Yeah it’s not the fairest thing in the world and we really shouldn’t have to depend on guys for anything, let alone a vodka soda, but I like to think we deserve a free cocktail now and then for everything else we have to deal with. And if the guy is willing to buy it, who are we to say no?

Let’s be honest: we’re in a recession, college tuition is going up and we’ve gotta save all the money we can for when we’re jobless after graduation. We have to be wary of what we spend and creative in how we save. And, thanks to our XX chromosomes (and our boobs), there’s no easier way to save a few bucks than at the bar.

And here are three very easy and creative ways to do so.

Bachelorette Party
This one probably won’t work on a college campus where a) everyone knows who you are and b) most people aren’t getting hitched, but it’s the quickest way to free drinks if you head off campus for a night or hit the bars in your hometown. Pick a girl in your group to be the bachelorette and go all out. Get her the veil, the sash, the tank top with “Last Night of Freedom” printed across the front. Then hit the bar. Dudes love a challenge/hate impending nuptials  and will be begging to buy her (and her friends) drinks. And if they’re not beating down your door and throwing Jager shots your way, ask them. Pretend you have to do a scavenger hunt and one of the items on the list is getting a guy to buy you a beer (and then another is to get a Long Island, and a vodka tonic, and a Red Headed Slut shot….) They won’t be able to say no. Bonus: seeing as you’re so obviously in a relationship, none of them will expect anything in return!

21st Birthday
The big 2-1 is a sacred event and everyone, whether they know you or not, wants to make sure you have the best night of your life. Already 21? No one has to know that. Just put on that birthday crown, grab a group of friends and head out. Make sure everyone at the bar knows it’s your 21st and you’ll be elbow deep in shots and cocktails in no time.

Bad Break Up
You’re going to have to bust out some acting skills for this one, but it will all be worth it in a few hours when you’re chowing down on late night pizza and haven’t spent a dollar all night. Gather a group of a few friends and designate a dumpee. Stand next to the bar and start chatting it up with some guys. Once the conversation is flowing, make mention of the fact that you were just dumped. Via text. After a year long relationship. Pepper the convo with a few “I need to just not think about it for the night”s, and “I’m single and ready to mingle!”s and you’ll be sipping on something tasty (and free) soon enough.

Every week I make a list. Not a grocery list or a to-do list, because I don’t really do groceries (Pad Thai take out, helloooo) and to-do lists are totally not my scene, if such a scene even exists. No, this list is a top ten-style countdown about the hard-hitting issues, like which mash-ups are the best ever.

This week, as a partner to The Ten Types of Guys at the Party, I’ve decided to include the female version. All in good fun, ladies! Who am I missing?

10. The Diva.
This girl is at the party, but she is DEFINITELY not trying to party. Pouting with her manicured fingers and heavily lined eyes glued to her cell, Diva will only speak to her tight-knit group of friends dressed in very similar outfits. She will not partake in any of the drinking games, she will not hook up with any guys and she will roll her eyes at those who do. Then she will leave an hour later to go off somewhere “cooler,” “more mature,” and just worthy of her time. 

9. The “Innocent” one
Dressed conservatively and drinking a microbrew or weak cocktail, this doll-faced darling looks like she’d rather be holed up in the library than at this very party. Wrong. She goes from “virgin” to skank in 3.5 drinks and will hook up with your boyfriend and cry about it later. Beware of the victim-playing. This girl is faker than her “leather” shoes and has run through more guys than Paris Hilton.

8. The Crazy B!#@$
Whoa. Vodka handle in one hand and the other hand down someone’s pants, the crazy B!#@$ is the wildest girl imaginable. Usually has her makeup smeared on her face, her hair a disarray and wants the music LOUDER! She won’t participate in games, but only because she’d rather dance on the table than flip cups off its edges. She’s the loudest girl on the block and she’s usually yelling something profane.

7. Intellectual smoker girl
This chick knows what’s going on in Iran and she wants to talk about it between puffs of her Parliament Lights. It’s Friday night and she’s giving her thesis on the Palestine/Israel conflict. You are dumber than her. Don’t bother.

6. Puck Slut
She’s down to do it as long as you play a college sport. Beer pong enthusiast, because that’s totally where the jocks hang, right? Doesn’t care if the team you’re on is winning, just as long as you have the jersey.

5. Needs To Party
She bombed her exam. Or her boyfriend just broke up with her. Or maybe her dog just died. Whatever the reason, this girl needs to party and she needs to party hard. You’ll see her taking shots early in the night and won’t see her again until a few hours later when her friends are carrying her out of the bathroom and into a waiting cab. Poor girl.

4. Selfie Sally
All that flashing in the corner has you searching for the strobe light, but it’s actually the flash coming from this girl’s camera. Don’t worry, though; she’s not snapping inappropriate pics of you to load onto Facebook. She’s taking pictures of herself. And her friends. Making funny faces, sexy faces, pouty faces, etc. Over and over and over again.

3. Debbie Downer
She’s sad. She’s alone. Her friends left and she doesn’t know how to rage. Slumped on the couch, pulling at her out-of-season Forever 21 top, she doesn’t realize that people would talk to her if she wasn’t so depressing.

2. The Flirt
She’ll hit on everyone. Looks like she’s gonna hook up with you? Nah. She probably has a boyfriend. She’s not interested, but she will pretend like she is all night. She thinks you’re “sooooo cute.” And him too. And him. And him. And her. And him. Wow, I wonder how she got all those free drinks?

1. That Girl
Enough. Said.

Got an idea for a Weekly 10 Topic? Let me know in the comments or shoot me an email at Melanie@CollegeCandy.com.

We don’t have to worry about our genitalia getting chopped off.
You’re probably saying whaaaa? But yeah, this actually can, and does, happen. Poor Stuart Keen is a victim, as his carpenter career left him hanging with… well…actually it didn’t quite leave anything hanging. He accidentally sawed off his own package, which he apparently thought was a cabinet leg.

No one has to know how hot we think our prof (or any guy, for that matter) is.
Fortunately for us ladies, we can be aroused and horny as ever, without the world (parents/grandparents/children, especially) seeing.

Nightlife is cheaper.
Cover charge for bars and clubs is often cheaper or even free just because we’re females, which no one can deny is freakin’ awesome. And how often do girls buy drinks for guys? I mean, yes it does happen, but usually it’s the other way around. So saving money on a night out is definitely a huge plus.

We can show emotion without having to think twice.
We can hug and squeeze our girlfriends as much as we want without any hesitation. Guys, on the other hand, are wary of such things. They settle for a pat on the back, a handshake, a high five. And sometimes we all just need a good hug.

We don’t have to bring sharp objects toward our face/neck.
The last thing I wanna have to worry about in the morning is getting a razor near my eyes/key arteries.

We don’t have to look the same every day.
We get to accessorize our outfits, put on different colors and shades of makeup, change up our hairstyle…the list goes on. Guys don’t have that many choices when it comes to changing up their look (or covering monster zits). That’s just gotta get boring.

Looks like I’ll deal with the blisters from my platforms, take the Midol for those cramps, and proudly say, I’m glad to be a girl!

What do you love most about being a woman?

Like every Thursday night (or Monday…or Tuesday…or any day, really), you finish your reading for the night, eat a little dinner and start the pre-party for another night at the bar.

You mix a few drinks before you head out in attempts to get a good buzz going. There is nothing worse than battling a bar crowd completely sober and, hey, 3 drinks at home saves you some serious dough on drinks at the bar.

When you finally make it past the line and the bouncer poring over your (fake) ID at the door, you breathe a sigh of relief, grab your friends and beeline to the bartender. Your friends mosey over to an opening directly in front of you, but you do not take it. Instead you walk to the other side of the bar where there are a few guys waiting for drinks and wedge yourself between them.

You turn on the charm, yank your shirt down to show a little cleavage, bat your eyelashes and strike up a conversation. These guys aren’t cute – far from it – but you aren’t lookin’ for booty. You’re lookin’ for loot. In the form of a Vodka Red Bull.

You talk about classes, you talk about how badly you could use a drink, you complain about how long the bartender is taking, you grab some biceps and gush over how big they are. And between all of that, you make sure to keep that cleavage out there and draw attention to those perfectly glossed lips of yours. It doesn’t take long for one of the (very intoxicated) boys takes a liking to you.

“Want a shot?” he asks.

Of  course you want a shot. He orders a round. You cheers with him and his boys and throw that Kamikaze back like a champ. He is impressed. You talk a little more and he orders another round. You take another shot. You are now drunk. Mission accomplished.

You start thinking of an excuse to get away. After all, you got what you came for and now it’s time to move on. You go over your favorite excuses in your head: you could claim you have to go find your friends, or go to the bathroom (“I should have never broken the seal!”), or that you just realized you forgot to let your dog out. You decide to go with the friends and let him know that you’ll be back in a few.

But you don’t go back. Instead you take your drunk ass to the dance floor and shake what your mama gave you to a little “Poker Face.” You are having a great time with the girls when Mr. Kamikaze spots you on the dance floor and makes his way over.

Your friends drag you away to another part of the dance floor but he follows. Then he follows you to the bathroom, to the tables, and back to the bar. You do everything you can to get away from this guy (“My boyfriend is going to be here soon!”), but he just won’t leave you alone. You spend the rest of the night playing hide and seek with the boy until he eventually gets the hint (or the spins) and goes home.

You spend the rest of the evening laughing with your friends and seeking out another guy to fix your now-waning drunkness.

What? This whole college lifestyle gets expensive! You gotta do what you gotta do.
We’ve all been there and there is nothing wrong with being savvy.

Creeper [kreep-ur] -noun. 1. A person or thing that creeps. 2. A domestic fowl having malformed, short legs, due to a genetic defect. 3. An individual who stares, lurks or makes awkward and unwanted advances to undeserving women.

Today, College Candy readers, we will be learning about Creepers (definition 3…who may also fall into description #2) and what one can do to deflect their advances. We have all been at a bar or some type of similar venue and had a creeper (of varying severity) approach and had no idea how to handle the situation. Well, here’s your answer.

Stage 1 Creeper (Loosely defined as an awkward guy, your age or older, who won’t stop staring and/or making small talk. Naturally, you have accepted a drink already.)

1. Who wants to come to the bathroom with me?

After accepting a free drink (you earned it, little miss push up bra!), a graceful way of parting is to go to the bathroom. When drinking, it is perfectly acceptable to bring 3-10 girls with you into a bathroom, so your whole crew can be removed from the creeper situation.

2. Ahhh, I love this song!

As soon as you have that free drink safely in your hand, raise it up and toast to your favorite song, turn your back to your friends and get in the middle of the dancing circle. Migrate away from the bar and in time, your creeper will be gone (but that buzz he bought you won’t!).

3. No thanks

Saying no to a drink is incredibly hard for a cash-strapped college lady, but it’s the easiest way to get the point across to someone that you just aren’t interested. You won’t owe him anything and you can get away ASAP. I applaud girls who do this on a regular basis… but can’t say that I am one of them.

Stage 2 Creeper (Loosely defined as an undesirable guy, your age or older, who won’t leave you alone and/or follows your group around. He may have friends, and they may all be drunk, which makes him even harder to get rid of. You may have already accepted drinks.)

1. I love being out of the closet!

Okay, I may have done this, like 2 weeks ago, and it works. I grabbed my friend and said something like, “OMG, I am so glad we are lesbians now!” Our creepers heard this and were either drunk enough to believe we were gay or thought we were immature/permanently disinterested. Either way, we got our point across.

2. Honestly…

All you gotta say is “You can buy me a drink, but honestly, I have no interest in hooking up with you whatsoever.” A friend of mine told me she did this the other night at a bar and the guy who was hardcore creeping felt so bad he bought her a drink and left her alone! Hey, if guys can be sketchily forward with us, why can’t we be forward back?

Stage 3 Creeper (Loosely defined as a generally creepy man, most likely older than you, who just won’t get the hint. These responses are for when you are up Creeper Creek without a paddle (or a tazer), and/or just want to have a little fun. Do not get drinks from this one. Seriously.)

1. You’re the one

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so why not try this counter-intuitive example? Freak him out Wedding-Crashers-style and tell him, after he stops talking/ogling, something along the lines of “My psychic told me I’d meet my husband tonight and he was right!” I am sure he will stay a good 30 feet away from you for the rest of the night.

2. Baby Mama

If you can keep a straight face, tell that creep you are either a) Preggers and unable to drink b) getting a text message from your kids or c) a combination of the two. There is nothing less attractive then the prospect of coming back to your place and being interrupted by contractions or crying babies.

3. GET AWAY FROM ME

The creepiest of creepers are never good with taking hints. If you are hammered or just really fed up/revolted, tell that creeper straight up to GET AWAY FROM YOU. I have a friend who does this a lot, and her hostility sure wards em’ off. And of course, if he still doesn’t get it and starts getting even creepier, get a bartender or bouncer involved.

Anyone else have any other good ideas to ward off creepers?

Whether you are a serial LDD-er (long distance dater, obvs) or this is your first case of separation anxiety, remember that a summer break is not a relationship death sentence, but more of a Paris-esque mini lockdown with time off for good behavior!

The most important aspect of a long distance relationship (as in any other healthy one) is communication. Beyond the obvious (calling, texting, IMing), it’s important to create an open channel of expression that allows you both to clearly explain your thoughts, feelings and, most importantly, expectations throughout this relationship vacation (not the Speidi version).

Before you two lovebirds separate, talk about the impending geographical issue. Discuss how you’re feeling about it (nervous? anxious? scared?) and why. Bring up your thoughts on the social scene and parties. I’m not a believer in strict rules governing your right to party (thank you, Beastie Boys) but your definition of a good time might be quite different from his (Is it ok to flirt shamelessly but innocently for free drinks? Are you cool with a night at the strip club with his boys?). By talking about problems like wandering eyes or drifting apart before they happen, you can easily avoid them. And by establishing a sitch where you can freely talk about stuff like that will help you stay secure in your union.

Now that you two have gotten all the paperwork out of the way, enjoy your last night together and prepare to start a new chapter in your relationship that will only strengthen it, if done correctly.

An easy way to feel close without physicality it to try to maintain a routine. Designate phone time during breaks at work. Text each other during boring lectures (not that I’m encouraging you to neglect your schoolwork or anything.) Watch Jeopardy together and race each other to IM the answers. Winner gets paid in sexual favors (keep tally for the reunion!). Remember that, yea you guys are apart and that sucks, but some of your favorite things to do together can still be done at a distance.

That said, shake it up a little bit and surprise each other. If you know he’s hanging out around his apartment with nothing to do, order his favorite pizza and have it delivered to him, all expenses paid. Get your guy friends or brother to challenge him at Halo and talk smack to him through their head piece until he figures out it’s you.

For a more timeless surprise, never underestimate the power of snail mail. He gets calls and e-mails from everyone. You know who he gets mail from? Bill collectors. And his Grandma on his birthday. Imagine his surprise when he gets a legit, full blown love letter from his favorite person in the whole wide world.* Does he have a hobby? Get him a subscription to a cool guy mag. Are you an Iron Chef? Bake him his favorite recipe à vous and ship that deliciousness his way. (Or try any of these to remind him jusssst how much he misses you.)

Of course, the best surprise you can deliver is your wonderful self, but that’s a little cost prohibitive via UPS. Unless they ship humans, cause, um, done. Anyways, if you have the coin to splurge on airline tix (make that money, girl!), get the cheapest tickets known to girl-kind. If not, consider the alternatives. Split the gas with some friends if he’s within driving distance. Grab a few of your girlfriends and get a car on a train (I’m not sure if it’s legal, but a bottle of your preference could make it quite a fun ride). Consider meeting him halfway somewhere that you both would love to visit, like a theme park or cute town, that happens to be inexpensive. Seeing your boyfriend? Sweet. Going on an impromptu vacay with said studmuffin? SWEET!

When it comes down to it though, the hardest part about LDR’s is keeping it hot. Done and done. Embrace your inner sex kitten and fire up that webcam babydoll! If that’s a little too American Pie for your tastes, start out slow with some suggestive texting or phone sex (if you can keep a straight face). Send him sexy pictures (nothing too risque though, you never know where those will end up). If the wonders of modern technology just ain’t your thang, simply assure your boyfriend that the temptress he left behind is ready and eagerly awaiting his (or your) return.

While you are apart, though, revel in your newfound freedom! Not that he kept you tied up or anything– unless you’re into that– but emotionally and time-wise, a boyfriend most definitely occupies the majority of your schedule. This means more time for your long lost girlfriends! Bring on brunch, sleepovers, girl’s night out and chick flick marathons. No matter how much you miss your guy, your girls will more than make up for his absence. Another benefit? Alone time! Enjoy the time you would usually spend with him all. by. yourself. At first it might feel like you’ve just been surgically separated from your Siamese twin, but eventually you’ll crave time to lay around, read a book, or just chill on the lonesome.

Being apart can be hard, but if you make the effort to maintain your already awesome coupledom, this trial will only make you stronger (cheesy, but true). And whenever you get sad or lonely, mentally play your reunion (running hug, big kiss and goofy smile, the works!) and how much more you’ll appreciate each other then.

*Additional benefit: a reciprocated love letter, leading to a Notebook style correspondence that will lead to a torrid reunion and leave you with priceless sentimental scrapbook fodder. Mmm scrapbooking.

Personally, I never expect a guy to pay for me, whether we are on a first date, in a serious relationship, casually hanging out, or just meeting for the first time. In fact, when he pays for too many things too readily, it makes me uncomfortable. But if I am flirting with someone at a bar and he offers me a drink, am I going to turn it down? No way.

What if you aren’t into the guy, though? Maybe you’re not single, or maybe he’s just totally unappealing. Is it okay to accept the drink? I’d be tempted, since I currently have no job and no money, but if I’m not interested, I have to decline. I feel like accepting will obligate me to chat, at least for the entire time it takes me to finish that drink. And if I don’t like a guy, I’m just trying to escape the conversation. The last thing I want is to encourage him. The only time I’ll say yes is on the rare occasion when he persistently insists, in which case it’s more awkward to repeatedly refuse.

One particular girl I know employs a very different strategy, intentionally milking guys for free drinks and then immediately slipping away into the crowd with her prize. Some (mostly guys) argue that this is unethical, unacceptable, and just plain bitchy. Others (mostly girls) argue that if guys are dumb enough to try to pay for her attention, they deserve what they get and she might as well take advantage. If guys are willing to buy a girl a drink, why shouldn’t she take it?

To be honest, I sort of envy my mercenary friend. While I question the morality of her behavior, I would love to spend a whole night at a bar without spending any money. But for the time being, I just don’t think I have it in me.

What do you think?

Is it okay to accept free drinks from guys you aren’t interested in?