Sex. We love it. We want it. All the time. Is that asking too much? In bed, on the floor, on the couch, in the shower, over the counter. You name the noun, I’ll give the appropriate preposition. I’m a fan of risky quickies. There’s something about that ‘get caught at any moment’ edge that really turns me on. But what kind of sex is the absolute best sex? America voted, and I think America got it right. Get the results here and tell us what your favorite type of sex is in the comments below!

In other news:

Going out of town this weekend? Here are 3 outfits that are perfect for vacation

Britney Spears has ‘X Factor’ over the barrel!

Kris Allen looks adorable with his neck pillow around his neck at the airport!

Kim Zolciak shows off her love for hubby Kroy Biermann with body paint?

‘The Bachelor’ host dishes on his favorite romances

In honor of the ‘Star Wars’ anniversary, here are all the posters from the every episode!

Joe Jonas proves he is un-punkable on ‘Punk’d’

Are you more attracted to men in uniform? It’s fleet week in NYC

Don’t screw up the first date before it even happens! Avoid these 5 things

[lead image via Jason Stitt / Shutterstock]

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Dear Dude,

What do guys really think of sex on the first date? Is it a deal breaker? I feel like if you have a genuine connection with someone, and the sex is awesome, shouldn’t that make them want you more? Or does it completely take the fun out of the chase? I’ve had one long term relationship start out of sex on the first date. I’ve had other guys never call me again. What’s the deal?

Sincerely,

Screwed then screwed!

Dear Screwed then screwed!

Here’s the deal: I’ve never known of a man who found sex to be a deal breaker on the first date. If anything, it’s considered a minor miracle from the Heavens, and for some d-bags out there it’s an expectation, which kind of clarifies why I’m calling them d-bags.

There’s a lot more to the chase than just having sex. Don’t get me wrong, it can certainly enhance the chase. However! There are so many ways to have sex and in so many places, and some could argue getting a taste and then not getting the meal is even more enticing. I think it’s a guy to guy situation.

Do men respect women less if they can get laid on the first date? Maybe some. Is sex all a guy wants? Possibly. It’s certainly one of the things he’s thinking about over tortellini. There are other thoughts, like if his hair’s doing that cow lick thing or if he mentioned his love for animals enough…and your breasts, which doesn’t count as thinking about sex, it’s just something we think about that LEADS us to thinking about sex. Sorry, that clarification had to be made!

Your track record’s a spotty one with having sex on a first date, and if it’ll lead to more or less. My question is, what are you looking for on the first date? Are you having sex because you think he wants it or because you want it? If you’re doing it for you then, “Have at thee!” As Thor would put it. If you’re doing it because you’re trying to ensure a second date, then I would recommend trying to hold off and make it a 2, or the classic 3, date rule. Just don’t pull a Robin Scherbatzky and change your mind mid-date and think you need to shave your legs. The first time, if we’re focusing on what’s on your legs rather than what we’re doing in between them…there’s no picket fence in the future.

Be careful about looking for logic when asking the question “to f*ck or not to f*ck?” These aren’t logical actions, they’re primal. Awesome sex doesn’t mean you have an emotional connection yet. It means you could. It also might mean you just have sexual chemistry, or you were really horny. Generally assuming that if the sex is awesome, then he’d want to come back for seconds is illogical. It’s just not always reality. Remember, you’re looking at it through your eyes, and you can’t be certain how he’s looking at it through his.

The bottom line is this: If you’re not getting the results you want with the way you’ve been going about trying to get them, then it’s time to change things up. Change your policy or change the type of guy you’re going out with. The issue’s at the source either way.

Keep calm, and don’t blink!

The Dude

Is it a bad date? YES! And here are 11 ways you can figure that out. Some of these clues are subtle and some are not. We’ve all been on nightmare dates that you wish you could just teleport away from. But since you can’t actually call The Doctor to pick you up and teleporting won’t be invented for another, oh, let’s call it 30 years, you’ve got to figure out your emergency escape plans and put them into action the SECOND you notice any of the following:

1. He asks for a child’s menu and orders a child!
I think Charles Manson did this once. Not sure if it was pre-prison or post-incarceration.

2. He’s so excited to show you his court-ordered ankle tracker.
Run, run, run!

3. The first question he asks is “have you found Jesus yet?”
And you tell him, “no, do I look like Mel Gibson?” Seriously, we’re too old for that sh*t.

4. He keeps talking about his ex
A kiss of death. Leave the ex-file out of it until at least week, I don’t know, maybe 4, maybe never. There’s no good reason for him to literally plop the personal baggage on the bar or table on a date. Does he still have feelings for them? Why haven’t they worked out? Is it really them or was it him? Those are not questions you want to be asking yourself on a date and thus he must not, can not, should not, open that Pandora’s box.

5. He starts talking about your future kids
Pump the brakes, just a bit. Say a blessing for your birth control/go-to contraceptive device and walk away.

6. He treats the waitstaff poorly
Just no, no, no, no, no, no. As a former member of a waitstaff this is a clear indication that he’s a big ol’ douchebag. Homo-superior he ain’t.

7. He’s fiddling with his phone the WHOLE TIME
Shouldn’t he wait until the date’s over before he tweets about it? Or, sure, maybe he’s got a high pressure job that requires him to be on-call, but unless there’s a stethoscope around his neck, there’s no reason he can’t wait 90 minutes to check in with his freaking office! Or the Yankees score! Or spoilers for Doctor Who Season 7! And yes, that last one would be tough, but still, if he’s a gentlemen of the highest order…

8. He shows up drunk or high…or both
You’ve developed a sudden case of “don’t want to put myself in a position to be sexually assaulted” and have to cancel last minute. And have the cops on speed dial.

9. His point of attention is down your shirt
It’s one thing for a guy to be shy and avoid eye contact, although that’s probably a date’s death sentence too, but it’s another for him to blatantly have two points of focus and they not be your eyes but nonetheless on your…person.

10. He talks to everyone else in the place BUT you
You’re not a date, you’re an accessory. Locate the nearest exit.

11. He can only carry one topic of conversation: HIMSELF!
It’s one thing for a guy to be talkative and outgoing. It’s another to be a narcissist. A conversation’s about give and take, just like a relationship. If he’s so enamored with every facet of his being so much, just tell him that on this night, he should go f*ck himself.

There you have ‘em, ladies. 11 signs you’re on the date from Hell. Everyone has an intuitive sense of when the date’s passed that point of “no return.” I just want to bring those intuitive instincts to the surface for us all to come together on. Bad dates are like war stories. They’re terrifying torture in the moment but they’re a way we can all find common ground later. What was the worst date you’ve ever been on? How early could you tell it was a mistake to be there?

How’s it working out for you?

Dr. Dude

[Lead image via CREATISTA/Shutterstock]

The number one thing a guy wants in bed? Is a blowjob. Really? I am shocked and awed. I had no idea guys liked getting head. So disappointing, I thought they’d at least take  page out of Cosmo’s book and talk about doggy style or anal. There was a horrifying article about Female Genital Cosmetic Surgery, which is just as depressing as it sounds. G-spot collagen, vagina tightening and labia nip/tucks, among other procedures, were outlined. Because women really need another part of our bodies to be discontent with.

Guess who The Situation tries to woo….in Italian

What if you want sex more than he does?

First date outfit ideas that he’ll notice

How to cope when you have a bad haircut

Rihanna no longer looks like Ronald McDonald

Fox News gets surprisingly feminist on us

Wooo, Sally Hansen has her own version of Crackle nailpolish

Anne Hathaway does some accidental mooning

Nicole Richie now has a feud with Jessica Simpson?

So when I originally had the idea for this Weekly Ten my plan was to make a real list of first date faux pas – you know, like eating off your date’s plate and talking about the ex – but then I started thinking about it. None of these things have ever actually happened to me. And even if they did they wouldn’t even make the cut on the list of first date horror stories I’ve heard. I mean a date can recover from a little trip down memory lane, but it can’t recover from a date asking if he can take home your leftovers…

You think that’s bad? Just keep reading for some truly horrifying (and true!) first date faux pas.

10. Looking at other girls. Yes, guys have eyes. Yes, they’re attracted to women. Yes, it’s hard wired into them to seek out pretty girls in tiny garments. But there is a difference between subtly glancing at the woman next to you as she passes by and a guy openly gawking at that girl in the short dress so often that the guy serving your food tells him to cut it out. Happened to a friend of mine. True story ladies, true story.

9. Not understanding sarcasm. I don’t know if you ladies have noticed or not, but I am a very sarcastic person. It’s not my second language, but my first. It’s how I communicate. From me, snark is a form of love. So when a guy doesn’t understand that the opening of the Dunkin Donuts on my corner was not, in fact, the talk of the town for weeks we’ve got a bit of an issue, wouldn’t you say?

8. Insulting my major. Maybe not a major offense for most people. But it is for me. I am a proud English major, one who spends her free time reading and corrects people’s grammar in her head while they speak. I work hard in my classes and so do my classmates. So when upon answering the cliche “what’s your major” question with English, and receiving the response “Oh. That’s easy. I bet you never do any work” I was a tad bit insulted.

7. Excessive Bragging.  It’s okay to be confident. I like a guy with confidence. But when you can’t go more than five minutes without discussing your new apartment or just how much money you make or anything else related to you and how amazing you are then we have a problem. Actually, I have a problem and it’s called “the bathroom window isn’t big enough for me to sneak through.”

6. The Mute. First dates can be nerve wracking. Believe me, I know. But I don’t bite. (At least not most of the time.) So talk. Just a little bit. Or at least answer my questions with more than one word answers. I know that sometimes there’s chemistry and sometimes there’s just not but if you can’t even manage polite dinner conversation what exactly are we doing?

5. The Fix Up. More the well meaning couple’s fault than the actual blind date. But there’s nothing worse than going on a blind, double, first date, only find that the couple setting you up can barely stop their embarrassing amounts of PDA to introduce you to your guy. Awkward much?

4. Reckless Driving. I know what you’re thinking. What are you, a grandma? So the guy speeds a little. Give me a break. Yes, maybe you’re right. But a friend of mine once had a date where not only did the guy speed but he made an illegal u-turn and then proceeded to draw so much attention to him that he got pulled over by the cops. And he got a ticket. Fun first date, huh?

3. Paying for the drinks but not the dinner. Why explain it myself when there’s an entire CollegeCandy post dedicated to it. Read it. It will make you loath men on an entirely new level.

2. Taking home leftovers. No, not his leftovers. But mine. And not even leftovers. But French fries. And not even a lot of French fries. Because I ate a lot of French fries. And my burger. So it’s not like he paid for a meal that was going in the trash. But still he took home the ten French fries left in my dish. Yep.

1. Puking. Yes you read that right. And no I am not making this up. Just last month I went out with a friend. We were meeting her friend and his friend for drinks.We met at the house. They had a few shots. Then a few more. We started walking up to the bar, I turned my head to ask the guy a question and he was puking in the bushes. Full on puking. It was only 9 p.m. and we hadn’t even made it to the bar. Seriously?

Alright ladies. I’ve shared my worst date stories. Now share yours.

P.S. Get more rants in the form of a 10-item list right here.

When it comes to wooing the opposite sex, men have it easy. As far as I know, they approach you and whip out the pick-up line. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Women on the other hand, play a whole different game. Sometimes it seems as if our entire existence is based on impressing a guy. And it’s exhausting. We don’t think about it often (or we argue that we’re doing these things for ourselves as much as for the men), but when you stop and take notice of all the things we do to woo the gentlemen, well, it’s absurd:

1. Padded Bras
Guys have been trained to like a nice set of boobs, and women have been trained to do anything to give them to them. Hell, that must be Victoria’s Secret. But push-up bras are often uncomfortable, expensive and so. effing. hard. to wash without totally ruining them. And yet we wear them. All the time. In fact, you’re probably wearing one right now.

2. High Heels
Although I do enjoy how I feel when I slip on some pumps and strut my shiz at the bar, I don’t enjoy the throbbing blisters that plague me. And they always plague me. But I wear those torture devices every weekend anyway, because while it would be far more comfortable, there’s nothing sexy to the campus boys about a pair of worn-in sweatpants and some flip flops.

3. Waiting to Respond
In a feeble attempt to seem mysterious/extremely busy/cool, girls will often wait to respond to a text or a phone call from a guy. Although realistically, we’re counting down every waking minute as we run through a million response options, asking our friends (again and again) which one would be the wittiest/cutest to send when the time is right. And then asking them when that time actually is so we don’t seem either pathetic or like we’re blowing them off.

4. Eating Salad (Instead of Something Tastier)
I love me a good burger, but I know I think twice before ordering one on a first date with a guy. We want guys to think we are dainty little things who eat like bunnies, not like frat boys, so we sacrifice our own culinary happiness. And only eat half. Then we go home and scarf down a bag of chips in the privacy of our own bedroom while dissecting the entire evening with our girlfriends.

5. Brazilians
Let’s be honest, we aren’t letting someone wax in there for our own benefit.

6. Playing the Jealousy Game
Even though he is the only man for us, we don’t want him to think he’s the only man who can have us. So we go out of our way to flirt with other guys and make sure he see’s it. It’ll make him want us more, right?

7. Pretending to Like His Music/TV Shows/Sports Team
To you, watching professional baseball is like watching paint dry. And you think Dave Matthews is the most over-rated songwriter on earth. And Indian food? You’d rather eat ramen noodles than even try some of that curry stuff. But once Mr. Right walks in, you’re chowing down on Na’an while studying the Yankees line-up with DMB playing in the background just so you can keep up the ruse.

Get it? Got it? Good. Want some more? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

Ahhhhh

Instead of sitting there overanalyzing every single detail of the date and what could have gone wrong (like we all do), I’ll make it simple for you. Here are the mistakes everyone makes on their first date and what you can do to avoid them.

1. Not dressing for the occasion. If you’re going to a baseball game, don’t wear stiletto heels. If you’re going out to eat somewhere nicer than McDonald’s, change out of your sweats. It’s as simple as that. And if you’re Lady Gaga, obviously no rules apply to you.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Make sure you know where you’re going on the date. If it’s a surprise, it’s always better to play it safe and wear something casual. Not too sloppy, not too dressy.

2. Talking about exes. Talking about ex-boyfriends isn’t just annoying on dates— it’s annoying all the time. 3 words: Get. Over. It. And if you can’t, maybe you shouldn’t be dating quite yet. If you do decide it’s time to enter the wonderful world of dating, make sure you keep the conversation far away from ex-land. No guy wants to sit and listen to you whine about how his eyebrows aren’t groomed as well as your ex-boyfriend’s.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Think of good conversation-starters before the date. This way, if there’s an awkward silence, you won’t just bring up whatever pops into your head at the moment, which could very easily be the loser ex-boyfriend who had taken you to the same place in the past.

3. Getting drunk. If you know one glass of wine really gets you feeling loopy, don’t drink three. The last thing a guy wants is you climbing up on the table and giving the whole restaurant a show. Save that for the second date.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Know your limits. Maybe avoid alcohol all together on the first date to make sure you don’t say or do anything you regret. Plus, getting drunk around someone you just met probably isn’t a good idea anyways. You never know about people these days! Craigslist killer, anyone? Thank you Lifetime for officially creeping me out.

4. Being easy. Referring back to the last mistake, don’t give it all up in one night.  Drinking alcohol is no excuse. If you really want things to go somewhere with this guy and want him to get to get to know you as a person and have some respect for you, don’t flaunt your goodies at him just yet. Sure, give him a peek— but just from across the table.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Give him a steamy goodnight kiss but leave it at that. If he really likes you, he’ll be back for more!

5. Not shutting up. Conversations on dates are always great. Conversations where the only person that’s talking is you— not so great. Make sure you’re letting the poor guy get a word in every once in awhile. Ask him some questions and find out his interests. How do you know if you have anything in common if you don’t give him the chance to tell you about himself? For all you know, you’re on a date with a total creep. Once he starts talking and tells you about his fifty pet rats and how he still lives with him Mom, you’ll be glad you shut up a little.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Compliment him on something. If you like his shirt, tell him. It’ll start up a conversation, and hmm, maybe even a shopping date!

6. Being overly flirtatious. Give him a challenge!  Don’t wink every five seconds, grab his butt, or try pulling any of the Lady and the Tramp noodle-slurping mumbo jumbo.  It might freak him out. Okay, it will freak him out.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Give him a sexy smile every once in a while instead. No guy can resist that.

7. Laughing at absolutely everything. C’mon, no one is THAT funny. He may tell a good joke every now and then, but if you’re laughing at every single thing he says he’s probably going to get a little annoyed. If you’re on a date with Andy Samberg, then that’s a different story.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Make HIM laugh! You’ve got jokes, too.

8. Having bad manners. When you’re out to eat there are some crucial things you should keep in mind. Don’t eat food with your hands unless it’s meant to be eaten with your hands. Use a napkin. Don’t spit food into the napkin. Don’t start a burping contest. And definitely keep your mouth closed when you’re chewing. It’s also a good idea to avoid extreme profanity on your first date. If you’re one of those girls that swears at least three times per sentence, try to cool it a bit. Oh, and remember to say “thank you.”

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Go have a talk with Mom before the date. Remember all those times she told you to get your elbows off the table? She knew what she was talkin’ about!

9. Texting. This is also part of having bad manners, but it needs a section just for itself.  Texting on a date = major no-no. There is nothing worse than trying to enjoy a great night out when the person you’re with can’t manage to set their phone down for five seconds. It’s awkward and makes the person feel like their date doesn’t even want to be there. Your girlfriends can wait until after the date to find out how big of a hottie he was.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Leave your phone in your purse on silent or vibrate.  If your Justin Bieber ring tone is going off every couple of minutes, there’s really no point in having it put away in the first place.

Keep these nine things in mind and your next first date will surely turn into a second. What dating mistakes have you made? And what have your dates done to drive you absolutely bonkers? Let us know!

In the last year, it seems as though being single has been my specialty. While flings and hookups have come and gone (pun intended) and dates have left me with some less than desirable memories, my current single status has remained loyally by my side. I’ve learned a lot in the past year and I’ve discovered that single girls around the world are all in the same fabulous pair of shoes.

So if you’re sick of sitting at a table for one, eating a meal portioned for two, I cordially invite you to join The Single Girl Society, where being single is more than status, it’s a lifestyle. Of course, with everything in life, the single girl lifestyle comes with rules and I’ve picked up quite a few along the way. So kick back, grab a drink and let the lessons I’ve learned serve as your very own roadmap to transitioning to and enduring the single life.

So you’re in the middle of a particularly “blah” dinner date and your date launches into (yet another) story about quail season and you’re about to give up all hope and consider joining a convent just so you’ll never have to put yourself through this kind of cruel and unusual punishment ever again.

Look, I know where you’re coming from. You start to drink heavily standing by the reasoning that if your date refuses to have a personality, you’ll just have to let the liquor create one for him. You keep glancing at your cell wondering why your best friend has yet to call with your routine emergency date rescue call. We’ve all been there. It’s those nights that being single gets such a bad rep.

So why is that after such awful dates we still waver when considering a follow-up date?

Lesson 8: Trust your instincts.

I know it seems like it should go without saying, but sometimes as singles we get pushed into giving people another chance when we know good and well, our minds have been made up before we even go on the next date.

Give yourself some credit and trust the little voice in your head that says you should bail or turn your back on a potential suitor.

So when you’re telling your girlfriends that you’re definitely not planning on seeing the business major you went on a date (if you could call rolling your eyes while he tells yet another story about his family’s ranch a date) with, don’t let them convince you into changing your mind just because “he’s stupid gorgeous and comes from Old Southern money.”

You’re single, not cursed! Don’t feel obligated to constantly dole out chances for guys you’ve already tried your hand with and don’t let anyone discredit you and cajole you into dating someone who rubbed off on you the wrong way. There’s a difference between taking a chance on someone who isn’t your type and continuing to date a guy you know isn’t right for you just because there are no other prospects on the horizon and you just so happen to need a date for your sorority’s semi-formal.

You’re not doing yourself or your date any favors by continuing to see him even though some part of you already decided there’s something to hold you back from him.

More importantly, don’t waste your time dramatically going back and forth, wondering if you should go out with a guy again when you blatantly spent more time tearing him to pieces to your friends than complimenting him. Trust yourself if your instincts tell you not to date a guy and don’t let your friends convince you of something other than what you know – like that hunting stories and a Brooks Brothers-clad business major just aren’t your thing.

[Do you agree? Disagree? Sound off, singles!]

Get the first 7 rules of the Single Girl Society right here.

8 Ways to help your community

See the sneaky celebrity skincare tips

Maybe if he cut his hair he wouldn’t think that

How to plan a first date

The many terrible faces of Sammi

Celebs who look better now that they’re older

Should home abortions be allowed?

Why did Danny Tanner have to get so weird??

A few life lessons from Finding Nemo’s Dory

30 ways to ruin a photo