OK, so maybe not an actual ref, but a friend or some other unbiased third party (who looks less creepy than that guy on TV) would be nice.

It’s no secret that fights between a boyfriend and a girlfriend can get really heated really fast. There are just so many feelings to deal with. What starts out as a simple comment soon blows up into name calling, door slamming and silent treatmenting. (It’s a word, OK?)  Both parties are yelling but no one is really listening, anxious to get their feelings off their chest. Sometimes you can work it out, but sometimes it gets to the point where you’re both just too tired to try anymore and someone just gives up. Until the next time when all these old feelings come barreling out.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to have someone else there to keep things fair? To bust out a gavel and make a final ruling? To make sure everyone leaves feeling validated?

Sounds pretty good to me.

But maybe it’s not so good. Maybe being part of a couple means dealing with the fights and what comes with them. (Even if those fights happen to be over what we’ll eventually name our future dog….) Maybe inviting a third person into your relationship just makes things messier; sure, some people may dig a threesome in bed, a threesome in a relationship might not be so hot. Maybe you shouldn’t have to depend on someone else to fight your battles for you, and maybe having a referee might not even make that fight more productive. Especially when he/she sides with the other person.

I think we all bring refs into our relationships in some form or another. I know I talk to my best friends when I’m looking for a little perspective and validation and I know Matt does the same. But there are just some things that we gotta deal with on our own, things that no outsider could ever understand enough to fix. It may take a bit longer and there might be a few more doors slammed, but that’s all part of being coupled.

And ref or no ref, at least I know Matt and I will always agree on one thing: that show sucks.

This past semester however, for our third semester of Japanese (seriously, why FOUR semesters of a foreign language? excessive, no?), we both had such weird and limiting schedules that we ended up in the same class. I was prepared for the worst, since less than a year before Matt said he hated the idea of us with a class together. To my surprise, he was actually looking forward to it. We did survive, but now, for our final semester, we are back to different professors at different time. Like most relationship happenings, having class with my significant other was full of ups and downs:

Up:
The convenience factor. We only had to buy one book (which, let’s be honest, saves a giant chunk of change). We also got to ride the bus to school together and if I was home sick (thanks, flu season ’09), Matt could turn in my work for me.

Down:
Distraction. You try not talking to your boyfriend when you’re sitting next to him in class three days a week.

Up:
The study factor. No need to seek out some rando in class to help me out when I was struggling or try to coordinate a time that worked for a bunch of busy people for study group. Matt and I had each other and we were always around when help was needed.

Down:
The competition factor. Maybe it’s just us, but there was a constant need to beat one another on tests and assignments. And don’t even get me started on who could answer more questions in class.

Up:
Friendly face. It’s always nice to have a friend in class and even better when that friend happens to be a really good snuggler.

Down:
Awkward city. Do you have any idea how awkward it is to sit next to someone in class for 90 minutes when you just had a blowout fight over breakfast? And what if you break up??

So this class didn’t bring down my entire semester, but it wasn’t all a walk in the park either. In fact, the biggest lesson I learned that semester wasn’t some weird Japanese conjugation, but the fact that there is such a thing as too much togetherness. What can you really talk about with your significant other if you’re never apart? Granted, Matt and I turned out perfectly fine, but we all know plenty of couples that spend too much time together and eventually fizzle out. Or just annoy their friends with their inability to be apart.

I admit the perks to sharing a class were great (especially when finals came around), but I’m definitely ready to tackle Japanese on my own next semester. And maybe I won’t need all that study help if I don’t have someone distracting me the entire class.

Have you ever taken class with your sig other? How did that go?

"Why can't you just let me watch The Hills in peace?!"

One of the things I love about my boyfriend is that we have a lot in common. We both like football, video games, movies, and music. However, we have a few differences as to what exactly we like.

Over the summer we went out to go see Funny People because we both like Judd Apatow movies and we thought it’d be really good. I thought it was really funny and that while, yeah it dragged a little bit, I enjoyed it. Matt on the other hand, HATED IT. And he felt the need to list every. single. reason why. All I heard for the rest of the night was Matt trashing the movie that I actually liked. Naturally, I was annoyed.

It’s not like I can’t handle a little opposition, it’s just that it’s little hard to take sometimes. Whenever he goes off on one of his rants about something I like, I can never tell if I should keep my mouth shut and question his taste in my head or if I should stand up for myself and my opinions. If I just sit there, I end up just internalizing thoughts like, “my boyfriend is an idiot and I’d really like to throw something at him right now,” when that’s the last thing I should be thinking about the guy I love. And the breakable things I also love. I also know that if I speak up and defend things I like, I’m most likely going to spend the next 3 hours arguing, and I just don’t always have the energy for that.

We have been able to come to a truce on some things. He doesn’t make fun when I watch Say Yes to the Dress, I support the Dallas Cowboys as long as he supports the Green Bay Packers (except for when they play each other – then all hell breaks loose), and Matt uses his iPod when he wants to listen to music he knows I don’t like. And it’s all made us a much happier couple.

But when you’re with someone, no matter how much you have in common and agree that Coke is far superior to Pepsi, there will be things that can’t be compromised. (And if there aren’t – well, that’s just boring.) The biggest thing I’ve learned from being one half of a couple is that you have to pick your battles. While there will be issues to stand up and fight for, some things are just not worth the long-winded-argument-that-leads-to-door-slamming-and-silent-treatment.

Yeah, I’ll still speak up if it’s really important or something I care passionately about, but let’s be honest – the world will not end if your boyfriend doesn’t agree that Lady Gaga is the best thing since sliced bread.

Trust me, I’m not here to glamorize having a boyfriend or to make the single ladies feel bad. And believe me, I did NOT come to college for my MRS. degree. Quite the opposite, actually. I just feel that us long-term girlfriends seem to be a minority in college, and I’m here to give them a voice.

For one thing, having a college relationship is far from easy. My boyfriend, Matt, and I have been together for almost 2 years. There have been fights, sex droughts, upset friends, and jealous exes. But we’ve gone through a lot and I’m proud to say that he’s the one for me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m too young for this; like when I find out he’s been calling his mom to try to get his grandmother’s engagement ring and I’m on my couch watching reruns of Run’s House. Other times, I feel a million times older than my friends when I say I’m staying in to bake a casserole. But putting all that aside, what keeps me happy is knowing that we’re going to get through the tough stuff of our 20s together.

And there’s nothing wrong with finding your man in college. Despite being called a “disgrace to feminists everywhere” just because I’m not ashamed to admit that I love my boyfriend and will make decisions with him in mind,  I don’t see our relationship as “setting me back decades.” I invest heavily into my future career and have my own personal life with friends IN ADDITION  to making my man as happy as I can. Just for the record, I DO go out with my girlfriends on a regular basis, I DO take part in many on-campus activities, and I DO consider myself to be a very independent woman.

So, for as long as I have stories to tell, I will share my experiences with you all, because I know there are many of you who can relate with the ups, the downs and the changes that come in a long term relationship.

For you non-believers and nay- sayers, you can see that it really is possible to make it work!