Unfortunately, when it comes to girls there is no “She’s Just Not That Into You” book to prepare you for the art of the pick-up. The first impression can make or break you, and you certainly don’t want to embarrass yourself (or, worse yet, bruise that fragile male ego) by going after a girl who just isn’t interested. Don’t push too hard for a girl unless you are sure she wants it, and take it from me — if a woman likes you, you’ll know it.

Here’s how to tell:

1. We sneak a peak at you whenever possible. Most of us ladies don’t want to make it too obvious, so we’ll secretly stare at you. Whether it be from behind a computer in the library or from behind a book in class. Chances are, if we dig you, we’ll be trying to catch a glimpse of all you have to offer. If you just so happen to catch us, we’ll turn away as quickly as you can say 1-2-3.

2. We “bump” into you on the dance floor. We’ll take note of where you are dancing and slowly relocate our group closer to yours. Then, we just might drop it down low (low low low) and “accidentally” bump into you, just to catch your attention.

3. We are very interested in hearing you about talk about you. We love eavesdropping in your conversations and listening to what you have to say — especially when you are talking about yourself. Telling your buddy about the touchdown you scored at your football game on Friday? We can’t get enough! If you are standing next to us at the bar, we might even join in the conversation!

4. We laugh at your jokes. Even if they aren’t funny. Let me be the first to tell you, nine times out of ten, you aren’t funny — even when you try. But if we like you, we will still belt out a laugh for you — even when everyone else around remains silent.

5. We compliment you. While we won’t come out and say we’re into you, we give subtle hints by throwing compliments your way. Compliments like “nice shirt,” or “hey, you look great in green,” mean we think you look good. But when we lean in with an “Omigoddd, you smell so good! What are you wearing?” that means we want to get closer to you.

If we do two or more of these, we are definitely diggin’ you, so if you’re diggin’ us too, come make conversation! We’ve been waiting!

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Fall is in the air

Ladies, we have all been there. It’s summer. There’s a bonfire. You look fabulous in your bikini. You’ve had a drink (or two… or three…). And that guy is hot. And you just want him to notice you and become your cabana boy for the next three months. It happens. But there is a very thin line between flirty and creepy.

Fortunately for you fabulous CollegeCandy readers, I’ve devised a simple yet effective checklist to ensure that your fine-tuned flirting skills do not wander into stalker territory. 

• Making eye contact across the party floor while dancing? Flirty. Climbing on top of a table, shouting his name, and then ripping your shirt off and throwing it in his direction? Stalker.
• Biting your lip, just a little bit? Flirty. Gnawing on your lip in a way that appears as if you’re attempting to stop yourself from stealing his liver? Stalker.
• Sending him cute text messages to hang out? Flirty. Repeatedly texting him to figure out his exact location, company, and activity? Stalker.
• Planning to look hot at a party amongst friends that you know he’s attending? Flirty. Crashing a party you know he’s attending, even though you don’t know anyone there except him and you haven’t been invited? Stalker.
• Inviting him to coffee? Flirty. Watching what he orders at a coffee shop and then tracking him down at his summer job a few days later to ask him how his grande white chocolate mocha was on Thursday? Stalker.
• Making him laugh with your go-to funny story? Flirty. Laughing way-too-hysterically at everything he says? Stalker.
• Surprising him on his birthday with a homemade cake? Flirty. Surprising him everyday by waiting outside his door or watching him through his windows? Stalker.
• Cute comments on his Facebook status or photos? Flirty.  Repeatedly Facebook chatting him to get his attention, “liking” everything he posts, and attacking other girls who post on his wall? Stalker.

The line between flirting and stalking is thin. There can be too much of a good thing – lip biting, hotness, attention-seeking. If you start to feel a little crazy, you probably are a little crazy. So chill out by the pool or eat an extra slice of pineapple. No need to wander into “Stalker Land” because that is a label that is hard to shake. Stay cute and classy, ladies. And remember: if you feel suddenly desperate to get his attention, take a few deep breaths and think before you flirt… or else, you might get called, “stalker.”

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The following is a guest post by our (nerdy yet totally helpful) friends at Hack College. Check ‘em out for all your techy needs. They’re like the nerdy boyfriend you never had but always needed.

In case your campus missed out on likealittle.com‘s viral explosion during your finals, you should probably check it out once everyone gets back to school and the hormones start raging.  The amusing service allows anybody to flirt anonymously from across the room.  You simply say where you are on campus, your target’s hair color and gender, and a flirty message.  The publicly available flirts become an incredibly amusing Twitter-like list for all to enjoy.

The site hit 20 million page views in just six weeks, and was getting a million more each day (but I assume that has died down with the semester ending).  The viral growth here at Trinity was nothing short of amazing; a new message was popping up about every 30 seconds during finals studying nights, the vast majority of which were from the library.  Considering that my school only has about 2400 people, it was a stunning level of engagement. It could have been a finals week flash in the pan; we’ll know a lot more in January, but it’s definitely worth checking out your school’s page when you get back.

By the way, they’re also hiring interns.

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Hi Dude,

I just wanted to know what your thoughts are on the whole ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ phenomenon. I should start by saying that I’ve read the book, and a lot of what it says makes sense in theory… But, here’s the thing: There is this guy at work that I’ve only bumped into like 3 or 4 times, but he’s really cute and we seem to have fun talking to each other.

He’s always really nice, and he’s complimented me once or twice. He remembered my name after the first time he met me even though it was a few weeks before he saw me again. But…one time when he was talking about how he’s always out and around the building, I told him he should come visit me some time and he never did. I decided to go visit him a few weeks later. He seemed happy to see me, but had to go to a meeting. There hasn’t been anything since.

Sidenote: There has been one or two signs that make me think he may be interested, but he has never actually asked me out. The ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ guy says that there is no ‘shy’ guy, that if he actually liked you he would have asked you out by now. Is this true?

Thanks,
Ali

Dear Ali,

First of all, it’s a pleasure to respond to someone with a name that sounds vaguely human.

Secondly, I’ve never read He’s Just Not That Into You. So, I can’t really speak to the sociological validity of that text’s theories based on my own experiences. Jargon out of the way, let me pontificate: The Shy Guy Exists! (In Morpheus’ baritone from the scene inside the caves of Zion in The Matrix: Reloaded)

I’ve been a shy guy. I know shy guys. I’ve been frenemies with shy guys. They’re out there and they’re f@&king frustrating!

Shy guys are…pussies. Up to a point. Hey, I’m going to get a ton of hate from the shy guy community for saying this but they won’t use their real names when bashing me…which proves me right.

Shy guys avoid confrontation at all costs. Not because they’re pacifists. They’re scared of getting hurt, humiliated, and being embarrassed. Their default mode is one of self-consciousness. Shyness then becomes a self-perpetuating condition because they become ashamed of NOT being able to come out of their shell which drives them further inward. So, in the sense that they’re scared to put themselves out there, they’re pussies. Doesn’t make them bad people. Doesn’t mean they have to stay that way or that you can’t help them reach out. It just means they’re pussies.

That being said, there are tons of ways for shy guys to achieve higher functioning and greater levels of self-esteem…but that’s for another day. What you need to do is take the initiative and then decide, based on whether he responds or not, whether to move on or try again.

Since the shy guy avoids confrontation, including romantic ones, you’ve got to take the lead. Be the one to make the first move. It’ll show you’ve got confidence and there is nothing sexier than confidence. You’ll take control of the situation rather than letting the situation control you (which generally puts one in a state of torture). And lest we forget, you stepping up and taking the lead will actually end the will he/won’t he madness.  All it takes is someone actually taking a the definitive first step and who knows…Chuck Bartowski and Sarah Walker, anyone? Anybody?

If you do that and he doesn’t show signs of life, consider the whole thing flat lined. Then, take another lap around the talent pool.

Go for the gold,
Dude Phelps

[Isn't he wise? Don't you wish you could get more? You can! Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

[Every (dreadful) Monday, I write a list. Definitely not a to-do list (because it’s not satisfying checking “eat a box of cereal” and “Re-watch every episode of Say Yes to the Dress” off a list) and not “that list” (because I haven’t added to that list… in forever). No, my lists are more about whatever is relevant and weighing heavy on the CollegeCandy readers’ minds (or just mine) right now. And right now, or always, what's on my mind is boys, boys, boys.]

Sometimes, crushing on a guy is like buying a one-way ticket you Crazy Town. You can’t stop thinking about him, praying you’ll accidentally bump into him (or Facebook stalking him so you know you’ll bump into him), coming up with any excuse to call him, and keeping your phone ringer on max so you’ll never miss it if he calls you….even when you’re sleeping. Or in class. Or in the bathroom.

But once you get past all that, having a crush is fun. It’s exciting! It gives you a reason to brush your hair and put on makeup every day! And here are the top ten reasons I’m crushin’ on crushin’.

10. When he texts you first. That means he must be thinking about you, right?! OMG he totally is thinking about you. Must. wait. 15 minutes…. so I don’t look pathetic before texting back. Wait, what am I going to say? It’s gotta be cute and coy and flirty….

9. The excitement of knowing you’re going to see him. And sitting down with your girls to go over how everything is going to go down while they help you pick out an outfit (that is sexy while not being slutty) and do your makeup (smoky eyes FTW).

8.  The feeling in your stomach when you do see him….and you look good. And he totally notices.

7. Talking about him to your friends. And your friends’ friends. And your parents. And the woman ringing you up at CVS. And anyone else who happens to bring up anything that gives you a segue to bring him up.

6. When he accidentally admits to FB stalking you. How did he know I was at that Jersey Shore party last night? Oh he TOTALLY likes me!

5. When he uses a smiley in an IM. Guys who use emoticons are freaks…unless you’ve got a crush on them. Then it’s the cutest/sweetest/most adorable thing ever.

4. When he smiles at you. In real life. And it makes your knees go weak.

3. His touch. Placing his hand on the small of your back, giving you a hug when he sees you, putting his arm around you, grazing your leg under the table…. it’s like a warm, melty chocolate chip cookie for your heart.

2. Having someone to think about. In class, before bed, at midnight in the library when you’re only 30 pages in to your 150-page reading assignment and you want to bludgeon yourself with your textbook, in the shower, as you pass couples holding hands on the street….

1. The first kiss. Butterflies. Rainbows. Frolicking in a field filled with poppies. A melty banana split.
Swoon.

Should I call him?

I have never understood how some girls get so nervous around boys they’re crushing on. I’d never experienced it personally… until not. And wow, I really don’t like this feeling!

Some back story is needed here: OK so, there was this boy (we’ll call him Matt) who I kind of had the tiniest crush on during the school year, but he had a girlfriend at the time. He was in student government with me, and in one of the fraternities on campus. We were definitely acquaintances, but it’s not like we were old pals. I hadn’t thought about him in ages.

Fast forward to three weeks ago. I’m running errands around campus when I see that one of the Indian restaurants nearby is doing a 50% off deal for the rest of the summer. Awesome, right? So I stop in to grab some food to go, and while I’m trying to remember which kind of Indian vegetables I like (for some reason I can NEVER remember), Matt comes out from the back of the restaurant. I hadn’t seen him almost all summer, and he was so happy to see me. We end up talking pleasantly for a few minutes. Not a big deal, I didn’t think twice about it.

Well, this past weekend, I had a really big meeting I had to present at and I was going to go to Starbucks to sit outside and go over my notes before my presentation. On the way, though, I passed the Indian food place and I realized that I hadn’t eaten yet! And I mean, really, how can I turn down delicious Indian food for 50% off? Answer: I couldn’t. So I walked back in there, and I’m once again mulling over my vegetable choices while the guy at the register makes fun of me. And, once again, Matt comes out from the back of the restaurant to talk to me.

Another customer needed Matt’s attention, so I go sat on the patio outside to go over my notes. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even notice when Matt sat down to keep me company. We ended up talking for another half hour, until I realized that I had to leave right away to make it to my meeting on time.

I left a little confused and, despite my rational mind telling me to prepare for my presentation, I couldn’t stop thinking about what had just happened. On one hand, it was really fun to talk to him; I don’t think I’ve ever talked to him so much in the whole time I’ve vaguely known him. And he came to sit with me. That’s a pretty big deal, especially since he was at work and could have gotten in trouble, right? He was also really nice to me… but he does have the reputation of being one of the nicest guys around campus. In fact, word on the street is that his ex thought he was TOO nice and is now dating more of a bad boy. But for me, a nice guy is exactly what I want right now…

And with that (and all during my big meeting), my little crush on Matt was definitely back in full force.

So imagine my surprise (and total girly excitement) when I ran into him today at the campus bookstore. It was good to see him, we talked briefly, but I froze. Like really, completely froze. OK, so it’s not like a random stranger would have noticed that I was acting weird, but I was getting books with my best friend and I don’t think she’s ever seen me so quiet and shy.

WTF?

I left the bookstore SO mad at myself because I had really hoped that the next time we talked we could casually set up a time to hang out, or at least exchange numbers. But instead, I froze like Heidi Montag’s facial features. I had never had it happen to me before, and I’ve always thought other people were being so silly and scared when this happened to them! But now I get it. And I hate myself for it.  It’ll probably be a while before I run into him again, and I am mad that I choked. I don’t have the slightest clue what came over me!

I tend to be pretty safe in my love life – probably too safe if you ask most of my friends. I don’t want to get hurt again, and I know that at some point I’m going to have to get over that fear. I’m also a little bit old fashioned in that I think the boy should  make the first move most of the time (honestly, I would prefer all the time) because I think that if a boy likes me, then he will make the effort to date me.

But my best friend made a really good point when she said that he might have no idea that I like him, because just like how he is friendly to everyone, so am I. And as an outsider, he might’ve attributed my quiet attitude to me being not being interested. Part of me really, really, REALLY wants to casually ask him to hang out sometime soon, but I don’t even know how to do that! I’ve always envied the girls who have the guts to make the first move. I don’t think I’m one of those brave souls, but just for this week I’d like to be. I’m fed up with being shy, and I’m still mad at myself for not asking out mystery ATM boy.

I know that a part of me wants to ask him out for sure, but the other part of me is WAY too scared to do anything about it. And it’s that uncertainty (and the fact that it’s all I can think about) that I hate most about being a single girl. The not knowing whether or not he’s even slightly interested is throwing me for a loop. I feel like I’m back in middle school where I just want to find out from his friends (by passing them a note) if he’s been talking about me.

Clearly, that isn’t an option. And my current status of sitting around overanalyzing everything doesn’t seem to be such a stellar route either. But what is?!