Tuffy Luv Puckers Up

Sara - NYU — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 18:00:04 +0000

(1) Question; (2) TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com; (3) Answer.

Confidential to Missy’s Boyfriend: Get thee to a doctor. Herpes is highly contagious and you need to have yourself checked out. Planned Parenthood is a good option if you don’t have insurance. How many times do I have to say it, kids?! USE CONDOMS!!!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m a college sophomore – and I have yet to have my first kiss. It’s not that I’ve never had guys show interest, they just never seem to be the guy I am interested in. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I am a reasonably attractive, funny, smart person, and I have seen way less attractive, stranger people have relationships or frequently talk about the people they hooked-up with over the weekend.

I’ve never been one to take initiative on asking someone out – I have an extreme fear of rejection. I also tend to be self-conscious about chatting up guys at parties. I’m always worried about wasting their time, or if they really want to be talking to me so I end up being sort of awkward. I also tend to crush on guys that I think are out of my league. My lack of experience is getting to an embarrassing point, and I don’t know what to do! Help me, Tuffy Luv, you are my only hope.

Hopelessly Hoping for…Anything

Dear Hoping,

Girl, I’m flattered (and intrigued by your Star Wars reference). But you don’t need me–you already got you! Now let’s go through your letter piece by piece, and lil’ ol’ Tuffy’ll tel you what you can do:

(1) Okay, you say the guys who show interest in you are never the guys you’re interested in. First red flag. Hey, this is a great sign–it means there ARE men interested in you, which is a good sign! But it’s like Groucho Marx said: “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” In other words, it’s like, if they think you’re good enough, you assume there must be something seriously wrong with them. Bad call, girl!! They like you for you–that makes them SMART, not damaged goods!

(2) You talk about your good qualities. Great! You should know that you’re cool and you should be able to talk about your good points! But then you put down other people in the next sentence, saying that you “have seen way less attractive, stranger people have relationships.” Tsk, tsk, honey. Don’t put other people down to make yourself feel better. It ain’t never gonna work.

(3) This “extreme fear of rejection–” okay, NOW we’re getting at the problem! This is the REAL issue, Hoping. This is what everything else in your letter is basically getting at. THIS is the actual problem, and THIS is what you have to work on.

My prescription, girl, is that you go to more social events and you make it a goal each party to have a real conversation with one guy. Just one guy. Eventually, it’ll get easier, and you’ll start to see that, if they’re talking to you, it’s because they WANT to talk to you. Otherwise, I mean, otherwise they’d just walk away! And some might, but that’s OK! Just move on to the next person. There will be plenty of guys out there who will stand there, chat it up with you and even put their arm on the small of your back (then pull you in for a smooch).

So get out there and get brave. And I guarantee you’ll get your kiss. More importantly, you’ll gain confidence, and that’s what it takes to form a relationship. First kiss, first shmiss.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Tuffy Luv Sez: Fear of What Now?!

Sara - NYU — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:00:53 +0000

Question for our dear friend Tuffinski?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and just maybs, just maybs, get a response.

Dear Tuffy Love,

I have a major crush on my RA. I know it’s wrong and the chances of something happening are almost zero, but I can’t seem to get rid of these feelings. He is super hot and funny and sweet and sooo cool. The problem is (other than the fact that he’s my RA) that he’s a senior and I’m only a freshman. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn between acting on my feelings and pretending they don’t exist.

I have a huge fear of rejection and I’m afraid of getting hurt and awkwardness. But it’s come to the point where I want to do something. I want to know if he feels the same way even a little. But I don’t even know how to go about approaching him about it. What if he doesn’t feel the same way? He does seem to give me preferential treatment over the other residents, but that could mean nothing. Help!

-Conflicted

Dear Conflicted,

Tuffy feels for you. You know, once upon a time Aunt Tuffy was a shy little freshman with tender feelings too.

Wait, no I wasn’t. But I had some friends like that. So here goes.

So let’s say, as a freshman, you’re 18. He, as a senior, is maybe 21. No big deal. Age is so not a factor here. Maybe maturity, but maybe not.

Girl, you gotta get over that “fear of rejection.” No one likes being rejected. It’s not pleasant. But it’s far from the worst thing in the world.

Make a list for yourself: What are the worst possible scenarios that could come out of asking him to go see a movie? Tuffy bets they’re pretty minor. Okay, so maybe you’re embarrassed for a week. So what? Someone’s got to make the first move! Guys ask girls out all the time. You gotta allow yourself to have that same courage.

I would strongly advice AGAINST, however, asking him if he likes you, or anything like that. And for osh kosh b’gosh sake, don’t try to immediately make him your boyfriend. That, for sure, will get you shot down. Instead, why not say, “Hey, [name of hot RA], you wanna go grab dinner?” Or maybe, “Hey, [name of hot RA], I remember you said you liked [something he likes]–I heard there’s [event having to do with what he likes that you researched to find out about]; wanna go with me?”

Be cool and he will think you’re cool. Seriously. Just have confidence–aren’t you cool? Aren’t you fun? Aren’t you good at things? Then why is it silly to think he might want to get to know you better?

Your fear of rejection is stupid and will make you miss out on some great things if you don’t banish it now. Sorry, girl–rejection isn’t a fear that some people have, it’s a reality that everyone has to face. So face it and go make a date with your hot RA!

Best of luck!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

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Tuffy Luv Puckers Up

Tuffy Luv Sez: Fear of What Now?!