Everyone’s got a morning after story (though I’m sure the girl who watched people get it on at a table in front of her wishes she didn’t) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

The summer after I graduated from high school I was excited to finally be free from compulsory family vacays to celebrate the 4^th of July. So to celebrate both America’s and my own newfound independence, I went big, I went all out – I went to a house party.

It was the kind of party I look back fondly on in remembrance of high school days. There was cheap vodka, a backup keg, and plenty of top shelf liquor plucked from the generous hostesses’ parents liquor cabinet. The night started out innocently enough, with keg stands, red and blue shots (white didn’t work out the way we’d planned), and plenty of high schoolers bragging about just how wasted they were.

As a mature, soon-to-be-freshman, I was so over the same un-graduated attendees that had been plaguing house parties for the last 4 years of my life. As I lamented the lack of “real men” with my equally sophisticated best friends, the college guys showed up.

There’s always a few; the ones who are so bored to death while visiting home that they will stoop to new lows and attend their buddy’s-little cousin’s-best friend’s party. Easily identifiable by their upscale party attire (not basketball shorts), college hats, and facial hair, heads literally swiveled when this otherwise unremarkable group of 4 guys walked through the door. Sensing the air of competition, the girls and I immediately discussed dibs before pulling down our Hollister tank tops and hiking up our Abercrombie shorts and plastering on our college-girl looks of indifference (an older, wiser friend had previously informed us that smiling makes you look younger).

All that scowling must have done the trick, because a few Keystones later, I was flirting charmingly drunkenly with my favorite undergrad. I could sense he was nervous, given the tendency of high school girls to lie about their age, so to put him at ease I showed him my license (really). Once he had properly satisfied himself that I was legally 18, the sparks flew. Pretty soon we were passionately sucking face on the couch while people took pictures of us, elbowing each other and shouting “FACEBOOK!”

As those with curfews slowly trickled out the door, others disappeared in pairs, and to impress my new friend with my maturity, I suggested we go somewhere a little more private. Unfortunately, a brief (and grope-filled) tour of the house proved every door locked and every bathroom –ahem—occupied. I suggested we take things outdoors for a little lovin’ au natural to find the Jacuzzi in use and the pool honestly too disgusting to swim in, let alone hook up in. And as we made our way deeper and deeper into the back yard, we saw it: a trampoline.

Needless to say, we “jumped” at the opportunity and “hopped” right on (OK I’ll stop now). The hookup got off to a rocky start (I had to feign preference for his school’s football rival to get him to go down on me), but finished with a bang—literally. Our hookup happened to coincide with the last of the night’s illegal fireworks displays, leading to my newfound appreciation for the missionary position (he missed the show, but judging by the look on his face, I don’t think he minded).

After bouncing our way off the trampoline and tiptoeing back through the house around passed out 16-year-olds, I walked him to the door and bade him a happy 5^th of July and goodbye for what I thought was forever. He ended up transferring schools and I still see him at the library; on those occasions I have to suppress the urge to salute him.

The Fourth of July is a holiday deeply rooted in its traditions. You hang out with friends and family (sometimes in costume…), you cook big slabs of meat on the grill, you wash those slabs of meat down with an icy cold (alcoholic) beverage, and you sit on a blanket in the middle of a street to watch pretty bombs explode overhead.

Ooooo!
Ahhhhh!

But no matter how many times you do it, as you walk back to your car – scratching those damn mosquito bites until you bleed- you always find yourself wishing you had prepared for the festivities a little better.

So, this year, CollegeCandy is gonna help you out. We’ve done all the preparing so you don’t have to. Print this sucker out before you go and you will be ready for your 4th of July celebration (and possibly another Y2K situation…what can we say? We like to be prepared).  

Bug Spray: Those bitches won’t have a chance in hell

An extra cushy blanket: Sure, that table cloth is bigger, but is that going to protect your back from the giant rocks that always seem to end up under your back?

A long sleeved shirt: Yes, it is 80 degrees now, but you may want it later. However, if you don’t bring it you could always find a hottie to snuggle up with….

Beverages: Filled with alcohol. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but fireworks are boring. Fireworks with a little booze in your system, however, are totally freaking AWESOME.

Snacks: To keep the annoying nearby children quiet…and because those beverages may make you crave a Lunchables.

A Romantic Partner: I am sure this isn’t as easy as grabbing a bottle of bug spray, but if you have one, bring ‘em along. Fireworks are always better watched while snuggling (and, see above, drinking).

Camera: Obviously, a holiday is a total Kodak moment. But, even more, there are sure to be some fantastic mullets milling around. There always are. Always.

Aspirin: In case you run out of snacks and the damn kids on the next blanket won’t. shut. up.

Condoms: Because fireworks are romantic. And you’ll have to thank that dude keeping you warm somehow.

Alka Seltzer: The 3 hot dogs you scarfed at dinner are bound to make a comeback at some point.

A DD: Drinking and driving is never a good idea.

Ahhh, Fourth of July.

It’s not a holiday that carries the burden of gift exchange, and you don’t feel guilty if you don’t spend it with your family. Is that why it’s one of the best days to celebrate? People make plans for the Fourth months in advance, which is more than we can say for St. Patrick’s day, its celebratory-drunkfest cousin. So what is it that makes Independence Day so special? I mean… other than the fact that we have freedom of speech and right to assemble and such.

1. Fireworks.

They appeal to everyone. The rebels can light stuff on fire and blow things up. The artists can appreciate the colorful patterns of light against a midnight sky. And the lovers can tell themselves it’s okay if they just did it in a park on a blanket. Fireworks and Fourth of July are like Mistletoe and Christmas. They just aren’t as cool if you pick the wrong day.

2. Hot Dogs.

Am I the only one that kind of thinks Joey Chestnut is hot? Or the only person who has the SNL Saturday TV Funhouse featuring Takero Kobayashi bookmarked? Seriously, my inner fat kid can live vicariously through these competitive eaters. It’s like rubbernecking a bad car crash — you can’t help but cheer when 90-something-pound Sonja Thomas proceeds to chomp 8 hot dogs in about 15 seconds. Sonja, your metabolism is the kind of freedom every girl wishes for this Fourth of July.

3. Bank Holidays.

This year, the 4th occurs on a Saturday. My office is having a half day on the 2nd, and a full day off on the third. That’s a 3 1/2 day weekend, all because we gained our independence from the Brits a couple hundred years ago. Score! Many of us that do have to work can rest assured that we’re getting time and a half, and a lot of places have extended their patriotic holiday to include closings on Monday the 6th. Awesome!

4. Bikinis.

Really, the 4th is the only summer holiday. Sure, if you live some place with consistent warm weather, like California, Florida, or Hawaii, you can have pool parties and cookouts whenever you like. But even if it is nice weather year-round, can you really justify a bathing suit at Christmas dinner? Whether you’re having a party or a family get-together on the fourth, you can express your independence in a string bikini and get away with it this weekend

5. Colored booze.

For St. Pat’s, they dye the beer green. BFD. For the fourth, you have a plethora of options, especially since there are THREE patriotic colors. From red strawberry daiquiris to blue Electric Iced Teas, you can mask your social drinking problem and look festive all at once! A lot of barbecues will be supplying cherry and blueberry Jell-O shots for the occasion, or just swing back a PBR and boast that you’re a true, red-blooded American.

If these aren’t enough reason to love the fourth, then I suggest you flip on TBS — hello, Independence Day is bound to be playing on repeat. Not only can you get your daily dose of Will Smith, but you can repeat the line “Welcome to Earf” until it’s just not funny anymore.

What type of independence are you celebrating this year?

I’ve always tried to be a good American. I’ve lived each and every day by the words of the good book: the Declaration of Independence. It guides the deeds I do, the words I write, the kicks I wear.

But every Fourth of July, I get stuck. I got parties to plan! Barbecues, decorations, fine beers, crap beers, fireworks, big cars, big cars full of beer. So much to think about! What do I do? The Declaration never mentioned how we should celebrate its own damn self.

But this year, things are different. Because this year, I found something really special. That’s right: The Declaration of Independence, Part Two. Read it and weep, beleaguered patriot partiers, and may tiny American flags spring up where your tears touch the soil.

On Food

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that not all barbecue foods are created equal, because some of them are really freaking gross. Like frozen hamburger patties, you know, those little red saucers that look like fossilized poop when you cook them. Don’t you have 20 minutes to make some yourself? Or is it too gross to rub raw hamburger all over your hands? That’s how we beat King George, you know. He was the raw hamburger, and we were not afraid to rub our hands all over him. Be like us. Celebrating America means crushing your enemies into tiny patties and grilling them over hot coals.

On Fireworks

… That they should keep among them Standing Armies of Awesome Fireworks. Especially those ones that go “bang” and then “… wwhhbang!” and then kinda “ffzzhh ffzhzhh zhhht.” Those are great. And they should be big, like, really big, like illegal-in-whichever-state-you-happen-to-live-in big, which is another good reason why states shouldn’t have rights. And when you set them off, they should kill and cook next year’s Thanksgiving turkey.

On Music

We, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these colonies, have a lot of trouble picking some appropriate tunes. Unless somebody happens to write something patriotic on a boat somewhere, oh, say, 38 years from now, maybe just make it something funky. Like, “Brick House,” or something.

On Decor

In every stage of these Celebrations we suggest blue, white and red decorations, because those are the national colors of France, our friend and ally which is primarily responsible for our Independence. Did I say Primarily? I meant “completely.” Seriously, before those dudes showed up, we were a bunch of muddy yokels wearing dead animals for hats. The French basically made America everything it is today, and so we are declaring the Fourth of July to be National French Appreciation Day. Revel appropriately.

Well, there you have it. Straight from the Founders’ mouths. Take heart these wise words, and look for me when the 4th rolls around – I’ll be the one with the ten-gallon beret.

Welcome to July. After the 4th (chock full of parties, fireworks, barbecues, and every imaginable type of food on a stick) the rest of the month is sorta meh. It’s the middle of the summer, there is not much to do and you’re counting down the days until you’re back on campus.

Well stop counting. July just might be the most underrated month of the year. There are tons of things to celebrate besides our independence, namely the fact that it’s National Ice Cream Month. So grab a tub of Edy’s and let’s rock out with our…er…well, let’s enjoy the month of July.

July 4th- DUH.

Celebrate it with your favorite dogs – corn dogs and hot dogs, I mean. Enjoy the fireworks, but be careful because (not ironically) it’s Fireworks Safety Month. Not that it needs to be – the fear of blowing your hand off should be enough to keep you away from those shady shacks hawking cherry bombs on the side of a dirt road.

July 8th – Video Games Day

For my brother, every day is video games day, but at least today he has an excuse. Pick up the Xbox, Wii, or old-school Nintendo controller and unleash your inner child. Duck Hunt, anyone?

July 11th – Cheer Up The Lonely Day

There are bound to be people suffering from the lonelies mid-summer, so show them that you care. Bring a smile to a friend’s face with an e-card or a picnic and just cheer the blues away.

July 13th – National French Fries Day

Uh, need I say more? But before you start cramming those oily, fried, greasy faux-potatoes in your mouth, maybe you should watch that new movie Food, Inc. first. Or at least read Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser (or watch the movie). I guarantee you’ll never look at those Golden Arches the same way again. And if you still wanna eat some fries but don’t wanna give up your bikini bod, try a healthier version of your favorite salty snack.

July 19th – Anniversary of the First Women’s Right Convention

Thank you Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony for everything you’ve done for us. GO WOMEN!

July 20th – Moon Day

Armstrong and Aldrin landed on the moon this day in 1969 and finally squashed those myths revolving around cheese and little green aliens. It’s not the Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival quite yet, but have some moon cake anyway while you grab a boy (or some friends) and enjoy some star gazing.

But what to wear?

Not only is it day-to-night activities, but you don’t want to pull a George Banks and be a total party pooper (that’s why we invited you!) avoiding the red, white and blue all together, but, then again, you don’t want to be so obviously festive that you look like a walking Old Navy ad (or a pro wrestler). Thank God I’m here!

I can dress you from the beach to the fireworks so all you have to do is show up, grab that Corona and hot dog and enjoy.

For That Beachy BBQ/Poolside Celebration:

Bathing suit

Fourth of July or not, this badboy is adorbs.

Cover Up

For the Fireworks:

You might have said “No” to 1/2 price happy hour during the winter, but now your friends can twist your arm to drink overpriced margaritas at a trendy beach bar.  Cutting costs doesn’t have to mean cutting down on fun, however, and if you play your cards right, you can have a kickass summer and barely spend a dime.

1.  Hang out at the lake.

Big beaches can actually cost a pretty penny, when you factor in overpriced parking costs, expensive surrounding restaurants, and the gas money if it’s a major tourist trap that seems worth a 2- to 3-hour drive.  You can still soak in the sun and go for a dip at your local lake.  If the lake is part of a community park, you might have to pay a couple dollars to park, but that money usually goes towards keeping the park clean.

2.  Go fruit picking.

Check out local farms and farmer’s markets and stock of on all the fresh produce that’s yours for the picking.  Whether you visit a strawberry patch, a blueberry field, or stock up on a harvest of tomatoes, you can spend a few therapeutic hours away from the commotion of our high-tech world, and maintain your bikini bod by eating healthy.  Then, go home and conjure up some gastronomic experiments, such as homemade caprese salad (tomatoes layered with fresh mozzarella and drizzled with balsamic vinegar) or a genuine strawberry daiquiri.

3.  Get athletic.

If you can freeze your gym membership to save some cash, there’s no better time than the summer.  Even if you can’t, there’s no reason you can’t organize a group of friends to partake in some physical- and fun- activity.  Bike riding, rollerblading, volleyball, badminton, softball, basketball- if you have the equipment already, you won’t have to spend a dime.

4.  Pool parties, duh.

There’s hardly a reason to go out an spend money if you or one of your BFFs has a pool.  In fact, it’s an excuse to have a pool party every weekend.  Does warm weather make you want to start drinking at 2 p.m. (or is that just me…)? Rather than go out to an expensive lunch, have a cookout and grab a six pack of Corona Light to enjoy while you lounge.  Invite a few more people over for some quality chicken tournaments, or create a Facebook event to host the pool party of the century.

5.  Local festivals.

Plenty of towns host grand summer events, from music festivals to “A Taste of <insert city here>” to small carnivals.  Many of these events are free, but if they aren’t, they’ll be much less expensive than an excursion to the closest big city.  Even if you look up events at towns and cities that are slightly outside your normal geographic location, if you get a bunch of friends to chip in on gas, you’ll still spend less money than a summer holiday.

6.  Fireworks.

Fourth of July is NOT the only reason to set off some explosives, and this summer, there will be plenty of evenings when things go BANG! in the night.  Either go to the park where the fireworks are being hosted, or lounge in lawnchairs in your own backyard and sling back a few while the night sky is lit up.  Just bring the bug spray.

7. Camping.

You just had your big spring break holiday, didn’t you? Besides, in July and August, all the tropical locales are way too hot, humid, and congested with other tourists.  Find a local campground, and not only will you save a ton of money on lodging, but you’ll be more inclined to cook out rather than eat out, and participate in other nature-type activities rather than exploring overpriced theme parks and nightclubs.

If you are creative and look into other local happenings around your town, you’re bound to come up with individual activities that won’t break the bank.  Besides, in the summer, you don’t have to fear the outdoors, so get out and do something!  And, remember how stressed you were during finals? That should be reason alone to relax and go easy on your wallet.

[Want to be part of the liveblogging extravaganza? IM CollegeCandy27 and tell us what you think...we'll put the best comments up!]

Everyone’s been talking about Beijing’s Olympic Opening ceremony; it’s futuristic, the best we’ve ever seen, full of spectacle…blah blah blah. Not to be a dick, but how interesting can this sort of thing really be? A bunch of people marching around carrying flags, fireworks, George W…it sounds kind of like the Fourth of July, except slightly more boring, because nobody can be drunk.

Since my social calender has a big gaping hole where tonight’s plans should be, I’ve decided to sit in front of the TV (with or without my face covered in a homemade facial…I’m not telling) and liveblog through this so-called fantastic futuristic mind blowingly awesome ceremony.

Let’s see how badass China really is, shall we?

7:58pm — Matt Lauer and some guy are talking…President Bush is coming down the aisle…he looks slightly awkward.

8:00pm — holy f*ck there are a lot of drummers…in wizard garb.

8:05pm — I think my retnas just exploded from the lights.

8:08pm – [IM from Peanut37] “Wouldn’t want to be the one who effs up in that drum group”

8:13pm – Okay. I’m kinda impressed with those rising Olympic rings…

8:23pm – Dude, there is now a massive scroll in which peeps are dancing on. Plus there’s a drawing. On the massive scroll. That the dancers are doing with their bodies.

8:34pm – [IM from dimitriobsidian] “The block thing kind of looks like…those things they sell in Spencer’s. You know, the ones where you put your hand or your face or whatever body part you think would shock the public the most and it leaves an imprint? … THOSE BLOCKS ARE PEOPLE??”

8:51pm – Some guy is playing the piano, surrounded by people who are lit up and reminding me of an accidental LSD trip I took once…

9:00pm — An hour into the ceremony and I impressed but also bored. Does this make me uncultured?

9:07pm – Commercials. Wait, ER has only one more season? John Stamos is on that show now? That show is still ON?

9:12pm — [IM from pomqueen13] “On display tonight, things China has given us… including paper, fireworks, kites…. and undoubtedly some OPIUM.”

9:20pm – [IM from itisbecauseiam] “I think that china is just trying to show off how vast their population is… there’s no reason to have thousands of people in each and every performance”

9:23pm – Turkmenistan? Where the crap is that?

9:36pm — Table tennis. I forgot that that’s an Olympic sport. I need to watch. I used to have a ping pong table in my basement…the balls kept rolling into the cat litter.

9:47pm — Falling…asleep…being..lulled…by…bagpipes…

9:55pm – PRESIDENT BUSH JUST CHECKED HIS WATCH. He’s as bored as I am.

10:11pm — Okay, I’ve watched for 2 hours and 11 minutes, my computer sounds like it’s about to blow up, America hasn’t paraded through the parade of nations, I’m super hot, and watching people wave flags is not as interesting as it sounds. Thanks to everyone who sent in hilarious IMs…glad I’m not the only one in on a Friday night. Let me know when table tennis is on. NIGHT!

Well, apparently, one of your editors has found something not to love. The very thing many of us equate with the 4th…

But what if you were one of the many who didn’t do anything special? One of the many who stayed home with nowhere to go, or anyone you really felt like hanging out with?

Then you’d be me.

You see, this 4th of July I was sick. Real sick. A narcoleptic coughing, sneezing, melty-eyed kind of sick. Who knows how I got it. Germs are everywhere in this city. I probably caught it from the pharmacist who handed me my hand sanitizer.

In any case, the plans I had made to grill chicken and watch the fireworks by the water with friends were down the toilet. At least for me.

So what did I do? Well, I watched TV for a while. And then I made some hot dogs because I wanted to try and stay in the spirit of 4th of July grilling. And then I got caught in the middle of a huge fight.

I mean, basically.

You see, my neighbors (the loud, popped collars I’ve told you about) were having a huge outdoor holiday bash. Even though I couldn’t really see what was going on, I could hear it. Pretty much your typical rich kid frat party stuff (screams, yells, cell phones going off, blackberries being shouted into) until someone threw a bottle.

Right into the apartment below us.

Quicker than Paris Hilton’s recent personality change, the downstairs neighbors came out and started screaming at the frat boy party. Apparently, someone had been hit with the bottle. While she was taking out the trash.

Sure, I was sick and half blind from fatigue, but I know a good fight when I hear one. Mustering up all my available strength, I hoisted myself (and the mojito I was nursing all night) onto the fire escape to watch the action.

The irate, bottle struck neighbors were screaming about lawyers and cops and blood and court loud enough to make the entire frat party settle into a frightened, “Help-Me-Mommy!” silence.

“Shit” some girl whispered to her friend on the frat boy party fire escape, “I don’t wanna go to jail. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

The girls tried to leave, but were stopped dead in their tracks when the downstairs neighbors loudly signaled them out.

“Did you bitches throw that bottle?” A man screamed. “Did you drunk bitches throw that bottle!?”

And then all hell broke loose. A few wasted frat boys found their chivalry bone and started yelling back, telling my downstairs neighbors not to call their friends bitches. Some racial slurs were thrown in, as well as some threats to “cut people up”.

I wonder if these people are really going to lose it, I thought, sipping my watery mojito and trying not to sniff too loud, I wonder if there’s really going to be a throw down in the trash area of my apartment complex.

“Hey you, girl!”

My thoughts were immediately interrupted. The downstairs neighbors had noticed me in all of my pajama-ed glory.

“Girl, did you see who threw that bottle?”

Everyone was suddenly staring at me. Frat boys and party girls and the downstairs neighbors and even a few other people who had opened their windows at the noise. I was frozen. I needed to sneeze. I was in my pj’s.

Somewhere, far away, fireworks were going off.

“No…” I managed to cough out. “I…I just stepped out for air. I’m…I’m sick. I’ve been inside all night…drinking out of this jelly jar.”

I’m not sure what prompted me to include the part about my extracurricular jar drinking activities. It could have been the NyQuil.

“You sure, girl? Haven’t you been out here all this time?”

“Whatever” the woman who was supposedly hit with the bottle sighed, waving me away with her hand. “She didn’t see nothin. Who cares. Fuck it. It’s the 4th of July. Everyone’s throwing goddamn bottles.”

And with that, she went inside, turned up some crazy techno beat, and the argument was dropped.

Shortly after I managed to quietly stuff myself back inside my window and lie down on my bed, where I immediately promised myself I would never again go out onto the fire escape in a giant T-shirt with tree frogs all over it.

Just as I was drifting into a medically induced daze, six quick explosions rocked the apartment.

Apparently, someone had set off fireworks in the hallway.