When it comes to wooing the opposite sex, men have it easy. As far as I know, they approach you and whip out the pick-up line. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Women on the other hand, play a whole different game. Sometimes it seems as if our entire existence is based on impressing a guy. And it’s exhausting. We don’t think about it often (or we argue that we’re doing these things for ourselves as much as for the men), but when you stop and take notice of all the things we do to woo the gentlemen, well, it’s absurd:

1. Padded Bras
Guys have been trained to like a nice set of boobs, and women have been trained to do anything to give them to them. Hell, that must be Victoria’s Secret. But push-up bras are often uncomfortable, expensive and so. effing. hard. to wash without totally ruining them. And yet we wear them. All the time. In fact, you’re probably wearing one right now.

2. High Heels
Although I do enjoy how I feel when I slip on some pumps and strut my shiz at the bar, I don’t enjoy the throbbing blisters that plague me. And they always plague me. But I wear those torture devices every weekend anyway, because while it would be far more comfortable, there’s nothing sexy to the campus boys about a pair of worn-in sweatpants and some flip flops.

3. Waiting to Respond
In a feeble attempt to seem mysterious/extremely busy/cool, girls will often wait to respond to a text or a phone call from a guy. Although realistically, we’re counting down every waking minute as we run through a million response options, asking our friends (again and again) which one would be the wittiest/cutest to send when the time is right. And then asking them when that time actually is so we don’t seem either pathetic or like we’re blowing them off.

4. Eating Salad (Instead of Something Tastier)
I love me a good burger, but I know I think twice before ordering one on a first date with a guy. We want guys to think we are dainty little things who eat like bunnies, not like frat boys, so we sacrifice our own culinary happiness. And only eat half. Then we go home and scarf down a bag of chips in the privacy of our own bedroom while dissecting the entire evening with our girlfriends.

5. Brazilians
Let’s be honest, we aren’t letting someone wax in there for our own benefit.

6. Playing the Jealousy Game
Even though he is the only man for us, we don’t want him to think he’s the only man who can have us. So we go out of our way to flirt with other guys and make sure he see’s it. It’ll make him want us more, right?

7. Pretending to Like His Music/TV Shows/Sports Team
To you, watching professional baseball is like watching paint dry. And you think Dave Matthews is the most over-rated songwriter on earth. And Indian food? You’d rather eat ramen noodles than even try some of that curry stuff. But once Mr. Right walks in, you’re chowing down on Na’an while studying the Yankees line-up with DMB playing in the background just so you can keep up the ruse.

Get it? Got it? Good. Want some more? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

Ahhhhh

Instead of sitting there overanalyzing every single detail of the date and what could have gone wrong (like we all do), I’ll make it simple for you. Here are the mistakes everyone makes on their first date and what you can do to avoid them.

1. Not dressing for the occasion. If you’re going to a baseball game, don’t wear stiletto heels. If you’re going out to eat somewhere nicer than McDonald’s, change out of your sweats. It’s as simple as that. And if you’re Lady Gaga, obviously no rules apply to you.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Make sure you know where you’re going on the date. If it’s a surprise, it’s always better to play it safe and wear something casual. Not too sloppy, not too dressy.

2. Talking about exes. Talking about ex-boyfriends isn’t just annoying on dates— it’s annoying all the time. 3 words: Get. Over. It. And if you can’t, maybe you shouldn’t be dating quite yet. If you do decide it’s time to enter the wonderful world of dating, make sure you keep the conversation far away from ex-land. No guy wants to sit and listen to you whine about how his eyebrows aren’t groomed as well as your ex-boyfriend’s.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Think of good conversation-starters before the date. This way, if there’s an awkward silence, you won’t just bring up whatever pops into your head at the moment, which could very easily be the loser ex-boyfriend who had taken you to the same place in the past.

3. Getting drunk. If you know one glass of wine really gets you feeling loopy, don’t drink three. The last thing a guy wants is you climbing up on the table and giving the whole restaurant a show. Save that for the second date.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Know your limits. Maybe avoid alcohol all together on the first date to make sure you don’t say or do anything you regret. Plus, getting drunk around someone you just met probably isn’t a good idea anyways. You never know about people these days! Craigslist killer, anyone? Thank you Lifetime for officially creeping me out.

4. Being easy. Referring back to the last mistake, don’t give it all up in one night.  Drinking alcohol is no excuse. If you really want things to go somewhere with this guy and want him to get to get to know you as a person and have some respect for you, don’t flaunt your goodies at him just yet. Sure, give him a peek— but just from across the table.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Give him a steamy goodnight kiss but leave it at that. If he really likes you, he’ll be back for more!

5. Not shutting up. Conversations on dates are always great. Conversations where the only person that’s talking is you— not so great. Make sure you’re letting the poor guy get a word in every once in awhile. Ask him some questions and find out his interests. How do you know if you have anything in common if you don’t give him the chance to tell you about himself? For all you know, you’re on a date with a total creep. Once he starts talking and tells you about his fifty pet rats and how he still lives with him Mom, you’ll be glad you shut up a little.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Compliment him on something. If you like his shirt, tell him. It’ll start up a conversation, and hmm, maybe even a shopping date!

6. Being overly flirtatious. Give him a challenge!  Don’t wink every five seconds, grab his butt, or try pulling any of the Lady and the Tramp noodle-slurping mumbo jumbo.  It might freak him out. Okay, it will freak him out.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Give him a sexy smile every once in a while instead. No guy can resist that.

7. Laughing at absolutely everything. C’mon, no one is THAT funny. He may tell a good joke every now and then, but if you’re laughing at every single thing he says he’s probably going to get a little annoyed. If you’re on a date with Andy Samberg, then that’s a different story.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Make HIM laugh! You’ve got jokes, too.

8. Having bad manners. When you’re out to eat there are some crucial things you should keep in mind. Don’t eat food with your hands unless it’s meant to be eaten with your hands. Use a napkin. Don’t spit food into the napkin. Don’t start a burping contest. And definitely keep your mouth closed when you’re chewing. It’s also a good idea to avoid extreme profanity on your first date. If you’re one of those girls that swears at least three times per sentence, try to cool it a bit. Oh, and remember to say “thank you.”

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Go have a talk with Mom before the date. Remember all those times she told you to get your elbows off the table? She knew what she was talkin’ about!

9. Texting. This is also part of having bad manners, but it needs a section just for itself.  Texting on a date = major no-no. There is nothing worse than trying to enjoy a great night out when the person you’re with can’t manage to set their phone down for five seconds. It’s awkward and makes the person feel like their date doesn’t even want to be there. Your girlfriends can wait until after the date to find out how big of a hottie he was.

How to Avoid Making the Mistake: Leave your phone in your purse on silent or vibrate.  If your Justin Bieber ring tone is going off every couple of minutes, there’s really no point in having it put away in the first place.

Keep these nine things in mind and your next first date will surely turn into a second. What dating mistakes have you made? And what have your dates done to drive you absolutely bonkers? Let us know!

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Dear Tuffy Luv,

I am an intern this summer between my sophomore and junior year of college, and it is everything I could have asked for in an internship. I love my co-workers, I am always busy, and I feel like I am actually making an impact and not just shuffling paper. Last night, my co-workers and I went to a big group happy hour. I am really close with the team, so they all bought me drinks and had a great time. Unfortunately, I did not eat dinner all night and got a little too drunk by the end of the night – not in a sloppy way at all, but I noticed it myself.

At the end of the night, it was just me and two of my male co-workers, including one guy who I thought had been flirting all night and for the past couple of weeks. I felt so comfortable with him that I think at some point during the night, I started flirting back. We left the bar together, and somehow went on a drunken adventure to attempt to go dancing, and then pizza, and he eventually dropped me off at home. During the car ride, we were laughing and having an amazing time, so much that I did not notice the 10 year age difference between us. I was jokingly punching him, and I remember resting my hand on his face in a very intimate way for too long, and he actually removed my hand from his face. After that incident, it went back to normal and we went back to our conversation and laughing. I cannot tell if he has feelings for me or not, because last night he would keep saying, “You’re 19!” I’m not exactly sure everything we talked about in the car, but I know I was at my drunkest at that point and I’m nervous at what I might have said.

Today at work, it was so awkward and we pretty much avoided each other all day. I don’t want to address it at all, or even acknowledge that the end of last night happened, but I’m not sure where my feelings lie and if he reciprocates them or not. Today, I just feel embarrassed that I let myself get to that point, and that I acted so silly in front of him. What should I do? I know work relationships are inappropriate, especially as an intern, so should I just let everything go and pretend it never happened?

Sincerely,
Not So Happy Hour

Dear Not So Happy Hour,

Well, you pooped where you eat.

It is ill-advised, NSHH, to go around flirting with your coworkers, even if you’re a full-time employee. But as an intern, it is especially disastrous. It looks bad, girl. It makes you look unprofessional. Think of your career, girl! Once you become an item of gossip, you cease to be a professional entity and begin looking like a silly little sexpot.

It’s also dangerous for you as a person. You, as an intern, have no power. You are the bottom of the bottom. You’re not even an actual employee. It may be true that your coworkers love you, but they are still just coworkers; they are not your true friends, and you shouldn’t allow yourself to think they are. After all, how long have you known them? How WELL do you know them? And, for bloop’s sake, they are older and in an entirely different place in their lives. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you give someone else power of your body and your career.

And, yes, it’s unfair that women are more punished for affairs in the workplace than men. It totally sucks and is stupid. It is, however, a fact. Live with the reality and know what you’re up against.

When it comes to wooing the opposite sex, men have it easy. As far as I know, they approach you and whip out the pick-up line. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Women on the other hand, play a whole different game. Sometimes it seems as if our entire existence is based on impressing a guy. And it’s exhausting. We don’t think about it often (or we argue that we’re doing these things for ourselves as much as for the men), but when you stop and take notice of all the things we do to woo the gentlemen, well, it’s absurd:

1. Padded Bras
Guys have been trained to like a nice set of boobs, and women have been trained to do anything to give them to them. Hell, that must be Victoria’s Secret. But push-up bras are often uncomfortable, expensive and so. effing. hard. to wash without totally ruining them. And yet we wear them. All the time. In fact, you’re probably wearing one right now.

2. High Heels
Although I do enjoy how I feel when I slip on some pumps and strut my shiz at the bar, I don’t enjoy the throbbing blisters that plague me. And they always plague me. But I wear those torture devices every weekend anyway, because while it would be far more comfortable, there’s nothing sexy to the campus boys about a pair of worn-in sweatpants and some flip flops.

3. Waiting to Respond
In a feeble attempt to seem mysterious/extremely busy/cool, girls will often wait to respond to a text or a phone call from a guy. Although realistically, we’re counting down every waking minute as we run through a million response options, asking our friends (again and again) which one would be the wittiest/cutest to send when the time is right. And then asking them when that time actually is so we don’t seem either pathetic or like we’re blowing them off.

4. Eating Salad (Instead of Something Tastier)
I love me a good burger, but I know I think twice before ordering one on a first date with a guy. We want guys to think we are dainty little things who eat like bunnies, not like frat boys, so we sacrifice our own culinary happiness. And only eat half. Then we go home and scarf down a bag of chips in the privacy of our own bedroom while disecting the entire evening with our girlfriends.

5. Brazilians
Let’s be honest, we aren’t letting someone wax in there for our own benefit.

6. Playing the Jealousy Game
Even though he is the only man for us, we don’t want him to think he’s the only man who can have us. So we go out of our way to flirt with other guys and make sure he see’s it. It’ll make him want us more, right?

7. Pretending to Like His Music/TV Shows/Sports Team
To you, watching professional baseball is like watching paint dry. And you think Dave Matthews is the most over-rated songwriter on earth. And Indian food? You’d rather eat ramen noodles than even try some of that curry stuff. But once Mr. Right walks in, you’re chowing down on Na’an while studying the Yankees line-up with DMB playing in the background just so you can keep up the ruse.

Last week, my boyfriend and I found this group of guys who boffer (it’s basically sword fighting role play) so that he could do a documentary about them. I went with because I was bored and figured I could help Matt out. I was expecting a group of stereotypical Dungeons and Dragons nerds; aka fat white boys who have no social lives. Well, we show up and there were, dare I say, really hot guys there!

Since I was just there to be Matt’s assistant, I sat on the porch while he filmed the guys doing their thing. I was just watching until one of the gents came over to the porch to get something. He noticed me just sitting there and kept trying to get me to join them. I kept telling him I’d have no idea what I’d be doing and I’d make a fool of myself, but he kept trying to get me to play along with them. He even offered to let me use the good weapons. (Ooo lala!) There was just no way that I was going to try to sword fight with these guys, so I stayed on the porch. Later this guy decided to keep tapping me on the shoulder from behind with his sword (his actual foam sword for those of you with dirty minds) and would pretend to be minding his own business when I turned around.

I’ve never been one to garner a lot of attention from men, so I naturally was very awkward around this guy. I thought he was just trying to be friendly, but in the car on the way home, Matt informed me that that guy was hitting on me. I was MORTIFIED! It was bad enough that I’m totally oblivious to the fact that I couldn’t tell when a guy was hitting on me, but the fact that my boyfriend had to tell me was the cherry on top. If I would’ve known that he was trying to flirt I would’ve naturally told the guy to back off because I’m taken!

I really didn’t think I’d have to announce to this group of total strangers that I was Matt’s girlfriend. I was fairly certain that the way we act around people, and the fact we showed up together, would signal to all the guys there that I was off the market. Apparently some guys are just too dense to pick up on social cues. All I can think of now is, “What if this happens again?”

What’s a girl to do? Do I flat out reject him to his face and not worry about being rude? Do I be nice and let him down gently hoping my boyfriend doesn’t take it the wrong way?  Do I say nothing at all, let it happen and, in the process, lead him on? It seems like there’s really no “right” way to handle this situation. Either I’m a presumptuous witch who assumes all guys are trying to hit on me, I’m a flirt who loves attention and leads guys on, or I’m somehow cheating on my boyfriend.

I guess for now I’ll just try to make it more obvious to people that I’m taken, but I’m not even sure that’s the right way to go; no one wants to see a kissy/lovey couple getting all PDA in front of them. So what’s a coupled girl to do?

Anyone got any ideas?

Every week I make a list. Not a grocery list or a to-do list…or that list, because I don’t really do groceries (there is a reason why they deliver pizza), to-do lists are totally not my scene (if such a scene even exists) and, unfortunately, I haven’t added to that list in quite awhile. My lists are more vital to your everyday lives, like the best party themes and ten things that are really annoying.

And this week, this list focuses on my favorite subject: boys.

Whenever you’re out at a party, bar or club, you always seem to spot that hottie. “The rules” tell us that we’re not supposed to go after that cutie in the button down and that they should come crawling to us with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. Hello? It’s 2010. The flowers are jagerbombs and the box of chocolates are a flock of bro-dudes that are c-blocking you from your boy of choice. Here’s 10 ways to snag that cutie and get more than some digits.

10. Use the cheesiest pick-up line known to mankind
“Do you have a mirror in your pants? Cause I totally see myself in them?”

9. Buy HIM a drink
Easy enough. Easier if it’s shots of tequila.

8. Start talking to his friends
The best way to get in with the cutie? Start chatting up his friends first!

7. Send him a filthy text message
Already got his digits? Get right to the point and come on strong with a hardcore flirty text message. You might be surprised what your bold attitude can do.

6. Compliment Him
You’d be surprise how something as simple as “I really love those shoes” might just work. Hey, guys spend time on picking out their “going-out” gear too!

5. Get a Little Physical
Like Olivia Newtown John said, get physical. Find any reason to touch him, it’ll show him that you’re interested and get him going.

4. Wear something that makes you feel sexy
He’ll be impressed by your self-confidence and how you look like a knock-out in that LBD.

3. Of course, welcome a drink from him
Make sure he knows you like your dirty martinis extra, extra dirty. [Wink]

2. Be Observant
Is he wearing a Red Sox hat? Yankees jersey? Band tee shirt? Pick up on what his interests are and bring it up right away. Even if you have to use your phone to do a little research on who plays for the Rangers.

1. Get him going with a game
Start playing a little truth or dare in the bar. Nothing opens possibilities and gets to the point like the old school games. Not to mention, with brand new technology you can get down and dirty then and there at the bar with hot iPhone games to heat things up like Vegas Spin the Bottle.

With all that in mind, I’m certainly open to hearing tips on how to successfully snag a dude. So when I saw an article on marieclaire.com called “How to Date Like a Man,” I was intrigued.

The piece starts out pretty innocuously: “When you walk into a place, act like you know where the hell you’re going, even if you don’t. Everyone will wonder who you are and why you’re there, but they’ll never think you’re useless and confused,” writes Erin Dailey in her first paragraph. Okay, so far, so sensible. Looking confident and carefree is definitely more attractive than looking frightened and meek. It’s a little irksome that Dailey genders confidence as a masculine trait, but whatevs, I won’t fight it.

After that, though, things start to get a little iffy. Dailey tells women that once they’ve found a hottie, they should “look him straight in the eye and think, You should be attached to my lips by now; why aren’t you? Trust me, he’ll read your thoughts like they’re projected above your head on a wide-screen.”

Hm… I don’t know about this one. It seems like if you’re giving a guy a crazy, unblinking stare, he’s most likely going to think, What’s up with Captain Bug Eyes? and back away slowly. That sample thought—“You should be attached to my lips by now”—and the title of this section of the article, “Eye Your Prey,” also give this piece of advice a seriously creepy vibe. Dailey sounds like she’s decided to make Samantha Jones her personal man-handling guru, which makes her suggestions seriously suspect.

And things just go downhill from here. Dailey’s next bit of wisdom is to “fake interest” in whatever the dude is talking about, since “no one cares about what anyone else has to say. They just don’t.” Ouch, man. Why bother chatting up a guy if you have to feign enthusiasm for whatever he’s talking about? How could you form a relationship with someone you find totally boring? This just sounds mean.

Finally, Dailey tells us what to do after we have sex with the dude (because you should have sex with him immediately, since “that’s pretty much all they want from you until they get to know you.” And presumably letting him get to know you is like, too time-consuming or something?): “Never exchange all your information. This is so incredibly important. Give him your name. Give him a fake cell number. In this age of the Internet, anyone can find you if they want to.”

See, if you do give him your real cell number, “he will call you.” But… isn’t that the point? How are the two of you going to go out on another date if he can’t get in touch with you? I’m not the only one who thinks this sounds totally bizarre, right?

Maybe this article is actually supposed to be brilliant satire, and I’m too dense to recognize it. Maybe the title is just a little misleading; if it were changed to “How to Date Like a Douchebag,” or maybe “How to Score a One-Night Stand,” these tips would make a lot more sense. As advice for the date-seeking woman, though, Dailey’s piece falls flat. It’s also kind of offensive to guys, since in her eyes, “dating like a dude” means acting like a total a**hole. Thanks but no thanks, Marie Claire.

Every week I make a list. Not a grocery list or a to-do list, because I don’t really do groceries (Pad Thai take out, helloooo) and to-do lists are totally not my scene, if such a scene even exists. No, this list is a top ten-style countdown about the hard-hitting issues, like which mash-ups are the best ever.

This week, as a partner to The Ten Types of Guys at the Party, I’ve decided to include the female version. All in good fun, ladies! Who am I missing?

10. The Diva.
This girl is at the party, but she is DEFINITELY not trying to party. Pouting with her manicured fingers and heavily lined eyes glued to her cell, Diva will only speak to her tight-knit group of friends dressed in very similar outfits. She will not partake in any of the drinking games, she will not hook up with any guys and she will roll her eyes at those who do. Then she will leave an hour later to go off somewhere “cooler,” “more mature,” and just worthy of her time. 

9. The “Innocent” one
Dressed conservatively and drinking a microbrew or weak cocktail, this doll-faced darling looks like she’d rather be holed up in the library than at this very party. Wrong. She goes from “virgin” to skank in 3.5 drinks and will hook up with your boyfriend and cry about it later. Beware of the victim-playing. This girl is faker than her “leather” shoes and has run through more guys than Paris Hilton.

8. The Crazy B!#@$
Whoa. Vodka handle in one hand and the other hand down someone’s pants, the crazy B!#@$ is the wildest girl imaginable. Usually has her makeup smeared on her face, her hair a disarray and wants the music LOUDER! She won’t participate in games, but only because she’d rather dance on the table than flip cups off its edges. She’s the loudest girl on the block and she’s usually yelling something profane.

7. Intellectual smoker girl
This chick knows what’s going on in Iran and she wants to talk about it between puffs of her Parliament Lights. It’s Friday night and she’s giving her thesis on the Palestine/Israel conflict. You are dumber than her. Don’t bother.

6. Puck Slut
She’s down to do it as long as you play a college sport. Beer pong enthusiast, because that’s totally where the jocks hang, right? Doesn’t care if the team you’re on is winning, just as long as you have the jersey.

5. Needs To Party
She bombed her exam. Or her boyfriend just broke up with her. Or maybe her dog just died. Whatever the reason, this girl needs to party and she needs to party hard. You’ll see her taking shots early in the night and won’t see her again until a few hours later when her friends are carrying her out of the bathroom and into a waiting cab. Poor girl.

4. Selfie Sally
All that flashing in the corner has you searching for the strobe light, but it’s actually the flash coming from this girl’s camera. Don’t worry, though; she’s not snapping inappropriate pics of you to load onto Facebook. She’s taking pictures of herself. And her friends. Making funny faces, sexy faces, pouty faces, etc. Over and over and over again.

3. Debbie Downer
She’s sad. She’s alone. Her friends left and she doesn’t know how to rage. Slumped on the couch, pulling at her out-of-season Forever 21 top, she doesn’t realize that people would talk to her if she wasn’t so depressing.

2. The Flirt
She’ll hit on everyone. Looks like she’s gonna hook up with you? Nah. She probably has a boyfriend. She’s not interested, but she will pretend like she is all night. She thinks you’re “sooooo cute.” And him too. And him. And him. And her. And him. Wow, I wonder how she got all those free drinks?

1. That Girl
Enough. Said.

Got an idea for a Weekly 10 Topic? Let me know in the comments or shoot me an email at Melanie@CollegeCandy.com.

This has led me to some contemplation on how hard it actually is to make a move on someone, and how annoying and awkward it can be while you’re waiting for them to make a move on you.

We’ve all been in way too many situations where we’ve been talking to a cute boy all night, but the party’s dying down and we can’t tell if he’s gonna pack up his things and head home (alone), or pucker up his lips and go in for the kiss (or, you know, put his hand on our butt…something!). And you know he’s feeling just as anxious, because he can’t tell if he should risk making the move too soon and scaring you off.

So you just sorta stand there…talking about cheese.

Of course, as Weezer exemplifies, this situation can easily be reversed. And I’m all for that. It’s time to stomp out the awkwardness of making/waiting for a move. It’s time to take matters into our own hands, and to take those matters with confidence and ease.

How can you let him/her know you’re ready?

Physical Contact. Touch his shoulder as you’re talking, or let yourself get pushed close to him in a crowded room. Taking advantage of any excuse to touch him will get those hormones pumping!

Privacy. Any thinly veiled excuse to leave the crowded party or bar (“I’d love a house tour! Which room is yours?”) should give off the hint that you’re ready to take it up a notch.

Where did my friends go? Losing your friends offers a great opportunity for him to offer to walk you home, and for you to invite him inside to “warm up.” Of course, make sure you have cab fare in case he doesn’t get the hint.

Tired of waiting? Tried all those things and homeboy still isn’t going in for the kill? Make the move yourself.

Just Kiss Him Already. If the tension is there, taking the plunge and just kissing him is the best way to get started. If he’s into it, you’ll be a hero. If you misread the situation and he has a girlfriend or something, well, at least you have a story to submit to CollegeCandy’s Morning After column.

Yeah, it will sting for a little while, but at least you tried. That’s more than you can say for most people!