We all have those days when the last thing we want in and around our mouth is our boyfriend’s Little General. Let’s be honest, sometimes the art of fellatio can be quite a chore. But denying our man what he most wants doesn’t come without guilt. While flat out rejection seems like cruel and unusual punishment, there are some foolproof excuses that will lessen the blow of the job-not done.

“I think I’m allergic to your sperm.”
Yes, that is possible. And unless he want’s to explain to the nurse at the health center exactly why your mouth is swollen to the size of a grapefruit, he better let you off the hook this time.

“It’s not me! It’s the curse of the lockjaw!”
A stiff jaw does not a good BJ make. The attack of the lockjaw is just as painful for him as it is for you. Especially if you catch a little skin in the midst of the untimely episode. The thought of a bleeding dick may turn him off to the idea altogether, and if it doesn’t, the thought of calling EMS to remove you from his man-bits might do the trick. Read More »

I’m pretty adventurous when it comes to sex, I’m not going to lie. I love to experiment with men that I’m serious about and whom I trust, and I’m not opposed to an adventurous fling either. However, I have a confession: I might be open to hair-pulling, spanking, and playing dress-up, and there’s probably nothing that could come out of a guy’s mouth that would be dirty enough to make me blush… but I do not let men go down on me.

Take a minute. Catch your breath. Reread if you don’t believe it.

I’m sorry, but I’ve never enjoyed oral sex. I have no problem doling it out, but there are only a couple of men whom I’ve allowed to walk the red carpet, and they’ve only had the privilege on rare occasions.

My aversion to cunnilingus, I feel, stems from low self esteem and a rather horrific first time. I was shy and inexperienced, and losing my virginity was no Cinderella story. After that, it was a long time before I had vaginal sex again, but I did dole out my fair share of blow jobs. Go figure.

Looking back, I think it was a control issue. I had little control over my first time, and to me, going down on a guy was controlling. I was calling the shots. I could get him off. He was the one lying on the bed, losing his mind to ecstatic climax (sorry, I am damn good at fellatio). With regular sex, I felt like the power was equal. My partner and I were both simultaneously trying to please the other, while experiencing our own euphoric physical feelings. It was okay to give away my body, because it was a fair trade

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I have spent 8 years (not continuously) with my mouth between a dude’s legs, and while I finally know that I’m good at it (one fine young man – whose name I do not know – exclaimed, “Wow! That was good!”), I still don’t love all the work is involved. It kills my jaw, my neck, and I’d rather let the guy handle things on his own than risk lock jaw on a sweaty appendage.

And do I get paid back? Not often. Lots of guys I know and have “interacted” with really aren’t into making the trip downtown on a lady. “It’s so hard!” they say. “You don’t know what we’re dealing with down there!”

Um, excuse me? They think they have it hard (pun totes not intended)?

I decided to take this issue on myself with my favorite IMing male to see if we could work through our problems and come to some sort of truce for men and women everywhere. Will this entice more men to venture South? We can only hope. Read More »

We all love to sex because, frankly, it’s fun and it feels good. But what if there was another benefit of gettin’ down? What if I told you that engaging in various sexual activities is actually good for you? As in it makes you healthier. Might just make you feel a little better about snuggling in bed instead of hitting the gym the morning after…

It reduces stress – According to an article on msnbc.com, having sex releases endorphins and oxytocin, increasing relaxation, easing anger, and thus improving your relationship. Sex may also cause you to heal faster, get sick less frequently, and even live longer. However, the beneficial effects start to fade when there are problems in the bedroom. According to the article, the situation is a “catch-69, the cruel irony that a proven cure for stress — a hot sex life — is exactly what stress destroys.” That’s definitely enough reason for me to get goin’.

Sex burns calories – Okay, so you can’t exactly skip the gym (every day, at least) to have sex. However, according to webmd.com, a half hour of sex burns about 80 calories or so, depending on your weight. Foreplay can also torch calories – 50 per half hour for a 150 lb. person. Go to this site and enter your own weight and time and see how much you’re burning off during your hook up sesh. Read More »

[Editor's Note: New York Magazine does these Sex Diaries that are sometimes cool, sometimes lame. Sometimes they're interesting portrayals of every day life, and sometimes they make it seem like EVERYONE in New York City is having copious amounts of crazy sex -- which isn't always the case, btw. What would happen, I wondered, if some of CC's writers blogged about their sex life for a week? Would it be cooler? Funnier? More believable?

Let's see...]

DAY ONE

7:05 a.m. Boyfriend wakes me up to kiss me before he goes to work, like he does every morning. Like every morning, I feel guilty about my morning breath, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

3:45 Boyfriend comes home early and suggests a quickie.

3:46 Boyfriend catches my unenthusiastic response and tells me never mind. I feel awful, as I do every time I turn him down, but I’ve been cleaning all day without a shower and I had just finished an hour of wii fit so I was sore. I promise him that I’ll make it up to him later that night.

1:22 a.m. Come home from seeing a friend’s band play. Still too sore and tired for sex, so I offer him a blow job as soon as we get home. Read More »

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Men and their blow jobs! It’s unbelievable. Now, please don’t get me confused with one that does not provide oral sex to the opposite sex, because I most certainly do—and I’d like to think (according to my boyfriend’s face and grunts of joy) that I’m pretty damn good at it. But…if women were so publicly in love and obsessed with having their va-jay-jays licked, as men are with their penises, I think the world would go into shock.

Blow jobs are everywhere. From the endless supply of how-to literature, and porno medleys of non-stop fellatio, to over-hearing boys talk about it in a passing conversation; how to give it, how they like it, and how they want, seems to be all men ever talk about. They go hand in hand, like “me and my buddy”. Introduced to one another as young as 14 or 15-years-old, the male species and dick-sucking have been inseparable ever since. If in the event blow jobs all of a sudden became illegal and completely unattainable, the world would not only go into shock, but probably crumble at the seams. I guess it still really is a man’s world. Ugh, don’t get me started on that!

Literature, such as iVillage’s “A Guy’s Guide to Gals on Giving Amazing Oral Sex,” is one of the many examples of how-to literature—which I find nothing wrong with. Hell, I’d love to learn some new tricks, but someone better be supplying my boyfriend with some new tricks too.

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