I got a job!!!

All my tears, temper tantrums, panic attacks, stress-induced friend fights, and violent rages towards my parents turned out to be totally worth it. I’m on my way to getting a full time job. And by that I mean that I’m now working three freelance blogging jobs and making enough money to support myself for at least one to three months depending on how long I can sustain myself on a water and table scraps diet.

One blog is about the postgrad realty market, one is geared towards men’s humor, and the last is all about liberating and embracing a woman’s sexuality. So by the time I get done with a week of writing all three, I’ll be the only certified realtor that can make hilarious fart jokes while imparting the seriousness of bra burning. If that’s not a pick-up line in a bar, then cat’s got my tongue (I’m aiming to write for a blog entirely composed of idioms if anyone’s got a lead). Read More »

If I’ve learned nothing else since graduating (I’ve learned nothing else), I have learned that everyone turns into Dear Abby when they meet an unemployed person. I’ve gotten enough advice to write at least fourteen whole blogs on this topic, but don’t worry I’ll contain myself this time.

“Look on the the Internet for Jobs” – Esther Rosenwiezencrantz, age 85
Oh really, the internet? Is that where they are? Well darn, I can stop circling help wanted ads in the newspaper and turn on that new-fangled computer that sits in the corner of my room. I guess I just turn on this internet thing and a million jobs appear.

“Go to Grad School” – 10 +People in Grad school
Actually, I’ll tell you what, that advice isn’t applicable to my situation. I want to start making money, not go to grad school for something I’m not interested in and leave in more debt… and still unemployed. Read More »

My third (and, god willing, final) internship ended last week. Even though I left without a job offer or a hint at a job offer, I did manage to fit some quality ballpoint pens, a stack of Post-its,  and a pack of printer paper in my purse on the way out. So not only do I have tons of jobless free time on my hand, I also have the basic arts and crafts supplies needed to make 513 paper airplanes with personalized post-it notes attached.

Life is good.

A downside to the end of my internship is no longer having an answer when people ask what I do. Intern sounds downright glamorous compared to unemployed. Hence why I choose to exaggerate the truth and choose my words more wisely. Writing this blog equals freelance journalist, making my lunch equals part time catering, and spamming my brother’s Facebook page equals social media marketing. Read More »

"Dude, we totally should have done the 10 year plan."

God, am I lucky to still be in college.  And no, I’m not just talking about the amazing carefree, party animal, parent-less lifestyle of mine (life literally does not. get. better).  I’m talking about the luxury of not having to deal with the real world in a currently not-so-great world.

As if graduating and moving on to becoming an adult and a real person (ew) isn’t bad enough, struggling to get a job doesn’t make it all any more appealing.  Nothing sucks more than going for an interview and then waiting to hear back…only to realize there is a great chance you won’t. Ever. At all. Just imagine how the class of 2009 feels, as fewer than a fifth of the graduating seniors have job offers. A fifth!!  The frustration and aggravation is awful, and people are being forced to completely alter their original life plans.

As a result, graduates are looking for alternatives to work, such as volunteering and participating in public service programs (applications for the Peace Corps were up by 16 percent this spring over last year!) and even going abroad to find other options. Others are expecting to attend graduate or professional school.

Even the lucky ones who do actually get offers aren’t so lucky.  Jobs for new college grads are paying less than in previous years. Read More »

Where's the keg? Where's the dancing? Where are the drunk people making out?!

There’s nothing like an exclusive party in Manhattan to make you feel cool. Likewise there’s nothing like a six story walk up to make you feel out-of-breath as well as out-of-shape.

This past weekend I was invited to a friend’s brother’s uncle’s neighbor’s housewarming party at a West Village penthouse. I went not only because I liked casually slipping it into conversation that I was going to a roof party, but also because I’m constantly trying to figure out the secret to going from a post-grad intern to a real employee who can afford to pay rent on an apartment. It’s a mind boggling mystery to me but I’m determined to solve it.

However, mingling with all these employed-and-insured people made me realize that I shouldn’t be so worried about finding a job. These people were only twenty-five and yet they had more complaints than my grandparents after they forget to take their diuretics. They’re overtired, they’re overworked, and they’re over having fun. Read More »

I’ve learned many lessons since graduating from college. I’ve learned that buying a pair of shoes isn’t as important as eating dinner, that keeping in touch with friends is hard and that your first job out of college isn’t always as amazing as you think it will be.

But the biggest and most important lesson I’ve learned is that networking is the key to success.

You may not want to believe it, but when it comes to getting ahead in life, it’s all about who you know. Every single job (from full time gigs to random babysitting jobs) that I’ve gotten since I graduated from college has been because I had some connection to the person hiring. Whether it be the college I went to, the sorority I was in, or just some random person who knew my mom, I would not have gotten the position if that connection hadn’t been there.

And it’s not like I wasn’t qualified. Read More »

I had gone for almost a solid month without having any massive breakdowns about my future so it was only natural that I spent last Thursday sitting over my computer hysterically (and unattractively) crying about the fact that I had no idea what I was going to do with my life.

I know exactly what I want to do with my life, but after a few months in the real world I’m starting to realize all these “bad economy” rumors are not just urban legend. No one is hiring. I keep expanding my job horizons further and further out to the point where I’m filling out Starbucks applications and assuring myself that writing down orders is the same thing as writing a script.

My summer plan of living with my grandparents and moving out in the fall has turned into my life plan of living with my grandparents and learning how to play bridge with them. All I kept saying as I cried to my mom on the phone was that no one told me it was going to be this hard. I knew it wasn’t going to be college, I knew finding a job would take a while, and I even knew living with my grandparents would give me a natural mothball scent that didn’t come off in the shower.

But I didn’t know that not having college to look forward to in the fall and not having a job and not having alternatives to prune juice in the fridge was going to be so depressing. I met a college sophomore this weekend and before I could stop myself I yelled out, “don’t graduate!” I used to hate when people said that to me – as if you had the option to just not graduate (with the exemption of being a 5th year senior).

I think I’m steps away from telling incoming freshman to cherish their four years because life is all downhill after there. And then I’ll know that I’ve truly entered old age.

I had a friend visiting me this weekend and even though my life is in shambles, I was determined to impress her with my knowledge of New York and my ability to stand on the subways without falling at every stop (an extraordinary feat due to my complete lack of coordination). If she happened to have a good time, that would just be a bonus; the main focus was on her being impressed with my new life.

So my other tri-state area friend (she’s from NJ despite what she may tell you) and I found what looked like a cheap Mexican restaurant known for great food and greater margaritas. Unfortunately, as I’m discovering more and more, online reviewers cannot always be trusted. We arrived at the restaurant and it resembled a cross between an abandoned truck stop and a dive bar in Rochester. So obviously I was way excited to eat there – there’s nothing less harmful than bad Mexican food.

Sadly, my friends weren’t as willing to risk a few shooting stomach pains so we ended up looking for a new restaurant. However being as this was my first time on the Lower East Side, (excluding my visit to the tenement museum) and the streets aren’t numbered, I had no idea where to go and or even how to get back to a main street. But I had to keep up my appearances of knowing what I was doing so I marched along pretending like I knew where we could find dinner. And after making a few circles (purposefully, I told my friend) around the area, we found a place for dinner – only an hour after we planned to eat. Read More »

It’s been a busy week of jumping through puddles and praying that the sun will come out tomorrow. Or, I don’t know, yesterday? But a new month starts next week, and so does a new fresh start to the beloved season.

To kick of July with a bang, we get to choose from our lovely collection of swimsuits to show off at the beach, (paired with our handy T-shirt tote bag, of course,) spice up our outfits with a scarf and maybe take a day off from work using the clever period excuse (even if we’re lying about it).

What we won’t be doing is getting the new iPhone, lest we get too fat to fit into our swimsuits. Or having some  casual sex because, although it may seem like a great idea in the moment, it’s not that great the next morning. And, most importantly, we will not be asking men anything, because it makes us want to pull a Will.I.AM. move on every man we see.

On the brighter side, we’ve got some awesome new jams we heard about, and it looks like there really are a bunch of jobs out there for all those post-grads. So after doing some soul searching, we can fill out some applications.
AND no excuses for not working out, because we got some awesome tips to relieve that muscle pain.

So your beer guzzling, frat hopping days are over. And to top it off, you moved back home to live with your parents cuz there are no jobs out there in the big, bad, real world these days, right?

Wrong!

There are. You might just not be looking in the right places. And no, we aren’t saying you have to be flippin’ burgers at Micky D’s or prostituting yourself on a corner somewhere (really, not recommended). We’re talking about good jobs with even greater benefits. And we know for a fact (from some savvy internet research) that these places are looking for a few new hires!

Starbucks
Not only will you get a free pound of coffee to take home weekly (that’s enough to get me filling out an application) but working 20 hours a week guarantees you comprehensive health coverage, access to a 401(k) plan and a chance to buy company stock at a discount.

But wait, there’s more: After only a year of working, you can also qualify for tuition reimbursement AND a paid vacation. Pretty sweet, huh? You can earn up to a 12% merit increase within the first year of working if you become one baller barista! And with 11,466 U.S. locations, you wont have trouble finding a place nearby to get started. Read More »