Again, I saw the end well before I saw the beginning.

It’s a brand new day in the house and Hotlanta gets a call telling her that she’s going to be evicted. Dude, pay your rent – don’t use the cash to go on a reality show.

The challenge for this episode is ridiculous – like more so than usual. Flav wants to get married one day and he’s going to see if any of these girls are marriage material. Three teams of – I don’t know what they are doing. One’s a bride, another is a maid of honor and another writes an objection for another team. Why?

Hotlanta drinks to prep, as would I. Who donated the gowns for this mess?

Flav looks as bizarre as one would expect him to look for his own wedding. Tree objects to Black’s marriage to Flav in the most insane dramatical manner. Total man.

Hotlanta gets married while drunk. Sinceer objects and then there’s a commercial break.

And I missed stuff because I switched to MTV and found a “True Life” about a kid who wants to be a tap dancer – when I switched back, I missed the objection and Thing 2 is marrying Flav. Proto-type objects saying that Thing 2 didn’t know that his real name is William Drayton. Seriously? Read More »

Last time, four new broads showed up in the house because the original season girls weren’t pretty enough.

Of course the originals think that these girls have nothing on them. Let the naming re-begin:

First girl is called Black because that’s what she’s wearing.

Second is Prototype because she says that she’s perfect.

Third one calls herself Luscious D.

The last one is supertall. Prancer thinks that she’s a man and I might too. Flav calls her Tree and says that she’s the black Bridgette Nielsen. That can’t be a good thing.

So I think that the old timers are just fine – they are going to put aside their differences to take down the new ones. Flav is unable to sleep because they are SCREAMING at each other. This happens like every night and twice a day, no?

Amid the screams, this is the only line that I hear is: “What is your education level? Do you got a GED?” Read More »

Don’t act like you don’t watch. You are just as guilty as I am and that’s why you’re reading this. That or you really pity my television for constantly being forced to tune into such a brain cell killing show.

You know how the first two seasons of Flavor of Love went down. Hoopz never wanted to be with Flav, never called him after the finale was shot. Delishis has gone on to sell jeans, record an album and she’s married to some dude now.

Flav opens the first episode blaming Delishis for needing a season three and a last VH1 chance at “finding love” when the truth is that Flav wanted a third season. Enjoy this one, y’all; Flav “ain’t doing this again” because VH1 is NOT funding another Flav show once this one wraps.

Let’s get started.

Twenty girls stand outside of the mansion as what appears to be a Presidential Motorcade approaches. Looks like VH1 has stepped up the budget to send Flav out with a bang. So what is the “President of Love” looking for in a woman? In his hope that this season has brought him a different bunch of women, Flav reveals that respect is the key to his heart. Respect for his kids, his crib and for him.

And then we see the free-for-all of screams, bed jumping, and elephant riding (you have to see it to get it) once the contestants enter the house. Oh, God, just name this trashy bunch already and get to it. Read More »

I kid, I kid!

Okay, I think we can all agree that Carrot Top, even when he first popped up in Hollywood, was no Justin Timberlake. He wasn’t even a Screech.

But he also wasn’t appearing in my nightmares, either, waking me up in a cold, cold sweat, like he is now.

I know we here at College Candy have mentioned the ginger-kid “comic” before (and that was one too many times) but seriously, DOUBLE-YOU-TEE-EFF?!

What the CRAP is this?!?!? There are so many things going wrong with this man, that I’m about to fall over and have a brain aneurysm:

1. The hair. We get it. Big, poofy, curly orange hair. It’s your thing, it’s your gimmick. It’s bad.

2. The eyebrows. The dyed black eyebrows. Orange eyebrows would have been better than this.

3. The mesh tank top. Mesh tank tops should never be worn, under any circumstances. Especially this circumstance.

4. The…muscles? Do these things even qualify as biceps? They are mutant-like and asymmetrical.

5. The “Carrot Top” patch on his jeans. Blegh.

The weirdest thing (and weirder than the obvious plastic surgery) is that there are celebrities everywhere that actually resemble Carrot Top, and I’m not the first one to notice: Read More »