The number one thing a guy wants in bed? Is a blowjob. Really? I am shocked and awed. I had no idea guys liked getting head. So disappointing, I thought they’d at least take  page out of Cosmo’s book and talk about doggy style or anal. There was a horrifying article about Female Genital Cosmetic Surgery, which is just as depressing as it sounds. G-spot collagen, vagina tightening and labia nip/tucks, among other procedures, were outlined. Because women really need another part of our bodies to be discontent with.

Guess who The Situation tries to woo….in Italian

What if you want sex more than he does?

First date outfit ideas that he’ll notice

How to cope when you have a bad haircut

Rihanna no longer looks like Ronald McDonald

Fox News gets surprisingly feminist on us

Wooo, Sally Hansen has her own version of Crackle nailpolish

Anne Hathaway does some accidental mooning

Nicole Richie now has a feud with Jessica Simpson?

So when I originally had the idea for this Weekly Ten my plan was to make a real list of first date faux pas – you know, like eating off your date’s plate and talking about the ex – but then I started thinking about it. None of these things have ever actually happened to me. And even if they did they wouldn’t even make the cut on the list of first date horror stories I’ve heard. I mean a date can recover from a little trip down memory lane, but it can’t recover from a date asking if he can take home your leftovers…

You think that’s bad? Just keep reading for some truly horrifying (and true!) first date faux pas.

10. Looking at other girls. Yes, guys have eyes. Yes, they’re attracted to women. Yes, it’s hard wired into them to seek out pretty girls in tiny garments. But there is a difference between subtly glancing at the woman next to you as she passes by and a guy openly gawking at that girl in the short dress so often that the guy serving your food tells him to cut it out. Happened to a friend of mine. True story ladies, true story.

9. Not understanding sarcasm. I don’t know if you ladies have noticed or not, but I am a very sarcastic person. It’s not my second language, but my first. It’s how I communicate. From me, snark is a form of love. So when a guy doesn’t understand that the opening of the Dunkin Donuts on my corner was not, in fact, the talk of the town for weeks we’ve got a bit of an issue, wouldn’t you say?

8. Insulting my major. Maybe not a major offense for most people. But it is for me. I am a proud English major, one who spends her free time reading and corrects people’s grammar in her head while they speak. I work hard in my classes and so do my classmates. So when upon answering the cliche “what’s your major” question with English, and receiving the response “Oh. That’s easy. I bet you never do any work” I was a tad bit insulted.

7. Excessive Bragging.  It’s okay to be confident. I like a guy with confidence. But when you can’t go more than five minutes without discussing your new apartment or just how much money you make or anything else related to you and how amazing you are then we have a problem. Actually, I have a problem and it’s called “the bathroom window isn’t big enough for me to sneak through.”

6. The Mute. First dates can be nerve wracking. Believe me, I know. But I don’t bite. (At least not most of the time.) So talk. Just a little bit. Or at least answer my questions with more than one word answers. I know that sometimes there’s chemistry and sometimes there’s just not but if you can’t even manage polite dinner conversation what exactly are we doing?

5. The Fix Up. More the well meaning couple’s fault than the actual blind date. But there’s nothing worse than going on a blind, double, first date, only find that the couple setting you up can barely stop their embarrassing amounts of PDA to introduce you to your guy. Awkward much?

4. Reckless Driving. I know what you’re thinking. What are you, a grandma? So the guy speeds a little. Give me a break. Yes, maybe you’re right. But a friend of mine once had a date where not only did the guy speed but he made an illegal u-turn and then proceeded to draw so much attention to him that he got pulled over by the cops. And he got a ticket. Fun first date, huh?

3. Paying for the drinks but not the dinner. Why explain it myself when there’s an entire CollegeCandy post dedicated to it. Read it. It will make you loath men on an entirely new level.

2. Taking home leftovers. No, not his leftovers. But mine. And not even leftovers. But French fries. And not even a lot of French fries. Because I ate a lot of French fries. And my burger. So it’s not like he paid for a meal that was going in the trash. But still he took home the ten French fries left in my dish. Yep.

1. Puking. Yes you read that right. And no I am not making this up. Just last month I went out with a friend. We were meeting her friend and his friend for drinks.We met at the house. They had a few shots. Then a few more. We started walking up to the bar, I turned my head to ask the guy a question and he was puking in the bushes. Full on puking. It was only 9 p.m. and we hadn’t even made it to the bar. Seriously?

Alright ladies. I’ve shared my worst date stories. Now share yours.

P.S. Get more rants in the form of a 10-item list right here.

When it comes to wooing the opposite sex, men have it easy. As far as I know, they approach you and whip out the pick-up line. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Women on the other hand, play a whole different game. Sometimes it seems as if our entire existence is based on impressing a guy. And it’s exhausting. We don’t think about it often (or we argue that we’re doing these things for ourselves as much as for the men), but when you stop and take notice of all the things we do to woo the gentlemen, well, it’s absurd:

1. Padded Bras
Guys have been trained to like a nice set of boobs, and women have been trained to do anything to give them to them. Hell, that must be Victoria’s Secret. But push-up bras are often uncomfortable, expensive and so. effing. hard. to wash without totally ruining them. And yet we wear them. All the time. In fact, you’re probably wearing one right now.

2. High Heels
Although I do enjoy how I feel when I slip on some pumps and strut my shiz at the bar, I don’t enjoy the throbbing blisters that plague me. And they always plague me. But I wear those torture devices every weekend anyway, because while it would be far more comfortable, there’s nothing sexy to the campus boys about a pair of worn-in sweatpants and some flip flops.

3. Waiting to Respond
In a feeble attempt to seem mysterious/extremely busy/cool, girls will often wait to respond to a text or a phone call from a guy. Although realistically, we’re counting down every waking minute as we run through a million response options, asking our friends (again and again) which one would be the wittiest/cutest to send when the time is right. And then asking them when that time actually is so we don’t seem either pathetic or like we’re blowing them off.

4. Eating Salad (Instead of Something Tastier)
I love me a good burger, but I know I think twice before ordering one on a first date with a guy. We want guys to think we are dainty little things who eat like bunnies, not like frat boys, so we sacrifice our own culinary happiness. And only eat half. Then we go home and scarf down a bag of chips in the privacy of our own bedroom while dissecting the entire evening with our girlfriends.

5. Brazilians
Let’s be honest, we aren’t letting someone wax in there for our own benefit.

6. Playing the Jealousy Game
Even though he is the only man for us, we don’t want him to think he’s the only man who can have us. So we go out of our way to flirt with other guys and make sure he see’s it. It’ll make him want us more, right?

7. Pretending to Like His Music/TV Shows/Sports Team
To you, watching professional baseball is like watching paint dry. And you think Dave Matthews is the most over-rated songwriter on earth. And Indian food? You’d rather eat ramen noodles than even try some of that curry stuff. But once Mr. Right walks in, you’re chowing down on Na’an while studying the Yankees line-up with DMB playing in the background just so you can keep up the ruse.

Get it? Got it? Good. Want some more? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

Ahhhhh

Instead of sitting there overanalyzing every single detail of the date and what could have gone wrong (like we all do), I’ll make it simple for you. Here are the mistakes everyone makes on their first date and what you can do to avoid them.

1. Not dressing for the occasion. If you’re going to a baseball game, don’t wear stiletto heels. If you’re going out to eat somewhere nicer than McDonald’s, change out of your sweats. It’s as simple as that. And if you’re Lady Gaga, obviously no rules apply to you.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Make sure you know where you’re going on the date. If it’s a surprise, it’s always better to play it safe and wear something casual. Not too sloppy, not too dressy.

2. Talking about exes. Talking about ex-boyfriends isn’t just annoying on dates— it’s annoying all the time. 3 words: Get. Over. It. And if you can’t, maybe you shouldn’t be dating quite yet. If you do decide it’s time to enter the wonderful world of dating, make sure you keep the conversation far away from ex-land. No guy wants to sit and listen to you whine about how his eyebrows aren’t groomed as well as your ex-boyfriend’s.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Think of good conversation-starters before the date. This way, if there’s an awkward silence, you won’t just bring up whatever pops into your head at the moment, which could very easily be the loser ex-boyfriend who had taken you to the same place in the past.

3. Getting drunk. If you know one glass of wine really gets you feeling loopy, don’t drink three. The last thing a guy wants is you climbing up on the table and giving the whole restaurant a show. Save that for the second date.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Know your limits. Maybe avoid alcohol all together on the first date to make sure you don’t say or do anything you regret. Plus, getting drunk around someone you just met probably isn’t a good idea anyways. You never know about people these days! Craigslist killer, anyone? Thank you Lifetime for officially creeping me out.

4. Being easy. Referring back to the last mistake, don’t give it all up in one night.  Drinking alcohol is no excuse. If you really want things to go somewhere with this guy and want him to get to get to know you as a person and have some respect for you, don’t flaunt your goodies at him just yet. Sure, give him a peek— but just from across the table.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Give him a steamy goodnight kiss but leave it at that. If he really likes you, he’ll be back for more!

5. Not shutting up. Conversations on dates are always great. Conversations where the only person that’s talking is you— not so great. Make sure you’re letting the poor guy get a word in every once in awhile. Ask him some questions and find out his interests. How do you know if you have anything in common if you don’t give him the chance to tell you about himself? For all you know, you’re on a date with a total creep. Once he starts talking and tells you about his fifty pet rats and how he still lives with him Mom, you’ll be glad you shut up a little.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Compliment him on something. If you like his shirt, tell him. It’ll start up a conversation, and hmm, maybe even a shopping date!

6. Being overly flirtatious. Give him a challenge!  Don’t wink every five seconds, grab his butt, or try pulling any of the Lady and the Tramp noodle-slurping mumbo jumbo.  It might freak him out. Okay, it will freak him out.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Give him a sexy smile every once in a while instead. No guy can resist that.

7. Laughing at absolutely everything. C’mon, no one is THAT funny. He may tell a good joke every now and then, but if you’re laughing at every single thing he says he’s probably going to get a little annoyed. If you’re on a date with Andy Samberg, then that’s a different story.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Make HIM laugh! You’ve got jokes, too.

8. Having bad manners. When you’re out to eat there are some crucial things you should keep in mind. Don’t eat food with your hands unless it’s meant to be eaten with your hands. Use a napkin. Don’t spit food into the napkin. Don’t start a burping contest. And definitely keep your mouth closed when you’re chewing. It’s also a good idea to avoid extreme profanity on your first date. If you’re one of those girls that swears at least three times per sentence, try to cool it a bit. Oh, and remember to say “thank you.”

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Go have a talk with Mom before the date. Remember all those times she told you to get your elbows off the table? She knew what she was talkin’ about!

9. Texting. This is also part of having bad manners, but it needs a section just for itself.  Texting on a date = major no-no. There is nothing worse than trying to enjoy a great night out when the person you’re with can’t manage to set their phone down for five seconds. It’s awkward and makes the person feel like their date doesn’t even want to be there. Your girlfriends can wait until after the date to find out how big of a hottie he was.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Leave your phone in your purse on silent or vibrate.  If your Justin Bieber ring tone is going off every couple of minutes, there’s really no point in having it put away in the first place.

Keep these nine things in mind and your next first date will surely turn into a second. What dating mistakes have you made? And what have your dates done to drive you absolutely bonkers? Let us know!

In the last year, it seems as though being single has been my specialty. While flings and hookups have come and gone (pun intended) and dates have left me with some less than desirable memories, my current single status has remained loyally by my side. I’ve learned a lot in the past year and I’ve discovered that single girls around the world are all in the same fabulous pair of shoes.

So if you’re sick of sitting at a table for one, eating a meal portioned for two, I cordially invite you to join The Single Girl Society, where being single is more than status, it’s a lifestyle. Of course, with everything in life, the single girl lifestyle comes with rules and I’ve picked up quite a few along the way. So kick back, grab a drink and let the lessons I’ve learned serve as your very own roadmap to transitioning to and enduring the single life.

So you’re in the middle of a particularly “blah” dinner date and your date launches into (yet another) story about quail season and you’re about to give up all hope and consider joining a convent just so you’ll never have to put yourself through this kind of cruel and unusual punishment ever again.

Look, I know where you’re coming from. You start to drink heavily standing by the reasoning that if your date refuses to have a personality, you’ll just have to let the liquor create one for him. You keep glancing at your cell wondering why your best friend has yet to call with your routine emergency date rescue call. We’ve all been there. It’s those nights that being single gets such a bad rep.

So why is that after such awful dates we still waver when considering a follow-up date?

Lesson 8: Trust your instincts.

I know it seems like it should go without saying, but sometimes as singles we get pushed into giving people another chance when we know good and well, our minds have been made up before we even go on the next date.

Give yourself some credit and trust the little voice in your head that says you should bail or turn your back on a potential suitor.

So when you’re telling your girlfriends that you’re definitely not planning on seeing the business major you went on a date (if you could call rolling your eyes while he tells yet another story about his family’s ranch a date) with, don’t let them convince you into changing your mind just because “he’s stupid gorgeous and comes from Old Southern money.”

You’re single, not cursed! Don’t feel obligated to constantly dole out chances for guys you’ve already tried your hand with and don’t let anyone discredit you and cajole you into dating someone who rubbed off on you the wrong way. There’s a difference between taking a chance on someone who isn’t your type and continuing to date a guy you know isn’t right for you just because there are no other prospects on the horizon and you just so happen to need a date for your sorority’s semi-formal.

You’re not doing yourself or your date any favors by continuing to see him even though some part of you already decided there’s something to hold you back from him.

More importantly, don’t waste your time dramatically going back and forth, wondering if you should go out with a guy again when you blatantly spent more time tearing him to pieces to your friends than complimenting him. Trust yourself if your instincts tell you not to date a guy and don’t let your friends convince you of something other than what you know – like that hunting stories and a Brooks Brothers-clad business major just aren’t your thing.

[Do you agree? Disagree? Sound off, singles!]

Get the first 7 rules of the Single Girl Society right here.

8 Ways to help your community

See the sneaky celebrity skincare tips

Maybe if he cut his hair he wouldn’t think that

How to plan a first date

The many terrible faces of Sammi

Celebs who look better now that they’re older

Should home abortions be allowed?

Why did Danny Tanner have to get so weird??

A few life lessons from Finding Nemo’s Dory

30 ways to ruin a photo

As girls, there’s one itty bitty thing that got screwed up in our chromosomes.  Any time we see a slightly attractive male we automatically throw ourselves in their direction like a piece of freakin’ meat.  We instantly get big, googly eyes, say things that we should be keeping to ourselves, and completely freak the eff out our potential soul mate.

It’s hard to remember that guys, unlike us, aren’t very complicated specimens. They typically have one thing running through their minds when they meet us (hint: it starts with an “s” and ends in “ex”), while we already have the wedding and future children’s names picked out by the time introductions are over.

We’re hopeless.  Hopeless romantics, that is.  We want a love like “The Notebook,” but it usually ends up looking more like “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”…without the happily ever after.

Let’s not let Matthew McConaughey’s beautifully sculpted abs get away from us this time.  No, don’t tie your man down and lock him in your closet (unless he’s into that sort of thing).  All you have to do is avoid scaring him away. Easy, right?

Here are four things you should avoid if you want your happily ever after.

The Inevitable “Too Much, Too Soon” Question of Doom. “Where do you see us going?” I just messed up on this one too so don’t feel like you’re the only one. Everything may be “X’s and O’s” before you pop the question but it’s all down-hill from there.  For some reason, guys don’t like the “C” word.  No, not that.  They love that. We’re talking about commitment here, people.  Even thinking about the word will send him sprinting for the door.  Live in the moment and enjoy being together.  You’ll eventually get to change your relationship status on Facebook, but until then, keep your mouth shut.

You’re Clingier Than Saran Wrap. You need to stop the urge to be with your boy 24/7.  If you’re constantly texting him “I miss you” anytime you’re away from him or stalking him from outside his bushes at night, you’ve gone too far.  You have to actually give him a chance to miss you.  If you don’t, he’s going to feel like he’s trapped. They will come back if you keep your distance— I promise.

Me, Me, Me. Yes, you’re pretty great, and obviously he already knows that if he’s on a date with you. That means you don’t need to tell him about all those cross country trophies you’ve got, a detailed run down of the drama in your family, or one-up everything he says with something fantastic about you. Try asking him a few questions.  Guys love talking about themselves and knowing that a girl is interested in knowing about them. There will be a time to tell him everything about you but that time doesn’t need to be now. At the bar. When you’ve just met him ten minutes ago.

Facebook Stalker. The biggest mistake of all time can be avoided by simply limiting the amount of time you spend creeping on Facebook.  Do not make a picture of you two lovebirds your profile picture before he does.  Do not wall rape him (a.k.a. fill up his whole entire wall with embarrassing posts), and don’t change your status to anything with his name in it before you’re sure things are official.  Especially do not, I repeat DO NOT, add any of his ex-girlfriends. That’s just creepy with a capital “CREEP.”

These points are the big no-no’s that can make or break a relationship.  You’re probably reading them thinking “I would never do anything like that!”…but just wait, you will.  All I ask of you is to make sure you have your man wrapped around your finger before you set your inner-freak free.  Then, and only then, will he love you for it.

Top ten brain foods to make you smart

Master the first date

What’s the worst thing you’ve done drunk?

Undecided if I like this look

5 great dinners to make on a date

These men are looking pretty pretty fine

Celebrities who embrace their curves

Ugh, can Chris Brown just go away for good?

This week, in keeping with my usual studious habits, I was surfing around the internet watching cute cat videos when I came across this article which posed the question; is the first date dead? My instinctual reaction was that this is just another one of those things where people freak out because technology changes things, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if they don’t have a point.

Looking at it one way, OK, so maybe guys aren’t asking us down to the malt shop to share a giant milkshake with two straws, but so what? There was a time in history before the whole dating idea was around, isn’t it inevitable that at some point we would move beyond it?

Is it so bad that our society might lose something that most people dread and find painfully awkward? Is it such a bad thing if we ‘hang out’ with guys instead of being stuck sitting through dinner and a movie with a dude who won’t shut up about dressing his cats up as the Justice League for Halloween? Yeah, I’d really hate to miss out on that. Should we really be mourning the fact that now our first bits of information on a guy (besides, ‘holy crap, he’s hot’) come from his Facebook page instead of rumors our friends have heard and inane conversation over cheap food, because that sounds like a step forward to me.

But, I do see their point. Looking back at high school, all of the guys I ‘went out with’ were guys in my school, who I hung out with during the school day and ultimately asked me to be their girlfriend. Really, except for school dances and stuff, I don’t think I ever went on anything that would technically qualify as a date; most of the time we just hung around together. Does that mean that I’ve missed out on some integral rite of passage? Is the idea of starting your relationship with FB and texts not kind of negating the whole point?

I don’t know ladies, you tell me. Is the first date dead? Should we miss it? Or is it one of those ancient evils like smallpox and we’re better off without it? Duke it out!