One weekend, I went to a mixer at one of the best frats at my school. They had a huge party coming up and the only way to avoid waiting on long lines is knowing a brother very well, if you know what I mean.

Four (…or five or six) drinks later, I found myself chatting with a slightly creepy and indisputably not-cute guy who claimed to be roommates with one of the coolest, hottest members his pledge class. I figured he was my “in,” my protection from shivering in a line for two hours while my buzz drifted slowly away. So I turned on the charm, laughed at his jokes, touched his arm.

Yet even in my state of inebriation, my creep-dar started bleeping. Something was off about this kid and I couldn’t quite figure out what it was.  I decided to ask him some questions to verify his so-called brotherhood.  Our conversation:

Me: So, you pledged here two years ago?
PB (Pseudo Brother): Oh yeah, you have no idea. Worst year of my life.
Me: What chapter are you guys?
PB: Oh, we’re the Alpha chapter. Totally.
Me: Really? The Alpha chapter? Wow, that’s impressive. What year were you founded?
PB: 1889, baby! Brothers for life!
Me: What college are you in here?
PB: Oh, you know, the one that starts with a C.
Me: The College of Arts and Sciences, the College of Engineering, the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences…
PB: Yeah, yeah, the last one.
Me: What’s your major?
PB: Business.

And it continued from there.  A number of red flags popped up, including the fact that pledging takes place over only one semester at my school, not a year; all the colleges start with a C, and there is no business major in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences; along with other glaring inconsistencies. However, based on his impressive chapter stats I decided to spend the night with him anyway, images of VIP entry to the upcoming party swimming in my head the entire time.

Early the next morning, I ran to the bathroom and looked him up on Facebook via my Blackberry. To my surprise, he wasn’t mutual friends with any of my friends in his frat. Upon closer inspection, I realized he didn’t have ANY friends at my school, and he wasn’t registered under its network—or any college network! Incredibly skeeved out, I snuck downstairs without waking him up and called a cab.

I sat on a bench (surrounded by empty Natty Light cans) in the fraternity house foyer and waited for my chariot. Looking around I realized I was sitting in the same spot he was sitting in during our conversation the night before, and right in my line of vision was placed a giant plaque that read “Alpha Chapter, Founded 1889.”

So much for impressive chapter stats!

The real kicker? He still texted me about ten times that day, seemingly oblivious that I figured out how creepy he was and ditched him. After I finally answered with a very terse, “Look, I know you don’t go here and I don’t want to see you,” he had the nerve to get mad at ME for “only hooking up with him because I thought he was in a good frat.”

And then he called me a Slore.

I guess I gotta give him some props for pulling that insult out in a serious conversation. Yeah, he’s still the creepiest guy I’ve ever…known, but at least he made me laugh.

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