If fantasy football is a good enough reason for guys to disappear for days on end, then I hereby give you permission to set aside the textbooks and turn off your cell phone for what is going to be the greatest (and most stressful) week of TV all year. It seems like every. freaking. show. on TV is premiering this week. Not sure how you’re going to fit it all in??

Brace yourselves, I’m about to outline the next five days’ worth of what to watch, what to TiVo, and what to skip altogether.  Oh, and all new shows are linked to their previews so you can decide for yourself!

Good luck. And thank god for Hulu. Read More »

There are plenty of things I’ll miss about the summer. But the bad TV won’t be one of them. I don’t know about you ladies, but I don’t think I’d be able to survive another week of badly written summer dramas, or so-good-it’s-bad-but-it’s-really-really-bad reality TV. Thankfully, the television gods must have heard our prayers (and our curses when we saw Wipeout was on AGAIN) and have brought back all our favorite shows.

So set your DVRs and mentally prepare yourself for all the excitement (!!!), because here’s a list of what to watch, and when.

The Show You Won’t Admit You’re Watching: Vampire Diaries
Premieres: Thursday, September 9, 8:00 p.m. on The CW

Where We Left Off: Stefan, Damon, Elena, and Bonnie manage to save the town from angry vampires and walk away unscathed, just in time for Damon to show Elena his softer side, and sneak in a quick kiss too. The only problem? It wasn’t Elena. In what was easily one of the most shocking season finales, Katherine, Elena’s doppelganger, and the Salvatore brothers’ first love, returns to kill Uncle John Gilbert. While John lies in a pool of his own blood, Elena’s brother Jeremy attempts to turn himself into a vampire. Elsewhere, Caroline has been rushed to surgery after a potentially fatal car accident and Tyler attempts to figure out what made him crash the car in the first place. Catch a glimpse of the new season here.

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It’s finally here. Tonight at 9:28 pm ET, Glee is returning to TV! In honor of the momentous occasion, I’ll be chugging Slurpees and listening to the soundtrack all. day. long. Too bad it will only be background music while I write the giant essay that’s due on Friday and study for the 1,236 tests I have coming up. I’ve got so much on my plate I’ll be lucky if I even get to watch the show tonight.

Ugh, why isn’t this a national holiday?!

I realize there are still some people out there who haven’t quite caught the Glee fever and don’t yet understand why I prefer New Directions’ version of ‘Somebody to Love’ to the original by Queen. (Though I don’t understand how – even Oprah loves them!) But it’s not too late! Just set those DVRs for tonight and let me bring you up to speed. Trust me, you’ll be Gleeking out in no time:

Big Facts:

- Rachel likes Finn, who’s attracted to her but dating Quinn.
- Quinn is pregnant with Puck’s baby, but insists that it is Finn’s.
- Mr. Schuster’s wife, Terri, claimed she was pregnant with their child, but actually wasn’t. Instead, she had plans to adopt Quinn’s baby.
- Mr. Schuster is in love with the germaphobe guidance counselor, Emma, but refuses to acknowledge it due to his pregnant wife.
- Lonely Emma agreed to marry gym teacher/football coach Ken, despite the fact that she dislikes him. Ken figured out that Emma was in love with Will (Mr. Schu), and takes it out on the glee club by trying to prevent the guys from staying on both the football team and in glee.
- Sue Sylvester, coach of the Cheerios, consistently tries to sabotage the glee club, from sending cheerleaders to spy and wreak havoc from the inside, to co-advising and passing on the club’s set list to rival schools.
- Kurt is gay and Artie is in a wheelchair…. in case either of those weren’t obvious enough. Read More »

There are some things you learn in life (and in textbooks) that you never forget.

We went to the moon in 1969.
Plants live by converting sunlight into energy through the process of photosynthesis.
Cows have four stomachs.

All of those things are important to know if you want to pass that middle school test, but when it comes to the real stuff – the life lessons – textbooks don’t hold a candle to TV. Yes, I’m serious.

TV – even the crappiest of the crappy reality shows – has taught me some invaluable lessons about life and the world. Things you can’t get from a 2 hour Intro to Biology lecture or a 4-credit History of English course. Below are a few of the greatest lessons I’ve learned from my nights spent on the couch, chips and salsa in hand. Read More »

You know that really annoying friend of yours who feels the incessant need to point out that they were the first to know about a now really popular band every. single. time. it comes on the radio?

As annoying as they are, there is something exciting about the knowing of a new band, new clothing brand, great sale, awesome book or recipe, and sharing it with the ones you love. And by ones you love, I mean the ones you go back and forth with right here on the CollegeCandy message boards.

So here’s the deal: every week, we will feature things that YOU think other CollegeCandy readers just have to know about. Anything at all. Nothing is off limits.

Guffly.com
We all are trying to be green: wear more green, eat more green, recycle more green, earn more green. But sometimes it’s hard because we don’t know where to look for the best products. And let’s face it – some of those eco-friendly fashions have been hit with the ugly stick one too many times. Not to mention the sometimes way-out-there price tags – I mean I could buy some Jimmy Choo’s for the price of some of these reusable forks, frocks and eco-friendly gym bags! But thankfully, Guffly has come to our rescue. Guffly is a one-product-per-day online store (perfect for those of us who get overwhelmed by too many fabu products at once!). They feature eco-friendly products and fair trade lifestyle goods like home, pet, clothing, office and personal accessories. They have made it their jobs (literally!) to find only the most stylish eco-friendly and fair trade products out there.  Now you can actually do something good for the environment, feel good about yourself AND still look cute. Sign me up.  Read More »

That wheezing sound you hear is the last original idea in Hollywood dying a slow, undignified death. Fox announced a few days ago that it’s developing a TV show based on Texts From Last Night, a website founded a little over six months ago that aggregates embarrassing texts sent in by users (sample: “I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god….damn alcohol”).

After years of airing reality shows that have been progressively more awful, I shouldn’t be surprised that Fox has yet again proven to be the network most willing to scrape the bottom of the barrel. Still, though, I’m amazed that the Hollywood Reporter claims there was “strong interest from several networks” in a TV show based on TFLN. Don’t get me wrong – TFLN is the second best. site. on earth (this is #1), but how exactly do you write a show about funny text messages? How could anybody have thought this would be a good idea? And isn’t there already a show highlighting embarrassing moments of 20-somethings? I think it’s called The Real World.

Maybe Fox is just trying to compete with whichever network ends up with the inevitably terrible Twitter game show, which promises to “harness Twitter to put players on the trail of celebrities in an interactive, competitive format.” Aaron Sorkin, creator of The West Wing, has also announced that he’s working on a feature film about Facebook. Seriously.

After hearing about movies and TV shows based on web sites, the film adaptations of board games like Monopoly, Candy Land, and Ouija Board that are currently in the works sound positively Oscar-worthy by comparison. What’s next, a movie about Netflix? A miniseries about Wikipedia? A weekly series based on FML?

Actually, what am I talking about? I’d totally watch that.

Last night I had a dilemma. A major dilemma. Involving TV.

You see, I wasn’t sure which I wanted – no, needed – to watch more: the Paris Hilton documentary on MTV, or More To Love, Fox’s newest dating show.

It was a tough call, but being that MTV shows everything 4,367 times, I went with More To Love.

Ever since I heard about this “Bachelor for real people” I was intrigued. Having grown up overweight (and not had my first kiss until the ripe age of 18!), I really got behind a show that didn’t focus on looks and really just gave everyone a chance at love. Or as much “love” as you can get by meeting someone through a reality show on Fox.

I settled in front of the TV with some (fat free!) frozen yogurt, excited for the “real” people that were about to find their soul mates. And what did I find? 60 minutes of sound bites for the likes of Chelsea Handler, Joel McHale and every blogger on the internet to rip into women with already questionable self esteem.

Seriously, even I couldn’t hold back on the jokes. And that’s bad.

There is so much wrong with this show that I don’t even know where to start. Lucky for you, I got really good at taking notes on my iPhone while watching, so here are some of my biggest issues with More To Love:

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Catch Jay Leno at 10 pm…every weeknight.

Gmail: now with to-do lists!

Homegirl lights her cheating husband’s junk on fire.

Clay Aiken kissed a boy, and he liked it.

Brrrr, it’s cold out there! Stay beautiful in the winter with these tips.

Want equal rights? Call in “gay” to work tomorrow.

Bah humbug about Hanukkah? We feel you.

Take criticism gracefully.

Everyone loves LiLo’s leggings.

Whoops! An NFL wardrobe malfunction.

I watch a lot of TV, and since I’ve been homebound for a few weeks because of surgery, I have been watching more TV than should be legally allowed in the United States. Most nights, there are previews for NEW FALL SHOWS!! every 3.2 seconds, and having watched my fair share of these previews, I’d like to make a list of a few of these new dramatic ventures. A list in which I try to determine what the show is about, and how long it will go without being cancelled, from only the actors and title.

* Bad Mother’s Handbook – ABC – (premires: Midseason) With a cast that includes Megan Mullally, Alicia Silverstone, and Arrested Development‘s Alia Shawkat, there is the potential for this comedy to either turn out okay or really, really suck. Mullally has Will and Grace, but she also has that horrible talk show that failed harder than Jessica Simpson’s country album. Silverstone has Clueless and she loves animals, but she’s also made a boatload of horrible movies. Based on the title, I’d say we have a situation comedy where Mullally predictably plays a hard drinking, irresponsible mother, and Silverstone plays her lovable and cheerful daughter. Hijinks ensue. Hijinks that will probably go on for about 5 episodes before getting the ax.

Gary Unmarried – CBS – (premieres: Wednesday, Sept. 24, 8:30 pm/ET) Jay Mohr and Paula Marshall (??) no doubt play either a husband and wife, a divorced-yet-still-talking husband and wife, or a shticky guy who can’t find a mate and his ever reliant best female friend. Jay Mohr tends to be funny 20% of the time. I have no idea who Paula Marshall is. And I’m so freaking tired of comedies where it’s all about finding a significant other. I predict maximum suckage and cancellation after 2 episodes. Read More »

The list of the 25 Best Colleges is out. Is your school on it?

Gwen Stefani: Mama 2.0 Even Olympians get sexiled.

The 10 most popular over-done tattoos.

Worst baby names of all time.

MTV promotes eating disorders.

You are invited to Miley Cyrus’s Sweet 16!

It is a sad world when the only place women are in control is on some crappy reality show. On Fox.

Forever 21 is ruining society as we know it.

Fashion designers hate fat people women over a size 6.

This makes us laugh.

Should these really be considered Olympic sports?