[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I was with my boyfriend for three months the first time sex (and, simultaneously, something else, if you know what I’m sayin’….) presented itself. It was his birthday, we were in his bed, neither of us were wearing clothes, and after an hour of a whole lot of other stuff, I was ready for it.

And it was my first time.

“Baby, let’s do it.” I breathed into his ear. Yes, I know it wasn’t the most eloquent proposal, but gimme a break. How many of you are poets between the sheets?

He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. I expected some romance. Not like John Mayer would walk in and start playing in the background or that we’d have the kind of intense sex I’d seen (far too many times) in The Notebook. But, you know, I thought he’d be happy about it. I did not expect:

“OK, but I don’t want you to get all clingy and stuff.”

Uh. Yeah. That happened. And I slept with him anyway. And continued to date him for another 3 months. The thing is though, I didn’t blame him for thinking that way. First, the kid was kind of dumb. And second, he’s not the only guy that assumes that a virgin becomes instantly attached to the first guy she sleeps with. Guys are conditioned to think that way from the moment they have their first erection. They assume that all girls think of their first time as some magical moment and that they’ll live happily ever after with the first guy who put it in.

They don’t realize that many of us are just looking for someone we feel comfortable with. Someone we trust to see us in that most vulnerable moment. Someone who won’t slander our names when we make them stop because it hurts so effing badly, or run from the room when they see the unsightly virgin stain on their sheets. There are a lot of things girls have to deal with when they lose their virginity and many just want to make sure they’re dealing with those things with someone who, I dunno, knows their last name.

For guys, on the contrary, losing their virginity is easy. Hell, I’m sure that many of us have slept with virgins and didn’t even know it. I mean, there are plenty of experienced guys out there who are terrible in bed or finish in less than a minute, so how are we supposed to know if that’s because it’s their first time or they just suck?

And even if we do know we’re about to go to bed with a virgin, do we care? Not really. The only reason we’d even question it is because we’re worried his inexperience might leave us hurting more than our first Spin class/walking funny for days. But in reality, most girls don’t give much thought to taking someone’s virginity. And of the ones that do, many love the idea of being someone’s first. We like knowing that this guy is clean, he’s not a total player, and that we can have total control of the situation. And control in the bedroom is HOT.

Look, it’s 2011. For most people losing your virginity is a big deal, yes, but it should be a big deal to the person losing it, not the person they’re losing it to. If someone is choosing to give me their V-Card, more power to them (but good luck ever finding someone who’s gonna rock their world as hard as I do); I’m not gonna freak out that they’ll be proposing marriage in the morning. It’s a very personal decision and if they decide that I’m the person they want to have their first roll in the hay with, that’s their call.

Because at the end of the day, it’s sex, and whether it’s their 197th time or their 1st, I’m just excited to be gettin’ some.

Want to see what he said? Check out the male response at COEDmagazine.com.

[Get more He Said/She Said right here.]

I still remember the date I had sex for the first time. It was July 16^th, and I was 16 years old. It’s odd that I remember the date, I realize, especially because it wasn’t any kind of mind-blowing experience. Looking back now, 16 seems really young – but it worked for me because I was ready. I had gotten on birth control, bought condoms, and, for lack of a better term, was ready to “get it over with.”

While I was far from the last of my friends to “lose it,” many of my close friends had already had sex, which put me in an advantageous position; I got to ask lots of questions. During these girl talk sessions, I heard the regular tidbits: it will hurt, you will bleed, and (what I was most mentally prepared for), you’re going to feel intensely attached to whoever “deflowers” you.

After a lot of anticipation, on a hot Monday afternoon,  I had sex for the first time. The moment came, the deed was done, and as I sat on the couch watching Yes, Dear with the guy I just had sex with, more than anything, I was confused. I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t instantly fall in love, I wasn’t sore, and I didn’t really understand what all the fuss was about. What’s the big deal with virginity if I’m going to be the exact same person after I do have sex?

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve been reading The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti for the last little while, and it’s sparked a new interest in me about the phenomenon that is virginity. I’ll avoid the topic of purity and measuring the morality of a woman by her hymen (we’ll save that for another day), but the book has made me realize all the lies we are told about virginity. Even the language – “losing” it, being “deflowered,” having your v-card “stolen,” makes it sound like sex is some kind of black hole for innocence.

So, let’s tackle some virginity myths that need to be debunked.

Pain and blood. While, for some women, the first time having sex can be uncomfortable and slightly painful, it’s not always the case. The pain and bleeding comes from breaking the hymen – which not all women will still have intact, even if they are virgins. Sports, tampons, and masturbation are just a few of the ways that your hymen can break before having intercourse, so don’t be surprised if there’s no blood or pain. Being well lubricated, relaxed, and lots of foreplay will definitely help with making your first time more comfortable.

Stage 5 clinger. Yes, dopamine and serotonin are released during orgasm, which can lead to feelings of love and deep attraction.  But, as any one that has used a vibrator will tell you – that doesn’t mean you’re going to fall in love with what gave you that orgasm. Plus, I hate to say it, but most women won’t have an orgasm during their first time (especially since 75% of women can’t orgasm through intercourse anyway). Feelings don’t necessarily hinge on sex – but don’t be too surprised if you feel more connected with whoever it was you had sex with. That is the point, after all.

Goodbye, old self. The idea that consensually having someone’s penis inside of you is going to change who you are as a person is kind of preposterous. You’ll still be the same person, you won’t suddenly be immoral, and a switch won’t flip in your head that will make you promiscuous.

Oh, baby. If you don’t use protection, you can get pregnant. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first time, or 201^st time, sperm + egg = embryo. Same goes for STIs – there isn’t some kind of “get out of disease free” card just because it’s your first time. Be smart.

Was that it? Sex gets better, I promise. The first time can be awkward and uncomfortable, but with time and practice, it all works out. But…

Low expectations. Just because it’s your first time doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not going to be pleasurable. Enjoy it for what it is — you only get one first time!

TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. Ask away, dahlinks.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Let me just say it: I am a 21-year-old-virgin. And let me also say, it’s really starting to bother me. I am not some crazy, anti-social person, it just hasn’t happened for me. I am very open-minded and consider myself to be adventurous. For my first time, I want to be with something that I really care about, not just some random guy. It’s not that I dislike sex (I have a vibrator and I use it!) or that I’ve never fooled around with guys, I’ve just never had sex. Of any kind. Nothing below the belt.

Now I’m worried that it’s hurting my ability to open up to guys that come into my life with boyfriend potential. At this age, it’s kind of assumed by everyone that you’re NOT a virgin…and I don’t know how to bring it up. Actually, I can’t even tell my new friends that I’ve made at college; almost all of my friends from college don’t know I’m a virgin. When they start talking about sex, I just go along with it; I know a lot about it, just haven’t actually done it, so it’s easy to be believable. I just don’t want to answer all the questions that would come along with my confession, and I also don’t want to be the weird girl who doesn’t have sex. I was stereotyped as the goody-goody in high school, and that’s not who I am, so I’m not going to help perpetuate that again! I’m not telling a blatant lie to them, more like a lie by omission.

So anyways, I don’t know what to do. I’m getting tempted just to find a friend and get him to “do me a favor.” It’s not the way I’d pictured losing it, but I’m beginning to think that it would help me be more confident with guys (and truthful with friends!). It’s kind of getting out of control. I kind of feel like an inadvertent tease. There’s a guy right now who has serious boyfriend potential, but I don’t really know how to go about this. This is really starting to affect my life.

Please help Tuffy!
- Kinky Virgin

Dear Kinky Virgin,

Welp. This is how I sees it: Some people wait for marriage to lose their virginity. Some people wait to find the right person. Some people wait because they don’t feel emotionally ready.

To be honest, Kinkgin, I don’t think you’re being truthful with yourself.

You say you’ve fooled around, but then you say you’ve done nothing below the belt. Girl!!! There MUST be a reason for this. Did you say no? Did you get nervous? You also talk about how you want to wait, but then you say you’re thinking about just grabbing a guy friend and getting it over with. Which one is it–you want it to be special or you want to get it out of the way?

Look, to me, virginity is a perfectly fine thing. If you want to wait, Tuffy sez go for it. But you really should know why you’re waiting. And you say it hasn’t happened yet, but let’s be honest–you haven’t LET it happen yet. You. Are. Waiting. And it’s important that you figure out why. Chances are, this has just been built up in your head as some gigantomorphic thing.

You know, Kinkgin, I really don’t think you should just do it with a friend to get it over with. But I don’t think you should wait forever, since you obviously feel ready (if nervous) now.

This fellow made out of the boyfriend material–yes, he should do as a possible candidate. Go on a date with him (or whatever it is you crazy kids are doing theseadayses). Don’t mention it at all on the first date and end the thing with a kiss. If you like him, go on a second date and, when it seems appropriate, mention it casually. But NEVER, NEVER act weird or embarrassed by it or freaked out about it. He is going to base his reaction on your surface feelings about it. Honey, you sit there and you act sexy as hell and you coquettishly explain to him that you’ve just fooled around so far. But that you loooooove fooling around. And that, if the fooling around is good enough, you’d be up for the big event.

And when you do end up doing the deed, be it with this guy or the next or the next, don’t make into such a huge deal. Enjoy it, enjoy him, and just let it happen naturally. Don’t make it forced or weird and it won’t BE forced or weird.

And always, ALWAYS wear a condom. (THAT GOES FOR ALL OF YOUS.) And don’t forget–there’s nothing wrong with being a goody goody if that’s who you are. And if it’s not who you are, if you’re honest with yourself, people won’t perceive you that way. Be honest with yourself. Start today.

Happy sexing. Or happy not sexing. Until it works for YOU.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Question for Tuffy?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and leave a message at the BEEEEEEP.

Tuffy Question: Hey, where all the lesbians at?! How come I never hear from you girls?!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we are just crazy about each other, but we are still virgins.  We were originally saving our virginity for religious/moral reasons, but we both changed our minds on that and want to have intercourse now.  However, we each live in our parents’ homes and his family is super-religious.  And if someone finds out, both of us will be in deep trouble.  Apart from simply waiting, what can we do?

–All revved up with nowhere to go

Dear Revved,

What can you do?! Why, many a thing, young lass! Let’s see–

But first, let lil’ ol’ Tuffy just lil’ ol’ say: ALWAYS USE CONDOMS. In EVERY situation. In ANY genital exchange, with ANY gender. Okay?! CONDOMS. CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS.

Okay, that said, first, I want to say that I am writing this advice to you, girl, assuming that you are of consenting age. Okay? Please, young ‘uns, wait till you’re ready. You should never feel pressure to have sex before YOU are ready to do it. No one tells you what to do with your body–you are your own and only your own.

So, now the fun! Things you can do:

1. Intercourse: Yes, you can have intercourse. Just take it slow. Kiss a lot. Talk, giggle, don’t take it too seriously. Just do what comes naturally. And, importantly: Tell him if it’s hurting you. Let’s be real, girls, it hurts the first time, but if you have a gentle and patient partner, he’ll go slow when you need him to and it’ll be much, much better. And, frankly, if you don’t have a gentle and patient partner, I highly recommend dumping his ass.

2. Making Out: What’s wrong with just heavy making out?! This can be a great precursor to sex. It’ll really help you find out what turns you guys on. Kissing and touching is the perfect way to experiment without having to go too far.

3. Oral Sex: This is SEX – oral is NOT casual. You still need a condom for this one (sorry, kids – no one likes the herp). Okay, the main thing here is being equals; you give him, and he gives you. It’s all about reciprocity. And it’s also all about listening. Don’t just get down there and try to look like a porn star; that ain’t doin’ nothin’ for no one. Listen to his reactions and learn from them (and expect him to do the same for you!!). And don’t be too shy to read up on the subject for tips (so to speak).

4. Manual Stimulation: You actually don’t need a condom for this one, but make sure the hands are CLEAN (and that you have a condom nearby, just in case you decide you want to switch activities). Again, feel each other out (haha. No, but seriously). See what works for you guys. It’s just touching to make each other feel good – remember, this is a person you love.

5. Anal: Okay, not for the beginner. Work your way up to this one. And, if you do eventually go there, use condoms and tons of lube.

Places, given the circumstances, where you can do said things:

1. Backseat of a car
2. Friend’s place (with friend’s permission, of course)
3. As a last resort, save up money and rent a hotel room during daytime hours (so no one gets suspicious)

This is all assuming you love each other. Remember, kids, Aunt Tuffy Sez: Don’t rush into anything. Sex is so much better when there’s love involved.

Good luck to you, girl. Use condoms, be safe, have fun!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

"Ok, so I'm on top. What do I do now!?"

Losing your virginity is huge. It’s been built up since the birds and the bees talk, and everyone you know gives you a different description of what it’s actually going to be like.

Grandma preaches about how she waited for marriage and how the only man she ever slept with was your grandfather, which kept her from getting those dirty diseases the youngsters are getting these days. Your parents just beg you to wait for college when you’re out of their house, and protect yourself so you aren’t bringing home their grandchildren on your winter break. Then there’s your slutty friend who boasted about how great it was and had all the boys following her through the halls of high school.

But when we sit down and look back on how it actually was when we decided to lose our virginity, it isn’t easily summed up into one simple tip or anecdote. It was more like a 30-minute (if you were one of the lucky ones) progression into womanhood.

After reading The Frisky’s perspective on the stages men go through when losing their virginity, I was not only enlightened (seriously, who knew guys thought so much?!), but it got me thinking of my own first time and the stages I went through as it was all goin’ down.

Perhaps you can relate…

Apprehension
I’ve been planning this moment forever and the day is finally here. My hands are clammy and I’m going back and forth between clenching my vagina as if trying to ward off the impending penetration and dreaming about how romantic it will all be (based solely on my weekly viewing of The Notebook). When the time comes, I’m wearing my sexiest pair of undies but, ugh, why do my boobs flop out to the side like that when I’m laying on my back? And am I doing this right? Should I be making more noises? Does this position make me look fat? Suck it in. SUCK. IT. IN.

The Decline
About 15 minutes into it, I am blindsided by a flood of emotion that comes out of nowhere. Am I…no wait…that is NOT a tear! Omg, it is a tear. I’m crying. This can’t be happening. It’s okay, he doesn’t notice. Just pretend it’s sweat. But why should I be ashamed? It’s not my fault I have a surge of estrogen that suddenly reminds me of the magnitude of the situation. It’s momentous and life changing. Do I love you? Should we get married? Omg, did I just say I love you out loud!? I don’t think he heard me. Say something dirty to cover it up! Wait! Do I love him? No! Maybe? No. Okay, maybe I do. Damn you, emotions. Okay, sanity regained. Let’s just do this.

Mass Chaos
Is this how it’s supposed to go? This feels…weird. Wait, what am I doing? OW! Did something just pop? That did NOT feel good! What are my parents going to think? They’re totally gonna know. My mom’s going to tell grandma; I’ll never be able to show my face at Christmas dinner. Why the hell am I thinking about grandma right now? EW! Is the condom still on? I don’t feel it. Omg, I’m going to get pregnant. I really have to pee. I think I am going to pee. I cannot hold it in. This is a nightmare. Oh wait, that doesn’t feel half bad… Hey, I kinda like this. Keep doing that. Make noises so he knows you like it. Mmmm.

Triumph
I finally did it. I’m no longer “the virgin” of the group, which automatically disabled me from every girl chat about sex, men and late night rendezvous’. I’m not going to deny it, I feel great. I’m a real woman now! Perhaps there is a little physical damage, I’m almost positive I am going to be walking like I spent the night horseback riding come tomorrow morning, but mentally I couldn’t feel better. Oh wait. Go pee. But cover up; he doesn’t need to see your cellulite. Wait. Stop being crazy. You guys just had sex. OMG. I just had sex! My friends are totally gonna freak when I tell them. They need to know immediately. Ok, he’s facing the other way. Is he sleeping? WTF? Whatever, just grab the Blackberry and bring it to bathroom. Mass texting is in order!

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like the ultimate cure for a hangover! – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I don’t really know how to ask this so I’ll just get right to it. I’m still a virgin and I’m the only one left in my group. All my girl friends lost their virginity this year and have been telling me how much it hurt. Now I’m scared! Is it really that bad? And is there anything I can do to….prepare? Or should I just buy some cats now and grow old as a single, virgin spinster?

I’m really freaking out here.

A: Ok, hold up. It is definitely not time to start hoarding cats. Unless you really like cats, in which case, stock up! But don’t throw in the towel on sex just yet. Every woman is different when it comes to what your first time feels like. If you’ve been wearing tampons, riding horses, and straddling balance beams in gymnastics, your hymen may already be broken, so it might hurt less. On the flip side, if you’re very tiny and trying to insert a junior sized tampons sends you through the roof, you might face some serious discomfort.

But even if you are in the latter group, there are things you can do, especially if you’re in a relationship and can anticipate when it will happen (which offers your best shot at a good experience, in my opinion. Losing your virginity to a beer-sloshed one-night stand who can’t remember your name doesn’t bode well for gentle, compassionate connection between you and your partner. But then, you know that.).

My patient Adrianna had so much pain just from foreplay that she avoided sex until she was twenty-nine. (Every Christmas she would send me a card with the Virgin Mary on it and sign it “Love, the Virgin.”)  Always in serious relationships, she would put it off until that inevitable moment when she knew she would either have to lose her virginity or break up with the guy. Every year, when she reached that fork in the road, she broke some poor guy’s heart, rather than ‘fessing up to her fears.

Then she met Ed, and he swept her off her feet.  After he proposed, she approached me, begging me to help her give it all up to Ed.  Here’s what I told her to do:

How To Lose Your Virginity As Painlessly as Possible

1. Purchase a good sexual lubricant like Astroglide or K-Y Jelly.

2. Begin to prepare weeks, even months in advance. (Note: preparation also includes getting comfortable and intimate with your own body!)  The vagina is an elastic organ designed to fit a baby through it.  Your virginal vagina may not like being stretched by an erect penis, but it’s willing to negotiate. Begin by starting to dilate the vagina with the smallest thing you can insert into your vagina comfortably – a pinkie finger, a junior sized tampon, or a thumb. Lube it up and gently insert it inside the vagina.

3.  Notice the muscles that surround your vagina. Are they tense or relaxed? Does the object or finger slide easily into the vagina, or does it hurt? Make a conscious effort to release the tension from those muscles. Hold the object in for 10 minutes.

4. If that doesn’t hurt at all, try gradually increasing the size of what you insert into your vagina- a super-plus sized tampon, two fingers, or a small dildo. Repeat the exercise with the larger object until you find something that begins to stretch you and feel uncomfortable. When you reach that point, hold the object still for 10 minutes, and repeat this every day until it no longer hurts. (Don’t forget the lube, which is key). You may bleed during some of these exercises, which is nothing to worry about, as long as the bleeding is slight.

5. When you notice that it no longer hurts to insert that object inside, go bigger. Keep increasing the size of what you place into the vagina until you can accommodate a dildo that mimics the size of your partner’s penis.

6. Once you can keep the dildo in place for 10 minutes without pain, try moving it in and out of you, mimicking what your partner would do during intercourse. Go slowly, and make sure you have control of how the dildo moves. Feel free to play around with other types of sexual stimulation or other sex toys during this process. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun! Feel free to invite your partner in for the party, if you feel comfortable. If not, make it a private affair until you’re ready for the big night.

7. When you can do this without pain, you’re ready for the main event. Encourage your partner to have fun with foreplay. The more aroused you feel, the less likely it is to hurt.

8. Spend a moment taking deep, relaxing breaths. Concentrate on relaxing the muscles around the vagina to make way for your lover to enter you. Visualize your vagina as a flower gently opening to receive the love you share with your partner.

9. When you’re ready, lube up and try a woman-on-top position, which gives you more control over the depth of penetration and the speed of the thrusting. Take it slow. Listen to your body. Warn your partner that you may not be able to finish the job. If need be, you can ask him to stop and take care of him in other ways, if you know what I mean.

Remember: practice makes perfect. It gets better with time – I swear. If your first time isn’t glorious, don’t be discouraged. My first time was God-awful, but in time, our bodies learn what to do and you’ll be making beautiful music in the sack before you know it.

Hope it helps!

Wishing you a gentle, safe, loving, nurturing cherry-pop,

Dr. Lissa

Talking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she will judge you,  you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

We thought we’d help and every Thursday our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I am still a virgin. It’s not because I’m religious or anything – I just haven’t met the right person. The only thing is that I’m finally ready to sleep with this guy, but I don’t know if I should tell him or not? Guys seem to get pretty freaked out about that kind of stuff. Is it possible to just do it and not tell him?

A: I hear ya, sister! It’s a lot of responsibility to be someone’s first.  But it’s also a big decision on your part. I remember when I was young and a girlfriend told me, “You’ll never forget your first. And a part of you will always love him and feel connected to him.”  She called it “getting stuck,” because the bonding experience of losing your virginity acts like glue.  In my case, she was absolutely right.  Part of me still loves the guy who took my cherry. So think twice about how you make this decision.

As for whether the guy gets freaked out, I say tell him and let him accept that responsibility. If he’s too freaked out to be your first, don’t give it away to him. You want someone who knows it’s your first time, can handle the responsibility that comes with that, and cares enough to make sure you feel nurtured, loved, and accepted when you lose your virginity.

Is it possible to just do it and not tell him? Yeah. But your body may give you away. If your hymen is still intact, you may bleed, which might clue him in. Also, the first time can be very painful. Your reaction may tell him. But why hide it? If you trust him enough to make the very mature decision to have sex with him, I hope you trust him with the truth.

Not to get on my soapbox, but don’t forget about birth control and disease prevention. Make sure you use a condom, and you might want to talk to your gynecologist about more effective birth control, like The Pill, Depo-Provera, the patch, or the vaginal ring. While condoms will help protect you from pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, they’re not perfect at either. So keep that in mind when you choose a partner. Do you know where that penis has been? Don’t be embarrassed to ask. It’s your right to know.  And if you haven’t gotten the HPV vaccine yet, consider getting it before you have sex the first time. It could protect you from a lifetime of genital warts, abnormal pap smears, and cervical cancer.

Blessings to you as you venture forth on this path, sweetie. Listen to your intuition and embark on this journey with faith in yourself and trust in your partner.

Want your pregunta featured in Tuffy Luv’s biweekly column?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and ye shallllllll re-CEIVE!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So for the past two months I’ve been hooking up with a friend of mine. It evolved slowly since he was my first at pretty much everything, so we only started having sex a couple weeks ago. We hang out most nights a week, though sometimes we hang out with other friends too so we don’t hook up then. And sometimes we hang out and do other stuff instead of hooking up. That has been happening more and more lately, and in situations where we could be hooking up, and it’s kind of been frustrating me.

We used to have the TV on so no one would hear us (we both live with our parents), but lately we’ve just been actually watching TV and not actually hooking up. Sometimes he says he’s “too tired” to do anything or to even hang out.  I don’t get it. Why would a guy choose not to have sex when he knows he could and he claims he wants to? I think I’ve been really cool about this whole thing, in terms of not getting clingy/weird/emotional, which I know guys are supposedly scared of in non-committed sexual relationships. I straight out asked him, “You’d tell me if you didn’t want to do anything anymore, right?” It wouldn’t be the end of the world, I’d just rather he be straightforward with me. However he said it wasn’t that at all, it’s just he felt like watching TV. Really? We haven’t had sex in over a week, yet we’ve hung out multiple times since then and he texts me and calls me almost every day and still asks to hang out. I don’t get it! Isn’t it supposed to be the guy who always wants to have sex, and the girl who says she’s not in the mood?

-Friend Without Benefits

Dear Friend Without Benefits,

Girl, he wants to be more than just friends with benefits! Boy is trying really hard to date you without actually letting you know he wants to (and thereby not risking getting rejected). Don’t you watch Seinfeld?! Or am I really dating myself here?

ANYway, sounds to the Tuffster like that. Cuz, I mean, he wants to hang out with you. Right? You say he’s calling and texting every day and shiz. But you’re confused because he wants to, you know, actually hang out with you and not just treat you like the booty call you thought you were. I’m not really seeing the downside.

You have a couple of plans of actions here. First of all, you gotta decide: Would you even want to date him? If you’re maybe interested in dating him, you should continue as you’re going and in a month or two, ask him if maybe there’s more than just hooking up going on, because maybe you’d like there to be.

And I don’t have any, but it definitely wasn’t what I expected. I thought it would be some really intense situation where I’d feel completely different after the entire thing was over. And maybe it would have been had it lasted longer than 4 minutes. Instead, the entire sitch was just….weird. And when it was done? I didn’t feel more connected to my partner – I just felt sore downtown and a little bit sweaty.

Everyone’s first time is different, but do we all feel the same way going into it? What do guys think of losing their virginity, and what do they think about taking it from someone else? Let’s find out…

Got something you’d like to see us talk about? Leave it in the comments and we’ll have our dudes weigh in!

I will admit it, I’m an awkward girl.  I’ll say goodbye to someone and then walk in the same direction as them with a stupid grin on my face.  I’ve messed up high fives more times than should be legally allowed.  I’ve called my roommates good friend (whom I’ve known for months) “Tyler,” when his name is “Lucas”…HOW DO YOU MESS THAT UP?  I’m able to take a perfectly normal moment and transform it into a typical scene in any Wes Anderson film (it’s a gift). The trouble is, I don’t realize how incredibly dorky I must look until looking back, and slapping my forehead accordingly.

So by the rules of physics (which I am unsurprisingly sucky at) it would only make sense that I would take this persona I’ve been cursed blessed with and apply to almost every sexual encounter I’ve experienced.  Well, of course, the beginnings are more of learning experiences rather than “fun timez.”   Now let’s time travel back 7 years when it all began…

Cue the hazy flashbacks and dream-like sound effects.

It’s 2002.  I am 12 years old and in 6th grade.  According to the more experienced middle-schoolers on the playground, I had a “boyfriend.”  This boy would talk to me on AOL (yeah…old skool), but we wouldn’t dare even look at each other during school.  I was so nervous to have a boy like me, I was completely unaware of how I should act around him.  Even at school basketball games together I was so scared just to sit by him because maybe he’d put his arm around me! (OMGG!!)  So one day I decided I needed to break out of my shell a bit.  My good friend lived by his friend, and on weekends I naturally spent most of the weekend there trying to make plans to have us all meet up and hang out.  For the 4 months we supposedly dated, this “weekend hang-out plan” worked literally 1 time.

That night my mom called me asking me our plans for the night, and I told her we were going to see a movie (lie). What I was really doing was sneaking out with my one friend to meet up with my “boyfriend” and his friend.  This rush I got from lying to my mom for the first time sent me on this adrenaline high of “I’M SO EFFIN’ COOL I CAN DO ANYTHING! I’M A REBEL!”  Later that night we eventually met up, and, as was naturally destined for me, it was awkward.  I’m pretty sure there was an unspoken agreement between the group that me and my “boyfriend” should seal the deal and KISS!

I can definitely say that feeling “nervous” was an understatement.  We stood there in the backyard in the dark for what seemed like hours in the middle of an mid-April night, as our friend sat on the curb of the street under the streetlight patiently waiting for the deed to be done.  It was chilly and I didn’t have a sweater, so I decided I was sick of being cold and waiting for my first kiss, so I leaned in so he’d get the idea.  He definitely got the idea, and as I was slowly ready for my first kiss to happen, even schizophrenically hearing the tune to “Dreams” by Cranberries in my head, that record scratch sound came into play at that very moment.

Instead of demonstrating a sweet (and normal) peck to be given, I felt something wet.  Huh? WTF David Blane?  He. Licked. My. Mouth.

He didn’t even start with a normal peck and move his tongue around, like an inexperienced 6th grader might.  He straight up licked my mouth like a melting ice cream cone in August.  Maybe he was expecting a sexified makeout session, or maybe he was expecting a normal kiss but started it off wrong?  Was it wrong that I was expecting just a peck?  So as a mature middle-schooler I was, I decided to stop… and start screaming.  I walked out of there wiping my mouth and ran to my friend so she’d get the idea that we had to leave NOW. 

I realize this story should be called “Seven Years After” instead of “The Morning After,” but I also know that first kisses tend to stick around in everyone’s memories. And this one just had to be shared. Anyone else have some first kiss horror stories?