Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve recently hit the 1-year mark in my relationship and everything is going great.  Except for one key thing – the sex.  It seems everytime I try to initiate anything with the boy I get shot down.  It used to be nearly daily, even when I first started school and now its fizzled down, and he wont give me a direct answer why.  I’ve tried talking to him and thats doing as well as it would were I talking to a brick wall.  Granted he did recently find a job after being unemployed for several months, but it’s not exactly a stressful one, and it’s only a few times a week. I’m there through everything he goes through and the rare times he DOES want to initiate something, of course I’m down – I just want to know why he shoots me down when I’m the initiator.

Sincerely,
Am I still wanted? Read More »

Regardless of what some of my readers might think of me, I don’t’ have a lot of experience with one-night stands. That’s a lie; I don’t have any experience with one-night stands. I don’t look down upon people who choose to do it (obviously, I write a frickin’ sex column), it’s just not something I’ve done myself.  But I’m a single lady with needs and like most other people my age, I have had an experience or two in dealing with the whole friends-with-benefits arrangement. Regardless of what people may say happens to women who have sex with people they aren’t dating, thus far I’ve come out unscathed and generally happy. Believe it or not, no-strings-attached sex doesn’t have to be emotionally damaging and self-image ruining. But that make or break point all comes down to one thing: respect.

A good rule of thumb is that whoever you’re having sex with — be it a boyfriend or a friend of yours, constantly ensure there’s a certain level of mutual respect. In following that rule myself, I’ve avoided a lot of really awkward situations and a lot of hurt feelings. But I’ve seen so many ladies in my life (and so many ladies that write for CC) both treat others and be treated like garbage after giving it up. And I gotta stand up and say that it ain’t right!

So many people point fingers at sexual activity as the reason for low self-esteem, but it’s not quite that simple. Even doin’ it, putting your clothes back on, and leaving right after can be a positive experience. It’s not about the sex, per se, it’s about how we feel we’ve been treated during the whole interaction.

As easy as the whole hook-up thing seems, once you’re in it, it turns out it’s pretty murky water to navigate through.  The NSA scene that’s been showing up everywhere horny young adults tend to congregate seems to have killed the part of college culture that encourages us to treat our sex partners with respect. Read More »

While spending some much needed time with my guy friends, I’ve noticed something rather peculiar about them lately.  Besides learning that I will be physically removed from the room if I utter a word during episodes of Lost, I have come face to face with their overly homoerotic relationships they hold with one another.

OK, they’re not making out, but they’re getting pretty damn close. In one example (true story) I witnessed a group of hockey guys actually doing body shots off of one another. Yes. Whipped cream and all.  Talk about a physically pursued bromance.  In other examples, I have been exposed to drunken snuggle fests (including fights for big spoon), long embraces, and the occasional butt slap.

Like dudes, whoa, save it for the locker room.

Was this some sort of sociological discovery? Were guys actually more intimate and emotional with one another than we had all thought? Was I going to be honored with some sort of Nobel Prize for my “research” in gender studies?

Hm, maybe not. While guys may hug it out from time to time, they’re still not sharing any sort of feelings. At all. In fact, two of the very same guy friends who have weekly Bro Dates built into their schedules were hooking up with the same girl at the same time and had no idea.

How could that be? Considering how much time they spend together, how could that never come up? What the hell are guys talking about? Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can't scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dearest Dude,

I’ve waited for a second chance with this guy that I’m crazy for. I’d do anything for him and he is amazing. We get along so well. About a year ago, we had a fallout because of my mistake of telling him I love him. I’m back with him, but not romantically. How do I get out of the friend stage the right way this time?

Confusedly,
Crazy Read More »

Okay, so, like, email your questions to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and, like, maybe get them answered or whatever. And, like. You know.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Okay Tuffy here’s the sitch – I have this really close group of friends back home and it’s made up of girls and guys. My best friend and this guy in the group used to date like 2 years ago. He broke it off with her and they were never boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re all really good friends now but I know for a fact that she’s harbored some under-the-surface feelings of him for over a year. The bigger problem is I seem to have developed feelings for him as well. I know for a fact he isn’t interested in my friend (and I’d be willing to bet a lot that he’s not interested in me either).

I can’t talk about this with any of my friends because they know the guy and the girl and I really don’t need this coming out. I want to be able to persue something with this guy without hurting my friend who means more to me than anyone else in the world, but I also know she has no claim over a guy she dated two years ago for less than a month. Oh and the guy and the girl? Yeah they also live together since they go to the same school. Advice?

Love,
Doomed Read More »

Stop going after the Jews, Lilo!

Hookin’ up is dangerous!

Tila Tequila vs. Rihanna? Are you kidding?

7 body parts dudes love just the way they are.

Miley Cyrus moves up in the world.

Ooo lala! Patterned tights!

For a few weeks, I was in a rut – a big, blah rut that I couldn’t seem to find my way out of. I was grouchy, apathetic, and basically bored with everything. My self-esteem was not at its usual high-point, and I had no idea what the heck was wrong with me.

I know I lead a charmed life by any standards. I’m single during my senior year, I love my family, I have the most amazing friends, I go to a great school, and I live within five blocks of the most scrumptious fro-yo in the world. Life is great. So why the heck didn’t I feel as great as I should?

Well, even now, a few weeks later and finally back in Happyville, I don’t have an answer to that question. Something was just off, and I can’t really explain what it was. All I know is it’s over now thanks to a few things I did for myself. If you’re feeling funkadelic (and not the good kind) – whether caused by boys, school, or an unsolved perpetrator – maybe a few of these activities will help you claw your way out.

Outdoor Activities: Exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy (and happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, as Elle Woods would say). So get out and go for a hike, or play tennis, or take a dance class! Go solo or with friends, either way, take some time for yourself!
Set a short-term goal for yourself; reaching goals will give you a sense of accomplishment, which generally makes people feel happy and productive. Setting an attainable, short term goal will force you to be proactive and get you motivated. Read More »

This Week’s Article: Reverse Emasculating Trends by askmen.com.

This week’s article warns men to get rid of emasculating trends in their relationship. I didn’t realize this was such a problem, but apparently men are being emasculated from coast to coast and someone at AskMen thinks it needs to stop.

And he means business.

The article puts men in their place right from the start: “When women emasculate us, it’s often because we let them do it. Our wives don’t want to think of us as anything less than men — they only think about us like that when we act like that. All those emasculating trends in our relationships, we’re complicit in them. If you no longer feel like the man of the house, it’s at least partly your fault.”

Of course, showing any signs of having an actual human soul will lead your girlfriend to see you as a girly child and treat you as such. If you’re not pounding your chest and tearing the flesh off a dead zebra, something is very, very wrong with you. And your lady hates it.

Let’s see what the “men” at AskMen advises the boys to do: Read More »

Ah, the Shy Guy: that rare specimen of man who you’ll never overhear  talking bragging about some meaningless hook-up. You won’t find him at parties or see him hamming it up for the ladies. He’s sweet, modest and avoids being the center of attention at ALL costs. Odds are, he’ll be the one sitting in the back of class, avoiding eye contact with the professor when he or she scans the room for a volunteer.

He’s pretty much adorable, really. Mysterious, intriguing, sensitive, endearing … a diamond in the rough (“the rough” being the obnoxious, masochistic guys that are just way too common in college). Shy guys are hot. Think Michael Cera. Mmmm.

No? Just me?

Anyhoodle. You’ve caught him glancing furtively in your direction on many (many) occasions. You’re interested. He’s interested. But the two of you both know there aren’t gonna be any suave, hey-baby-what’s-your-sign moves on his part. So, short of holding up a “Hey. You’re cute. I’d say yes if you asked me out” sign, how d’ya go about meeting/cracking open the shy guy? Read More »

It was Sunday night, which meant a spread of Diet Root Beer, a chopped green apple, a turkey sandwich and my TV tuned to VH1′s Tough Love. Heaven.

Last night we saw Steve challenge the girls to be low maintenance. According to him, if these women want to snag a man, they’ll need to prove they can hang with the boys and not worry about breaking a nail or looking less than picture perfect. I totally get that – whiney girls are unattractive to everyone…even me – but this specific challenge did seem a bit much for me. Why do the girls have to do all the changing? Why can’t guys just accept the delicate flower that is their manicure-loving lady? Read More »