[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I was with my boyfriend for three months the first time sex (and, simultaneously, something else, if you know what I’m sayin’….) presented itself. It was his birthday, we were in his bed, neither of us were wearing clothes, and after an hour of a whole lot of other stuff, I was ready for it.

And it was my first time.

“Baby, let’s do it.” I breathed into his ear. Yes, I know it wasn’t the most eloquent proposal, but gimme a break. How many of you are poets between the sheets?

He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. I expected some romance. Not like John Mayer would walk in and start playing in the background or that we’d have the kind of intense sex I’d seen (far too many times) in The Notebook. But, you know, I thought he’d be happy about it. I did not expect:

“OK, but I don’t want you to get all clingy and stuff.” Read More »

I still remember the date I had sex for the first time. It was July 16^th, and I was 16 years old. It’s odd that I remember the date, I realize, especially because it wasn’t any kind of mind-blowing experience. Looking back now, 16 seems really young – but it worked for me because I was ready. I had gotten on birth control, bought condoms, and, for lack of a better term, was ready to “get it over with.”

While I was far from the last of my friends to “lose it,” many of my close friends had already had sex, which put me in an advantageous position; I got to ask lots of questions. During these girl talk sessions, I heard the regular tidbits: it will hurt, you will bleed, and (what I was most mentally prepared for), you’re going to feel intensely attached to whoever “deflowers” you.

After a lot of anticipation, on a hot Monday afternoon,  I had sex for the first time. The moment came, the deed was done, and as I sat on the couch watching Yes, Dear with the guy I just had sex with, more than anything, I was confused. I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t instantly fall in love, I wasn’t sore, and I didn’t really understand what all the fuss was about. What’s the big deal with virginity if I’m going to be the exact same person after I do have sex? Read More »

TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. Ask away, dahlinks.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Let me just say it: I am a 21-year-old-virgin. And let me also say, it’s really starting to bother me. I am not some crazy, anti-social person, it just hasn’t happened for me. I am very open-minded and consider myself to be adventurous. For my first time, I want to be with something that I really care about, not just some random guy. It’s not that I dislike sex (I have a vibrator and I use it!) or that I’ve never fooled around with guys, I’ve just never had sex. Of any kind. Nothing below the belt.

Now I’m worried that it’s hurting my ability to open up to guys that come into my life with boyfriend potential. At this age, it’s kind of assumed by everyone that you’re NOT a virgin…and I don’t know how to bring it up. Actually, I can’t even tell my new friends that I’ve made at college; almost all of my friends from college don’t know I’m a virgin. When they start talking about sex, I just go along with it; I know a lot about it, just haven’t actually done it, so it’s easy to be believable. I just don’t want to answer all the questions that would come along with my confession, and I also don’t want to be the weird girl who doesn’t have sex. I was stereotyped as the goody-goody in high school, and that’s not who I am, so I’m not going to help perpetuate that again! I’m not telling a blatant lie to them, more like a lie by omission.

So anyways, I don’t know what to do. I’m getting tempted just to find a friend and get him to “do me a favor.” It’s not the way I’d pictured losing it, but I’m beginning to think that it would help me be more confident with guys (and truthful with friends!). It’s kind of getting out of control. I kind of feel like an inadvertent tease. There’s a guy right now who has serious boyfriend potential, but I don’t really know how to go about this. This is really starting to affect my life.

Please help Tuffy!
- Kinky Virgin Read More »

Question for Tuffy?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and leave a message at the BEEEEEEP.

Tuffy Question: Hey, where all the lesbians at?! How come I never hear from you girls?!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we are just crazy about each other, but we are still virgins.  We were originally saving our virginity for religious/moral reasons, but we both changed our minds on that and want to have intercourse now.  However, we each live in our parents’ homes and his family is super-religious.  And if someone finds out, both of us will be in deep trouble.  Apart from simply waiting, what can we do?

–All revved up with nowhere to go

Dear Revved,

What can you do?! Why, many a thing, young lass! Let’s see–

But first, let lil’ ol’ Tuffy just lil’ ol’ say: ALWAYS USE CONDOMS. In EVERY situation. In ANY genital exchange, with ANY gender. Okay?! CONDOMS. CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS.

Okay, that said, first, I want to say that I am writing this advice to you, girl, assuming that you are of consenting age. Okay? Please, young ‘uns, wait till you’re ready. You should never feel pressure to have sex before YOU are ready to do it. No one tells you what to do with your body–you are your own and only your own.

So, now the fun! Things you can do: Read More »

"Ok, so I'm on top. What do I do now!?"

Losing your virginity is huge. It’s been built up since the birds and the bees talk, and everyone you know gives you a different description of what it’s actually going to be like.

Grandma preaches about how she waited for marriage and how the only man she ever slept with was your grandfather, which kept her from getting those dirty diseases the youngsters are getting these days. Your parents just beg you to wait for college when you’re out of their house, and protect yourself so you aren’t bringing home their grandchildren on your winter break. Then there’s your slutty friend who boasted about how great it was and had all the boys following her through the halls of high school.

But when we sit down and look back on how it actually was when we decided to lose our virginity, it isn’t easily summed up into one simple tip or anecdote. It was more like a 30-minute (if you were one of the lucky ones) progression into womanhood.

After reading The Frisky’s perspective on the stages men go through when losing their virginity, I was not only enlightened (seriously, who knew guys thought so much?!), but it got me thinking of my own first time and the stages I went through as it was all goin’ down.

Perhaps you can relate… Read More »

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like the ultimate cure for a hangover! – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I don’t really know how to ask this so I’ll just get right to it. I’m still a virgin and I’m the only one left in my group. All my girl friends lost their virginity this year and have been telling me how much it hurt. Now I’m scared! Is it really that bad? And is there anything I can do to….prepare? Or should I just buy some cats now and grow old as a single, virgin spinster?

I’m really freaking out here.

A: Ok, hold up. It is definitely not time to start hoarding cats. Unless you really like cats, in which case, stock up! But don’t throw in the towel on sex just yet. Every woman is different when it comes to what your first time feels like. If you’ve been wearing tampons, riding horses, and straddling balance beams in gymnastics, your hymen may already be broken, so it might hurt less. On the flip side, if you’re very tiny and trying to insert a junior sized tampons sends you through the roof, you might face some serious discomfort.

But even if you are in the latter group, there are things you can do, especially if you’re in a relationship and can anticipate when it will happen (which offers your best shot at a good experience, in my opinion. Losing your virginity to a beer-sloshed one-night stand who can’t remember your name doesn’t bode well for gentle, compassionate connection between you and your partner. But then, you know that.). Read More »

Talking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she will judge you,  you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

We thought we’d help and every Thursday our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I am still a virgin. It’s not because I’m religious or anything – I just haven’t met the right person. The only thing is that I’m finally ready to sleep with this guy, but I don’t know if I should tell him or not? Guys seem to get pretty freaked out about that kind of stuff. Is it possible to just do it and not tell him?

A: I hear ya, sister! It’s a lot of responsibility to be someone’s first.  But it’s also a big decision on your part. I remember when I was young and a girlfriend told me, “You’ll never forget your first. And a part of you will always love him and feel connected to him.”  She called it “getting stuck,” because the bonding experience of losing your virginity acts like glue.  In my case, she was absolutely right.  Part of me still loves the guy who took my cherry. So think twice about how you make this decision.

As for whether the guy gets freaked out, I say tell him and let him accept that responsibility. If he’s too freaked out to be your first, don’t give it away to him. You want someone who knows it’s your first time, can handle the responsibility that comes with that, and cares enough to make sure you feel nurtured, loved, and accepted when you lose your virginity. Read More »

Want your pregunta featured in Tuffy Luv’s biweekly column?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and ye shallllllll re-CEIVE!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So for the past two months I’ve been hooking up with a friend of mine. It evolved slowly since he was my first at pretty much everything, so we only started having sex a couple weeks ago. We hang out most nights a week, though sometimes we hang out with other friends too so we don’t hook up then. And sometimes we hang out and do other stuff instead of hooking up. That has been happening more and more lately, and in situations where we could be hooking up, and it’s kind of been frustrating me.

We used to have the TV on so no one would hear us (we both live with our parents), but lately we’ve just been actually watching TV and not actually hooking up. Sometimes he says he’s “too tired” to do anything or to even hang out.  I don’t get it. Why would a guy choose not to have sex when he knows he could and he claims he wants to? I think I’ve been really cool about this whole thing, in terms of not getting clingy/weird/emotional, which I know guys are supposedly scared of in non-committed sexual relationships. I straight out asked him, “You’d tell me if you didn’t want to do anything anymore, right?” It wouldn’t be the end of the world, I’d just rather he be straightforward with me. However he said it wasn’t that at all, it’s just he felt like watching TV. Really? We haven’t had sex in over a week, yet we’ve hung out multiple times since then and he texts me and calls me almost every day and still asks to hang out. I don’t get it! Isn’t it supposed to be the guy who always wants to have sex, and the girl who says she’s not in the mood?

-Friend Without Benefits Read More »

I waited a long time to swipe my coveted V-card. It wasn’t like I was waiting for my Prince Charming – more like I was waiting for the right opportunity. The right guy. The right comfort level. I wanted it to be something I could look back on down the road without regrets.

And I don’t have any, but it definitely wasn’t what I expected. I thought it would be some really intense situation where I’d feel completely different after the entire thing was over. And maybe it would have been had it lasted longer than 4 minutes. Instead, the entire sitch was just….weird. And when it was done? I didn’t feel more connected to my partner – I just felt sore downtown and a little bit sweaty.

Everyone’s first time is different, but do we all feel the same way going into it? What do guys think of losing their virginity, and what do they think about taking it from someone else? Let’s find out… Read More »

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

I will admit it, I’m an awkward girl.  I’ll say goodbye to someone and then walk in the same direction as them with a stupid grin on my face.  I’ve messed up high fives more times than should be legally allowed.  I’ve called my roommates good friend (whom I’ve known for months) “Tyler,” when his name is “Lucas”…HOW DO YOU MESS THAT UP?  I’m able to take a perfectly normal moment and transform it into a typical scene in any Wes Anderson film (it’s a gift). The trouble is, I don’t realize how incredibly dorky I must look until looking back, and slapping my forehead accordingly.

So by the rules of physics (which I am unsurprisingly sucky at) it would only make sense that I would take this persona I’ve been cursed blessed with and apply to almost every sexual encounter I’ve experienced.  Well, of course, the beginnings are more of learning experiences rather than “fun timez.”   Now let’s time travel back 7 years when it all began…

Cue the hazy flashbacks and dream-like sound effects. Read More »