In Australia, the ultimate fantasy man-cation is about to become a reality.  The Lynx lodge, a male-only resort boasting on-staff models and a list of cringe-worthy activities, is opening this November.  Now you can send your boyfriend, brother, and dad to play Twister with gorgeous Aussie girls, sit front row at a mud-wrestling match, and then embark on manly sporting endeavors like golf and fishing.

Sounds like a dream, right?  Wait, no?  Not so much?  Yeah, I didn’t think so either.  I say give the men all the boobs and beer they could ever dream of.  I’m much more interested in putting a female spin on it and creating the most do die for girls-only resort.  And if the BF tells you it’s going to be all pillow fights and whipped cream, pat him on the head and set him straight.  This is our fantasy, not his.

First off, I like to think the dream resort would look a little bit like Jennifer Aniston’s house.  Actually, let me take it one step further and say I’d like Jennifer Aniston to be the president and manager of this dream destination.  Without offending her holiness, I think it would take the ultimate independent girl to design and decorate the perfect girl retreat.  Rest assured, every room would be appointed with giant luxurious beds, DVD box sets of Sex and the City, fully stocked mini bars, and the most worry-melting Jacuzzis you’ve ever seen- compete with champagne scented bubble bath.

While dudes think it’s all-that hanging out with strange women in string bikinis, I’d actually prefer for our resort to be a man-free zone.  Just think — hair can remain in sloppy buns, spandex will become perfectly acceptable outside the gym…no bros around to complain when you blast your favorite ’90s girl group hits (helloooo Spice Girls)!

Suggested activities would include sleeping in, lounging by the pool, hanging out and looking cool, visiting the award-winning spa, and eating chocolate-covered strawberries.

To cap off a day of bliss, it would only be appropriate for the hotel to offer cocktails on its sweeping veranda.  (Of course there’s a sweeping veranda.  And from it you can see Brangelina’s French chateau.  Did I not mention we’re in France?  Ooh, look, there’s Shiloh!)

What else would your ultimate girls-only getaway include?  Maybe sparkly ponies to take you to dinner?  Or amazing stores where everything is free?  I got it, vodka fountains!

Now, we just need to figure out who’s going to commission this fabulous dream…

For those going abroad for the upcoming semester or planning a trip to Europe anytime soon, here are some helpful tips to get you around:

You are from Canada: Let’s be honest – Americans like to think they rule the world, and sometimes that holier than thou attitude rubs Europeans the wrong way. Don’t go overseas acting like a stereotypical American (you know, the ones that yell loudly when speaking to someone that doesn’t understand English as if the other person is deaf…) It may be hard when adjusting to culture shock, but the best way to get past it is to simply embrace it. If you can’t … just say you’re from Canada and all the questions will go away.

“Tap Water is For The Prisoners”: When I was thirteen, I went to Europe for two weeks on a guided school trip. The tour guide told my class that only prisoners drink tap water, so we shouldn’t order it at a restaurant. Forget that, live like a prisoner. Unlike in the states, restaurants just don’t bring out water for you. They tend to bring out bottled water, and after walking around Amsterdam all day, finishing off one of those babies happens fast…as does racking up a huge bill. Unless you really have a problem drinking tap water, order it. Not only will it save you money, but it will be cold. Most restaurants will serve you room temperature bottled water, but if you want something icy cold … tap water is the only way you’ll get those extra ice cubes. Free, cold water? No complaints there!

Transportation made easy: With an abundance of train services, ferry boats, and cheap flights (EasyJet and Ryan Air – however, beware of extra fees), traveling from one country to the next is affordable and a must for any European experience. If you shop around for the best deals, you can save lots of money hopping from Belgium to France in one weekend. Although taking the train may seem foreign (trains are rarely utilized in the USA as a form of fast, easy transportation), it is the best way to see Europe. Really, how can you complain when you’re on your way to Paris for the weekend with countryside outside your window?

Hold the Anchovies: I ordered a ceasar salad expecting just you’re standard plate of lettuce and ceasar sauce, but instead, I got a plate full of anchovies (complete with their eyeballs still intact) and a mayo sauce. Make sure when ordering at a restaurant you are as specific as can be or else you may be surprised. Also, if you like your meat cooked a certain way, tell your waiter or else you’re “well done” steak may come out bloody and pink. However, if you can get past some food differences, indulge yourself in as much cultural foods as possible, i.e. when in France, live off of croissants and macaroons!

See the sights: While a lot of my study abroad group got wasted every night, a good amount chose to see the sights. You are abroad, so why are you blacked out outside of Big Ben? A big mistake that a lot of abroaders make is mixing culture with fun – they think they can’t. You paid a lot of money to go abroad, so it is important to see everything that you can. No one wants to come back from Europe to say “I skipped out on the Mona Lisa because I was hung over” or “I couldn’t climb to the top of St. Paul’s Cathedral because I was puking in a pub instead.” Party and have a great time, but prioritize what you are going to see. If you can schedule your days ahead, you can save a lot of time for partying and pub crawls later.

Be a local: Instead of eating at restaurants you are familiar with or sticking to simple tourist destinations, expand your travels and pretend you are a local. Ask opinions of the receptionist at your hostel of where to eat. Find out what shopping areas aren’t as famous and go see what you can dig up there. Try new foods and drink. For example, you can’t leave London without at least trying their fish and chips once. Don’t just stick to the same old path everyone else is, explore the beaten path and you will have a much more rewarding experience of culture and understanding of the area along the way.

Happy Traveling!

I’ve always tried to be a good American. I’ve lived each and every day by the words of the good book: the Declaration of Independence. It guides the deeds I do, the words I write, the kicks I wear.

But every Fourth of July, I get stuck. I got parties to plan! Barbecues, decorations, fine beers, crap beers, fireworks, big cars, big cars full of beer. So much to think about! What do I do? The Declaration never mentioned how we should celebrate its own damn self.

But this year, things are different. Because this year, I found something really special. That’s right: The Declaration of Independence, Part Two. Read it and weep, beleaguered patriot partiers, and may tiny American flags spring up where your tears touch the soil.

On Food

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that not all barbecue foods are created equal, because some of them are really freaking gross. Like frozen hamburger patties, you know, those little red saucers that look like fossilized poop when you cook them. Don’t you have 20 minutes to make some yourself? Or is it too gross to rub raw hamburger all over your hands? That’s how we beat King George, you know. He was the raw hamburger, and we were not afraid to rub our hands all over him. Be like us. Celebrating America means crushing your enemies into tiny patties and grilling them over hot coals.

On Fireworks

… That they should keep among them Standing Armies of Awesome Fireworks. Especially those ones that go “bang” and then “… wwhhbang!” and then kinda “ffzzhh ffzhzhh zhhht.” Those are great. And they should be big, like, really big, like illegal-in-whichever-state-you-happen-to-live-in big, which is another good reason why states shouldn’t have rights. And when you set them off, they should kill and cook next year’s Thanksgiving turkey.

On Music

We, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these colonies, have a lot of trouble picking some appropriate tunes. Unless somebody happens to write something patriotic on a boat somewhere, oh, say, 38 years from now, maybe just make it something funky. Like, “Brick House,” or something.

On Decor

In every stage of these Celebrations we suggest blue, white and red decorations, because those are the national colors of France, our friend and ally which is primarily responsible for our Independence. Did I say Primarily? I meant “completely.” Seriously, before those dudes showed up, we were a bunch of muddy yokels wearing dead animals for hats. The French basically made America everything it is today, and so we are declaring the Fourth of July to be National French Appreciation Day. Revel appropriately.

Well, there you have it. Straight from the Founders’ mouths. Take heart these wise words, and look for me when the 4th rolls around – I’ll be the one with the ten-gallon beret.

Since I don’t have the money to jet-set around the world, I’ve found books set in exotic and foreign destinations are the best way to whet my traveling appetite. They allow me to leave my home without getting out of bed, and cost a fraction of the price of a ticket to Italy. And “Left Bank” by Kate Muir allows me to do all of that while also enjoying a little steamy romance.

The book is set in Paris, France, one of the most desired travel spots on the planet and also one of my top 5 cities. Ever.

Paris is famous for having the River Seine run right through, separating the city into the Right Bank and, you guessed it, the Left Bank. The Left Bank is notorious for playing host to the rich, powerful, snobby and of course, as most Europeans, extremely well-dressed.

Kate Muir takes full advantage of her romantic atmosphere in this novel about a Nanny working for a very rich couple. Anna, the Nanny, takes care of little Sabine Malin, daughter of the famous actress, Madison, and Olivier, a famous philosopher. Of course her escapades as Nanny are fun and entertaining (think “The Nanny Diaries”), but it is her relationships that are the most fascinating part. I won’t spoil the surprise, but her trysts are juicy and ALWAYS scandalous.

However, despite the intriguing plot and a few very tantalizing scenes, the star of this book is simply Paris itself. Muir always notes where the characters are, whether it be near a famous landmark or in a well-known neighborhood. And the reader, regardless if they’ve visited Paris or not, never feels lost or confused because Muir insists on describing it down to the very last pebble.

Because I fell in love with Paris first-hand, it was easy to let Kate Muir’s “Left Bank” carry me back to the city of love. For anyone who has visited, you will revel in the description and wish yourself back there. And if you’ve never been, you better be prepared to book yourself a ticket over once you’ve read “Left Bank.”

The most common insult for a freshmen: “man, that guy is trying too hard.” When coming to a competitive ivy league school, freshmen are immediately aware that the kids around them are some of the best students in the country. They probably were the small-town star of their high school, and now feel desperate to assert themselves, to still be the big fish in the rapidly expanding pond. Thus, while sitting next to a few freshmen chatting in a dining hall the other day, I was sad — sad, but not surprised — when after about 2 minutes, the test score discussions began.

“So what did you get on your SAT’s? I got ___.”

After the test scores, came the trips-to-Europe competition.

“I’ve been to Rome twice.” “Oh yeah, I went too, and Paris, and all over France as well.”

This is the epitome of Trying Too Hard, and you can see why it’s so annoying to upperclassmen. Freshmen exhibit the dreaded Trying Too Hard in every aspect of life, from reading every footnote and side-reference in the reading (and loudly announcing the fact in class), to getting ridiculously drunk because they think that’s the way college life really is. In a big, scary, competitive new school, these over-achieving high schoolers try applying the drive and shameless self-promotion it takes to get into college — to every aspect of life. It’s enough to make an upperclassmen want to avoid the eating clubs and especially any intro-level classes.

We don’t really need to compete with each other in this obnoxious way; there’s room for all of us to shape our personalities while in college, to find our own niches and be interesting people regardless of what test scores we have or how many countries we’ve visited. If only the freshmen would learn this a bit quicker — though I’m sure I went through my Trying Too Hard phase as well. I seem to remember bragging about my family’s trips to France as a Freshman… So we’ve all been there, but we don’t like to remember it.

Please, freshmen — just relax.

Angelina Jolie hit the red carpet this weekend (with the best arm candy…EVER) to promote her new movie, Changeling. And, yeah, this woman had twins 3 months ago.

As in two babies.

Two.

She looks smokin’. I have no babies and my body doesn’t look like that. I don’t know how she does it: 152 kids, a busy career and all that delicious French cuisine?!

I hate want to be her.

But whatever, I’m so over Benji and I am totally hearting Chris now. Nicole can KEEP Benji all to herself now.

My new boyfriend like OWNS MySpace so he can help me redo my page so that way if I wanted to really run for President, he’d make it so that the whole country can vote on my page instead of having to go to those polls. Those are probably like really far and out of the way for everyone. But whatever, the election is like next year so that’s plenty of time. I bet we’ll be married by then!!

I don’t normally like to get so serious – but Blackberry, I’m lonely. Like sure I have sex with any guy who gives me the *look* but I don’t have any girls to call to tell them about my sex or if it burns when I pee. LA is too full of jealous girls whose boobs are bigger than mine so I decided that I’m going to go to London to find my new best friend. I think that it’s in France so that means that we can shop there together and everything.

It’s been a hard summer but with my new gray haired boyfriend and finding my new best friend, I think that this fall might be okay. For realzies!

Okay, I’m gonna get ready for this Hamptons party. Maybe I’ll find another boyfriend there. Chris will be totally cool about it, I’m sure.

Kisses,

Paris

I’m so over Brad and Angie.

What?! I know. Am I a horrible spawn of Satan? Some kind of weird robot without the capacity to love? Maybe a Russian spy…

Or maybe, just maybe, I have the good sense to call it like I see it. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are over-exposed. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are humans who have fabulous, expensive publicists to make them sound like badass, ordaned angels. They’re adopting a lot of kids really fast — but they have fabulous, expensive nannies to help them every waking moment of the day. Their acting abilities waver from pretty good (Girl, Interrupted and Fight Club) to snore-inducing unbelievable (Taking Lives and Troy). And lastly…no one in the media has any balls when it comes time to interview them.

Look, together, they’re doing a LOT of good for this planet. I’m not arguing that. But loads of people do a lot of good for this planet, and you don’t hear about the kids of those people becoming honorary citizens of Nice, France before they’re even born yet, do you?

Angie and Brad are perfect — or at least that’s how they’ve been drawn up in the last couple of years. But knowing what I know of the human race, I’ll be the first one to say that false idolization does nothing except make us feel like losers for not having everything together all of the time. It would do us some good to stop this weird obsession with Hollywood’s newest manufactured power couple. Why is their doctor giving a press conferences? Aren’t press conferences special events that alert the world about something newsworthy? Why is giving birth in a posh hospital newsworthy?

So yeah, I’m over their over-exposure. I’m done with letting the media spoon-feed me the idea that this duo is anything more than two very, very lucky people who are probably pretty cool but also rife with their own imperfections.

Now that I’ve gotten all this out, I think I’m realizing that the annoyance I’m feeling is not so much aimed at these two millionaires with money to burn — but at my society for being so completely obsessed with everything they do.

Brad and Angie are no better than you or me, people. They just have the money, make-up, publicists, nannies, attention, and power to make it seem that way.

Wimbledon 2008 kicked off today in Wimbledon, England (and I thought it was just a creative name!). In honor of this exciting event, we at CollegeCandy have put together a very handy little gallery of all the most important players at this year’s event. And by “most important players” we mean, “The hottest guys of Wimbledon.” God, we love our jobs.

 So, peruse; enjoy; tell us which one is your favorite.

And thank us later.

[Album=62]

The mother of four (soon to be six), along with her live-in boytoy Brad Pitt, is currently residing in a palatial French mansion, and preparing to give birth to twins. Despite rumors that Ms. Jolie will not be giving birth until August, word is out that a team of nurses from L.A. have already hopped over the pond to France.

Her protective “instincts” are obviously on high alert, and Angie is definately ready to kick the ass of anyone who tries to tangle with her (seems to be an odd admittance, given her stature as a goodwill ambassador to the UN, don’t you think?).

She told the Daily Mail, “Brad and I are not against having a gun in the house, and we do have one. And yes, I’d be able to use it if I had to. I could handle myself.”

So basically, what she’s doing is telling the world not the f*ck with her.

Besides, Jolie has pretty much made a career out of being a hot action star — and action stars get a lot of practice when it comes to giant weapons of destruction. If I were a thief, I think I’d steer clear of that nice little French mansion and find another family that isn’t so educated in the art of shooting bullets.