Sex is great (OK, great is an understatement, but let’s move on), but what do you do when it’s not? Pain during sex is surprisingly common and can happen for a number of reasons. This week, I’m going to break a few down of the most common causes so that you can get back to screaming from pleasure, not pain.

Vaginal Dryness
Vaginal dryness is probably the most common cause of painful sex, but it’s also the easiest to deal with. Vaginal dryness can be caused by the pill or antidepressants (both lower libido) or by inadequate arousal. To remedy the problem, indulge in more foreplay before the act (easy enough) and use a water based lubricant.

Vaginal Infection
If pain is severe or you feel itchy and irritated down there, it could be an infection (like of the yeast variety).  If you think you have an infection you should see a doctor. Over-the-counter medicine like Vagisil can help with itching or pain.

Vaginismus
Vaginismus is involuntary tightness of the vagina due to contractions of the pelvic floor muscles. If penetration is regularly painful enough to make it nearly impossible, it’s time to see a doctor. There’s no known cause or quick cure for vaginismus; according to Google Health, “treatment involves extensive therapy that combines education, counseling, and behavioral exercises. Such exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).” Read More »

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like the ultimate cure for a hangover! – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I don’t really know how to ask this so I’ll just get right to it. I’m still a virgin and I’m the only one left in my group. All my girl friends lost their virginity this year and have been telling me how much it hurt. Now I’m scared! Is it really that bad? And is there anything I can do to….prepare? Or should I just buy some cats now and grow old as a single, virgin spinster?

I’m really freaking out here.

A: Ok, hold up. It is definitely not time to start hoarding cats. Unless you really like cats, in which case, stock up! But don’t throw in the towel on sex just yet. Every woman is different when it comes to what your first time feels like. If you’ve been wearing tampons, riding horses, and straddling balance beams in gymnastics, your hymen may already be broken, so it might hurt less. On the flip side, if you’re very tiny and trying to insert a junior sized tampons sends you through the roof, you might face some serious discomfort.

But even if you are in the latter group, there are things you can do, especially if you’re in a relationship and can anticipate when it will happen (which offers your best shot at a good experience, in my opinion. Losing your virginity to a beer-sloshed one-night stand who can’t remember your name doesn’t bode well for gentle, compassionate connection between you and your partner. But then, you know that.). Read More »

We all know the movies don’t necessarily contain the most accurate depictions of actual life. Or do we?

Whether we realize it or not, we all pick up subtle things from movies that we expect to find in our actual lives. And while I’m willing to overlook some of the media’s follies (like the fact that people in any foreign country all speak English), some of their depictions of sex are just. so. wrong.

Sex requires a soundtrack.
Sure, some people like to have sex to music and watching couples do it to some big, romantic song in the movies makes us all think music will enhance our orgasms, too. But how many times have you set your iTunes to random and had the Spongebob theme song come on in the middle of your session? Awkward! Sometimes it’s best to leave the music off while you’re getting frisky (unless you’re trying to drown out the noise so your roommates don’t hear). It will still be just as good.

Couples always finish together.
Not only do women orgasm every time they have sex in movies, but they always do it at the exact same time as their partner. Anyone who’s ever had sex in the real world knows this couldn’t be further from the truth for most sexual encounters.

Women never walk around naked after sex.
I don’t know about you girls, but I have never, ever ripped a sheet off of a bed to cover myself when I need to walk around the morning after sex. Nor do I immediately dress myself in my boyfriend’s oversized, button-up shirt. Read More »

First there was douche. We let those commercials for vagina potpourri slide by, even though sucking out our precious woman fluids isn’t healthy. Then came the WaterWorks commercials, which literally advertise a mini showerhead you stick up your vaginal canal to rinse it (the technology was taken from chefs who use it to eliminate the odors of onions, fish and garlic. For real). Then wet wipes started popping up on toilet tanks nationwide. And now….the vagina mint.

Yes, an Altoid for your lady parts.

Linger, the company behind this crazy idea, has created a sweetened mint “which was created to flavor the secretions of a woman when she is sexually aroused.” This slow releasing tablet freshens your…er…vagina breath (?) for up to 60 minutes so that “your partner will want to spend more time tasting the new you.”

And all I have to say is…. well, I have a lot to say.

“The new you”?! This isn’t a new me, it’s the old me with a mint shoved up my cooter. This whole “women need to be super self conscious about their vaginas” thing is getting old. If you shower on a regular basis, your vagina and its odor are completely fine. The secretions are natural, and necessary to keep our lady parts healthy. And I think it’s about time we love our vaginas, and all the natural juices that come with them. Read More »

We are all living the holier-than-thou lifestyle, obvi. If premarital sex, Gossip Girl story lines and excessive binge drinking is all okay by God, that is.

Perhaps these aren’t on the Catholic list of acceptable behavior, but for those of us college students living it up during our undergrad years, I have some good news for you.

The Catholic Church seems to think that praying before committing an act of sin may save you from being totally ousted in God’s eyes. The church is telling couples to pray before having sexual intercourse in able to “purify their intentions.” Read More »

Talking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she or he will judge you,  you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.

We thought we’d help and every Thursday our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person and didn’t really trust the Yahoo community to answer for you. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I am not in a serious relationship, so I don’t have sex very often. When I do, though, it always hurts. Sometimes even more than the first time. Why is that? Is there something I can do so it doesn’t hurt anymore?

A: Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry! Sex is supposed to be fun, right? Isn’t sex always easy, painless, and orgasmic in the movies? Maybe so, but what you’re experiencing is not uncommon in real life.  In fact, I suffered from the same problem myself back when I was in my twenties.  Have you seen a gynecologist about this issue? There are a number of reasons you may be experiencing pain, and your doctor might be able to help you. Read More »

So you’re on your way to Sexy Town with your boy. There is heavy petting, clothes are flying around the room and you’re reeling to go when – oh no – he can’t…do it. He keeps trying to get things working, but it’s too late. The moment (and erection) is lost.

He’s embarrassed and, if you’re anything like me, you’re confused. Is it something you did? Something you said? The way you look? WTF?

Why does this happen? And how often? Is it him or you? More importantly, is it permanent?! There are so many questions and only one person who can answer them: the boy. But it’s not like you’re going to turn to him after his moment of defeat and ask, “What’s the deal with Mr. Limpy?” So, I got the next best thing: my favorite dude. Read More »

Taking a walk with some friends one day, sipping coffee and having one of those hilarious TMI sex conversations you sometimes slip into with people you know really well, I heard something that stopped me mid-iced latte.  Totally casually, as though it was no big deal, a friend asked if the rest of us enjoyed receiving oral sex, because she really, well, didn’t.

Say WHAT?!?!?

I couldn’t believe it. How could you not enjoy something that is completely and totally dedicated to your pleasure, and yours alone? Surely she was alone in this, I thought. Not so! As soon as the question was posed, a definite majority of the group was on her side! Some disliked it altogether, some liked it OK but were pretty “meh” about the whole concept, and I was the only holdout for it being truly awesome.

I have to say, ladies, I just don’t get it. When I got curious, I was presented with a few primary reasons for these women not being crazy about someone heading downtown.

1. “I worry he doesn’t like doing it.”
A valid concern, on the surface: no one wants to put someone they love/like/lust after in an awkward position. But dig a little deeper for a minute, if you will. I don’t love the physical act of giving a blow job, but I love love love how good I can make someone feel when I do it! Isn’t that the point of all this? If he doesn’t care about making you feel good, then forget him. Seriously. Now.

2. “I’m self-conscious about the appearance/smell/yadda yadda yadda of my ladyparts.”
Are you naked? ‘Cause he won’t notice anything else. But seriously, folks, I know that if I am in need of a little yardwork, I am uncomfortable with someone getting too close down there.  With a little maintenance, it’s a non-issue. And that’s just me: you may prefer more or less, all or nothing at all.  Maintain what YOU like, not what you think someone else will find attractive. It’s subjective, anyway, and any man who has specific opinions on your pubic hair should really get over it.  Even if he does have opinions, they should be a preference, not a deal-breaker. If you’re still feeling fidgety, remember: women all have the same bits, and you probably look and smell much like the rest of us ladies, and any man worth his salt knows and appreciates this. Read More »

Paris Hilton speaks out….against The Hills.

Britney Spears is still a mess.

Spend less on laundry.

Where does Sonia Sotomayor stand on abortion?

We totally heart print dresses.

And the best foreplay toy is….

This month, Cosmo released its annual “Sexy” issue. In it, they provide various, previously printed tips for seducing your man, or just feeling hot in general (apparently, paying my bills in the nude will make it “less painful.” Uh, I probably would have named something else as number 32 on the list of 50 Things to Do Naked, but that’s just me).

Additionally, Cosmo provides alternate ways to phrase creepy questions about a date’s credit card debt (pg 120), a single girl’s guide to using a camera’s self timer (apparently single girls don’t have friends to take their profile pics for them) and the hottest new accessory fashion house: Oriental Trading. Uh, the economy’s bad but do we have to resort to gummy bracelets?!

On the bright side, Cosmo’s Sexy issue did not disappoint in some arenas (he-llo naughty card game on page 136!): Katie Lee Joel’s recipe for a Mediterranean picnic made me question my aversion to olives, the Cosmo staff confessions had me LOL-ing in a very quiet section of the library, and the “Lose 5lbs in 7 Days” tips may have saved my life in preparation for pre-finals pool parties. And yet, Cosmo just wouldn’t be Cosmo without their well-intended but somewhat whack advice.

This month? The 6 sex lessons us lady folk can learn from the boys… Read More »