“You’re a feminist, aren’t you?”

And with that devious rhetorical flanking manuver, you have lost the argument. Anything you say can and will be held against you in future debates. It doesn’t matter what an intelligent, erudite, level-headed individual you were before; you have now become the batsh*t crazy feminazi. Your mouth wiggles furiously but nobody hears anything you say.

Sometimes, I have to put my life on hold and just let myself be baffled.

Because you know what gets me? That guy who’s been insisting to me that Frank Miller isn’t a mysogynistic assh*le is probably a feminist himself. And if I were a betting man, I’d bet good money that you are too, even if you don’t know it.

Case in point: I was walking around London with a female friend, and a glance at the newspaper headlines lead to a debate about politics, then social issues, and then the f-word came up. “I’m not a feminist or anything,” she said. “I mean, I think everyone should be equal, and we should be allowed to do what we want, make our own choices, all that stuff. I think civil rights for everyone is obviously very important. But the whole man-hating thing, I don’t get that. I don’t think I’m a feminist.”

“Yeah? Is that so,” I said.

Because you know what? Feminism, at its core, is mostly about being nice to people. It’s not about hating men and their big, dumb penises, and if you asked most feminists, they probably wouldn’t tell you that all heterosexual sex is rape. The name is probably the worst part, because it implies that you either need to be a woman or believe they’re superior to men in some way. But it’s not about a battle of the sexes, and it’s not about choosing sides — well, to be more accurate, it’s about letting everyone choose their own side. Read More »

In the aftermath of the Eliot Spitzer scandal, the New York Times ran an article about how rare true monogamy appears in nature. Fair enough; most of us wouldn’t argue with that. What was appalling was the way the article seemed to justify sleeping around and paying for sex, based on the premise that “everybody else is doing it.”

I think the theory has several holes in it, both scientific and moral.

One of the article’s arguments was centered on the findings of paternity tests given to animals: Evidently, even animals that supposedly mate for life have been found to be unfaithful. How do scientists know this? Because paternity tests show the children in the nest don’t always belong to the male.

The biggest flaw I see in this argument is that it says nothing about having followed the animals around for several months prior to the paternity test. If you are going to accuse a female of sleeping around, you have to have some proof other than a failed paternity test, right? I mean, if promiscuity can exist in nature, then what’s to say rape isn’t a possibility as well?

The article also argues that certain species have mating rituals equivalent to paying for sex. It then goes on to cite a type of male bird that gives females (other than his mate) treats, apparently in the hopes of getting laid: The bigger his offering, the more likely he’ll get some. Another example was macaque (a type of primate) culture: Although all macaques groom one another, it was once again assumed that the males are looking for sex, whereas the females are doing it for social and maternal reasons. Read More »

My friends laughed when I told them I had to go to a conference regarding women taking action in the media. “Have fun with all the crazy feminist man-haters!” they joked. I didn’t want to attend the conference because I knew my friends were right; who wants to spend the entire day with a bunch of angry women? Halfway between my apartment and the conference center on Saturday morning, I realized I was wearing my pink fleece and carrying a Prada bag. “Shoot! Do feminists wear pink?”

Most people I know wouldn‘t classify me as a feminist. I wear pink. A lot of it. I like designer clothes and accessories. And at the time of the conference, I had the all-American boyfriend. What do you think of when you hear feminist? Many people think of angry women with short hair, hippie attire in earth tones, and unsmiling faces. Many people think of butch lesbians.

But is that really what a feminist is, or does the whole movement simply have a bad name? Read More »