Alright, I’m not gonna be the dude who writes about Jake G. on the website for women and hates on him. I think Gyllenhaal is a great actor. He throws down pretty hard regardless of part, whether it’s a marine or a gay cowboy or a teen who keeps seeing a rabbit.

I also won’t be the guy who says ‘yeah he looks good, but I mean, I’ve seen better.’ As a heterosexual man, I feel fine saying Jake looks godd*mn HUGE in these new pictures. Respect for putting on that weight and not being afraid to lose all that ‘sweet little boy look’ money.

But, I gotta say something.

This movie is called Prince of Persia.

OF.

PERSIA.

Attention, Hollywood. Ethnicity is not a tan. Even in the game, designed by a western production house, the Prince has a Eurasian vibe going. This isn’t Gyllenhaal’s fault of course, just the casting director’s. Though I can’t help but think that someone as successful as him, who isn’t necessarily desperate for greenbacks or notoriety, could’ve maybe at least considered that this might be a mistake.

Agent: Jake, new project. Prince of Persia. BOOYA.

Jake: That is cool. I like those games but…

Agent: But what? Video game money is baller!

Jake: Ya but I’m not Persian. I’m not of any middle eastern ancestry at all.

(Quick look in mirror)

Jake: Actually, looking at myself now, I think I may have the whitest, least ethnic face in all of Hollywood. That’s probably why I made such believable ‘everyteens’ and ‘everymarines.’ Isn’t there someone else who could do this?

Agent: But Jake, it’s about an Arab prince who controls time with a sword. You are this part.

Whatever. Video game movies with big stars are probably the next thing to dominate Hollywood after the year comic books just had at the box office, so it’s to be expected that we’d get a few mis-casts. But hey, maybe he’ll pull it off.

Apply some more bronzer, I guess.

Maybe you’ve had a little puff of some wacky tabacky and you’re feeling pretty hungry. And even more lazy.

Used to be that these were major problems. Unless you live in a major city—ex that—unless you live in New York, there’s not a chance you’re getting that cookie at such an ungodly hour. In my Connecticut town, the police pull people over who are out after 10 PM. It rocks where I live…

For a select few cities, late night munchies are no longer a problem. Well, if you want cookies that is. Some brilliant students from UPenn have brought us Insomnia Cookies—a delivery service that will bring freshly baked, warm cookies right to your doorstep between the hours of 8PM and 2:30 AM.

Students from University of Syracuse, University of Michigan, Illinois, UMD, UPenn, Penn State, and of course, NYU can indulge in chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter cookies, sugar cookies, a cake sized cookie, a cookie with three different flavors… the possibilities are endless. They’ll even bring you milk to dunk everything in. Yuuuuuummy.

Talking about it with friends in New York, all of them said they were contemplating moving just to fit into the delivery area. They’re supposed to be that good.

Feeling like a business person yourself? Insomnia Cookies is looking to franchise to a campus near you. So get in on the big bucks, and start one up yourself. Seriously—there needs to be more of these, so get on it, people!