Upon glancing at the cover, I immediately thought I would be eviscerating the “How To Find Love in Hook-Up Culture” article, because the whole notion of “hook up culture” is so exaggerated. People have been hooking up with no strings attached since the beginning of time (I’m sure the guy who invented fire totally got some booty that night), the only difference is now everyone Tweets or makes a coy Facebook status about it. However, their advice to communicate open and honestly with your partner (and yourself!) about your romantic intentions is really legit (although it does include a terrible anecdote involving a MASS BOOTY CALL TEXT. Seriously? Seriously.) Yeah, so I couldn’t really find much to tear apart.

But then I turned the page and found this gem: “Weird Things That Turn Guys On” that did include weird tidbits… if “weird” has somehow evolved to mean normal, mundane, or obvious.

Random Glamour guy says: “Really cute toes. I like them perfectly pedicured and all cleaned up.”
Jasmine says: Duh. When a woman gets a pedi, and then puts on her cutest, fiercest shoes to draw attention to her pedi, a little part of her wants a guy to notice and be attracted to how put-together and manicured (no pun intended…oh, maybe a little) she is. Maybe the part where he said he likes to give his girlfriends pedis….with his teeth…. was left out?

Random Glamour Guy says: “Biting. The other day my girlfriend role-played with some vampire stuff….it was sexy.”
Jasmine says: This would have been weird…three years ago. Unfortunately, now it’s Edward Cullen’s world and we just live in it.

Random Glamour Guy says: “I love hearing women talk with an English accent.”
Jasmine says: I’m pretty sure it is a mathematical fact that English accents are sexy.

Random Glamour Guy says: “Competitive girls…I love not having to throw games.”
Jasmine says: Oh, how evolved and progressive to think that women are sore, inconsolable losers. Except, not really. Sure, I don’t enjoy losing Mario Kart every single time, but that’s nothing a slice of pizza or four can’t cure.

Some people are into long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and getting fancy. Other people are into staying in, watching movies, and keeping it low key. Some people work in big office buildings bringing in the cash, while others bus tables and do dishes for minimum wage. But what do all of these people have in common?  Some of them, from any category and walk of life, are into being tied up, spanked and dominated.

That’s right, folks, kinky people are everywhere.

I know when I used to think of “kink”, I would think of a leather daddy or someone who walks their boyfriend on a leash around the mall. We tend to be taught the extremes, so I never really thought of it any other way. Once I started educating myself on what it actually means to be kinky, I realized that the kinky lifestyle isn’t always so extreme after all.

Okay, so to start with, what is a kink? What’s a fetish? Broken down very simply, a kink is something that turns you on, while a fetish is something you have a hard time getting turned on without. Kinks are typically less extreme, like high heels and handcuffs, while a fetish is typically a bit more out there – like feet, centaurs, and genital mutilation. Not that there is anything wrong with either a kink or a fetish… that’s just usually how it plays out.

So what do you do if you start dating someone and soon discover that they’ve got a bit of a kinky side? Well, for starters, realize that the fact that they told you about it in the first place is a pretty big deal, and know that how you react to it will make all the difference. They didn’t tell you they have an illegitimate love child, they just told you they’re into something a little different. React accordingly. Next step would be to remember our little chat about being GGG. How can you participate in this kink in a way that’ll work for both of you? A little enthusiasm and understanding will go a long way. Just try to think of it from their perspective; how would you want someone to react if the situation was reversed?

Well, what do you do if the situation really is reversed? If it turns out you’ve got a little kink of your own, chances are the time will come to tell your partner. Like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, don’t treat it like it’s the worst news in the world. It’s just a little kink, it’s not a big deal. It is what it is, and since I know all the people who read this column have awesome taste in partners, I know your partners will be understanding and enthusiastic, just like you would be for them. If they’re not, and something just a little “different” in bed freaks them out, it’s not worth it. I can guarantee there will be people out there who are into, or can handle whatever it is you happen to be into.

The key here is to just keep an open mind. There’s no rule that says every time you have sex it has to be “love making” and wholesome (unless, that happens to be your kink…). Accept your/your partner’s kink for what it is —  something new and exciting to try out, experiment with, and enjoy the hell out of.

Cindy Crawford’s still got it. Let’s harvest her genes!

Tranny or Granny? That is the question

Tori Spelling continues to kill all that was ever right in this word

Shut your face Manic Pixie Girl!!

Need help surviving your 20′s?

Say sorry for protecting your health, you naughty, naughty Olympians!

Mmmm, Absinthe

In your face, men everywhere!

Ricotta Cherry Cheesecake. DELISH

In case you were wondering, we’re not a bunch of drunks

For all you elf fetishers out there

Dear Tuffy Luv,

This is really embarassing, so I hope it’s not weird that I’m asking you.

So over the summer every summer for the last three years I work as a hostess at this restaurant near my house. And every year I’ve been there, there’s been this guy (I’ll call him T) who works there too. I go away to college, but he goes to the junior college nearby so he’s there all year.

Anyway, T and I always flirt all summer and nothing ever really happened (last summer we kissed once but it was at a party and not anything that went anywhere). Except this year, from the first day we saw each other again, it was like BAM–chemistry. So we hooked up a couple of times and it was great.

My problem is, last night, I went over to his place after work and I thought we were just going to hook up like usual, but then–I don’t even know how to say this without being gross, so here it is: he peed on me.

I was totally disgusted, but I was really surprised so I didn’t say anything and we just had sex anyway and then I went home.

What the hell?! Also, have I now given him permission to do it again since I didn’t say anything? Help!!!!!!!!

-I Got Peed On

Dear I Got Peed On,

Ah, I see you’ve discovered the strange world of watersports.

No, not like frickin, uh, frickin water skiing or something. Watersports, also known as golden showers, is, to put it simply, a pee fetish. What can I say? Some people just really like urine.

I looked it up for you and apparently the official term is Urolagnia. It’s when someone sexually enjoys peeing on, or being peed on by, a sexual partner. Some people can’t perform without it. Some people just like it occasionally to add a little extra flavor.

Er, no pun intended.

Anyhoop, Peed On, it’s nothing really creepy. It’s actually a pretty common fetish.

But just because he’s into it doesn’t mean you have to be. And, more importantly, girl, just because you let him do it once doesn’t mean you have to let him do it again. Just tell him up front that, look, urine just don’t do it for you.

That said, if you decide you’re cool with it and it was just the shock that turned you off, it’s totally safe and, again, not unusual in the sexual spectrum of kinks.

Or (another option!), if it’s really important to him but you hate being peed on, maybe you peeing on him would work. I mean, then you don’t get his nastyass pee on you, but he still gets the pleasure he’s looking for. Right?

I don’t know. The only way you’ll find out is to talk about it with him. So, talk!

Also, for pee’s sake, use protection whenever you have any kind of sexual contact! STDs ain’t cute!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

• A fetish fair in NYC? Awesome! Not awesome: Men are forced to wear a “two-inch strip of leather up their backsides”…can’t they make it 4 inches? (NY Mag)

• Remember that book you read back in high school, 1984? It’s finally here in the form of…Gas Station TV! (freep.com)

• Schools are no longer allowing emotion through its doors! Bueller…Bueller? (chicagotribune.com)

• At least Britney isn’t this bad…we hope. (CBS6 Albany)

• I’m not usually into violence, I just thought lions as a whole had it coming. (You Tube)

If you were bummed when “Rich Girl” plugged Gwen Stefani’s brand L.A.M.B. and Eve’s Fetish, Fergie’s contract will be a rough blow. Fergie is scheduled to appear in a number of Candie’s commercials and will even have fans dress in Candie’s clothing at her concerts.

While Fergie is not the first artist to accept endorsements from a brand, the requirements in her contract with Candie’s require her to endorse the clothing very openly. She has basically been purchased and is allowing herself to become a walking Candie’s advertisement.

Will this decrease the quality of the music that Fergie produces? It’s hard to say. Various sources speculate that Fergie may incorporate phrases that seem to be referring to actual candy instead of bluntly stating the brand name.

If this is true, she may be able to pull it off. Outkast produced killer hit, “Hey Ya” while simultaneously endorsing Polaroid cameras. The difference is Outkast was offered money from the company after the song became a hit- they initially incorporated the brand name into their music by their own will.

In an interview with the Sunday Times of London, an executive from Interscope records (Fergie’s label) claims that sadly, this type of brand integration into mainstream music may be prominent in the future of the industry. He claims that since the eruption of piracy in music, record sales have severely decreased and artists must find a way to earn profit.

No offense Fergie, but aren’t you rich enough?

While I don’t blame the pop star for taking up this pricey offer, it makes me sad to think that commercial jingles and actual music will soon become one in the same. There must be a better way to gain considerable profits than to sacrifice the music itself.

Bagging.

The Sun recently ran an article about the newest sex craze to hit Britain since George Michael, and claims that “Bagging, or masking, is a fetish that’s being taken up by couples looking for daring ways to spice up their love life.” Before a pair starts to get it on, “one of [them] agrees to have their head covered”.

Now, we all know The Sun isn’t the most scholarly magazine to ever hit newsstands, but I have no doubt of this fetish’s validity. These days, we’re all about being turned on by anything and everything. Got an old pump with half the heel broken off? Someone will find that erotic. A pair of ripped up stockings? Half a peanut butter sandwich? People are getting off on those things all over the world. Right now. As you’re reading this. Seriously.

As for me, the idea of Bagging is a little too weird. Wouldn’t it be strange to have sex to the sounds of crinkling paper? Wouldn’t it be odd to stare at the same bag you carried your eggs home in while you’re going at it? Whatever happened to looking lovingly into a partner’s eyes?

Maybe I’m old fashioned. What do you think, lovelies?

Does Bagging sound appealing, or just plain freaky?