Whether you’re looking to avoid an assignment or a spate of bad weather, the movie theater is the perfect getaway. 2011 has a selection of films to suit every taste—and with the recession still bedeviling the box office, plenty of theaters are offering discounted tickets to students these days. I’ve combed through the archives of IMDB and Apple Trailers to bring you my picks for the year. How can you resist?

Click on any movie to get started:

Here’s what he had to say:

There are a couple of things going on in my life that I consider pretty surreal.  I’m nearing the end of my college career and going into the real world soon. I’m getting to the point in my life where I’m making fun of the trends of younger people, which makes me feel like the old man yelling at kids to get off my yard. All these freaking celebrities are dying! All of this stuff seems unreal; the fact that I’m getting married to the girl of my dreams is the polar opposite.

Sarabeth and I started out with a weird relationship. You might know the details if you’ve followed her from the beginning of her writing for CollegeCandy (which I also think is pretty surreal, BTW; random anonymous people arguing over what she says on them there internets is just weird). Basically, we were just friends first and as I spent more time with her, I came to the realization that I was (and still am!) truly happy when I was with her.

I know we have our moments where things aren’t at their smoothest. Just like anybody, we get annoyed with each other. Our pet peeves get messed with. Disagreements are had. But after the arguing and the fighting, I always know Sarabeth will be there to make it better. I can go to her unconditionally and know she will love me. And it I know she will open her arms and offer her care. It is what keeps me going and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.

I always thought that finding true love would take a long time; I certainly didn’t see myself getting engaged while I was still in college. But then again, there were other things about college I didn’t expect. Who knew I would be learning Japanese? Or getting a degree in Radio-TV-Film while producing a weekly show of local bands on an FCC licensed television station? But these things happened. It might sound like it’s all matter of fact, but it really just is. This is how things happened. I fell in love and it just happened before I reached my quarter-life crisis.

My relationship with Sarabeth seemed to progress as it should (minus the casual nasty-doing). She was my friend. Then she was my girlfriend. Now she’s my fiancee. Soon, she will be my wife. It all feels so natural and right, even if most of the college guys across the country don’t take this path.

I am a guy. In a (very) serious relationship. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

And my major, film and television, is one of them.

I decided to major in film and TV because I want to work in that industry one day (duh). I have always dreamed of being a screenwriter, producer, or, my ultimate goal, a movie director. When I tell people I that they look at me in shock. “Are there female directors??”

Uh, thanks, dude.
OF COURSE THERE ARE!

When I’m not in the male-dominated classroom, I work (with only 2 other women) for a show on a local TV station. The rest of the staff makes jokes about women constantly, and while it’s all in good fun and I know they’re good guys, I’m getting a bit sick of it. They never listen to me or the other two girls, and we’re kind of ignored when it comes to creative content. The only time they do listen to the women on staff is when it is coming from the size 4, blonde girl I work with. And that only upsets me even more. 

I don’t want to have to slather on the makeup to get the attention of my peers, but it seems the only other way I can get it is to demand it. Of course if I do that, I’m automatically labeled the bitch. Why is it that those are the only two options for us?

I’ve come to realize that this is a problem in a lot of majors. My best friend is a female engineer and she said that in that department the man to woman ratio is 12:1. Twelve to one! Where are all the smart women? Could it be that most of them were turned away from math at a young age after being told they couldn’t do it? And is it fair that those who stuck it out have to fight with that stigma every day as their male classmates silently size them up and ignore whatever insight they can bring to the topic at hand?

The truth is that no matter how far we’ve come, many of us still have to fight to prove ourselves every day. It’s not something many people realize on college campuses, but it is definitely a problem. Is this something you’ve seen? Share your experiences below!

With the Go Green revolution, a lot of us have been making the effort to protect and preserve our environment: trees, animals, reservations. Hemp jewelry is so in right now and vintage is your new passion, right?

Well, guess who’s more passionate than you are? The Neo-hippie, better known as The Empathetic Activist.

The Empathetic Activist feels the pain of the distressed, whether it is animal, mineral or vegetable. When a mouse-trap is set up in the dorms, he or she will be there to protect the rights of our furry friends. When soda cans are thrown in the cafeteria trash, he or she will be there to lecture their peers on the perils of cans in dumps around the world. When a tree is cut down to expand your campus, he or she is there screaming murder through blurred vision…or at least collecting signatures to stop the madness.

The Empathetic Activist cares, but not about material objects. While we’re all spending what little money we have on a spring break wardrobe, the E.A. is perusing the local consignment/ thrift/ vintage shops while munching on some tofu, as he or she is also most likely vegan/vegetarian. (“Animals have rights too!”) And when your favorite neo-hippie is not purchasing vegan Birkenstocks, you will find him or her working for social consciousness, whether it be through debates and discussions with friends or long and heated monologues during class.

The Empathetic Activist writes for an alternative paper about subjects such as child exploitation, or the effects of racial discrimination in the workplace. He or she has more causes on Facebook than friends, and is constantly updating his or her status to advertise the latest and most pressing issue. Fundraisers are organized, protests are made, and marches are formed!

Admit it or not, the Empathetic Activist will inspire you, if only just a little. You may feel unqualified or ignorant when listening to a discussion about the way “the man” is still active and bringing us down, but you will learn something.

The Empathetic Activist is probably the most open-minded person you will ever meet: he/she is pro-interracial dating, pro-foreign films, pro-culture…pro-a lot of things. They are good people to have around, except when you consider the ones who may also be pro-water conservation. The biweekly shower schedule isn’t always ideal for those around them.

[Photo courtesy of Boomelcha on Flickr.]

It’s rainy. It’s windy. You haven’t seen sunlight in days, you didn’t do so hot on today’s pop quiz, and you really don’t feel like reading about the Enlightenment for history class. What better way to beat the dreariness and procrastinate than by having a comedy movie marathon to boost your spirits and make you laugh?

When fall settles in and it’s not as much fun to walk through campus on a chilly, dismal day, grab a bunch of kids from your hall, pop some warm, buttery popcorn, and veg out in flannel pj’s and sweats. You’ll feel better, you’ll have fun, and best of all, these movies sure as hell beat anything that sprung from the Enlightenment!

1. Happy Campers

I stumbled upon this little gem in college, and ended up being charged an arm and a leg in late fees when I couldn’t bring myself to return my new instant-favorite to the video store. Starring Brad Renfro, Dominique Swain, and Jaime King (credited as James King), this black comedy follows six mismatched camp counselors through the trials and tribulations of summer camp.

All of the typical stereotypes are present in the counselors who have to fend for themselves and control their coming-of-age campers after the director of the camp is struck by lightening. If you’re thinking this movie is just as cheesy as such camp movies as Camp Nowhere or Heavyweights, think again. Do those Disney flicks feature scenes in which the “slutty” counselor tells her charges that semen tastes like salty pancake batter? I didn’t think so.

Bonus: Summer movies might be the only chance of seeing sunshine as the days get longer and darker.

2. Grandma’s Boy

This Happy Madison production does NOT feature Adam Sandler, but if you’ve seen Big Daddy, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, and the rest of Sandler’s flicks, you’ll recognize the featured cast (Kevin Nealon, Peter Dante, and Allen Covert), as well as Rob Schneider and David Spade, who make hysterical cameos. Co-written and co-produced by my future husband, Nick Swardson, this movie wraps excessive marijuana use, Dance Dance Revolution, karaoke, a ninja monkey, and the nerdy guy from Dodgeball (dressed in pleather) into one gut-busting hit. Did I mention Doris Roberts from Everybody Loves Raymond also plays a major part?Bonus: This movie is totally guy-friendly, so you can make a coed movie night out of it!

3. Mean Girls

Come on — this movie is the staple for a snuggly night in. No matter how many times Lindsay Lohan says “Grool”– you know, when she meant to say “cool,” but then she started to say “great”– Mean Girls gives you something new to notice and laugh at every time around. Maybe that’s because the script is written by funny woman Tina Fey, of Saturday Night Live, 30 Rock and Baby Mama fame. There’s plenty of eye candy, plenty of velour jumpsuits, and plenty of Rachel McAdams portraying the ultimate Queen Bee. What’s not to love?Bonus: Save money on rentals — it’s pretty much guaranteed that someone on your floor already owns it.

4. EuroTrip

Just because Spring Break is months away doesn’t mean it’s too early to start planning. What better way to get some fab SB plans than by watching the ultimate collegiate European adventure? Three guys and Michelle Trachtenberg jetset to London, Paris, Amsterdam, Bratislava, Vatican City, and more, partaking in plenty of deviance along the way. So what if you’re stuck inside a dorm room, bored out of your mind? Escape to the world of French robots, football hooligans, Absinthe, and crass Nazi jokes. Forget Miami Beach — this movie will make you want to dust off your passport and head to Europe this spring!Bonus: Look for the cameo by Matt Damon — just be careful not to get his catchy jam stuck in your head!

5. Sorority Boys

When three guys are unfairly kicked out of their the KOK fraternity house, they do what any dude would do in this situation: dress in drag and pose as pledges for the DOG sorority. Obvi. Of course, as the film progresses, Barry Watson and his crossdressing cohorts learn life lessons, make valuable friends, fall in love, and outcon the enemy, with lots of sexual innuendos and biological puns along the way.Bonus: You don’t have to think. At all. Just sit back and enjoy Harland Williams’ antics.

So posters for the new Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie (which has been pushed back like, 7 times) have just come out, and we gotta say, adding a lame picture to a weird title is definately not the way to get people interested in this flick.

What does this poster say to you?

(Besides “Tom Cruise and a bunch of old white dudes are gonna be in a long and serious movie that is based on a true story so it will also probably be boring but Tom Cruise is a CELEBRITY and the MAIN CHARACTER so you’ll sit through it regardless.”)

We already came up with that one.

[photo from JustJared]

I mean, in America, the stereotypical retiree will move down to Florida to spend their time lounging by the pool in a gated community or playing a few holes on the golf course. Lame. In Japan, adult films for senior citizens, aka “elderly porn” is growing into quite the profitable franchise, according to porn producing giant Ruby Productions.

While America’s economy is declining, many entertainment venues (including golf courses) are taking a hit. In Japan, at least one retiree is cashing in on the entertainment biz. Shigeo Tokuda, 73, is the Ron Jeremy of elderly porn.

CNN correspondent Kyung Lah describes Tokuda as “the star of his movies in every way, romancing his co-stars, no matter their age, no matter their needs.” And apparently, his films are no-holds-barred, much like anything Jenna Jameson has appeared in.

This human interest story might come as a shock to American citizens, but as a nation, Japan is home to the world’s highest percentage of people over 65. Who says the greater populace can’t have a little fun? Tokuda isn’t some pervy old man, either. He’s been married for forty-four years, and his wife supports his new career path. Lah reports that he’s a polite and humble man, and though it’s not easy to watch Tokuda’s raunchy scenes, “it’s a little like watching your grandfather in a situation you never dared to dream.” Aww, that’s sweet. Or creepy.

In any case, Tokuda can be considered a retirement legend. I’m sure there’s plenty of guys half- or one-third his age who would love to achieve such celebrity status. And if he can chase his dreams at 73, I can’t wait for my own retirement.

Case in point: In college, I majored in English, and I was one class shy of earning a film minor. My final semester of college, no film classes that would fulfill my final requirement were offered, and even though I had taken film classes that weren’t part of the minor’s plan of study, they wouldn’t give me the “Film Studies Minor” title unless I took a class that wasn’t freakin’ available. I still get riled up about that, as you can see.

Anyway, I was seeking a Masters degree in English, though I really enjoyed Film Studies as well. Now, when you apply for a grad school program, you might have to choose a field within the realm of your chosen subject. For example, many English programs divide their grad students into Rhet/Comp or Lit majors; my friend is currently getting a PhD in Psychology, but her specialization is Early Childhood Development. So while you may earn a degree in a broad major like Politics, Journalism, or Philosophy, you may have to narrow it down to a specific topic when you apply to grad schools.

That being said, I discovered that North Carolina State had three “tracks” for its English grad students to choose from: Composition and Rhetoric (boring), Literature (why not?), and Film (What?? Film?!? Score!). I hastily applied for the film track, and eagerly awaited acceptance to NC State. I surpassed all of the school’s entry requirements, such as GPA and GRE Scores, and I sent two awesome writing samples, which were essays I wrote that analyzed some classic films.

NC State was my first choice school at the time, hands down. So imagine my surprise when I got REJECTED. I was shocked. I was so surprised, in fact, that I mustered up the balls to write to an admissions rep and ask why they didn’t want me. Where had I gone wrong? Applying for a film track.

I mentioned that many English programs ask students to choose between Rhet/Comp, Literature, or some other derivative of English language. It’s basically a matter of checking a box, so I’d assumed the same was true of the film track. Because I hadn’t thoroughly researched the program at NC State, I hadn’t realized that the film track is incredibly competitive. While I would have been a prime candidate for the literature track, I was trying to compete with kids who had majored in film studies, students who had written, directed, and produced actual films while I was writing about camera angles in Hitchcock flicks.

Reapplying for the Lit track was out, so I blew my chance at studying at my number one grad school, simply because I didn’t know what I was doing when I tried to choose a program. Then, when I finally began my career as an English graduate student, I quickly realized that even the literature track wasn’t right for me. I had loved the variety of English classes available to me in undergrad, and surpassed my minimum credit requirements by signing up for elective classes like “Literature Goes to Hell,” “Fiction into Film,” “Contemporary Irish Literature,” and “African American Children’s Lit.”

My grad school program, however, followed a strict plan of study, and while I thoroughly enjoyed “Modern American Drama,” I absolutely hated reading a 1600-page epistolary novel in my 18th Century British Lit class. Furthermore, I had decided to get a Masters degree with zero intentions of going on to a PhD, and English is the kind of major that people usually study because they want to end up a professor or because they want to do research in the field. That being said, the required “Practicum in Teaching Composition” and “Art of the Bibliography” classes weren’t exactly fulfilling to my interests.

As I said last week, it’s vital that you spend the time to research the schools and programs you are applying for. Look at a sample plan of study. If you want to get a Masters degree in History, but have no intention of studying anything prior to 1965, you might be disappointed. It’s also in your best interest to actually understand how competitive a program is, so you don’t waste $50 applying to a program that you are grossly unqualified for.

But, rash-inducing as it is, you can’t deny that HSM has completely taken over the world to the point where crazy dictators are probably kicking themselves that they didn’t think of it first. Below, your first taste of HSM 3: We All Look Like We’re Made Of Wax (Note: I may have made that title up).

[Also...I would like to offer a $500,000 reward for the head of the man or woman who wrote the lyrics during the basketball game in this trailer. They must be destroyed]

]]>