Holding, touching, kissing, fingering, licking, sucking, moaning, laughing, screaming, orgasming.

Hot, right? Well now that I’ve gotten you all riled up, I’ll postpone telling you what all of those things have in common until later. First let’s talk magazines.

I compiled this list after I quit reading Seventeen Magazine. I still love their make-up section and some of their real-life articles are really interesting, but I got sick of skipping past the good chunks of pages about prom, college admission anxieties, and high school drama in general.

So in natural progression I thought I’d switch to Cosmo. It’s all the same material but for an 18+ audience right? Well sure it’s 18+, but is it really useful for this 20 year old? Not so much. Turns out, I can’t afford the clothes they advertise, I don’t have to deal with office politics yet, and most of all… I really don’t need their sex tips.

No, I’m not being cocky (you’ll see the irony in that in just a second)

I am a virgin.

No that’s not a typo, no I don’t mean I’m a virgin to reading Cosmo, or an alcohol virgin (lost that one a while ago). What I’m saying is that I still carry around that big fat V-card for the old fashioned no-strings-attached virginity. Read More »

Ah, the G-Spot. The ellusive, why- the -hell -can’t -any -guy -seem -to -find -it sexual jackpot. While men seem to be able to just thrust around for, I dunno, a nanosecond before they’re fine, us ladies are left…only slightly close to something maybe kinda near an orgasm.

Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating slightly. There are some guys out there that will put some effort into making sure their woman is satisfied. I think it’s more that they like to hear that they’ve made you happy then actually making you happy, but I’m a little bitter right now towards men. Forgive me.

If you’re just desperate to enhance your sexual experience, you can now spend $1,800 every four months for the G-Shot, an injection meant to expand your G-Spot. The collagen that women have been injecting into their lips for years to create a more pillowy, Angelina Jolie look can now be used to blow up that special place. It expands the money spot into the size of a quarter, and though results may vary, it just might possibly better your booty time.

Now, I have a couple of qualms with this. One—have these women never heard of the clitoris? Has it not been scientifically proven that the woman’s clit is the equivalent to the man’s dick? Is it that hard to have your man, or yourself reach on down there and rub a little? Or what about just a really great, extended foreplay session? Read More »