Someone once told me that the reason I’m still single is because my standards are too high. I laughed in her face, flipping through a mental catalog of the disgusting creatures who’ve woken up in my bed.  “Au contraire,” I told her. “I think my standards are non existent.”

But last night, as I enjoyed a large DQ Blizzard while watching the latest drama on The Real Housewives of New York, I started reflecting on my dating past and why none of those boys are in my dating present. I grabbed a piece of paper (Ok, the back of a takeout menu…it was closer) and began listing all of the guys I’ve met/gotten naked with.

To my horror, the list had more dishes than the Chinese menu it was written on.

Next to each name I wrote down why that particular dude didn’t work out. Over half of the list consisted of “d-bag didn’t call me back,” or “don’t know his real name,” but the rest were my own doing. And after seeing it all written down on paper, I began to see my friend may have been right.

Reasons I’ve rejected boys: Read More »

On Fridays I get out of work about the same time that school lets out for younger students. My subway ride home is filled with kids of all different ages, shapes, sizes and races who remarkably all look exactly the same. Every single Friday, I can find at least one girl rocking a Miley backpack, some leggings and lots and lots of lip gloss.

It’s a comforting constant in my life, much like passing a Starbucks on every corner or finding an episode of Sex and the City on at any time of night. I’ve come to expect it, even enjoy the high pitched squeals, sickeningly sweet smell of body spray, and live rendition of “See You Again.” But after catching a clip of Sean Hannity praising Kim Kardashian for her role model status in young girls’ lives, I started thinking about the idea of celebrities as role models.

I was left with a lot of questions, the most obvious being: does the fact that Kim Kardashian isn’t a hot drunken mess like the rest of young Hollywood really make her a role model? I mean, has Sean Hannity seen the sex tape that made her famous? And what does she do exactly that young girls should look up to? Her reality show? Her curvy body?

It took me a few moments (and a couple shots of whiskey) to get past the idea of  Sean Hannity doing “research” in front of his laptop in a dark room at midnight, and once I did I still had no idea what to think. The whole celebrity-as-role-model thing has me totally torn up.

On the one hand, my biggest fear may soon be realized: a generation of Mini Mileys all grown up. Slim girls in blond wigs walking around chomping on gum and talking with a Southern twang. It’s an image that haunts my dreams. Read More »

Obama’s not down with the tea parties.

Jessica Alba’s butt is a gift.

OMG. This is someone’s MOTHER?!

Octo-mom’s a liar. And a reality TV whore.

Wanna be on Project Runway?!

Stop with the credit card debt, people.

Sheyla Hershey, a Brazilian singer, dancer, actress, and model who lives in Texas, was recently awarded the title of having the largest breast implants ever (Size 38 KKK!) by the Brazilian equivalent of the Guinness Book of World Records.

Beyond the obvious, “Are those things bigger than her head?” I was left with so many questions.

WHY????

Why would she even need boobs that big? How does she find clothes that fit? How does she find bras that fit? Can she even close her arms? Can she give someone a hug? How does she sleep? Can she go running, or would that be too dangerous? How does she even stand up without falling over face-first? How did her skin stretch that far? Could someone suffocate in there? Do her boobs get swollen during PMS? Is there an animal/small man trapped inside there? Does she even need to use a table anymore to eat her dinner?

It seems that Sheyla is yet another publicity whore looking for an unconventional way to get famous without actually doing anything worthwhile. She’s appeared on Fox News, The Insider, and, as her website states, “Her career is just taking off and about to soar to heights of majestic proportions.”

Pun intended? We think so.

It is one hell of an evening. It does not matter which candidate you supported today, we should all be proud of our country and ourselves. Not only did we elect the first black president in American history, but we came out in record numbers to do so.

Our demographic – the “apathetic young people” – stood up and made a choice. We campaigned, we were engaged like never before, and today we voted.

This country is in serious need of a change, and while both candidates were more than capable of bringing that change, Barack Obama has been elected the 44th President of the United States. I know I am not the only one who is excited for him to take office. And I know that his daughters, who are definitely stoked about getting that new puppy, aren’t the only ones excited for him to take office. This country as a whole is ready for Barack Obama.

I could feel it when I was watching the returns. I could feel it when the bar I was in erupted in cheers. I could feel it as I drove back to my house and heard people screaming on the streets.

Today was an awesome day and the next four years promise to be the same.

Today is Election Day, and your only real responsibility is to vote. Whether you’re affixing a stamp to an absentee ballot or pulling the lever in a voting booth, get out there and make your opinon heard!

But, we in the youngest (and perhaps extremely influential) voting demographic also reserve our right to party! And after all the ballots are cast, tonight is shaping up to be the biggest party night in America. So after you’ve done your civic duty, grab your friends and get ready to watch the returns with these creative suggestions:

The Setting:

Make sure you have the essentials: a television and ample seating room. But why not spruce up the space for the occasion? If you’re lucky to have the day off from classes today (as we do at my school– thank you, Fordham!), take a few minutes to make some posters! Rasterbator is an online application that will make any image you choose into a poster up to 20 meters in size. (The image will be blown up and printed out in pieces on regular 8 1/2 x 11″ sheets of paper, so you just assemble the sheets like a grid.) It’s really quick, extremely simple, and only requires the internet and a printer.

The Games

Take it a step further by printing two posters (one of Obama and one of McCain) and grabbing some construction paper. Cut out 50 squares from construction paper and label them with the names of each state. Have your guests tack each respective state onto the poster of the candidate who wins it, to keep track of election returns. Read More »

They’re trooping off to the polls in the biting November chill, snug in their Uggs and North Faces zipped to the collars. They’re waking up too early and standing around in long lines for something that isn’t free food. They’re American college students, and they are voting.

Smell that? That’s the smell of freedom. Also, American college students don’t shower much.

Are you with them – or are you against them? Political nihilists beware: the jaded, “The-electoral-college-it’s-a-broken-system-f**k-I’m-moving-to-the-Moon” attitude won’t get you anywhere this year, because cynicism is out and passion is in! If it’s such a big stick up your ass, go vote for Bob Barr or something. If he’s not on the ballot, write-in “John from College Candy.” But please, do go and vote.

And what about this evening? You probably don’t have anything important to do while you watch poll results stream in, and “Nation’s First Black President” or “Nation’s First Woman Vice President” are both perfectly acceptable reasons to skip all your classes tomorrow. This means you should drink! Read More »

What are you waiting for? Get to those polls!

With politics boiling over all around us people are becoming quite polarized. I know that I have had many a fight with my right-leaning sister-in-law (whom I normally LOVE) that would have turned to blows had my brother not jumped in (literally) to break them up. It wasn’t like I planned to fight with her; I just couldn’t believe the things she was saying and, before I knew it, I was biting off her head and spitting at her.

What can I say? I’m very passionate.

Which made things a bit difficult for me recently when I met a wonderful guy…whom I soon found out was a Republican (ew). I wanted to like him – really I did – but was it really possible to be with someone who votes for the other party? I mean, it may be just a vote, but doesn’t it all tie back to someone’s beliefs, morals and passion?

I tried to stick it out, but I couldn’t get myself past the fact that he declared his love for Fox News within the first 5 minutes of my arrival.

Don’t get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with Fox News. And there is nothing wrong with Republicans. But someone who makes a bold statement about his love for Fox News is not someone I want to be with. It is one thing to date someone who votes for the other team; it is quite another to date someone who votes for the other team and then declares his love for said team from every pedestal/mountain/tall chair he can find. Read More »

How could this happen, you ask?

Explanation after the jump. Read More »