I admit it, wholly and completely. I am, without a shadow of a doubt, hopelessly addicted.

Not to cigarettes or alcohol (well, okay, a little, but that’s another story) or WOW. I, like your oh-so-typical American female, love to shop. Money damn near literally burns a hole in my wallet – when I have money, anyway. Letting me loose in a mall with $100 is dangerous. I’ll hit up just about everything…save for the clothing stores.

If shopping is one of my highs, shopping for clothes is one of my lows. Nothing is more disheartening or more depressing than to realize that nothing – nothing – in the store will fit you. I won’t lie; it hurts hearing girls complain how much they hate that their pants size is in the double digits. I’d kill to have my pants size in the low to mid teens.

Since puberty tripped up my heels at the confused age of 13, I’ve been fat. Not, “Oh God, 135 pounds, I’m so fat!” fat, but actually obese. Clinically, anyway. I haven’t been under 200 pounds since I was 14. And yeah, part of it is genetics. I come from a pretty heavyset family. But a lot of it is my lifestyle and eating habits. And I’m sick of it.

I’m sick of squeezing into 18s because I don’t want to acknowledge that a 20 would fit better. I’m sick of purposely avoiding mirrors. I’m sick of not fitting in chairs, not being able to cross my legs at the knees, being winded when I climb stairs, and sucking in my stomach. I’m sick of being sick of myself, and I’ve decided that I’m ending that chapter of my life for good.

Now, I know how hard it is for girls my size to really reach that “Okay, enough!”. For God’s sake, it’s taken me what, seven years? Seven years of diets I knew wouldn’t work, seven years of dropping and losing the same ten pounds, and seven years of nasty looks and nasty comments. So for any women out there who are going through what I’m going through at any stage, I’m inviting you to tag along.

I’ll update weekly or biweekly, depending on how often you guys want me to, with my highs and my lows, my triumphs and my failures. You’re free to make as many suggestions as you want – things you want me to try or things you want me to not try.

Now, I’m not going into this diet with the eventual goal of being “skinny”. I’m fairly certain I can’t get to that, and even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. There’s a nifty little calculator I used that’ll tell you what your weight should be ideally, medically, etc. I am aiming to be 150 – or fit into medium-large/14-16, whichever comes first – by the time I graduate in May of 2009.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not dieting just for fashion purposes. I know I’m hardly at a healthy weight, and as someone who is genetically predisposed to diabetes and heart disease, I can’t afford to not be healthy. And a little after this time next year, I want to actually genuinely feel good about myself.

And I will shop my ass off.

Current Weight: 227.

Current Size: XXL, or 20/22.

Why have I decided this? Because a lot of us need a jumpstart on that old self-image, and having an artificial holiday is one of the best ways to get that started.

Besides, naming random days is fun.

So if you happen to be one of the millions of women who want to grab Confidence by the horns (or balls, whichever) but aren’t sure exactly how to start, I’ve come up with a nice little promise we can make to ourselves:

“I (insert name here),

Hereby promise to make today a day full of confidence. I will make a special effort to treat myself with extra care and take time to realize I am awesome.

I will forget about pulling on my clothes when I walk down the street. They look great on me.

I will stop thinking everyone is starting at me because I look weird for some reason. I don’t look weird, and maybe that guy was checking me out in a good way!

I will not brush compliments away with sentences like “oh, well, you know, I’m not always hideous I guess”. I will simply smile, be grateful, and say thank you.

I will make eye contact and / or talk to one hot person today.

I will look through magazines and KNOW that almost everything in there has been airbrushed, thinned out, and perfectified.

When speaking with someone older or that I don’t know, I will use a confident tone. I will not let my voice get high with question marks at the end of everything.

I will realize that the fastest way to waste a day is to hate the only body I’ve got.

I will treat myself with care; good food, activity, and perhaps a nice footbath.

I will be thankful for all the things I have.

I am going to try and make bits and pieces of every day National I Have Tons Of Confidence Day.”

If you want, print this little promise out and tape it somewhere you’ll look every day. Because I mean, why not feel good about yourself?

Once you get used to it, it’s actually kind of fun.