Fact: There is nothing more intimate than having sex with another person. After all, you’re completely naked and vulnerable, and everything is out in plain sight. So unless you’re that old, beer-bellied guy that is always alone and naked at the nude beach, that level of intimacy is going to make you a little nervous.

And then there’s the whole “performance” aspect (Are you doing it right? Does it feel right? Is that face sexy or creepy?), which gets enhanced ten-fold when oral sex is involved. Oral is pretty uncomfortable for everyone (mentally, hopefully not physically), but can get extremely nerve-wracking for most women. I get it; who wouldn’t be self conscious and wonder what her guy is thinking when he is up close and personal with her most private of areas? But all that thinking can really ruin a marvelous experience, and what’s the point of us putting in all that work if you’re not going to enjoy it?

So let’s take a moment to find out what your guy is thinking while he’s orally fixated on you so you can stop thinking and start having some fun.

1. Female Hygiene
This is at the top of every guy’s mind right before he begins pleasing a woman orally.  While he is kissing your stomach and trying to get directions from your body language, which at this point is practically screaming at him to go south already, he is also trying to figure out your hygiene situation. Two things are running through his mind before he gets too close to the promised land:

1) What’s the landscaping going be like?
2) Please let it be free of any odor.

Now, the latter is the real deal breaker for most guys (by most, I mean 99.9%. The last .1% of guys have stuffy noses and couldn’t smell if they wanted to).  Guys can work around different types of female grooming and truthfully, it’s like an exciting adventure. We really can’t wait and anticipate it like a surprise. Don’t worry if your landing strip designed to land a Cessna can now land a Boeing, most guys won’t really care and we understand that you don’t carry a razor in your purse. However, any kind of unpleasant odor and your chances for oral stimulation are out the door.

2. Technique
Guys are not impervious to insecurities like most women think. We want to please our partners and be remembered (and talked about the moment we walk out the door – yeah, we know how it goes) as great lovers. It is no different when it comes to going down on our lady. During the act, we are mainly concerned with how good our tongue technique is and if it’s delivering the desired effect.

Does it look/sound like she likes it? If not, is it oral sex in general or how I do it?
Am I doing it right?
Should I make her have an orgasm? Can I make her have an orgasm?

Hopefully, your guy answers “yea, yea, yea, and hell yea.” And hopefully he doesn’t get so into his thoughts that he forgets why he’s down there in the first place.

3. Reciprocity
There is one thought lingering on the back of your guy’s mind while he’s making his Southern Expedition and that is whether or not you’ll return the favor. This is anything but work for us, but we would like to be rewarded for our foreplay efforts with a little fellatio. And by “a little” we mean a lot. Guys love it (a lot a lot), but believe it or not, we’re sometimes too shy to ask for it.

So there you have it – the low down on the go down. When it comes down to it, all we really want to do it please you and while we may not seem to stress about it, we definitely think about it. Often. We ask our friends how they do it, if they do it, and when to do it. We try new things and hope for new results. We worry that we’re just not good enough. All because we want you to enjoy yourself.

Oral sex isn’t every guy’s cup of tea, so if your guy is taking the initiative to give you this kind of pleasure, embrace it and remember: don’t forget to tip.

[This story was originally posted by Cesar- University of Florida.]

I have spent 8 years (not continuously) with my mouth between a dude’s legs, and while I finally know that I’m good at it (one fine young man – whose name I do not know – exclaimed, “Wow! That was good!”), I still don’t love all the work is involved. It kills my jaw, my neck, and I’d rather let the guy handle things on his own than risk lock jaw on a sweaty appendage.

And do I get paid back? Not often. Lots of guys I know and have “interacted” with really aren’t into making the trip downtown on a lady. “It’s so hard!” they say. “You don’t know what we’re dealing with down there!”

Um, excuse me? They think they have it hard (pun totes not intended)?

I decided to take this issue on myself with my favorite IMing male to see if we could work through our problems and come to some sort of truce for men and women everywhere. Will this entice more men to venture South? We can only hope.

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

[We ladies spend a lot of time wondering what guys are thinking, most often over stiff drinks or soupy ice cream. Unfortunately, besides The Dude, we don't often get the chance to really find out. So we continue speculating, wondering and growing more and more self-conscious by the minute. Not anymore. CollegeCandy's got a new guy in town who is going to open up his man brain and enlighten us as to what exactly goes on in there. Prepare yourselves, girls; I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting ride.]

Fact: There is nothing more intimate than having sex with another person. After all, you’re completely naked and vulnerable, and everything is out in plain sight. So unless you’re that old, beer-bellied guy that is always alone and naked at the nude beach, that level of intimacy is going to make you a little nervous.

And then there’s the whole “performance” aspect (Are you doing it right? Does it feel right? Is that face sexy or creepy?), which gets enhanced ten-fold when oral sex is involved. Oral is pretty uncomfortable for everyone (mentally, hopefully not physically), but can get extremely nerve-wracking for most women. I get it; who wouldn’t be self conscious and wonder what her guy is thinking when he is up close and personal with her most private of areas? But all that thinking can really ruin a marvelous experience, and what’s the point of us putting in all that work if you’re not going to enjoy it?

So let’s take a moment to find out what your guy is thinking while he’s orally fixated on you so you can stop thinking and start having some fun.

1. Female Hygiene
This is at the top of every guy’s mind right before he begins pleasing a woman orally.  While he is kissing your stomach and trying to get directions from your body language, which at this point is practically screaming at him to go south already, he is also trying to figure out your hygiene situation. Two things are running through his mind before he gets too close to the promised land:

1) What’s the landscaping going be like?
2) Please let it be free of any odor.

Now, the latter is the real deal breaker for most guys (by most, I mean 99.9%. The last .1% of guys have stuffy noses and couldn’t smell if they wanted to).  Guys can work around different types of female grooming and truthfully, it’s like an exciting adventure. We really can’t wait and anticipate it like a surprise. Don’t worry if your landing strip designed to land a Cessna can now land a Boeing, most guys won’t really care and we understand that you don’t carry a razor in your purse. However, any kind of unpleasant odor and your chances for oral stimulation are out the door.

2. Technique
Guys are not impervious to insecurities like most women think. We want to please our partners and be remembered (and talked about the moment we walk out the door – yeah, we know how it goes) as great lovers. It is no different when it comes to going down on our lady. During the act, we are mainly concerned with how good our tongue technique is and if it’s delivering the desired effect.

Does it look/sound like she likes it? If not, is it oral sex in general or how I do it?
Am I doing it right?
Should I make her have an orgasm? Can I make her have an orgasm?

Hopefully, your guy answers “yea, yea, yea, and hell yea.” And hopefully he doesn’t get so into his thoughts that he forgets why he’s down there in the first place.

3. Reciprocity
There is one thought lingering on the back of your guy’s mind while he’s making his Southern Expedition and that is whether or not you’ll return the favor. This is anything but work for us, but we would like to be rewarded for our foreplay efforts with a little fellatio. And by “a little” we mean a lot. Guys love it (a lot a lot), but believe it or not, we’re sometimes too shy to ask for it.

So there you have it – the low down on the go down. When it comes down to it, all we really want to do it please you and while we may not seem to stress about it, we definitely think about it. Often. We ask our friends how they do it, if they do it, and when to do it. We try new things and hope for new results. We worry that we’re just not good enough. All because we want you to enjoy yourself.

Oral sex isn’t every guy’s cup of tea, so if your guy is taking the initiative to give you this kind of pleasure, embrace it and remember: don’t forget to tip.

We all have those days when the last thing we want in and around our mouth is our boyfriend’s Little General. Let’s be honest, sometimes the art of fellatio can be quite a chore. But denying our man what he most wants doesn’t come without guilt. While flat out rejection seems like cruel and unusual punishment, there are some foolproof excuses that will lessen the blow of the job-not done.

“I think I’m allergic to your sperm.”
Yes, that is possible. And unless he want’s to explain to the nurse at the health center exactly why your mouth is swollen to the size of a grapefruit, he better let you off the hook this time.

“It’s not me! It’s the curse of the lockjaw!”
A stiff jaw does not a good BJ make. The attack of the lockjaw is just as painful for him as it is for you. Especially if you catch a little skin in the midst of the untimely episode. The thought of a bleeding dick may turn him off to the idea altogether, and if it doesn’t, the thought of calling EMS to remove you from his man-bits might do the trick.

“Sorry, but my gag reflex is super sensitive today.”
There is no such thing as erotic vomiting. You may have loved that romantic dinner you two just enjoyed, but no one will be smiling when you see it for a second time. On his stomach. End of story.

“I have a cold and can’t breathe through my nose. I could die!”
Unless asphyxiation turns him on, this is an undeniable excuse. No one wants the headline of their obituary to read “Girl Loses Life Going Down on Boyfriend.” Remind him that you’ll be the shame of your family and it will be all his fault. And your dad owns a big ol’ gun. That should do it.

“Okay, but I spit.”
That one will work. Trust.

Take a minute. Catch your breath. Reread if you don’t believe it.

I’m sorry, but I’ve never enjoyed oral sex. I have no problem doling it out, but there are only a couple of men whom I’ve allowed to walk the red carpet, and they’ve only had the privilege on rare occasions.

My aversion to cunnilingus, I feel, stems from low self esteem and a rather horrific first time. I was shy and inexperienced, and losing my virginity was no Cinderella story. After that, it was a long time before I had vaginal sex again, but I did dole out my fair share of blow jobs. Go figure.

Looking back, I think it was a control issue. I had little control over my first time, and to me, going down on a guy was controlling. I was calling the shots. I could get him off. He was the one lying on the bed, losing his mind to ecstatic climax (sorry, I am damn good at fellatio). With regular sex, I felt like the power was equal. My partner and I were both simultaneously trying to please the other, while experiencing our own euphoric physical feelings. It was okay to give away my body, because it was a fair trade

I told myself I was like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. You know, the prostitute that doesn’t kiss on the lips because she has to save something to prove her feelings when she finally falls in love. I had boyfriends, and I was sexually active, but I knew that I wanted to save something for the first time I fell in love. And since I was most insecure with being eaten out, cunnilingus became my “kiss on the lips.”

However, eventually I overcame whatever traumas I dealt with when I first started experimenting. And I finally found the man I was comfortable enough with to allow him to explore the depths that no man had gone before. And… it was disappointing.

For the ladies who have received mind-blowing oral sex, I’m sure you are shaking your head, thinking of all of the wonderful orgasms you’ve had thanks to a few flicks of the tongue. But for me, it’s just not arousing. I think it’s way hotter to feel my partner’s body in tandem with my own, being able to touch him and feel his heart beating next to mine. Lying there, letting him try to get me off and knowing it’s not that great for him just doesn’t do it.

I’m not saying I’m opposed, and I’m sure there will be other serious boyfriends who can try to get me off orally. But it’s not something I am longing for, nor is it something I’m missing in my life. I’d rather ride on top any day.

I have spent 8 years (not continuously) with my mouth between a dude’s legs, and while I finally know that I’m good at it (one fine young man – whose name I do not know – exclaimed, “Wow! That was good!”), I still don’t love all the work is involved. It kills my jaw, my neck, and I’d rather let the guy handle things on his own than risk lock jaw on a sweaty appendage.

And do I get paid back? Not often. Lots of guys I know and have “interacted” with really aren’t into making the trip downtown on a lady. “It’s so hard!” they say. “You don’t know what we’re dealing with down there!”

Um, excuse me? They think they have it hard (pun totes not intended)?

I decided to take this issue on myself with my favorite IMing male to see if we could work through our problems and come to some sort of truce for men and women everywhere. Will this entice more men to venture South? We can only hope.

It reduces stress – According to an article on msnbc.com, having sex releases endorphins and oxytocin, increasing relaxation, easing anger, and thus improving your relationship. Sex may also cause you to heal faster, get sick less frequently, and even live longer. However, the beneficial effects start to fade when there are problems in the bedroom. According to the article, the situation is a “catch-69, the cruel irony that a proven cure for stress — a hot sex life — is exactly what stress destroys.” That’s definitely enough reason for me to get goin’.

Sex burns calories – Okay, so you can’t exactly skip the gym (every day, at least) to have sex. However, according to webmd.com, a half hour of sex burns about 80 calories or so, depending on your weight. Foreplay can also torch calories – 50 per half hour for a 150 lb. person. Go to this site and enter your own weight and time and see how much you’re burning off during your hook up sesh.

Certain, ahem, fluids reduce tooth decay – Semen contains zinc, calcium, and various other minerals. Zinc, calcium, and “various other minerals” are known to prevent tooth decay. You do the math.

P.S. My source even continues to say: “Sexual etiquette usually demands the brushing of one’s teeth before and/or after intimacy, which, by itself, would help promote better oral hygiene.” Double whammy if you brush those babies after receiving that healthy dose of zinc and calcium…

It makes you prettier – According to some, at least. A study at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland found that the more sex you have, the younger you look. Now, that’s not too important to us youthful and vibrant college students, but how about healthy skin and hair? Apparently, sex causes a surge in estrogen, making hair shinier and skin smoother. Hey, you don’t have to tell me twice.

Go down and watch your breast cancer risk…go down – Now this one is my absolute favorite. According to a study published on CNN.com, women who perform fellatio on a regular basis have a lower chance of getting breast cancer. Now ladies, here’s the catch – you have to actually swallow the semen to reap the benefits. I’m not sure if this is fact or just a ploy by the men of the world to get us to swallow, but I do know that:

1) Dr. Helena Shifteer “…tries to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances.” Thanks for the overshare, Doc.

2) Dr. Len Lictepeen hopes that the research “will hopefully change women’s practice and patterns, resulting in a severe drop in the future number of cases” and should probably call Helena.

3) “Fellate” may be the best verb/vocabulary word I’ve heard since I learned the word “palindrome” in fifth grade.

Do you get your doctor-recommended daily dose of the dirty deed? Or are you still looking for that perfect “prescription”? Let me know what’s on your mind.

[Photo courtesy of the Sugar girls.]

Let's see...]

DAY ONE

7:05 a.m. Boyfriend wakes me up to kiss me before he goes to work, like he does every morning. Like every morning, I feel guilty about my morning breath, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

3:45 Boyfriend comes home early and suggests a quickie.

3:46 Boyfriend catches my unenthusiastic response and tells me never mind. I feel awful, as I do every time I turn him down, but I’ve been cleaning all day without a shower and I had just finished an hour of wii fit so I was sore. I promise him that I’ll make it up to him later that night.

1:22 a.m. Come home from seeing a friend’s band play. Still too sore and tired for sex, so I offer him a blow job as soon as we get home.

1:23 He tells me, and I quote, “I’m okay right now, but thanks”. I wonder if I am ever supposed to get to a point in a relationship where I don’t take these things personally. I need to let it go.

2:33 Boyfriend tries to have sex, but I’m absolutely exhausted. I roll over to take one for the team, so to speak, but boyfriend again tells me never mind. I start to get angry now because I feel like he’s having a hissy fit.

DAY TWO

8:10 a.m. Boyfriend wakes up like nothing happened the night before to tell me about the dream he just had.

8:12 I tell him about the horrific dream I had, that we had a baby. To the baby’s credit, he was remarkably well behaved. His name was Malcolm (after Malcolm McDowell) and it turns out at the end of the dream, that we were just being tested to see if we were fit parents and we failed. Angela Bassett came and took little Malcolm back to the baby factory and I was sad.

11:45 a.m. We finally do have sex, doggie-style behind an open window in our bedroom. Boyfriend has discovery fantasies, and likes people to watch. I don’t, but having sex in front of a window seems harmless enough, so I humor him.

DAY THREE

8 a.m. Wake up not as sore and up for some morning nookie but boyfriend is still asleep

10:00 Boyfriend is still asleep so I look up some internet porn, but it’s too early for me to be too especially into it.

NOON Boyfriend is still asleep so I put in Pride and Prejudice for a little literary porn.

1:00 p.m. Boyfriend is awake, but I don’t feel like having sex anymore

8:12 Finally feel like having sex after watching a documentary called Sex With Strangers. I even sort of feel like having sex with a stranger, the documentary makes it sound like a hoot.

8:23 Have a mid-cunnilingus conversation about trying a foursome, but quickly realize that I’m not quite that well adjusted.

8:45 I go down on him and then we have sex in our recliner in the living room (again, discovery fantasies) me on top.

DAY FOUR

11 a.m. Enjoying day off from work by floating down the river

1 p.m. Covertly feel boyfriend up underwater. He reminds me that the river is freshwater and thusly very cold, but I don’t mind.

6:00 Get home to realize that we are both sunburned within an inch of our lives, thus ruining any chance of anything sexual for a couple of days at least

6:30 As physical contact is too painful, I get to touch boyfriend only when I rub aloe on his back, chest, and arms.

9:30 Fall asleep on totally different sides of the bed, miserable, with only our hands touching.

Day FIVE

7:15 a.m. Wake up to a morning kiss. I feel like someone has barbequed me. No nooky today. Stick a fork in me, I’m done.

8:30 Have to wear the only dress that doesn’t irritate my sunburn to work. Which just happens to show off my sunburned boobs to perfection.

10:00 Wonder if the IT guy that just walked by was gawking at my lobster suit or my huge red boobs.

5:30 p.m. Boyfriend gets home and we kiss without touching any parts of our bodies. I rub him down with aloe a la sensual massage and give him some ibuprofen. He rubs me down very slowly and then bites my earlobe and I curse the sun and my nearly-albino skin.

DAY SIX

9 a.m. I start to feel a lot better, think about surprising boyfriend with a blowjob when he gets home.

3:30 p.m. Work is driving me crazy so I go home early and masturbate. Decide that I’m definitely going to jump boyfriend when he gets home.

5:00 I feel achy and crappy again, but its been a couple of days since we’ve been intimate so I decide to brave it and definitely surprise boyfriend with a blow job.

6:00 Boyfriend comes home after awful day and his sunburn has made him all itchy, so I doubt he wants blow job.

1 a.m. Boyfriend’s sunburn itch is now unbearable, so I wake up and run to the pharmacy to get him an antihistamine.

1:20 a.m. I spray him down and he feels better almost immediately. He mumbles something about how much he loves me and that I’ve saved his life and falls asleep.

DAY SEVEN

8:30 a.m.-Wake up, decide to skip out on work today and look up shirtless pictures of Mike Rowe. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it.

9:00 Decide that if I’m not going go to work, that I should spend day more constructively, so I turn on Dirty Jobs while I clean and do some writing

11:30 Wonder with some alarm if my new celebrity obsession means I’m in to older men.

11:31 Realize that I’ve never dated or slept with a younger man (to my knowledge, at least)

5:30 Boyfriend gets home, and I give him a quick sweaty kiss while I‘m playing wii fit.

8:30 Too sore from Wii Fit to have sex

10:00 Fall asleep at a pathetically early hour while watching Dirty Jobs.

Totals: one act of masturbation, one act of fellatio, one act of cunnilingus, two acts of attempted fellatio, two acts of intercourse, one act of underwater petting.

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Blow jobs are everywhere. From the endless supply of how-to literature, and porno medleys of non-stop fellatio, to over-hearing boys talk about it in a passing conversation; how to give it, how they like it, and how they want, seems to be all men ever talk about. They go hand in hand, like “me and my buddy”. Introduced to one another as young as 14 or 15-years-old, the male species and dick-sucking have been inseparable ever since. If in the event blow jobs all of a sudden became illegal and completely unattainable, the world would not only go into shock, but probably crumble at the seams. I guess it still really is a man’s world. Ugh, don’t get me started on that!

Literature, such as iVillage’s “A Guy’s Guide to Gals on Giving Amazing Oral Sex,” is one of the many examples of how-to literature—which I find nothing wrong with. Hell, I’d love to learn some new tricks, but someone better be supplying my boyfriend with some new tricks too.

Yea, yea, yea… there are plenty of articles on how to lick pussy, but they’re usually found in women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan, or Glamour. And let’s be honest here—how many men are actually reading these magazines? Ummm…none! Not even if you beg your boyfriend to read it, or if you read it for him, break it down, and make notes.

It’s just not happening ladies, so your man continues to go uneducated; only improving upon directions thrown his way (out of frustration) during the act. And often that doesn’t go so well either. The first few times he’ll get discouraged and then you have to deal with limpy-wimpy over there—always a big turn off in the heat of a now fleeting moment.

So I say “F**k em’!” to articles about men and their ridiculous ideas about blow jobs, though some articles are extremely entertaining. Find me an article (in a men’s magazine) about pampering the pussy—feeding it snacks like ice chips, whipped cream, and hot fudge—and maybe I’ll consider taking all these how-to documents seriously.

Truth be told, we could all use to learn a little in the oral sex department.

What are your feelings on blow jobs?