[Got a Dude itch you just can't scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dearest Dude,

I’ve waited for a second chance with this guy that I’m crazy for. I’d do anything for him and he is amazing. We get along so well. About a year ago, we had a fallout because of my mistake of telling him I love him. I’m back with him, but not romantically. How do I get out of the friend stage the right way this time?

Confusedly,
Crazy

Dear Crazy,

You’re trapped in the friend zone and Mr. Right is behind the glass but you can’t break on through to the other side (did I really just quote The Doors?). This is a predicament I’m tragically familiar with (although it was Ms. Right). I’d love to cook up cleaver quips and dish a little common sense on the side, but this time I’m forced to leave you with a bitter taste…

You can’t force someone to feel something they don’t feel. And it’s never a mistake to let a person know how deeply you care for them.

You have to accept the relationship you’re in, not hinge your happiness on a relationship that doesn’t exist. By wallowing in the masochistic madness of self-doubt, the constant fear of revealing your feelings, and therefore perpetually holding back, you’re not even able to offer everything you can to the friendship. You’re only showing him half (maybe three quarters) of the wonderful person you are and the depth of character you possess.

The boom I’m lowering sucks. No argument. But you have to ask yourself a few questions:

“Do I want to be with someone who I have to manipulate into loving me?”
“Is it fair that I have to hide my feelings in order to have any kind of relationship with him?”
“If he’s ‘the one’ for me, but he doesn’t think I’m ‘the one’ for him, is he really ‘the one’?”

Answers: 1, no. 2, no. 3, no (at least not right now.)

Now I’m not knocking the possibility of friendship blossoming into lifelong love; When Harry Met Sally… has burned that possibility into our brains. And almost every teen romantic comedy is a story about one person chasing the ideal when they belong with the best friend. But this is slice of life, not a sliver of the silver screen.  You asked how you can get a second chance, but from what you said, it sounds like he never even gave you a first.

He doesn’t love you. Not because you’re unworthy but because he’s incapable of loving you. There’s nothing you have to prove to him, there’s only what you feel the need to prove to yourself: that you deserve to be loved. You do. But you have to believe that. You have to start treating yourself fairly. Let your eyes wander elsewhere. Don’t cut yourself off from every other guy by being convinced that they can’t live up to the one who doesn’t want you. You’ll find there is someone worthy of you. And you won’t have to hide any part of yourself to be with him.

With love,
The Dude

Okay, so, like, email your questions to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and, like, maybe get them answered or whatever. And, like. You know.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Okay Tuffy here’s the sitch – I have this really close group of friends back home and it’s made up of girls and guys. My best friend and this guy in the group used to date like 2 years ago. He broke it off with her and they were never boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re all really good friends now but I know for a fact that she’s harbored some under-the-surface feelings of him for over a year. The bigger problem is I seem to have developed feelings for him as well. I know for a fact he isn’t interested in my friend (and I’d be willing to bet a lot that he’s not interested in me either).

I can’t talk about this with any of my friends because they know the guy and the girl and I really don’t need this coming out. I want to be able to persue something with this guy without hurting my friend who means more to me than anyone else in the world, but I also know she has no claim over a guy she dated two years ago for less than a month. Oh and the guy and the girl? Yeah they also live together since they go to the same school. Advice?

Love,
Doomed

Dear Doomed,

Oh, honey. Ohhh, honey.

You know what I’m going to tell you. And you know you’re not gonna like it. So I’m just gonna come and say it, all right?

You “know she has no claim over a guy she dated two years ago for less than a month.” But you also know that, if you go for someone you know your best friend has feelings for, you will absolutely ruin the friendship and also be a big fat douchebag.

You say this girl means more to you that anyone. So, Doomed, why doom your friendship with her over anyone, no less someone you say you’d “be willing to bet” doesn’t have feelings for you either? Honey, it just does not make fiscal sense. Lose a friend and get little to nothing in return. Why?!

I see no signs of true love or anything like that in your letter. You have developed feelings for him. Okay. Well, we all get crushes. But if you don’t act on it, eventually it will go away. However, once you make a move on this guy, chances are your relationship with your friend is through. By making a move on a guy you know she has feelings for, who she lives with, for garsh sakes (and, like it or not, thereby has a greater claim to him), you become completely untrustworthy. If you care about her feelings, don’t make it seem like your relationship with her is second to any slim chance you might have with him.

My advice to you? Find someone else. Seeing if there’s a small chance things might maybe possibly work out with this guy is SO not worth losing your best friend.

XOXO,
Tuffy

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I know I lead a charmed life by any standards. I’m single during my senior year, I love my family, I have the most amazing friends, I go to a great school, and I live within five blocks of the most scrumptious fro-yo in the world. Life is great. So why the heck didn’t I feel as great as I should?

Well, even now, a few weeks later and finally back in Happyville, I don’t have an answer to that question. Something was just off, and I can’t really explain what it was. All I know is it’s over now thanks to a few things I did for myself. If you’re feeling funkadelic (and not the good kind) – whether caused by boys, school, or an unsolved perpetrator – maybe a few of these activities will help you claw your way out.

Outdoor Activities: Exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy (and happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, as Elle Woods would say). So get out and go for a hike, or play tennis, or take a dance class! Go solo or with friends, either way, take some time for yourself!
Set a short-term goal for yourself; reaching goals will give you a sense of accomplishment, which generally makes people feel happy and productive. Setting an attainable, short term goal will force you to be proactive and get you motivated.

Even better, make a to-do list of things you want to accomplish and add a few tasks on there that you’ve already completed. Then cross them out. That black line of ink you drag across a bullet point on a to-do list is one of the best feelings in the world. All hail you, master of the list.

Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food/Chunky Monkey: This is sex in a carton. The food gods literally captured sex and bottled it up for the world to enjoy. Both flavors offer chocolaty goodness that you can’t find anywhere else. Yeah, it’s not the healthiest approach to life, but indulging in this will make you feel better, I swear. If you’re worried about the calories and your funk is from the new muffin top you’re sporting, try Skinny Cow ice cream and ice cream sandwiches. They’re almost as good and half the calories (but really, nothing beats Chunky Monkey).

Mani-Pedi: This time-honored tradition can’t be overlooked. There is something magical about getting a mani-pedi at a cheap, local salon. The manicurists may talk about your bad cuticles, but you won’t ever know it, so sit down in the big comfy massage chairs, read all the trashy tabloid magazines, and relax. A little polish can do wonders for your mental health.

Go See a Movie By Yourself: You won’t have to share the popcorn or the arm rest. It’s glorious. This seems intimidating at first, but will give you some major confidence as you see a movie stag and do an activity just by yourself. Nowadays, we are always surrounded by people, whether in your environment or through texting and Facebook, so it’s nice get away every once in a while and hang out with the coolest person you know (yourself, obvi.).

What about you? Have you been in a rut recently? If so, what did you do to get out of it?

This week’s article warns men to get rid of emasculating trends in their relationship. I didn’t realize this was such a problem, but apparently men are being emasculated from coast to coast and someone at AskMen thinks it needs to stop.

And he means business.

The article puts men in their place right from the start: “When women emasculate us, it’s often because we let them do it. Our wives don’t want to think of us as anything less than men — they only think about us like that when we act like that. All those emasculating trends in our relationships, we’re complicit in them. If you no longer feel like the man of the house, it’s at least partly your fault.”

Of course, showing any signs of having an actual human soul will lead your girlfriend to see you as a girly child and treat you as such. If you’re not pounding your chest and tearing the flesh off a dead zebra, something is very, very wrong with you. And your lady hates it.

Let’s see what the “men” at AskMen advises the boys to do:

AskMen says: Stop asking for her opinion… It can get dangerously easy to defer to her when making a simple decision, like which restaurant to go to, either because you want her to be happy or because you honestly don’t care. There’s nothing wrong with asking for input periodically, but incessantly asking her what she wants to do tonight, or what she’s thinking about, will only irritate her.

I say: I would love a man to ask my opinion on something and actually care what the response is. It shows that you really care about someone when you consider their own wants and needs as well as your own. And, no, I don’t think a guy is super girly if he asks me what restaurant I’d prefer.

Askmen says: No good can come from baby talk. It’s one of the most common emasculating trends in a relationship. You may think it’s cute; she may think it’s cute, but we can guarantee she doesn’t think it’s sexy, and in a relationship sexy trumps cute 100% of the time.

I say: I baby-talk with my boyfriend and love it. We both recognize that it’s a bit ridiculous, but it’s fun to have a break from proper English now and then. And I may not find it sexy, but he does.

Askmen says: Stop whining… We understand she’s your significant other, and if you’re worried about losing your job or about your Dad’s health, she’s obviously your go-to person. Just try to keep minor annoyances to yourself.

I say: This is probably good advice for relationships and friendships. No one wants to be around someone who can only see negatives in life. But don’t be afraid to talk to your girlfriend if something is really bothering you, even if it is just a little thing like an mean comment from a coworker or a headache. It will probably make her feel good to know you want to go to her with that stuff. This is a relationship, after all – aren’t we supposed to put our guards down and be who we are?!

Askmen says: One way to remind her you’re a man, is to remind her she’s a woman. So get traditional. Take her out to dinner and choose the restaurant yourself. Buy her flowers and open the car door for her. Pay for the meal. Going a little old school is a great way to reverse emasculating trends. It will remind her that you’re a gentleman — emphasis on the man part. You’re a guy who can take care of her and make her feel like a lady.

I say: Ah, gender roles at their finest. Any women would appreciate a nice meal or flowers now and then, but remember that we don’t need men to take care of us and make us ladies.

All in all, this article is basically a bunch of gender stereotypes compiled into a neat little list. It’s about time men stop worrying so much about being “men” and start focusing on being humans. Because the most emasculating thing of all? Turning to a website to teach you how to be a “real man.”

Take that, AskMen.com!

Ah, the Shy Guy: that rare specimen of man who you’ll never overhear  talking bragging about some meaningless hook-up. You won’t find him at parties or see him hamming it up for the ladies. He’s sweet, modest and avoids being the center of attention at ALL costs. Odds are, he’ll be the one sitting in the back of class, avoiding eye contact with the professor when he or she scans the room for a volunteer.

He’s pretty much adorable, really. Mysterious, intriguing, sensitive, endearing … a diamond in the rough (“the rough” being the obnoxious, masochistic guys that are just way too common in college). Shy guys are hot. Think Michael Cera. Mmmm.

No? Just me?

Anyhoodle. You’ve caught him glancing furtively in your direction on many (many) occasions. You’re interested. He’s interested. But the two of you both know there aren’t gonna be any suave, hey-baby-what’s-your-sign moves on his part. So, short of holding up a “Hey. You’re cute. I’d say yes if you asked me out” sign, how d’ya go about meeting/cracking open the shy guy?

Approach him casually and strike up a small convo. While he prrrobably won’t be bowling you over with witty banter and charm, he won’t run away. Do most of the talking, but toss in lots of open-ended questions. Just keep it light and impersonal at first: topics like homework, professors, something on the news. Do this a few times a week to establish a bond and tear down that wall he’s got up.

Spend time as friends, without pressuring him about dating. Hang out with him alone, rather than with your other friends. Be patient. It takes the shy guy some time to become relaxed and show his true self.

Be approachably attractive. The root of shyness is insecurity, so it’s more than likely that he thinks you’re out of his league. So now isn’t the time to try out cutting edge fashion or over-the-top makeup. Try for “cute” rather than intimidatingly gorgeous (that’s a toughie, I know).

Arrange a few quiet dates if he doesn’t get up the nerve to ask you out. Keep it casual, and— again — keep it one-on-one. Clearly, the shy-guy isn’t going to do well in a large group of your girlfriends shrieking about vibrators. Choose something low key and easy like a movie, where there’s less pressure to talk.

Gauge his feelings for you. Talk about what you’re both looking for in a person, and drop hints that what you’re looking for is him.

Help him feel confident around you. Every male has an ego — find ways to boost it sincerely. Subtly compliment him. Let him help you with something, whether it’s a homework problem, fixing your computer, or finding the latest gadget. Or — and this is probably the best confidence booster–  see him when he’s in his element. He’ll be MUCH more open and charismatic when he’s somewhere he feels totally comfortable.

Once you enter the relationship zone: First of all, yay. Second of all, introduce him to your friends and family slooowly, starting with the quiet, less intimidating ones. Yeah, save loud Uncle Frank and Over-The-Top Tina for when he’s more comfortable in the relationship.

The shy guy is SO worth the effort and patience. Think of him as … a gift. A treasure to unwrap. A rare and special treat that not everyone gets to see. If you can stick out a few awkward silences in the beginning, I guarantee you’ll have landed yourself a respectful, fun and totally caring guy.

[Photo courtesy of MariaTarescaCB on Flickr.]

It was Sunday night, which meant a spread of Diet Root Beer, a chopped green apple, a turkey sandwich and my TV tuned to VH1’s Tough Love. Heaven.

Last night we saw Steve challenge the girls to be low maintenance. According to him, if these women want to snag a man, they’ll need to prove they can hang with the boys and not worry about breaking a nail or looking less than picture perfect. I totally get that – whiney girls are unattractive to everyone…even me – but this specific challenge did seem a bit much for me. Why do the girls have to do all the changing? Why can’t guys just accept the delicate flower that is their manicure-loving lady?

Anyways, during a pick-up game of football with some random bachelors, Taylor (Gold Digger) left me with my jaw on the floor…but for doing something good! Girl was throwing caution to the wind and actually enjoying herself. A girl who can rough it up in the mud with boys while wearing pajamas and a “wet hat” is A-OK in my book. And that’s most likely the kind of chick a guy would enjoy spending time with. Especially since she didn’t stop running the ball just to ask some guy how much money he made.

Then the girls went out on some dates. After being on a “You Go Girl!” high from Taylor’s enviable self-assurance on the football field, my positive outlook was deflated once Arian sat down with her man. It took only moments before she was comparing herself to a prostitute, saying it’s okay to be called crazy as long as your boobs are huge and bragging about her “oral talents.” Her date was obviously uncomfortable and didn’t know how to react. Right there, I lost all respect for Arian. But, at this point, I doubt she even cares if anyone respects her. She may as well just wear a sign that says, “All I Have To Offer Is My Body…and Some Mad Skillz in Bed.”

Does she really think that rubbing some random guy’s thigh and telling him he’s gonna get laid (if he gives her $5) is going to help her find real love? It’s sad and embarrassing and hard to watch. This girl needs to find some love for herself before she can ever find someone else to love her because she’s making it mighty hard for anyone to care.

And then there was Jody. Things had been going well for her and her date since their liplock last week and I figured it would continue to move forward. However, Jody’s insecurities came out in a cigarette-craving rage last night when she grossly misinterpreted an innocent question from her date. Meant as a compliment, her date wondered why she was single because she just seems too good to be true. Jody’s hangups replaced her logic and instead of feeling flattered that he thought she was a rare find, she took his comment as “You’re single, so there must be something wrong with you.” And she. went. nuts.

My confusion must be the same kind of flabbergastedness that men feel when women fly off the handle at the tiniest thing. I’m noticing that watching these women is like stepping back from the bigger picture and being able to see things from a man’s persepctive. A guy says, “You look nice,” and we think, “Just nice? Why not amazing? Is it my outfit? Maybe he doesn’t like me.” We let our insecurities read too deep into what men do and say, and that’s where miscommunication and hurt feelings come from. You know, men are actually pretty simple to read. They say what they mean and that’s that.

During the therapy session, Steve called Arian out and actually verbalized what I had been thinking; with the way Arian acts, she is putting herself at risk to be physically taken advantage of or contracting an STD. I’m definitely not saying that Arian deserves this Fortune Cookie of Tough Love, but it is the reality of her future if she doesn’t make a change. I get an image of her at a Frat party, drink in hand and tossing out big boob jokes while sloppily laying across a guy’s lap. Next thing you know, the guy could easily restrain her and do so many unthinkable things.

She needs to learn to respect herself, make safe decisions and realize that her behavior could potentially put her in danger.

Next week’s episode looks to be the juciest one yet! Especially because tonight’s episode concluded with the ever-enticing “To Be Continued…” credit. So, was anyone else as appalled at Arian like I was? Has Taylor finally charmed her way into your heart like she has with me?

Gossip and rumors are main staples on college campuses across the nation, and the website Juicy Campus (which was recently shut down), shows just how far people are willing to go to spread gossip. At some point in everyone’s life, gossip comes up – good or bad. Gossip, in moderation, can be just another thing, but in a culture that obsesses about pop culture and dishing dirt (think of websites like Perez Hilton), the fixation of dishing dirt about someone else isn’t going away any time soon.

Although many of us love to gather on Monday nights to watch Gossip Girl and watch the scandals of the Upper East Side unfold, no one likes it when their own personal life is exposed in the cafeteria over wilted lettuce or when private information rolls off the lips of classmates before the professor starts the class. While gossip may seem like something that comes and goes, it can leave its dirty scars behind all too often.

Maybe because it’s an all-women’s college and women often use each other to bring others down, or maybe it is the size of the university, but the Hollins rumor mill never seems to cease on campus. It constantly peeks its nasty little head around the corner for students that least expect it. Whether it hurts friendships, ruins reputations, or isolates students from campus events — gossip can cause tremendous damage.

Remember when my mom and I met with the President to discuss the bullying that happened my first year? Well, upon arrival at Hollins for my sophomore year, the student body buzzed (never to my face, though) with the rumor that Hollins implemented a bullying policy because of me… being a bully. No one knew that my mom and I brought forth the issues that happened with me because of a bully on campus, demanding the President to come up with a bullying policy. No one knew what happened to me as a first year. However, everyone seemed to accuse me of things that I did not do.

Time after time, I have met girls on campus who tell me how “mean” I sounded from other students’ tales of meetings with me. One of my friends was even warned by another student to not be my friend. Whenever I hear these stories, the people who spoke out against me are always peers I have never met myself. They are usually students who I have never had contact with. How can anyone pass judgment before they have met someone else, especially in the context of putting someone else down? I don’t know how anyone could go around talking so negatively about someone else, when they have never personally had an experience with that person.

I have seen gossip make people unable to maintain decent friendships on campus, as well. For example, this girl named Emma (name changed) was known around campus to have a “private jet,” an extensive collection of designer apparel in her closet, and people even talked of her having major connections to the sports industry. Girls on campus thought they would take advantage of Emma by befriending her, only to go into her closet and steal her designer clothes. Not only would they go and steal her stuff, but they would talk about taking from her because she deserved it as a “rich kid.”

Truth is, Emma does not have a private jet (although her dad is a pilot), she doesn’t have immediate connections to the sports industry, and the only designer clothes she owns come from outlet malls. Now, whenever students meet Emma for the first time, they can’t get past her “rich kid” reputation. How can Emma expect to make friends on campus when everyone seems to focus on what they heard about her, instead of actually getting to know her?

Talk spreads like wildfire. I see it all the time. Just walk into the cafeteria on Monday morning and other people know where you were over the weekend. How? My first reaction to this, when it happened to me, was that those who were asking found out from Facebook. Since then I have had to make my Facebook entirely private, along with many other students on campus, in order to have any privacy. Though the gossip has not ceased.

Worst of all, it doesn’t help when the administration plays into the whole “Guess what I heard about you” game. On more than one occasion I have heard of students going to speak with the Dean of Students or head of Residence Life, only to come out with gossip from other students told to them by the authority figure who uses the gossip against them. If the administration lends an ear to gossip, of course the student body is going to keep it up.

I have heard many rumors about myself here at Hollins, and 99% of them never happened, resemble nothing from the truth, and have no merit. At first, I am not going to lie, the rumors really bothered me. A lot of them were hurtful, and a lot of them have stuck (despite not being true), but there comes a point when you have to displace yourself from that, even when it seems like everyone is talking about you. There have been so many times when I have seen my fellow peers break down about something that was said about them, and even though you want to stand up and say “No – that’s not true! That didn’t happen!” you can’t, and it doesn’t seem right or fair.

If sisterhood exists at Hollins, then why does gossip own the souls of most students? Whenever someone hears something that is obviously not true, no one speaks up – they just go along with it, and that is unacceptable. I am sick of hearing gossip about people and myself, especially at a school that talks about the loyalty and respectfulness of its students. If Hollins continues to let rumors take hold of the student body, I believe there will be no way to return to a clean, respectful state in the student body. No one will be able to avoid it, and that just seems entirely too extreme.

I know Hollins isn’t alone in this gossip battle – tell me about your school and how big of an impact gossip has on the student body? What is the worst rumor you have ever heard about yourself or someone else? Do you think gossip, in moderation, is healthy or just vicious in any degree? Time to share your story!

Okay, okay. You found your fling. But classes are about to begin again, and you’ve got to pack up, move out, and put your scholar-face on. What are you going to do about the amazing hottie you picked up over the break?

Well, that all depends. What do you want? What does he want? How much do you really think you click? And by “click,” I do NOT mean another work that ends in “-ck.” Because if you’re going to make it work, you’re going to have to jive beyond the boundaries of physical attraction.

Take into consideration the fact that you’re going to have a college workload, assignments, deadlines, and the usual university-sponsored (or bar-sponsored) social engagements. If he’s in school, he will too. Sure, it was easy to escape when you were both visiting your parents, but what about when you’ve got your uber-fun roommate and a dorm full of friends every night of the week? If you still think he’s worth it, read on.

Next, ask yourself what you want from him. Do you want a boyfriend? Are you willing to be exclusive, even if it’s long distance? Or, do you really just like his company and want to keep him in your life? Depending on the category he falls into, your relationship could go in many different directions. If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, continue.

Before breaching the “Let’s Keep in Touch” convo, see if you can read him. Does he seem like a player, or does he do sweet things for you even though you’re leaving? Do you only have heated holiday sex, or do you actually enjoy each other’s company? If you two are on totally different levels, your idea of how the fling should continue might clash with his idea of how the fling will end. You think he feels the same way? Proceed.

Keep it casual. Don’t put all of you eggs in one basket when you know that long-distance relationships can be difficult. Exchange numbers, emails, Facebook accounts, whatever. The truth is that you probably won’t be able to see each other for a bit, but you can keep in casual contact.

This will simultaneously allow you to see if the relationship is worth hanging on to, and let you get closer to the guy in a friendship-way. Sure, you had crazy sex for a week or two, but let’s face it- it’s not so convenient anymore. You need to decide if you can handle being “just friends” if it means you get to keep him in your life. If you can’t, it was officially a holiday fling.

If you can, there are a number of routes the relationship could take. I fell in love in Europe several years ago, and I am visiting the hunk in a couple of short weeks. Am I excited for his company? Absolutely. Do I hope we can get it on? Definitely. Will I make the first move? Certainly not. I’d much rather keep him in my life than be a forgotten sex toy.

Make your decisions wisely.

But what does that mean? And how do we navigate the rocky waters of a serious relationship? The only guides we have are cheesy sitcoms. Do we actually need to exchange letter sweaters? Make a fuss on the six-month anniversary? Spend every waking moment together, or have our own time? Talk about every little detail of our childhoods? Can we disagree on something big and still be happy together?

It can be a difficult job to sift through what expectations to set in a healthy, supportive relationship. The important thing, however, is to do just that and have a clear idea of what your expectations are. If you’re expecting flowers every week but the significant other doesn’t believe in giving gifts, someone’s going to get their feelings hurt. Or if going out with friends of the opposite sex is upsetting for one person but not the other, some ground rules should be set. Living the monogamous life has plenty of pitfalls, but the smart, communicative couple can avoid most of them.

There’s no need to be mad jealous. The sitcoms always have a titanic rift in the relationship occurring if somebody goes out to a party without their s/o. Seriously, your boyfriend or girlfriend can have their own life. If you’ve got a ton of work and can’t go out one night, don’t guilt trip the other into staying home. If you both trust each other, there’s nothing wrong with hanging out with friends without one’s other half, even with members of the opposite sex. Unlike on TV, the mere presence of other girls will not make your boyfriend start salivating.

Talk things out, but also go to bed mad if necessary. The old proverb tells us never to go to bed mad and there’s something to be said for it; if issues are allowed to fester, they’ll eventually tear a couple apart. But it’s also smart to pick the right time to talk things out. If it’s late at night and you’re both stressed and exhausted, you’ll both just end up saying things you don’t mean and end up fogging up a problem rather than clarifying it. Agree to disagree until you’re both ready to tackle an issue.

Decide what your dealbreakers are. It’s important to know what you’re willing to weather and what you’re not. What are the problems or differences that would make you think the relationship would no longer work? It may sound grim to think about, but if you find yourself surprised by something you didn’t know about your s/o that leaves you wondering, make sure you know the difference between something that can be worked out and something that can’t. And be flexible! Surprises aren’t always a bad thing. In fact, it’s continually learning new things about your bf or gf that keeps a serious relationship fresh and invigorating. Not every difference is a dealbreaker.

Be where you’re needed. Ok, so you’ve decided you’re “going steady” now. It means committing to another person in a serious way – not just for having fun, but for the rocky times too. That may be the main difference between a fling and a serious relationship. In a fling, you stop being together whenever it stops being fun to be with that person. In a serious relationship, you’re there to be a shoulder to cry on and also an ear for complaints. Your bf or gf should support you, but that means supporting him or her just as much. In this egotistical age, we tend to forget that second bit.