I fail to see anything wrong with having sex on the first date.

This flies in the face of conventional dating wisdom. Apparently, first date sex is so much more than “I think you’re sexually attractive and I would like to do it with you.” No, apparently boning on the first date means that you’re slutty, that you’re not interested in getting to know the other person, that it completely ruins any chance at a lasting relationship. I’m not sure where these ideas have come from, but they are definitely not universal truths. There are a lot of dynamics that come into play when sex and relationships are concerned, and most of them are completely socially constructed. If you go out with someone, and you have a delightful time, and the sparks are flying, and you end up naked and entangled in each other, that in and of itself does not doom your relationship.

What causes a relationship to either fail or succeed after this point is completely up the parties involved. If one or both people have absorbed the incredibly dysfunctional and reductive notion that there is a difference between people you date and people you f*ck, and never shall the two intersect, then of course having sex early on is not going to work out. It is a conscious choice to not consider someone you have sex with to not be dating material  There is that terrible phrase, “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free” that never ceases to make me cringe, but unfortunately, perfectly sums up a lot of people’s dating philosophy. But really, is sex really supposed to be the ultimate goal of a relationship? Isn’t a relationship supposed to be based on mutual respect, companionship, support, and encouragement, among many other things? Having sex with someone does not at all hinder the possibility of cultivating all of these things.

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[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he's really thinking. So every week we'll be throwing out a topic for debate...and unlike our fave dude, these guys won't be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I think I can say with 100% certainty that nothing raises eyebrows (and elicits “EW. OMG. WTF. Nooooo.”) more than period sex. Seriously, just writing the words “period” and “sex” in the same article made me cringe a little.

And for very, very good reason. Beyond the fact that a woman riding the crimson wave is bleeding down there, right where all the happy business is going on, being on your period comes with a whole host of other issues. I mean, I think most women would agree that we’re far from our sexiest selves when we’re bloated, cramping, cranky and feeling generally dirty for 6 days in a row.

But once you get past all that, and you should, having sex when Aunt Flo is in town is just like sex any other day of the month. Actually, it’s better. Why? Because Mother Nature has this nasty habit of pumping up our hormones during that time of the month, making many of us want/crave/NEED sex more than ever. Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he's really thinking. So every week we'll be throwing out a topic for debate...and unlike our fave dude, these guys won't be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Call me old fashioned and/or a prude (though my entire wardrobe is far from that of a convent) but I don’t really understand the whole “sex on the first date” thing.

Your mother said it, your mother’s mother said it and the mother of the guy you’re on a date with probably said it, but just in case, let me refresh your memory – “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”

It’s simple. Dating is a chase. Some chase love; others chase sex. And since you don’t fall in love with every guy you date, sometimes the chase for sex wins by default.

But when the chase is over, lines are easily blurred as you spiral into uncharted territory. After the first-date hookup with a guy you really like, you get to ask yourself all those fun questions – “What now?”, “Is he going to call?”, “Should I text him?”, “Is he even interested in hanging out again?”, “Am I just a go-to booty call now?” and my own personal favorite, “If we do go out again, will he expect me to give it up every time he buys me dinner?”

I know, I know, most people will mistake my instant overflow of questions as insecurity. But insecurity and confusion are two completely separate things. I just like to know where I stand and I’d prefer that that stance not be in my date’s little black book.

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An hour before my first date with my boyfriend, I was sitting at dinner with a friend who had a single piece of advice for me: “Whatever you do, don’t sleep with him on the first date,” she said. Though I’ve heard iterations of the same first date rule (“Don’t go home with him on the first date”, “Nothing beyond kissing on the first date”, etc.), I was surprised to hear it from my pal — especially since she’s a smart girl who’s comfortable with her sexuality. I told her I’d take her opinion into account, but rule-abiding gal that I am, I proceeded to get wasted, go home with him, and postpone penetration for a whole five hours.

Does having sex in the wee hours of the morning after the first date still count as too early? In society’s eyes, probably. Some variations of the rule even ban sex until double-digit dates. But acting early on the sexual chemistry didn’t hurt my relationship. Nearly a year and a half later, my boyfriend is now my roommate and my respect for rules is still non-existent. It’s not my problem with authority, however, that makes me scoff at delaying sex. I simply don’t believe that the logic behind banning first-date sex is … well, logical. Read More »