So maybe it’s not fair that I don’t like Dane Cook because he annoys me. He really isn’t the annoying one. It’s all the bros (and girls that want to be like bros) who are annoying. I think a comedian’s jokes should only be allowed to be said by the comedian, because they are obviously the funny one. Not the frat guy toasting to Dane Cook before shot-gunning a beer. So maybe I’ll give Dane another chance next year, because love him or hate him, he will be back on our TVs.

Not suprisingly, this “hilarious” initiation has caused quite a ruckus on campus. The president of the fraternity, Jordan Forney, apologized about the incident, claiming it was a “lapse of judgment.”

To me, it seems more like a “lapse of maturity, intelligence or respect for themselves or women.”

As a recent Lemondrop article mentions, it’s highly unlikely that this incident was a game-time decision. The older fraternity brothers knew exactly what they were doing and where they wanted to do it.

The extraordinarily degrading and misogynistic chants are irksome and naturally arouse disgust amongst females nationwide, but particularly to those on Yale’s campus. The Yale Women’s Center is calling for disciplinary action to be taken against the fraternity. My fingers are crossed that their pleas will be heard.

I guess, at the end of the day, the main shocker is that this event occurred at Yale University, one of the most prestigious Ivy League schools in America. These kids are supposed to be the cream of the crop, the shining new generation of U.S. leaders. Instead, the school has housed a group of chauvinistic men who find something as revolting as rape funny.

Turns out scoring perfectly on the SATs won’t keep you from scoring perfectly on the “I’m a Tool” scale. Let’s hope Yale holds this chapter of Delta Kappa Epsilon accountable for their disgraceful and demeaning acts.

What do you think? If this had happened on your campus, how would you want it to be solved?

1. Toilet Paper. I don’t know about you but I have had to pop my fair share of squats in the woods on the way home from God knows where. Not to mention, we’ve all been to one too many frat parties where the bathroom looked like something out of a horror movie and, of course, there’s never any toilet paper.

2. Flip flops. Heels make an outfit right?  After several hours out, however, standing (or dancing) on those heels, our little piggies need a break. Throw a pair of comfy flip flops in your bag and, if your feet are throbbing, change ‘em up. You’ll be thanking me latah.

3. Bottle of Water. No one likes a drunk, sloppy puking mess, so bringing a bottle of water to sip in between drinks is a great way to pace yourself and spread out your drinks.

4. Band Aid. You have no idea how many times me or my girl friends have either fallen, sliced a finger, ripped a hang nail, etc. Throwing one in your wallet will save you and your friends tons of trouble.

5. Shout Pen. White shirt. One too many cranberry vodkas. Nuff said.

6. Hair tie. Again, lots of drinks, way to many shots, and the spins. You’re going to need to pull your hair back to keep from getting the goo in your hairdo.

7. Small purse. Do not bring your entire giant collection of pens, lip gloss, loose change, and planner with you when you go out.  Reserve a “going out” purse that is small enough to fit only what you really need: ID, some cash, cell phone, and the aforementioned items. Do not bring your credit cards to the toga party. They will get lost.

What are your must-haves for a night out?

I wasn’t all loud-and-proud about my virgin status and I wasn’t ashamed. I just was.

When I finally did find myself in a good relationship I decided it was time to wipe the cobwebs off the V-Card and hand that sh*t in. Ok, so maybe I didn’t treat the situation with such ease, but I did finally feel comfortable enough with someone to take the naked plunge.

I thought it was best to tell the guy straight up. I really wanted to be honest with him so he knew where I was coming from…and why it was so damn painful. So, when he began to initiate sex a little while into our relationship I laid it all on the table.

“I just want you to know that I have never been in a real relationship before.” I began.

He looked bored.

“And because I’ve never had a boyfriend before, I have also never had sex before. But I want to have sex with you.”

He stared at me…blankly.

“Ooooook, but I don’t want you getting all attached.”

Yeah. He actually said that. At first I was angry – I mean, seriously? That is all he could come up with to say? Not, “Ok, I will go slow,” or, “I can’t believe you – so hot, sexy and awesome – have never been in a relationship before!” But, no – all he could say was, “Don’t get all annoying on me.”

And what makes him think that the physical act of sex – putting the P in the V – is going to change the way I feel about him? I am not some weepy girl. I am not going to expect a ring on my finger just cuz we got frisky in the bed (and on the kitchen table). Our relationship was not going to be any different the next morning, beyond the obvious post-sex glow/giant breakfast.

But then I realized something: maybe his reaction isn’t really his fault? I know this boy – well – and I know he is not some insensitive prick. I mean, yes, he was a total jerkwad, but guys have always been shown/told/taught that sex changes everything for a woman. That sleeping with someone takes things to another level. And taking someone’s virginity (especially when they are so much older than “normal”) only means more emotional attachment.

He wasn’t trying to be a scumbag – he really just didn’t understand.

Guys are totally afraid of virgins. They really think that all girls are waiting for love to hop into bed and are planning the wedding/house in the suburbs/2.5 kids after the first night of passion. And we all know that is not true. I am sure there are some girls out there that do want those things (I do….eventually), but there are also plenty of girls who just want trust and comfort in their first partner. Maybe girls wouldn’t place so much emphasis on it if guys weren’t always making such a big deal.

Having a V-Card isn’t always such a big deal to a girl; why does it have to mean so much to a guy?

It has been a few months since breaking up with the ex and while he is out telling the world that I am still calling, I have been out on the town looking for a new man to bunk up with. Being that I am not living in some big city that allows for a Carrie-Bradshaw-Revolving-Door-Of-Men type situation, I have been resorting to some new ways of scouting out the men.

Namely, internet dating.

Ah! Say it ain’t so! I must be crazy, right? But seeing as I spend my days sharing my life stories via the internet, it only makes sense that I create some of those stories that way as well. Well, that and the fact that my brother met his wife online and they had a bomb ass wedding.

So far, so good. Actually, great.

I have come to realize that there are so many benefits to online dating. For one, I can do it from the comfort of my couch. In the comfort of my underwear. While enjoying a heaping bowl of Mac and Cheese (the ultimate comfort food!). All that comfort – paired with the fact that I can hide behind the glow of my computer screen – makes the whole getting to know you period a whole lot more…well, comfortable.

Pair that with the fact that you can simply sign off/ignore the guy when you just don’t want to hear about how great he is/how he’s the president of his frat/how much his dad makes and you realize how genius this whole inter-web thing really is!

Getting to know your prospective mate through online conversations, emails, phone calls and then – eventually – an actual date, gives you the opportunity to take some time and decide if getting up, getting dressed and sitting through a potentially awkward evening is really worth it. You can get to know the guy on a more personal level early on so when you do finally meet, it feels like you have known him forever.

It makes for a much different dating feeling.

Online dating was so taboo for such a long time, but I am really starting to wonder why I waited so long to log in. I feel like I have finally graduated from my college dating ways to a more sophisticated take on finding a mate. No more heading out to the bar in search of a man whose name I won’t remember when I wake up next to him the following morning. Now I feel I can connect with someone on a new level; an adult level.

And if I do end up waking up next to said man the following morning, at least I will have his screen name.

If I was still in college right now, I’d be peeing my pants with excitement over this awesome new development in alcoholism.

The Portopong!

Yes, yes, the summer is almost over (10 days and counting) but if you have access to a pool and a group of fun-loving friends, the Portopong is where it’s at. What college student doesn’t love a good game of pong? And in a pool no less? Yea, how about no less than amazing.

Just to make sure, we’re talking about this kind of pong, not this kind.

The Portopong is inflatable, which means you can squish it in your backpack and head over to the pool party after class. It comes with pool strings, patches for leaks and, if you buy one by tomorrow, it’s 40 bucks – 10 bucks off the normal price.

The only negative thing I can say about the Portopong is, if you’re gonna market to college students, find attractive people to sell your product. I think I see some man boobs.

So, say farewell to summer days with beer pong in the pool! Before you know it, you’ll be “romping” with the best of them.

With the return of classes comes the return of dorm hookups, frat parties, beer pong competitions, and keg stands. It’s all fun and games, until someone loses an eye!I don’t mean to get all Mom on you, but all of us have had at least one partying experience that ends in waking up with a hangover, vowing, “I’m never drinking again. No, seriously. Never again.”

Usually, this vow holds up until the next happy hour…

And now that shcool has started up for most of us and we are finally getting into our college routine, here comes National Campus Safety Awareness Month!

Unfortunately, when it comes to words of warning, cliché advice like “watch how much you drink” and “don’t go home with strangers” often goes in one ear and out the other, until you find yourself still tipsy, doing the walk of shame back to your dorm, heels in hand.

So, keeping in mind that you won’t be abstaining from alcohol or random hookups all together in the name of campus safety, here are my tips for keeping yourself safe:

Safety in numbers: Before you head out for the night find one of your suitemates or someone in your dorm to plan to head home with later that night. If you’re going to be belligerently drunk, at least have someone to stumble home with! It’s safer than walking back alone, and it’s a good bonding experience too.

Friends don’t let friends drink and text: Drunk-dialing is so 90’s. Now it’s all about the drunk text—a subtle message at 3:27AM asking “hey, you up?” (code for, “hey, want to ask me to come over?”) Want to avoid day-after awkwardness? Trade cell phones with your roommate. You’ll still have a phone in case of an emergency, but you won’t be able to call that cute guy in your study group.

Don’t drink and screw: I don’t mean to preach; have a good time and hook up by all means, but try to keep the shots to a minimum. It’s a lot easier to regret something (or someone) you did than to regret something or someone you didn’t do. There’s always the next night!

Don’t be afraid to be overly cautious: Not to rain on your parade, but sometimes it pays to be careful. My friend recently told me about a night in college that she went shot-for-shot with her boyfriend. 16 shots later, she was blacking out, and her boyfriend refused to take her to the hospital because he claimed he could handle it. Luckily, she woke up fine, save for not being able to recall about 12 hours, but uh, don’t do that.

If your friend is laying in a pool of her own vomit and looks like death, at least consider getting some help for her instead of propping up a pillow under her head and putting a bucket next to the bed.

Anyway, another concern I have is that this is the kind of show I would have expected from The CW, not ABC Family. Aren’t they supposed to be strictly PG? They even have an odd advertisement gimmick where you can “rush” the frats and sorors of the show on the website. I can admit that sororities and fraternities have done a lot over the years to warrant a negative image, but it’s still a very present and ever thriving community on most college campuses, and its members are really sick of the constant fire we’re put under, personally and publicly.

I often feel like our campus does everything in their power to downplay our Greek societies, including our very own Greek office which disbanded a sorority this past spring. I think that often times our administration forgets that this is college, and these are sororities, not the Stepford Wives. As a result all of this Greek life is only about 3% of our school body, at a school which constantly complains about the lack of community on our campus. The hypocrisy is endless.

But since we’re probably one of the smallest Greek communities in the nation, and my sorority is the smallest of six, I rarely ever identify with the images of the community that are presented by the media or in books like “Pledged”. I guess I’ll just have to see what ABC cooks up. I’ll be interested to see just how the drinking and partying they’re bound to show will play with the “Family” audience, and even more interested to see how they’ll positively spin such a show to have sympathetic protagonists. (I actually drank less once I pledged, and now that I’m Vice President and Recruitment Chair I don’t see my partying ways making a comeback anytime soon.)

Could it be that they’ll show people who have actually benefited from Greek life? I won’t hold my breath.

Before I ventured out of the filthy frat basement, the sun burning my retinas, my new flats soaked with Keystone light, perhaps the slight taste of boot in my mouth, maybe lacking a little dignity and my memory for the last six hours, I just sort of assumed that Friday night would forever consist of me blacked out with pong paddle in hand. That is, until I found myself in NYC for an internship.

The free booze had dried up, there wasn’t a basement in sight, and everyone looked older than me. After deciding not to be huge sketchfest by breaking into Columbia in search of other Ivy League drinkers, I figured that the closest thing to a frat was a dive bar during happy-hour. That’s when I learned a few things about drinking outside the basement.

1. Perhaps it’s appropriate to be wasted in an actual bar, but beware of the consequences. I had this insight about when I found myself in the coat closet of some random bar with a lawyer named Hugo- oh he was about thirty, sucking on my nipples. Only after I sobered up, did I realize that perhaps I shouldn’t share this story with anyone else. Oops.

2. Drinking is expensive, those three dollar beers may seem like such a deal, but if you drink six, suddenly you’ve spent your cab fare and then you have to let a lawyer named Hugo feel you up in order to part him from his money in order to get home. This is only hypothetical of course.

3. If you don’t care about disease, I think it’s totally legit to pour someone else’s drink into your own glass when they turn away. Proceed to chug. It’s like a drinking game only deliciously taboo.

4. Finally, happy-hour stinks of desperation instead of the sweet aroma of keystone and the fun and fancy of drinking on campus. It’s a lot of corporate whores who drink away their frustrations with their 100 hour work week. They still get paid six figures, so excuse me for not offering the man in the Armani suit a tissue. He can buy me a drink though because I’m an unpaid intern and oh so adorable. You just have to make sure he doesn’t lure you into the nearest closet for a little co-ed caressing, unless he’s a hottie then proceed with abandon.

Good luck drinking ladies, as for me, I’m heading over to Columbia later on tonight to break into a basement.