Sunday morning, though, was not so great. I felt like sh*t. I crawled out of bed and right onto the couch where I spent a good portion of my day watching TV and playing online. Which only made me feel worse. It turns out that feeling like crap was only the beginning of my problems. My weekend bender had me drinking crap.

And, no, I am not referring to lovely and magical alcohol as crap. I am literally talking about poop. In my drink.

According to a study discussed in this article, the little lemon wedges that adorn the top of water/soda/alcohol cups is not quite as clean and refreshing as we once thought. In fact, of the 76 lemons tested, “a total of 25 different types of germs were found.”

Ew.

It gets better. Of those 25, three were also found in fecal matter.

Double ew.

The germs could originate from the knife used to slice the fruit, the counter which they were cut on, or (barf) the hands of the person placing that little slice of citrus in your drink. I shudder at the thought of all those lovely little lime bits making their way into my cocktail. Especially since, contrary to popular belief, the alcohol does not kill anything.

The amount of grossness that was found on the lemons was not enough to make anyone sick, but knowing that it was there is making up for it. My stomach is churning. I am sure that has a lot to do with the excessive drinking followed closely by excessive French-fry-eating, but I am not going to rule this new bit of information out as a possible cause.

Looks like I’ll be sticking to bottled beers next weekend. Maybe I should even open them myself; you never know where those bottle openers have been. [Shudder]