So, today is World Nude Day. Yeah, we wish we knew too; this sweater is really itchy, and we are pretty sure our professor would cancel all Friday classes if we’d shown up in our birthday suits. Apparently this “holiday” was started in New Zealand to celebrate the body in its natural state and we applaud that. Everyone should love their body and want to show it off to the world!

At the same time, though, there are plenty people in this world who we’d rather not celebrate with. And we think it’s pretty obvious why. Call us haters if you will, but would you want to bump into a nude Dick Cheney, or have to compare your body to a nude Beyonce? Yeah, we didn’t think so.

So we thought we’d whip up a little list of our own absurdly fascinating people. Enjoy!

Barbara chose:

Will Smith – He’s got that new movie coming out, Seven Pounds, and he…um, yea.

Flava Flav – What’s he been up to lately? Something fascinating, I’m sure.

Barbara chose:

Michael Phelps – Buttaface Michael Phelps. So, he won a bajillion gold medals. Whatever!

CollegeCandy chose:

Plaxico Burress - Homeboy shot himself. That takes the cake in fascination!

Barbara chose:

Miley Cyrus – She’s 16. Her career will be over before she’s even legal…(actually that in itself is pretty fascinating).

CollegeCandy chose:

Random little girl who wants to be Miley – She’s a better dancer than Hannah Montana herself! Work it, girl!

Barbara chose:

Tina Fey – Her impersanation of Barbara’s #3 will go down in history and we totally love her around here, but we still think Babs could have done better.

CollegeCandy chose:

Paris Hilton – It’s fascinating this girl’s even famous and even more fascinating girls are battling it out to be her BFF.

Barbara chose:

Rush Limbaugh – He just talks, and talks… and talks.

CollegeCandy chose:

OJ Simpson – Cuz he finally got sentenced today. A minimum of 15 years? Yikes!

Barbara chose:

Thomas Beatie - The she turned he is pregnant with his second child!

CollegeCandy chose:

Thomas Beatie – That’s legitimately fascinating. And kinda weird, no?

Barbara chose:

Frank Langella – No clue who this guy is, but I guess he’s playing Nixon in some movie.

CollegeCandy chose:

Bronx Mowgli Wentz – His name alone makes him more interesting than what’s his face above.

Barbara chose:

Sarah Palin – She was fascinating alright; her accent was something else.

CollegeCandy chose:

Heidi Montag – Queen of worst life decisions, she actually married that pr*ck. Let us pray…

Barbara chose:

Tom Cruise - He jumps on couches, turned his wife into a robot, and plays a guy who wants to kill Hitler. The most fascinating thing about him is how he managed to producs such an adorable child.

CollegeCandy chose:

Blake Fielder-Civil – Who you ask? Amy Winehouse’s crackhead hubby, who turned this talented star into a total drug addict. Oh, those two!

Barbara chose:

Barack Obama - The United States’ first African-American president! Outstanding!

CollegeCandy chose:

Barack Obama- Again, we had to agree with Babs. President-elect Obama is pretty damn fascinating.

Who Obama Should Have Picked

Flavor Flav

Obama’s shown that he has the quick charisma, intelligent flow and moves to be head MC of famed “conscious” rap crew Wyyte-Houzz and M-RIKA, but even the greatest mic rocker can only work the crowd so much. What Obama needs is a dedicated hype man, a man who can properly rep his skills without grabbing too much of the limelight – a man like former Public Enemy member and all-around gentleman Flavor Flav. Sure, it’s a heavy weight to carry around one’s neck, but Flav is used to it.

Paris Hilton

John McCain gets panned for being “too establishment”, “too Bushie”, and too conservative in general. But McCain was quite the Nostradamus, I think, when he highlighted Paris Hilton as an upcoming power player in the field of American politics. What makes her such a compelling choice? She has absolutely no platform. She’s completely Teflon. What are you going to disagree with? Taking McCain’s lead, I predict a future where President Obama will not only give Hilton the vice presidency but will make the Secretary of Defense a ham sandwich. Have you ever won an argument about nuclear policy with a ham sandwich? Neither have I.

A full-length mirror

Really, would anyone else do a better job? Obama may have to bulk up a bit for his reflective debut, since seeing his skinny butt all the time might give him body image issues, but otherwise a mirror image of Obama would be the perfect veep. He’d be harder to assassinate. He could double-team enemy politicians on the basketball court. He’d even pin down that right-handed constituency that’s been eluding him this whole time. Better yet, American citizens would no longer have to worry that the leader of the free world is a vampire. Unless he is. But better to find out now, instead of over Mr. Putin’s pale, bloodless corpse.

Who McCain Should Have Picked

Sylvester Stallone

McCain needs to get back to his party roots if he wants to win over the breadbasket of America this September. What he needs to realize is that the GOP is really about two things: getting shirtless and killing people with bazookas. Huckabee came close with his endorsement by Chuck Norris, but he’s always wearing those nerdy denim jackets. And honestly, it’s been far too long since Schwarzenegger terminated anything other than fashion sense. Stallone is the only man left for the job, and he’s already had experience taking down those damn Commies.

Any one of his pets

Everyone loves dogs wearing clothes, and as a dog lover, I’m sure McCain wouldn’t be able to resist the opportunity to put one of his adorable mutts in a presidential three-piece — or any of his other pets. And his party would rally behind the choice for sure: they’ve been outdone by the Democrats, who plan to elect the first black president. They’re trying to one-up that by electing the first woman vice president – but why stop there? Why not go with the first ferret vice president?

My grandfather, who is a realtor

My grandfather knows a lot about houses. He buys houses, and he sells houses. He doesn’t really have any other qualifications for being the vice president, I guess, although he does read the Wall Street Journal. But you know what? McCain has all the president stuff covered. But what about his houses? We all know that McCain said he “couldn’t remember” how many houses he had – but we haven’t really thought about this in detail. What if he has no houses? That’s terrible! If he were the vice president, my grandfather could help McCain buy a house to live in. That would be his Vice Presidential Promise, and he makes good promises.

[Stallone-vision courtesy of artfiles.art.com]

What a miserable train wreck, composed of C-list talent, constantly creative combinations of four letter words, the overuse of prescription drugs, volumes of offensive mutterings and creepy Full House pedophilia jokes. Ah, but hell, it’s funny.It’s like a car wreck – you know you shouldn’t look, but you can’t help yourself. Comedy Central Roasts are always a hot mess – a crew of C-list pseudo-stars drinking heavily and tearing each other apart all the while dropping f-bombs and vulgar sexual references. Perhaps part of the allure lies in the chance to see offensive and inappropriate behavior in a societal sea of politeness.

Bob Saget, the highly irritating Danny Tanner and silly video voiceover dude we all grew up hating, was clearly a last-ditch choice after thousands of other actual celebrities turned down the chance to be roasted. The last poor sap to accept the offer was Flavor Flav- how can you top that kind of celebrity star power? Yes, I’m being sarcastic, but the pinnacle of comedy has to be Snoop Dogg referring to the little clock-wearing freak as a cracked out midget in a Viking helmet.

Pretty-boy John Stamos and the rest of the Full House cast were there, sans the Olsen Twins of course, who were the topic of many sexual/ eating disorder/ molestation/ pedophilia jokes. An aging Uncle Joey, Aunt Becky, DJ and Stephanie peppered the crowd with other random has-beens like the guy from Quantum Leap.

An uber-creepy and highly unfunny Norm McDonald bombed, reading his awful G-rated jokes from index cards while an array of confused audience members looked on. Eyesore Jeff Ross, savage-looking Brian Posehn, ear-splitting Gilbert Godfrey and older-than-water Cloris Leachman offered intermittent laughs while Saget looked on, laughing awkwardly and looking slightly confused.

Jeff Garlin and Jim Norton presented sets that were slightly amusing at best, while income-earning stars like Sarah Silverman, Lewis Black and Don Rickles ‘phoned it in’, offering brief, insulting, videotaped salutes to the tall creepy Saget. Greg Giraldo and Susie Essman (where do you find these people, and has anyone heard of them?) certainly cracked me up and Jon Lovitz always delivers. All in all, it’s low-brow, despicable and exploitational comedy at its brightest. Its offensive, politically incorrect and almost painful to watch, I’ll admit. Cringe-worthy, raunchy, oddly humorous and downright mean, its short-attention span theater for people that can’t help but laugh at the misfortune of others or strangers falling in public.

But when I get home from a long day, I’m not looking for shark week. No sirree blog, I’m looking for some other organisms ripping each other apart and basking in the blood. That’s right: I’m looking forward to Reality TV. And, naturally, other crappy shows I can’t stop watching.

Look! Here’s a few!

(5) A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila

GOD this show blows! So why am I glued to the screen?

And why, when ****SPOILER ALERT******!!!!

Tila chose Kristy and Kristy rejected Tila, why, oh, why did I feel so deliciously vindicated–and then so bummed for Tila? Tila, you biznatch, you have a boyfriend and this is totally fake and everyone knows it! So put away your sweet, sweet alligator tears so I can stop feeling bad for you!!

Dammit.

(4) What Not To Wear

It’s the same every week! Literally! For years, the show has followed the same strict formula (ambush, commercial, 360 mirror/wardrobe trashing, commercial, shop alone pathetically, commercial, shop with Stacey and Clinton successfully, commercial, hair and makeup, commercial, show new look to Stacey and Clinton, commercial, show new look to family, and FIN). I mean, there is almost literally no variation. Once in a while, they do twins or something to mix it up–but still within the same mold. HOWEVER: I love this show. My boyfriend says Stacey and Clinton are the worst people he can imagine, but I want them to be my best friends. So. There you go.

(3) Flavor of Love

Flavor Flav, you sly dog. You made it through 3 seasons (3 seasons!!!!!!) until you finally said, frick it, I’m going to be with the latest mother of my latest child! Now that is ballsy.

Brava, Flav. Brava.

(2) The Simpsons

This used to be the best show on television, but, for the past bunch of years, it’s totally sucked. It’s a shell of its former self, with nerds writing it whose only goal is making themselves giggle.

To be fair, it’s been on almost as long as I’ve been alive. STILL! Stop sucking, Simpsons, and start being awesome again!!! I miss you! (And yet I still watch you every Sunday night and get great joy trashing you every Monday. So…yeah.)

(1) The Real World

The classic to kill all classics. I mean, this is a bad show. Right? But…but…it’s been on so long, in so many cities. And…and…I’ve seen them all. And…I–I love it. YOU WIN, REAL WORLD. Now throw me up some Puck and Bri and I can cry myself to sleep.

Other shows may come or go, Real World, but you’re always a woman to me.

Did I miss any?

[Image courtesy of mediaobsessed.com]

How do I know? Because I’m really, really looking forward to this.

Yes, you understood that video correctly–there is going to be a show in which reality “stars” from Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, and I Love New York compete for cash (specifically, $250,000). And not the actual stars. It’s going to be the doofuses (doofii?) who competed for the lame stars’ hearts. (Note: New York is not lame. New York is a marvel of nature whose delightful bizarreness I will love for always. Just so’s ya know.)

Annnnyway, let’s take a look at the cast, shall we?

Brandi C. from Rock of Love

That weird blonde chick from the first season who kept calling Bret her boyfriend is back for the moolah. Having tried porn after she got off the show (frankly, not surprising), she was ready to jump back on the screen and into our hearts. Wait, did I say hearts? I meant nightmares.

The Entertainer from I Love New York

The crazo who got kicked off the show for living with his parents is back for more. This guy was pretty freaking crazy–there was an episode where he was convinced the house was haunted, so he wouldn’t take off his construction helmet. And I mean; what those two wacko things even have to do with one another I do not know.

Hoopz from Flavor of Love

The first ever (of three, but still) winner of FOL is back to kick some butt. She always seemed kind of dumb to me (and I was pissed when she beat New York [have I mentioned I really like New York?]) but maybe she’ll actually keep the prize this time…

Midget Mac from I Love New York

Yeah, he never had a chance before, but maybe he’ll win this one! MM is a wacky lil’ guy (I can say that! I’m under 5′ myself!), but he’s actually pretty lovable. I hope he wins it for his kids.

Megan from Rock of Love

And *ahem* Beauty and the Geek. Lame. Megan is like my least favorite of all of these people. Not only does she appear to be an idiot, but she also appears to be vindictive, like when she took what’s-her-face’s note off Bret’s door and then copied the idea and lied about the whole thing. She totally sucks, and is totally NOT as cute as she seems to think. Therefore, I hope she gets kicked off first.

Nibblz from Flavor of Love

I actually had to look this one up. And then, unfortunately, I remembered. Nibblz is the bisexual stripper who showed Flav’s friends her boob. Also, she was gross and has a weird lisp. But, okay, good luck, Nibblz. Let’s see what you got.

Real from I Love New York

Real was third place on season 1. He was Chance’s brother (who New York obviously should have chosen–I’m sure, New York! But I’m glad you ended up with Tailor Made after season 2!) and actually seemed almost like a normal person. For this reason, I doubt he’ll last long, but, still, gotta root for the nice guy.

Chance from I Love New York

Like I said, shoulda won season 1! But, whatever. Chance should be awesome on this show. He’s got a weird attitude and temper, but he’s actually really funny, which is appealing in a sea of bland reality-show-wannabes. Plus I think he’ll put it into his music with Real, which is just fun and cool. Come on, Chance!

12 Pack from I Love New York

The male stripper who drank more than everyone combined and who then went off and started a touring party boy thing with Heat (his lover? just speculation on my part) is back. His face is nice, but personally, I find his freako muscles really frightening. But, you know, except for the frat boy machismo thing, he was pretty enjoyable to watch. Here’s to hoping he will be again.

Heat from I Love New York

I thought Heat was really hot (no pun intended), but it turned out he kind of had no personality. Maybe his function is this show is to make out with 12 Pack and set the show on its head when they all fight about whether or not that makes them gay.

Destiny from Rock of Love

She was kind of a groupie with a bad attitude, but, then again, her dad was very ill, so I’m going to give her a little bit of a pass and try to see her with fresh eyes this time around. Maybe she’ll throw a drink in someone’s face again. That was kind of funny.

Heather from Rock of Love

I don’t know why, but Heather was kind of the breakout star of ROL. I mean, at first she seemed like a manbot junkie for Lacey, but then she realized Lacey was evil and kind of had a righteous moment. I don’t know. I’m conflicted. But everyone else seems to love her, and she is kind of tough as sh*t, so maybe she’ll be cool.

Mr. Boston from I Love New York

He’s a gross nose-picking geek with the worst voice you can imagine (no, even worse), but New York really liked him for a while. I don’t like him, but I appreciate that he’s not a complete idiot. Maybe he’ll finally triumph. However, in the meantime, I’ll be needing earplugs.

Pumkin from Flavor of Love

Pumkin is so wild she got kicked off of Charm School for being slutty. She spit on New York (boooo), but she’s pretty funny, so I’m excited to see her back again. I mean, yeah, she’s gross, but she’s amusing. So bring it, Pumkin–let’s go!

Rodeo from Rock of Love

She’s the 85-year-old who honestly thought Bret would pick her (hint: he ended up picking a 19-year-old…so…yeah). Okay, she’s not 85, but she’s got to be in her 40s, yes? What is she doing on reality TV?! While I’m tempted to say, “get a life, lady,” Rodeo actually didn’t completely suck. Although it is weird that her name is Rodeo. Also, she’s nuts. But, meh. I’ll give ‘er a go.

Whiteboy from I Love New York

He was pretty boring, but maybe he’ll suck less here. I guess he had kind of a stoic thing going. I just can’t imagine him competing very hard. Hell, I can’t imagine him doing much. Because he’s boring.

And last, but certainly not least,

Tastee from Flavor of Love

Yeaaaah, boiiiii!!!! Tastee! Too slutty for Flav! And that’s saying something! She got kicked off for being a porn star. And she seemed so tiny and quiet! And yet somehow completely untrustworthy…didn’t she cause a fight or something? I forget. Anyway, Tastee! Psyched to have you back!

I know this is going to be the worst show ever. But I also know that I will watch it. And I know many, many other people will as well. And that’s how I know society as a whole has failed.

Thoughts?!

[Image courtesy of http://mbmfiles.com/]

I’m calling Thing 2 for the win since he flew her ass out to France for this.

T2, Sinceer and Black are the last three standing either in France or in Fort Lauderdale, I still haven’t figured this out. Someone’s going home in the morning, which means that we’re probably in for a sloppy, whiny night. I guess Black and T2 are going to gang up to get Sinceer and her forehead out.

And I was totally wrong – there was no sloppy ‘please don’t eliminate me’ hook up. Flav sits with them as they eat breakfast and pretends to be saddened by the decision that he was to make. He has three tickets in his hands – one to Paris, one to Monaco and one to LA.

T2 and her ginormous gold hoops are going to Paris.

Black hopes that Flav sees her for who she is – if who you are is that pair of massive breasts, then you’re set.

Flav makes Sinceer and Black give him reasons why they should go to Monaco with him and I refuse to listen to this. Apparently Flav doesn’t want to hear it either since it’s a lot of screaming and no words.

He tells Sinceer that he has a great connection with her but that romantically he’s more connected to Black. Frigging finally – I’m glad that Sinceer and her forehead are going to LA.

Monaco is the first stop and I am shocked the VH1 sprung the change for this helicopter ride to Monaco, an Excalibur to get them to their hotel. It’s a fabulous city – far too fab for Flav. Who passes out during the ride.

Black and Flav are staying at the Royal Riviera and there is only time for them to have dinner together, where Flav gives Black a watch with a pink strap and a heart shaped face surrounded by diamonds. I hate it; I’m sure that T2 will love it as much as Black loves it. He then presents her with a list of questions, one of which is, “Can you make me laugh?”

Yeah, probably not. Black, I’ve got a nun joke that I’ll sell to you right now. Not that it matters if she can even speak, he thinks that she’s way, way hot.

He then asks her, “What would our lives be like together?” Oh, please, Flav. “I will treat your child like he’s my own.”

You are neva gonna meet her son. This is all followed by a night cap of yuck. FYI, Flav and VH1, rose petals on a bed are not romantical because they STICK to you.

Next day, T2 and Flav go to Paris together and Flav makes Americans look demure and classy by sticking his head out of the limo moon roof and screaming his name. At least I believe that they are in France with this episode. You can’t get more Parisian than the Louvre and Eifel Tower.

When they get to the hotel, the doorman confuses Flav with Prince. WTF, how could anyone in any country do that?

At dinner, I am utterly shocked that Flav gives T2 the same watch that he gave to Black.

Flav’s got the same list of questions for T2 but at least she can try to tell a really bad joke.

He asks her for a nightcap and the girl said NO. She’s the only one to do it out of all of the FOL seasons. Good for you, T2.

And is it time for ELIMINATIONS!  At long last.

Flav’s doing this last one up “big” because there won’t be a season fo’.

Who will he choose? Big heart or big boobs?

No shock to me – T2 is the winner.

In sum: this was the most boring season ever. And my boredom was due primarily to the fact that this was tired and forced. As I’ve said, no one was there for Flav; Flav was not even there for love.

I felt like in the first season there was some level of need on Flav’s part – like he actually looked sad during the season one reunion that it didn’t work out with Hoopz. Maybe he got wise to it all and tried to make the most (money out) of it.

But of course the REUNION is still to come and Flav proposes. Stay tuned for the very last episode.

I tune in and the three girls are outside; Seezinz says something about “there’s no way you’re coming into the house already in love with Flav.” Yeah, that’s what I’ve BEEN saying. Seezinz thinks that Black is cocky because she says that she doesn’t have to fight for Flav’s time – but really, she’s just telling the truth. Flav thinks that she’s smokin hot.

Now they’re on a yacht. Cool, fight on the yacht, please. Anything so that I don’t have to watch Flav hook up. Sinceer didn’t wear bathing suit bottoms on the boat; I’m glad that she didn’t jump in bottomless. After water time, Flav asks the girls if he made the right decision about eliminating Thing 2. Please don’t bring her back.

I got a phone call and missed out on how they went from T2 talk on the boat to a soiree. I also can’t believe that I spelled soiree right on the first try.

Le soiree is at some old person casino. Are they really in France? The 90 year old band leader thinks that Flav is MC Hammer and that’s fabulous. Has Seezinz been this tall the whole time? Ooh, sh*t, why did I miss the episode with the exes? I didn’t know that Black’s ex thought that she was psycho. Awesome. Sinceer is putting her on blast. NO, Sinceer, I’m putting you and your seven head on blast.

Seezinz asks for a night cap and how sad that you have to ask for it. As Flav is telling her that he likes her for her booty, Sinceer finally stops talking smack and actually does something by knocking on the door and getting her own Flav alone time. He says that they “conversated” – I guess that means made out with a klingon.

I was caught up in this and so I don’t know how much I missed. Sinceer didn’t sleep in her bed the previous night and she’s calling Black psycho and jealous for asking where she slept last night.

Whatever. Flav-o-gram: three dates for the day. One is 60 minutes, another is 30 and the last is 15. Sinceer ended up with the 15 minute date – not sure how. My phone rang and I stupidly picked it up.

Are they going to the Eiffel tower? Why do they keep going to he beach? They are totally in Florida.

Sinceer’s date is a wine and cheese lesson. I guess it stunk. Shouldn’t Sinceer’s forehead be able to absorb some of the stink? I don’t see why Sinceer needs to tell Flav that Black asked her where she slept the night before. I mean, we all know this is fake, but she does have to pretend to care, right?

Next date is by the pool with Black. They are drinking something blue out of what looks like a fish bowl and I suddenly want to go to Brother Jimmy’s. Black asks Flav how his night was. He doesn’t like girls checking on his whereabouts. Um, you have like a bajillion kids. She can ask. And it’s not even a big deal. But it’s big enough for him to walk out on the date. Black takes the rest of her time to confront Sinceer. Do it! Kick her in the head!

Black demands Seezinz’s hours – I didn’t hear most of the Sinceer/Black confrontation. They take it to Flav and he decides to let Seezinz have a French lesson with him.

The Sinceer/Black bitch fest continues but no punches are thrown. I guess Seezinz said at one point that she thought that she was going home or something…stop kissing.

After they stop, Black goes in to tell Flav that Seezinz says that she knows that she’s going home and is there for drama. Bring Seezinz back in. Flav is disappointed in her, I guess, since she admits to what she said about being there for non-drama drama.

This is not a mess. It’s boring.

Let’s just cut to eliminations.

[I wonder how much luggage Flav checked and if one suitcase only contained crowns?]

Seezinz is sent home. And T2 makes her return. So you brought three to Paris and at the end of this episode, we still have three left.

Eliminations are tomorrow moring.

So is NEXT week the finale?

Lame.

Ugh.

So for this episode, the parents are set to arrive and the ladies have to clean.

Seezinz discovered a toilet clogged with Hotlanta drunk puke – it had been there for days so Black and Seezinz clean the stank. I wanna die just thinking about it yet somehow I feel like this is going to be the highlight of the show.

First in are T2’s parents. I’m surprised T1 didn’t show up, too. Flav has his hair done in those braid horns again.

Next, Sinceer’s dad arrives. He’s wearing a hat – is he hiding his klingon forehead? He asks for a beer and we’re probably going to see where Sinceer gets that personality of hers.

Seezinz parents come in and they start questioning Flav. “Why do you wear a clock?” “What are you intentions?” “What you planning from this moment forward with our daughter?” Uh, do they know that this isn’t for real dating? “How many seasons have you done this?” Well, then you should know. “You don’t need to have sex to find love.” Really, Mama Seezinz? Flav and I disagree.

Flav takes Sinceer, T2 and Co. to go bowling. I hate bowling. T2 is surprisingly good at it and Sinceer feels jealous. Ew, don’t make out with anyone in front of their parents.

Next date is with Seezinz and her family and a solo Black to go mini golfing. I hate mini golfing worse than I hate bowling. Why do I even care about where they go?

Post date, T2’s mom comes at her with the “can you stand on your own” and don’t be friends with anyone or something like that. I was too busy shopping to really care. But I guess that Sinceer is going to use this against her or whatever.

(Should I get that shirt? That’s really my only concern right now).

Flav wins over Seezinz parents somehow – I guess he seemed charming? – but he is also concerned that no one was there for Black. She told him that her mom was advised by her attorney to not go out there and that her grandparents are too old. But Flav doesn’t care because he thinks that she’s hot and he demonstrates his concern by making out with her. Guess whatever work he did on Seezinz’s parents was for naught after that kiss.

At the end of the day, Flav hosts a family dinner. Who’s gonna get wasted? Flav’s mom joins everyone for dinner. And Sinceer’s dad gets wasted and starts acting a fool. Flav must also be drunk – he wants the girls to go around the table and say something nice about everyone else. Sinceer won’t say anything nice about T2 but she waits to plot some kind of weird revenge.

After dinner and some inspirational Mama Flav talk (it was inspiration to the girls on the est, right?), Sinceer tells Flav that T2 is dependent and not strong enough for him. Flav talks to T2 about it and then she goes up to confront she-Worf.

Eliminations: God, this episode is boring. Let’s just cut to it:

T2 goes home and the other three are going to Paris.

Is the next episode the finale? Do I want this shirt instead?

I guess that I should make a prediction, even though I’ve been wrong every time I’ve made one for this show.

I say Black will win it. What say you?

Oh, so I also missed the first twenty minutes of this episode, but I’m sick so please cut me some slack. I tune in to see that Flav and Black are on a date at the Foundry and Flav’s pink suit and matching clock are P.I.M.P.

Why is there a magician at dinner? And a couch in the room? Flav is asking Black about her family and it looks like I missed a lot by skipping the first twenty minutes.

Thing 2 is the thing that stayed and we see her getting dessert ready for Flav so that she can steal some of Black’s night cap time. Flav is impressed with T2′s effort and ditches Black for some pudding and kiss time on the gazebo. T2 tells Flav that this first time alone with him is like losing her virginity again. Um, so it’s uncomfortable, awkward and really disappointing?

Seezinz apparently won some challenge the day before and goes on a date in the backyard with Flav. Where does Flav find sunglasses with dollar signs on them? People who wear those clearly have tons of cash.

In the backyard, we have lots of animals. Which I was sure Flav hated.

(During the commercial break, I see that “The Hills” is on and I want to watch so badly but I fight the urge to skip the rest of FOL…)

I like the idea of tigers. Like sleeping tigers. In a cage. I can’t believe Flav is feeding one.

During lunch, Seezinz tells Flav that Sinceer was wasted during the challenge. NOOO! I can’t believe I missed her finally being drunk!

Post-date, Flav tells the girls to call their families so that he can meet them the next day. Does VH1 pay for that airfare? My parents would not be too thrilled with hoping on a plane at the last minute to come see me embarrass the family by my appearance on a show to win Flavor Flav’s heart.

Anyway, Black has a super-religious family and no one will come out.

Man-Tree is still around. She’s writing on leaf-shaped paper all of her ‘secrets’. She’s been in videos, done extra work, magazines. So you’re totally going home.

(Why is Audrina back with Justin Bobby? So pretty and soooo stupid).

Eliminations: Tree and Sinceer are in the bottom two – and look at that, Proto-type went home, too. I’m so behind.

When Sinceer looks like she’s thinking too hard, she looks like a Star Trek: the Next Generation character.

Tree is being sent home for having a penis. Just kidding – it’s because she is there for TV exposure and not Flav. Don’t cry, Rashida.

We’re down to T2, Black, Sinceer and Seezinz. Wow, only one of the new girls lasted. Next day will be parents day followed by another elimination. Flav’s taking the remaining three to Paris. Great, like they don’t hate us enough over there…