Cosmo Says the Darndest Things: November Edition

COS1109-lgnMy dearest Cosmo has always had a special affinity for body language analysis (I think they’ve done Speidi like 6 times). Now they’re taking it to the next level and making it all easy, convenient and user-friendly for you!

Cosmo understands the trials and tribulations of dating, especially when we need to figure out the bizarre and complex behavior of the male species.

Finally fed up with trying to decipher a guy’s body language to decide what he’s really trying to say (as opposed to, ya know, listening to him), Cosmo has provided the ultimate guide to date night body language. And, naturally, they made convenient tear-out cards (because your date totes won’t notice you squinting to read them under the table).

Cosmo Says: If he holds his beer loosely by the neck, it means he’s confident–but cocky, “it gives off the vibe that he’s too cool to be concerned with the risk of dropping his Bud.”
Kari Says: Hm, I’d never thought of it that way. Then again I’ve never really taken the time to study a hot guy’s precise style of drink-holding (I’m usually too busy checking out his hair, eyes, smile, biceps, etc). This particular method of holding a beer tells me he doesn’t want his hand to be all clammy and gross should he need to shake hands – not that he’s necessarily a douche bag. For that tip off I would look for a guy clutching his Jaeger bomb tightly so he won’t drop it while he’s fist pumping. Just sayin’…

Cosmo Says: If he pushes his drink onto your side of the table, he’s subconsciously trying to bond.
Kari Says: Alright, I’m down with a little bit of bonding. I just hope he doesn’t change his mind after I proceed to drink whatever he’s sliding toward me. My interpretation of anyone moving alcohol within closer proximity of me is that I should drink it – quickly. But maybe I just play flip cup too often.

Cosmo Says: If a guy licks his lips, he’s trying to wipe a lie off of them.
Kari Says
: First of all, this sounds like it could be stitched onto a pillow somewhere in my Gramma’s house.   Second of all, I have heard the lip-licking lie detector test before (Lie to Me is one of my new fave shows), so this interpretation may have merit. But what if he’s just thirsty? Or in dire need of some Chapstick? What if he’s thinking about other things he’d like to lick later? All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t be so fast to jump to conclusions about the nature of such a sexy move (when done correctly, of course – otherwise it’s just creepy). Read More »

We’ve All Been There: One Shot Too Many

taking a shot copyYou start off with a few rum and Diets at home before heading to the house party. You couldn’t possibly walk in sober and who knows how much access you’ll have to booze once you get inside? You’re sipping on your last pre-drink when your friends are finally ready to go, so you chug it and follow them out.

Upon arriving, you say your hellos and shove your way through the crowd to the keg parked in the backyard. You fill your blue Solo cup (“What? They make these things in blue!?”) then meet back up with your friends. You sip, you chat, then you wave your hand violently in the air when the party host asks who’s up for a game of flip cup.

You take your spot at the table, strategically placing yourself next to the very cute boy who lives there. You do a few practice flips, wet the table in front of you a bit for more cup traction and get ready for the game to start.

Seven rounds later, your team is victorious, you and your boy-toy are hugging it out and you’re feeling less than steady. Ok, so you’re drunk, but it’s good drunk. Perfect drunk. The kind that will easily take you through the rest of the night but still leave you feeling a-OK in the morning.

As you begin to walk away from the table to find your friends, the cute boy grabs you.

“Wanna take a shot?” He asks.

“Obvi,” you answer, smitten. Read More »

Stop Taking Shots and Eat Your Cocktails!

Coors

Mmmm beer cake.

I love drinking alcohol, but weekend after weekend of beer pong and vodka shots can get old. So I got to thinking…how can I spice up my weekly binge drinking sesh?

I hit the web in search of some “unique,” “fun” alcohol ideas, and out of these keywords came the most glorious idea I have ever heard.

Cake-tails.

It seemed so simple. Why had I never thought of this before? Why drink my calories when I can kill two birds with one stone? Gobble down baked goods from the snack table while still getting my drink on?

Within minutes I had an entire list of cocktail inspired recipes and alcohol based desserts that I knew my friends would be all over. (No seriously, if they tackled my kitchen table I wouldn’t be surprised).

So here are some of my favorites. Try them out for your next girls’ night or bring it to the house party on Saturday. (If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, make 20 mini bunt cakes for a delicious Beer Pong game.) You will most definitely be everyone’s favorite guest. Let’s be real, who is going to say no to alcohol-and-dessert-in-one? That’s right, absolutely no one.

Plus, our favorite girly cocktails can continue to live on despite the fact that the cutest thing we can drink in a beer-soaked-frat-house is a jello shot – and even that’s a luxury.

Read More »

Dollar Pitchers No More

beer price increase

That pitcher costs more than my tuition!

I am thoroughly pissed off. And you should be too.

It’s been announced that the price of beer is on the rise this fall due to the fact that sales are down and the cost of making it is up.

Now, I don’t know who is cutting back on their beer intake (how else are you supposed to cope with the declining economy and increasing joblessness?), but it sure as hell isn’t us college students.

Shotguns, kegstands, pong tournaments… we’re keeping the beer industry afloat and they want to make us pay more?!

While our loans are being cut and our financial aid is being taken away we have stuck by our beer, true and loyal customers, purchasing it in large amounts and inviting it to all of our events. Even study sesions. And this is how we are repaid for our loyalty? Read More »

College Myths Debunked: Liquor Before Beer…Doesn’t Make That Much of a Difference

drinking a beerAs college students, we are constantly inundated with new knowledge. It can be useful, thought-provoking, or crammed into our head on a Starbucks-fueled binge several hours before an exam. However, very rarely do we question the validity of all this new knowledge (unless you take philosophy classes, then you’ll question away).

That’s where College Candy comes in. We’re not going to debate whether or not the Theory of Relativity actually exists (a disappointment, I know, but I’m a communications major and stopped taking science classes after Baby Bio fresh year). However, we are here to thoroughly investigate the most widespread college knowledge (no, not rhyming): the myth.

This week, I’ve been busy with preparations for my 21st birthday party on Saturday (FINALLY). Amidst trying to find a free party bus and a hot pink dress right after everyone’s Fall colors came out, I began to stress about the optimal level of intoxication I’m aiming for (somewhere in between taking over the DJ booth and being escorted out of the club). I don’t want to be too drunk, but I know I’ll be surrounded by people trying very hard to get me very wasted. I thought to myself, “Well, I’ll start with a few rounds of shots, then downgrade to flip cup and beer pong to mellow myself out.”

There it is, the golden rule. Liquor before beer and you’re in the clear! The thing is, I know this isn’t true, I knew on my 16th birthday that this “rule” was BS. The amount of alcohol you drink—not the type and not the order in which you drink it—determines how drunk you get.

But how has this myth persisted for so long if so much scientific evidence proves it’s false? Well, for me at least, personal experience holds much more weight than whatever the people in lab coats have to say. And my personal experience has taught me that beer before liquor almost always leaves me sicker. So why the huge disagreement between the scientists and the drunk people? Let’s examine this logically. Read More »

College Myths Debunked: Breaking The Seal

191570954YDTudI_fsAs college students, we are constantly inundated with new knowledge. It can be useful, thought-provoking, or crammed into our head on a Starbucks-fueled binge several hours before an exam. However, very rarely do we question the validity of all this new knowledge (unless you take philosophy classes, then you’ll question away).

That’s where College Candy comes in. We’re not going to debate whether or not the Theory of Relativity actually exists (a disappointment, I know, but I’m a communications major and stopped taking science classes after Baby Bio fresh year). However, we are here to thoroughly investigate the most widespread college knowledge (no, not rhyming)—the myth.

One of the most well known and deeply feared college myths are three little words: breaking the seal. As defined by the most elite source of definitions, Urban Dictionary, breaking the seal is “The point at which you first piss after you have been drinking your favorite alcoholic beverage and at this point you will be pissing every ten minutes.”

We’ve all been there. Enjoying a lively round (or 6) of flip cup when all of a sudden, your bladder reminds you that it has a maximum capacity. You try to discreetly excuse yourself to visit the ladies room, but your concerned besties remind you—very loudly—that you can’t break the seal!

So this seal we all desperately protect, does it actually exist? Or is it possible that it’s simply an alcohol-fueled figment of our imagination? I’ve enlisted a panel of urological experts (read: my boyfriend in med school and Google) to figure out if this phenomenon is real. Read More »

We’ve All Been There: Day Drinking

tailgate 2

"12 more hours of this? I can handle it. I'm sotally tober..."

You’ve got a big day planned: early morning breakfast, football pre-party, football game, then out on the town with your homies.  18 hours of boozing? Psssssh. It may sound like a lot, but you’ve been training for a day like this since you stepped foot on campus.

You set your alarm for 7 a.m. then run around the house screaming at your roommates to get out of bed.

“It’s party time! Get up!” You turn on all the lights, bump your iTunes and head down to the kitchen for a power breakfast. You search for the carbiest things you can find, then shove a half frozen bagel into your mouth and wash it down with some OJ, the only non-alcoholic beverage you will have for the day. You don’t have time for chewing; you have an outfit to pick out.

Once your stomach is good and coated you head back to your room to prepare for the day.
Appropriate drinking outfit? Check.
ID? Check.
Camera? Check.
Small flask that fits into your purse but can still get past campus security? Cheeeck.

You head back downstairs and begin mixing cocktails for the roommates. Slowly, they make their way to the kitchen where you are waiting for them, drinks in hand.

After everyone’s buzz has been kick-started (thanks to your force feeding), you take some much-needed selfies then head out to your pre-game of choice. Once there, the drinks come quickly: shots of Captain’s straight from the bottle, cans of Keystone straight from the funnel, and 2 games of flip cup…all before 10 am.

You’re feeling good, like a rock star.

“I LOVE DAY DRINKING!” You scream. “This party’s goin’ all. night. long!” Read More »

Everything I Need to Know I Learned My Freshman Year

college_class

Now that I’m halfway done with my college career (a pretty cushy place to be, considering I have two more years before the real world), I anticipate all the bright eyed and bushy tailed freshmen about to invade the dorms and use fake-id’s at all my favorite bars. Putting myself in their shoes, I wish that someone had been there to give me advice for my college career (all I got was my Mom telling me not to hook up with any fraternity boys until Spring semester). So I dove in head first and learned a few lessons of my own.

I learned the value of my dry erase board to my social life, I learned that “attendance optional” classes are not always a good thing. I learned that I should always have an assortment of costumes readily available, and that sharing drinks with my friends meant sharing drinks with whoever they made out with (and whoever they made out with…) All of these were very important lessons, and I’d like to share some of the pearls of wisdom I gained my freshman year. Read More »

Board Games and Booze: You Can’t Go Wrong!

girl_talk_box_cover.jpgWe’ve all played the typical card-related party games: Kings, F*** the Dealer, Up and Down the River. We’ve also played games that require plastic Solo cups and a lot of clean-up: Flip Cup, Beer Pong, Beirut. But there is still a world of party entertainment out there that remains in the shadows of these Drinking Game Giants.

Sure, you can play football, baseball, or basketball while under the influence, but you might find yourself missing the ball and falling over. The following are some tried and tested drinking games that will let you unleash your inner child… even though your ID reads 21+.

Jenga

Drinking Jenga, that is. Write some rules on each block, e.g. “Drink two,” “Pass out three,” or “Categories,” (feel free to hi-jack your favorite rules from Kings and its counterparts), and see how long it takes for your balance and your vision to be so blurred you can’t help but topple the tower. What makes this one so much fun? Place a yard cup in the center of the table, and invite everyone to pour their drinks in at their leisure, especially if everyone’s drinking something different. Whoever ends the game has to drink the alcohol soup in the cup.

Girl Talk

Dust off your seventh grade slumber party favorite and try playing it with booze. Instead of zit stickers, take a drink. You’ll be surprised how entertaining the “future cards” can be now that you’re all grown up…and half in the bag. If the GT dares aren’t thrilling enough, have everyone write down a few of their own dares and play. This one is great to play while leisurely sipping fruity cocktails. Read More »

The 6 Most Common Facebook Photos

Facebook-Dynamic

People can learn a lot about you from your Facebook profile. By considering your favorite movies, pictures, quotes and the things other people write on your wall, it is quite easy to get a good idea of who you are as a person. And knowing that, many of us are extremely careful about what we throw on there.

And I’m not talking about taking down all those drunk pictures from the Jell-O wrestling tournament so you can get that job with the government you’ve been coveting. I’m talking about leaving those up to show anyone and everyone who is looking that you are one cool girl who happens to enjoy wrestling in gelatin.

Your Facebook picture is especially important. It’s the first thing people see when they look you up, not to mention the fact that it comes up next to every wall post, Facebook message, chat, update, etc., that you do on that damn website. Naturally, you are going to put a lot of thought into your photo of choice. It needs to be a good representation of who you are, be it an artist, a class clown, or any other type of person.

I spend a lot of time on Facebook (is there a 12 step program out there?!) and I’ve noticed that of the 38 million people using the site worldwide, there only 6 basic types of photos that people post on their profile: Read More »