as it clocks in at 1,360 calories. You’ll get the same bang for you buck with the Whopper Jr (370 calories), and you won’t have to do a Target run for larger pants on your way home.

Dominos: The late night Domino’s delivery is inevitable. Accept it. So when you’re craving a slice of pizza to soak up all the alcohol in your system and, face it, you’re going to order a large, here are the lightest options: Cheese, Veggie, Philly Steak, Ham and Pineapple and Grilled Chicken and Veggies. These pizzas all weigh in at about 250 calories per slice. Try not to eat the whole pie by yourself, though. Disaster.

KFC: Resisting their Famous Bowls is like turning down a date with Jude Law for me. But KFC has so many low-fat choices that I simply can’t chow down on biscuits and mashed potatoes in good faith. Now that they are offering Kentucky Grilled Chicken, there is no excuse. Also, may I present for your enjoyment the Honey Barbecue Sandwich—300 calories. Delish.

McDonalds: If Super Size Me has taught you anything, DON’T SUPERSIZE YOUR MEAL! If you ever wondered why the arches are golden, it’s because they’re deep-fried in grease, so back away from the fries, people! Try a Premium Asian Salad with Grilled Chicken (300 calories and 10 grams of fat) or a Grilled Chicken Snack Wrap (260 calories and 9 grams of fat) instead.

Chipotle: If you want to be healthy, just don’t go to Chipotle. It may be buffet style giving you complete control of what you will be eating, but if you’re like me, you’re not going to be able to deny all the toppings they have to offer. In fact, you’re probably going to demand extra guacamole. Right there you’re talking about 1,437 calories and 57 grams of fat. I’m currently hanging my head in shame.

“The Ultimate Hatelist” posted a list of things they assume we, the ladies of the world, like that they think are ridiculously stupid.

Okay, so maybe we do get a little excited if our horoscope says we have a romantic interest in our near future (the guy from Bio, maybe?) and a little frozen yogurt is totally refreshing on a hot day. Okay fine! Maybe we do love a lot of the things they list, which also include brunch (how fun is a mimosa date with the girls?), reality TV, and making t-shirts (we’re bonding okay?!).

But we don’t really think men should be judging, especially with the laundry list of stupid shit they like.

10. Fantasy Sports

“Hey, man how’d your team do?”You might think the guy is actually involved in some sort of extra curricular sports team, meeting on the weekends to play a little two-hand touch or throw a Frisbee. Totally hot, right? Wrong. Instead they are sitting on their ass in front of a computer screen, picking real athletes who they think may possibly play well that week, and assembling a “fake” team. Yes. That is it. If they happen to choose correctly, other men will then applaud them.

9. Fast Food

A burger here, some pizza there, totally fine. We’re all in college, and we all understand the accessibility and yumminess of fast food. But when you eat whole foot long meatball subs at every sitting and then complain that you are putting on weight and can’t lose it, you’re just being stupid. And the gut isn’t cute either, so maybe add some salads into that diet?

8. Reality TV

So fine, we are addicted to The Hills and can watch day-long marathons of Say Yes to The Dress, but who do you think keeps Real Chance of Love and Ice truckers on air? It sure as hell isn’t us girls.

7. Football Sunday…All Day

I love football. It’s totally great that one day a week Americans gather around their TV sets and root for their favorite team. But why this one event has to erase an entire day off the weekly calendar is beyond me. The game starts at 4, so the pre-show starts at 1 and the tailgate starts at 9. And we couldn’t possibly do anything afterward, because then there’s highlight clips and recaps of the game that we just watched. Oh you want another foot long meatball sub? My pleasure, I’ll be right back.

6. Poker

Don’t get me wrong, I love cards. I don’t even mind a little blackjack or five card every now and then. What is stupid is that men will sit for hours on end, cleaning out their pockets to the point where they are throwing favors and their car keys into the pot just to keep playing. What happened to a friendly game of poker? The fact that men will gamble away their whole wallet and think nothing of it is stupid.

5. Cars

Us girls can appreciate a nice car when we see one. We’ll even entertain your comments now and then (“yeah, those rims are really nice”). But this crazy obsession guys have with cars is beyond absurd; when a nice one rolls by it’s like they are rendered incapable of speaking, walking, or continuing whatever activity they were previously engaged in. They become drooling, gawking little boys. It’s the 21^st century; nice cars are everywhere. Get over it.

4. Sneakers

They rail on us for always wearing uncomfortable stilettos, but we think it’s stupid that they are always in dirty sneakers. Seriously, can they really be wearing the same shoes out to dinner that they just played baseball in? Perhaps we do tend to overdress, but it’s always better than being under-dressed. Especially in certain situations that demand looking put together (church, family dinners, meeting your parents).

3. Public Flatulence

We’re not going to go down the whole girls-are-pretty-and-never-fart road. Yes, we burp. Yes, we fart. And yea, we even poop sometimes. But it is stupid that boys relieve themselves in public, think it’s funny, and even congratulate each other for it. What is even remotely entertaining about filling the booth at a restaurant with your raunchy stank? I will never understand why men see this as an expression of their manhood.

2. Quoting Movies

Yeah, that line was funny…in the movie. But being able to quote (and recognize quotes) from every movie ever made A) doesn’t make you funny and B) doesn’t make you impressive. Guys just love quoting movies and frown upon anyone who doesn’t pick up on the obscure reference they just made to some random line from some random scene in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

1. Turning Everything Into a Competition

We totally understand being competitive in all things sports, physical and intelligence-related. Hell, even the ladies get a little crazy at a sporting event. But guys will turn anything into an opportunity to win. “Oh yeah? Well I can type faster than you and I know more Will Ferrell movie quotes. LET’S GO!”

As humans, we have inner demons that can only be quieted by indulging in our uncontrollable desires. Take the concept of the Seven Deadly Sins. Depending on your beliefs or interpretations, you may agree that we have a natural inclination towards these temptations. For example, I totally lust after my boyfriend’s six pack, I greedily horde my money, I’m a glutton for any sort of frozen yogurt, and I envy Megan Fox’s…everything.

Being the crafty marketing team they are, America’s consumer industries are exploiting our desires to indulge in these Seven Deadly Sins (and are getting filthy rich because of it!). Hey, maybe if we all sinned a bit more, we could nix this recession like Cain did Abel! Ready to be a bad girl? Hit up these industries to silence your inner, money spending demon:

Lust – While the recession has taken away many things, at least it’s bringing sexy back! Erotic industries, such as sex toy company Babeland, have seen a 25% increase in sales. Makes sense: The less hours you’re given at your job, the more quality time you have to spend with your brand new Mini Pink Leopard Vibe! The best part? Babeland is always having sales to keep you “cumming” back for more. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

Gluttony- Did your latest paycheck leave your pockets feeling empty? At least you can still fill your tummy with greasy, affordable goodness! Americans appreciate the cheap convenience of fast food, so we keep hitting those drive-thrus and saving our money. It’s a trade-off, because we sacrifice good health for a good deal, but no one wants to shell out big money for the organic aisle at Walmart. And thanks to that logic, Ronald McDonald’s painted-on, red smirk is widening by the fiscal year.

Greed- Hit up Vegas recently? Despite declining tourism in Vegas, I’ve noticed that the casinos in my area of Northern California (including Reno and Lake Tahoe) are still emptying pockets like nobody’s business. Our insatiable, greed-driven thirst for money and power is continually fed by these casino industries. They are doing so well, in fact, that my town’s closest casino has drummed up enough income to begin construction on a swanky resort hotel. Because nothing says a good time like driving ten minutes from your home to check into a hotel and throw your money away at the craps table.

Sloth- Psh, if I were the embodiment of a sin, Sloth would be my name and Lazy would be my game. After finally deciding to get some Dish Network up in the apartment I share with the boyfriend, I chose to shell out the extra deuce for DVR. You don’t get any lazier than “I’m too tired to even flip through channels. Where’s that Little Couple episode I recorded last night?” You girls all gotta admit you would/do pay extra for the convenience of being lazy via your boob tube.

Wrath- Personally, I don’t get down with the emotion of anger. You can say I’m a lover, not a fighter. But tell that to the Hooters that has men spilling out of their doors and windows just to watch the UFC fight and chow down on some chicken waaangs. Granted, it doesn’t hurt that there are some hot mamas providing this service. But by these guys living vicariously through cauliflower-eared, sweaty men beating the hell out of each other, they are perpetuating the sin of Wrath. And Dana White is sinfully wealthy because of it!

Envy- The Green-Eyed monster can be found in almost any industry. Particularly those in which sales rely on the fact that girls are constantly in competition with each other. We buy magazines just to drool over the bodies we are jealous of, the ads for shoes we could never afford, the articles about overachievers that make us feel unsuccessful in comparison…and we just end up more envious than we did to begin with.

Pride- Taking pride in your appearance is vital to social acceptance and self-confidence. But you gotta admit that with plastic surgery, celebrity emulation, buckets of makeup and clocking hours in the mirror, we take vain to the next level. With our persistant focus on our outer appearance, industry big-wigs like Dr. Rey and M.A.C. Cosmetics are riding high on our hard earned dollars.

So, yeah, you may be feeling guilty for giving into your sinful consumer ways. But consider your participation in our economy a good deed. Don’t let your buyer’s remorse or shopping guilt get you down, my Angelic American. Because sometimes, it just feels good to be bad.

Want to know what song is playing on the radio? There’s an app for that.
Want to mix some fruity cocktails by the pool? There’s an app for that.
Wanna get your rocks off with the same electronic you use for making phone calls? There’s an app for that.

The iPhone has an application for everything, and getting fat is no exception. Because Americans weren’t doing a good enough job of porking up on their own, tons of companies are developing programs making it even easier to access the fat. Ironic, considering all the obese people complaining that their pudgy fingers were too big for the keyboard.

You looking to pack on some poundage? Looks like you need an iFat iPhone.

BURGER KING NOW
Drunk Hungry for a juicy burger? Use Burger King Now to find out how far away you are from one of those Whoppers. Because “fast food” isn’t fast enough for your fat ass, you can create your fatty fried meal right from your phone! (Extra fat, hold the veg!)  Pay for it from the palm of your hand, skip the line and get your grub on.

Dunkin Run
Doing a coffee run for you and your friends before class? Too tired to actually speak your order to the hair-netted lady behind the counter? With this handy app, you can invite your friends, making you “the runner.” You can select your order (one giant coffee and a few Boston Cremes) and your friends will be contacted to do the same (and make you feel guilty because they only ordered a non-fat latte). Then you “run” to get the goods without waiting behind the 20 caffeine-hungry bitches already in line.

PIZZA NOW
This app was definitely created with my 3am drunk ass in mind. I am constantly stumbling home screaming, “PIZZA. NOWWW.” Only I have to wait until I get home to put in my order and then wait another 30 minutes for that greasy deliciousness to arrive. That is not now. This app allows you to find the nearest pizza places (in case you are partying in someone else’s part of town) so you can call and order delivery, or map the directions to walk there and eat that shiz on the way home. Mmmm.

Taco Bell Why Pay More Shaker!
So you’re starving but you only have some loose change on you? Taco Bell is hear to help (and clog your arteries). This app calculates the various $0.79, $.89, and $.99 items on the Taco Bell menu that you can afford. Just type in the amount that you have, and watch the value menu items appear before your eyes so you know your yummy options. (That is, if you consider $.79 meat yummy.)

FastFood Premium
Not sure what you’re craving? Find the closest food places to you and choose from Italian, Chinese, American, Thai food, etc. Call the place for directions and get your fat on.